The next day was super foggy and pretty dark out and had a chilly breeze. Seemed like a perfect day to spend with someone who had no heart.
"You were the one who said we never spent time together." I said as I sat down on the steps of the deck.
Zadicus handed me what smelled to be a cup of coffee part of me was relaxed by the scent the part of me that couldn't consume such a thing disgusted me.
I huffed.
"Last time you were close to me you looked like you were on deaths door, before that you ripped out my heart."
He said the last few words bitterly, which was fair in his defense.
"What's wrong? I remember when you were younger you use to sit outside and hold a cup of coffee all the time on a day like this"
I shook my head.
"Why you know that is beyond me, besides I can't drink it and you know that." I dumped it out on the ground.
He winced, almost seeming offended by my actions.
"Now that even I can tell you I haven't been able to stomach" he chuckled a bit and his eyes almost seemed to sparkle with a bit of. . .joy?
He sat beside me on the wet steps that turned into a dark brown from the rain. It was very strange for us both to seem so. . . relaxed about our time together. In all the years-centuries we never were like this, not even fully on that very first night because I was so tense and eager to get out.
In a way the thought had dawned on me many times that I never got to know him to even really have a reason to hate him. I mean yes he did make a threat as I ran away, but wouldn't that be the case for anyone in our position? There was also the stunt with Jarred as well. . . though in reality you can say I stayed like a child in the sense that I wanted things a certain way and he had stepped in the way of my wants and dreams. Could I have been wrong? Perhaps, some of the hideous things he did we only because he was alone and had to build everything himself.
"Something on your mind?" he asked very quietly as if he didn't want to be rude.
"No not really" I lied.
I cleared my throat.
"I mean I suppose, there is- but I'm not quite sure how to explain it. . .how do you know I suppose everything about us?" I tapped my glass waiting for my pounding question.
"By us do you mean our kind or our line?" he rested his chin on his hand as he looked at me.
It amazed me how I could kill this man (if such a thing were possible to stick) and he could be so relaxed and trusting around me.
"All of it I suppose?"
He grinned and for some reason looked up at the sky for a moment.
"I mean I suppose I could explain it all but I suppose I wouldn't be of use to you anymore and this wouldn't become the norm. . ." he trailed off.
Maybe he wasn't so trusting after all.
"But to be honest, I kind of just did uh what do you call it? Russian roulette for a while, I didn't know the lines I couldn't cross so to speak so I tried many things- sometimes on purpose other times were just. . . uncomfortable situations"
I looked at him puzzled.
"Well you see when you get into fights and you aren't showing any signs of pain or wounds for that matter it becomes umm not easy."
"Someone would fight someone as high up as you?" I was shocked, and to be honest I probably wasn't hiding it on my face.
"More than you'd think, people thought I was a thief for a while, I guess if I look back it's not like I had skills really, I didn't per say work so people thought often I was up to trouble."
It shocked me because the rumors my town had heard I presume that'd never happen. There was at one point we lost complete track of him and Jason and I were terrified for our lives, but around that very same time we had taken the throne.
I swallowed the lump in my throat trying to decide if I even wanted to speak those thoughts. It fell silent for a while.
"How long are you staying?" he finally broke the silence.
It was hard to get a read on how he was feeling right now.
"I can't tell if that's you telling me to get out or not"
"No, even if I had things to tend to as you may I can just as easily deny them- if not more so" he almost smirked.
I huffed.
"Who's the scary one out of the two of us?"
He shrugged almost if honestly he wasn't sure if it was fair to say either.
"So what's with the spaced meetings?" he tried to change subjects.
"Honestly, I'm drained, I'm tired it seems like the same thing- I know it's the same routine even."
"It becomes numb after an amount of time it seems. . . those days all blur together the new additions only slightly change the mood and the memories but really nothing feels. . .interesting"
I don't know how long he had to do it by himself. I don't know how everything was planned before me and how much he was involved.
"I should get going though" I said as I started to get up.
"I appreciate you coming over today, even if it was a short visit, I was worried after that. . .incident"
I simply nodded as I made my way back inside to go back to the front to my car.
☾☾☾
Arriving back at the house I was greeted by a very rushing Jarred. His dark chocolate brown hair seemed somewhat a mess and like he was a bit tense about something.
"Do you know where Jeff is? Looking for him for hours"
I shook my head. To be honest I hadn't hung out with him in a good amount of months.
"Why do you ask? Something wrong?"
He was biting his lip and making a frustrated groan and put his hand behind his head seeming honestly. . .ashamed.
"I uh. . .I went on some dates with Jeff and it was going well but then I-he-umm he found me in bed with someone else"
I blinked a couple of times trying to process that somehow he had managed to hide this from me. I remembered him mentioned he had a date with a guy I wouldn't expect and he was right. . .
"Why are you always in these situations? Besides you never really care, can't you just find another guy or something? this isn't comfortable for me you know either."
He really didn't ever care, he'd like when he wanted something from them tog et them back, which was usually just sex and do the same process all the time- I mean he was just a player in all honesty.
"I know, I know but- I want him around okay? I don't want him to completely fuck off some where"
I huffed shaking my head shoving past him.
"It was going to catch up to you at some point, I warned you. I am sorry, but also I'm not going to keep encouraging and helping you especially when it involves a mutual person, now that may be even more wrong of me however my answer is my answer"
He suddenly was in front of me his eyes pitch black.
"You think I don't fucking know that too? His brother fucking works for me- you're fucking his older bro and it's a fucking mess okay?!"
He was yelling, which at me was not normal for him.
"Then go fix it yourself! Apologize, explain or whatever! I will not fix every problem for you!"
I could feel my blood start to boil.
I mean really? This was his problem, this wasn't even something I should be fixing it was his relationship, if it was important to him he shouldn't have been fucking around. I can't even really understand how someone could cheat like he did.
"Fine! I'll find him, I'll fix it, I'll get him back"
He stormed off slamming the door causing a big rush of air to go through the room.
"Can't believe the nerve he has to act like it's my fault for his fuck up"
I grumbled to myself rubbing my head in frustration.
"Wow, I can't remember the last time I saw him blow up like that- I mean minus that whole ex girlfriend joining the coven thing- but to ask you to fix his problems"
Jason's soothing voice echoed from the stairway.
"I mean I don't think I was wrong- was I?" I watched him as he made his way slowly down.
He simply shook his head fixing his button up grey sleeve.
"No, harsh reality check perhaps but even I have told him the same shit."
I couldn't help but giggle that is own little brother had to do it too.
"You laugh but let me tell you how hard it is to manage his love life- and he's supposed to be the older one" he rolled his eyes.
"I once had to make a list and organize who was where in their relationship, like who he just broke up who he was screwing and everything between"
He continued as he walked to the couch sitting down.
"That sounds like quite the task, I know he's hurt and all still-undoubtedly but is this really the way to deal with it?" I asked sitting down beside him rubbing my hand on the red velvet couch.
"I mean I don't know, if you or I would die if we were like him I'm sure I'd do anything to try and numb that pain drugs, sex, violence whatever. . ."
My hand stopped moving on the couch as I had realized that we could be in a very similar situation that made me rather uncomfortable to talk about it in such a manner.
He very quickly must've realized the same thing.
"Sorry- I shouldn't have said that- no matter what the truth may be regarding the statement"
I looked up at him, I could feel tears start to burn my eyes at the thought, I knew I wouldn't cry, but thinking about it made me think I just may.
"What I'm trying to say is I can somewhat understand, but I also know how he is doing it is wrong in some ways"
"I don't like seeing him hurt in anyway. . . but I'm concerned I mean he was shot in the heart-if he weren't what he was he would have died Jason"
He frowned.
"Sometimes I feel like he just has a death wish, and he assumes he's a cat with nine lives that'll eventually run out-I don't know"
"Well he would have found it by now I'm sure"
He nodded in agreement before putting his arm around me pulling me close against him.
"At any rate, he'll figure this out like he always does in whatever way works"
"Yeah but I don't like seeing him upset, you didn't see his face Jason it was so scared. . ."
He looked down at me confused.
"Scared? Of what?"
I shrugged.
"Don't know, but whatever it was- I haven't seen him so scared since that night we found him"
ns 15.158.61.48da2
