I don't think I've ever been this unmotivated to do anything. Half my day is spent flicking between three or four websites hoping something new has come up or that someone has commented on an update. I'm so tired because it's difficult to fall asleep, which doesn't help with trying to get back into an updating schedule.
No one tells you that depression doesn't make you feel like there's something wrong with you. You feel like you don't want or don't need help, and it stops you from talking to people at all because all you can think is 'I don't want to be helped, I just want someone to listen to me for once.'
In all honesty, I don't want to feel better. For now, at least, I'm fine with feeling sad and depressed because that's how I'm supposed to feel after a loss, right? I don't want to move on. I don't want to cope. I don't want to be cheered up.
ns 15.158.61.51da2
