Before I was teased and harassed about my skin color, I was a normal girl who had everything. I and my sisters got what we wanted because our parents worked hard for us to have what they didn't have when they were growing up. I know it's a typical thing, but that was my life. It was me and my sisters' lives.
But after a while, all of the teasing, poking, and physical violence changed me into someone I didn't recognize. I started fighting everyone that stepped to me or that said anything I felt was damaging to my self-confidence. At first, I did get beat up, but I got better with time and practice. I know it sounds bad, even after all I said in the beginning, but one person can only take but so much from everybody. Soon enough you have to defend yourself or they will keep on until they make you leave this Earth or leave the town. I wasn't going out like that.
After a while, the fighting started to escalate when they would pick on Zakia and Zaida. Being the middle child I know I am supposed to run to my older sister for help, but when she couldn't do anything, I turned into the help. I was fighting everyone who said anything bad about my sisters, I fought left and right. I fought for myself and to be accepted and respected by all.
My last fight was when everything just went black. I was fighting this girl that called me a Nigga to my face and she a nigga too. So, I didn't understand and trust me, I tried to walk away from her and from the egging on of other students. But, the pressure was just too much to bear. Blood was squirting everywhere and the chanting suddenly stopped and there was an eerie silence. I then felt the cops pulling me off the girl, who was not moving, but she was still breathing.
The next day instead of me spending the night at the police station, they took me home and spoke with my parents. The next day was when my parents hauled my tail off to the Rehab center for teenagers.
But, I want you to know something about that rehab center they sent me to. On paper and on the outside, it looks like your normal rehab center for teenagers and young adults with mental issues. Once you get in it, you begin to realize things aren't what they look like. They still help you, but not with meds or anything like that. It's like prison, you have to fight in order to get your way. The first night, I almost was jumped but I was ready and beat the girls up. Almost every week, I was jumped for the things my parents would send me. When I realized I had to fight to stay alive and keep my shit, I was on guard 24/7 and slept with damn near one eye open.
As a dark skin girl living in a world where I am not full-heartedly accepted, it breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that I have to fight in order to be accepted by my peers. I hurt sometimes because I want to be accepted and I want my sisters to be accepted as well. Don't get me wrong, that rehab center did teach me a lot of things, but it will never teach me that I am accepted. I want to see that I am accepted by my peers and respected.
You respect me and I will respect you, it's as simple as that.
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