It is currently 1 A.M. and I am not in the least bit tired...
What to do? Well, write of course. This is mainly an experiment to see how creative I can actually be so late at night.
There was a small, very short poem I wrote in a chapter of 'Memories' that I got a chance to look back on. I'm actually very proud of it, and will probably turn it into it's own piece. It's just a matter of transferring it over.
Actually, I've been looking back on previous writing quite frequently lately, hoping to glean inspiration from material that has already come from my mind, and I've found that I quite approve of how I've improved as a writer. Now, that may sound narcissistic and conceited, but my self-esteem has risen a little as a result and I think that's a good thing.
My boyfriend is pretty enthusiastic about my writing too. He said it was one of the things that interested him most when we first got together. I have yet to let him actually read any of my longer stories, such as 'The Life I Live' and 'Desires of Men,' though he has asked repeatedly to.
Letting someone I know read something I've written is probably the hardest thing for me to do. The stories I create are a piece of me, and I feel as though letting them read those pieces makes me vulnerable, weak, and inanely human.
I trust him with my life, that's not the issue, it's the fact that I don't want him changing his opinion of me based on what I enjoy writing. That is what terrifies me, for how small of a problem it may be.
He's always asking me to read him a chapter of my story, but I find myself too embarrassed to read it aloud. Thinking it in my head is fine, but making the words audible just makes it seem like it's some wrong, unholy thing, as if it shouldn't even exist. Like I should feel ashamed for even thinking it up, or even liking it in the first place. I don't know what to do.
Perhaps I need to force myself out of my comfort zone a little more, and let him read something I've written. Either way, I will continue to write.
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