Zadia
My little sister shouldn’t have said what she said. She should not have even mentioned that. She didn’t know if our parents was standing in the stairwell or if Nubia was around the corner. She didn’t know who was listening. Even though we are home alone in the house, she still didn’t think.
The abortions for me are touchy subject. While Nubia was gone and I know we talk about this a lot but we went through things as well. While Nubia was gone I do a lot of running around with boys. They would give me all these pretty things and tell me how pretty I was. But it all came with the cost. For the first couple months I was fine with being what they call a sugar baby. However, the first time I got pregnant I didn’t appreciate being a sugar baby anymore. I even remember the guy’s name, Rannier Copeland. He was 25 years old and I was 15 years old. I have met him while me and a couple of my friends were at Starbucks at the mall. We had taken interest in each other and started dating. On the down low of course because I was under aged and he could’ve gotten in a lot of trouble. He would take me to these adult parties where people was having sex everywhere. I was still a virgin but that all changed the night of the party. That is also when I got pregnant for the first time.
When I had told him I was pregnant I thought I he will be so excited and thought we were going to be this family. Thought everything was going to be good but I got the complete opposite. He started freaking now and talking about how he already has four children and is married. I cannot believe what I was hearing from him. This whole time I was thinking that he was single, he wasn’t. He paid me to have an abortion, he paid me more than enough. Basically he paid for the abortion and for me to keep my mouth shut. After the abortion I tried to keep up appearances especially around my family. I never spoke about it to anyone until Zakia found a large sum of money under my mattress. What the hell she was doing in my room in the first place, I don’t know. But I ended up coming clean to her and paid her off to keep her mouth shut.
After the first abortion, I completely cut things off with Rannier and started seeing this 28-year-old man named Jaymore Norman. He was this huge bother and will buy me jewelry, shoes, expensive clothes. He will buy me anything I pointed to in the mall, by this time I was 16 years old, and he how old I was. He didn’t, he told me he does wanted some young booty and his wife no longer paid him any attention. Not sexually anyway.
Everything was going fantastic. Until one weekend his wife came home early from a business trip and call me and him in their bed together. She and I fist fought in their bedroom while he lay there naked and I’m still naked as well. Needless to say I beat her ass. She threw him out the next week and that same week is when I found out I was once again pregnant. When I told him that I was pregnant he had the same reaction as the last one. Once again I was paid off and paid to have an abortion.
To be honest, I have lost track of how many abortions I have actually had. I know that sounds awful but its the truth. When I met Jafaris, I acted like he was just like all the other guys I have been with. All we did it was fuck around and he’d spend money on me. By that time I was told by the doctors when I went for my physical that I was no longer able to have any children due to the damage to my cervix from all the abortions. The doctor didn’t say that while my parents was in the room but I had already known that.
So you can only imagine my surprise when I turned pregnant and Jafaris’ baby. With the money I saved up from the previous payoffs, I went ahead and had the abortion. After I had the abortion and weeks of not hearing from me, he came looking for me and demanded an explanation as to why I just dropped off the face of the earth.
“How could you just up and leave the relationship like that? Was it something I had done? Was it something I said? Because if it was we can fix this together.” He asked me emotionally.
I stood there trying to come up with an excuse as to why I had done this to him. But had to be a good excuse, I could think of none. So I opted to tell him the truth, “I was pregnant with your baby.”
His eyes lit up with excitement and a small slowly played across his face. But just as it started the smile faded and a grim expression began to twist his face, “wait a minute. What do you mean ‘was’?” there is his evil look in his eyes a look that I have never seen in the three months we’ve been dating.
“I had gotten an abortion.” I said nonchalant about the situation.
“What the fuck do you mean you got an abortion? You didn’t even think to come and talk to me about this? You didn’t even ask me how I would’ve felt about having a baby or you getting an abortion?” He started yelling the questions at me. It’s clear of his hurt.
“I didn’t think about any of that because I figured you wouldn’t want a baby. I figured that you didn’t want any of the things that I wanted.” I slowly started to break down. With all the abortions, after the abortions I was never sad about it. I always went to have the abortion by myself and went about my business.
“You didn’t even talk to me about it.”
“Exactly. We never discussed that far into the future. We never discussed the future at all. So how am I supposed to feel when I’m pregnant and I’m thinking that you probably don’t even want a family because we never spoke about it.”
“Right never talked about. I figured it was too early in the relationship to even be talking about marriage and a family. Usually from my experience that’s what makes females run off.” He hung his head and start shaking it. He picks his head up and looks me in my eyes, “I can’t believe you killed our baby. Then killed our baby without a care in the world. Like it was nothing to you.” Tears are running down his face now. “I would have loved to have been a father. I would’ve done anything in the world for you and our baby. Just to make sure that you are comfortable.” He turns his back to me and looks up at the sky. At the night sky, there isn’t a star insight, just the light from the full moon. “Could’ve been a father,” he whispered.
I didn’t confide in him about my recent abortions, maybe if I had of done that things would have been much better between Jafaris and I.
I step to him and gently touches the. He jumps from me and stares at me.
“I can no longer do this with you knowing what you have done.” With that he walked away from me.609Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCil5KSH6a1
I know I deserved what Jafaris did to me but he didn’t deserve what I did to him. Nubia knows nothing about this and sometimes I feel like I should tell her. But what would that do? What would that’s all? After Jafaris and I broke up, I never saw him again and in his absence that’s when I started to finally realize how much I really did like him. Sometimes I even felt like I was in love with him. But now Nubia has him and there is no way I’ll be able to give him back because I’ve deceived him in the worst way possible.
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