The drive home was strange trying to shake off that feeling. As I arrived home I could tell I was still radiating a weird energy because everyone seemed to tense around me, but all they did was look. They didn't dare ask, I wasn't angry- I mean how could I be?
My heels clicked on the old oak floor as I made my way home to the bedroom to change and I was stopped in the middle of the hallway by Alexander exiting one of the storage rooms.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
"You're the first to ask you know" I smiled.
"I practically shivered you radiated such tension when you walked in- what happened?"
"I uh, I saw Zadicus is all, nothing really happened" I went to go walk around him as he let me pass he turned around to look at me.
"You sure?"
"Sure am" I said with a big smile looking back.
I made my way to the door and opened it shutting it quietly leaning against it before sliding down the door sitting on the floor.
My body was shaking suddenly, I was so panicked so afraid of what just happened. I couldn't help but think to myself about what happened. No matter how many ways I tried to make sense of things it just didn't. I couldn't focus on it though, Jason would be home eventually if not soon and him seeing me with my back pressed against the door on the floor surely wasn't going to go well.
"I'll just take a bath and figure it out from there" I spoke quietly to myself and sighed getting up making my way to the bathroom.
☾☾☾
There was a knock on the door and I brought my leg up to my chest in the water.
"Luna?" Jason poked his head in as he opened the door a little trying not to let the steam out.
"Hey. . .welcome home"
He smiled walking through the door shutting it quickly behind him and walked to me crouching beside the tub.
"How are you? you rarely take a bath"
He grabbed my hand that was gripping the side of the tub.
"What's wrong?" he looked at me suddenly worried.
I wanted nothing more than to just curl up in his arms and just forget about what happened today, Hell feeding off of him would have been nice too but that wasn't an option.
"Can we just lay in bed please?" I spoke quietly looking at him.
He tried to search my eyes for some sort of answer before nodding and standing up back up a bit.
I unplugged the drain letting the water out and stepped out of the tub wrapping the large red bath towel around myself.
Jason picked me up bridal style and kissed my nose and carried me into our bedroom pulling down the blanket and laying me underneath the covers.
"I'm going to change first okay?"
He just kept looking at me with a concerned look on his face.
I just nodded and curled up laying my head on the soft black satin pillows before closing my eyes. I needed to keep my mind clear about what happened today, I didn't want to block him out of things. . .it felt so wrong but I also was having such a hard time grasping what even happened today.
I felt the bed sink beside me and my hair being pushed out of my face and I opened my eyes to Jason's gorgeous orbs staring back at me.
"You don't have to talk about what's bothering you if you don't want to right now. . . it's okay"
I squeezed him curling up into him.
I didn't even know where to start truth be told and that was the problem. . . .
☾☾☾
"Lets be honest, we know that with all these changes people are going to wonder if the King and Queen will be changing to. . .under whatever circumstances it may be. . ."
Joshua's words broke through my thoughts and then pen I was swirling around the table dropped.
"Excuse me?" I looked at him as if he was threatening me.
He came and sat down in the chair in front of me.
"Listen you know I mean no disrespect, but people come up with things. . .I'm just speaking out loud, I know you have more power and technically you can't be overthrown and that's what I mean by whatever circumstances"
"Then what are you saying?" Alexander chimed in.
Joshua sighed.
"Luna can realistically have whatever life she wants to some degree right? So who's to say she won't set the rest of us up with one by leaving us with someone new so she could continue on. . ."
I was so distracted today I didn't have the energy to argue or discuss this non sense.
"How dare you fucking say something like that, say she's going to abandon us, you're lucky if I don't kill you myself!" Alexander raised his voice.
"I can't say I disagree Joshua that's fucked up" Mathew huffed.
"I wouldn't even know what to do with a life other than this, so honestly that seems silly, I was too young to experience most things. . . then I aged by running away from a now ancient Vampire and then claimed all this and have been living in luxury since. . ." I spoke bluntly and paused for a moment.
"You think I can just live a normal life after all that? There's nothing normal about me and you know that"
"I don't think any of us would make you live in that way by any means" Alexander interjected.
"So then what? we all follow her and another handful of new people come in as guards for the new King and Queen?"
"You know how I deal with people who don't have trust within them, it would be a shame to lose you Joshua" Alexander spoke firmly.
Joshua swallowed uncomfortably and leaned back in the chair.
"No. . . I'm worried for her and that is all, like she said half of us have been a part of her growing up. . . I also, just wish we could truly do something about this- don't you?" suddenly I felt sympathy for him.
"Every day, and we will when the time is right, but that's not now" Alexander spoke confidently, it was his job to reassure everyone if I wasn't, but truth was the past few days I was a little lost in my own world.
"I will do my job, and so will Jason until maybe perhaps this way of life has no need for such monarchy, but if that would be the best for everyone then no one loses. . ." I picked back up my pen and finished signing some documents before Joshua nodded.
"Alexander he meant no harm, please don't treat him so harshly. . . it is a very good thought- I mean we can look at Zadicus as an example"
He looked at me confused for a moment.
"If you think about it. . . he was a single Lord controlling everything until Zac and Lillian correct? In some ways he stepped down- you can't fully deny him I suppose because of his being for the most part, but it would be the same thing as he did"
I paused before speaking again as they all looked to me.
"I only have this power until you all decide you no longer wish it to be here" I smiled.
"But where. . .where would we go?" Mathew looked broken hearted.
Thinking about it, not only would Jason and I perhaps be in a more normal life scenario, but what would happen to the people who have taken care of us all this time?
Alexander cleared his throat.
"Actually the way I have done all the finances- assets etc. we would all be fine I mean-"
"I wouldn't mind staying with all of you in that scenario either. . . I would be happy to" I interrupted.
I smiled before looking at Joshua.
"Except you maybe Joshua we might have to leave you" I giggled to myself before tapping him with my foot.
He rolled his eyes before grinning.
"I deserve that"
"On a different note umm what are we supposed to do about Rickey?"
I looked at him confused.
"Security wise? Should he have someone or. . .?"
"Honestly I was going to talk to Alexander about that. . . I wasn't sure how to divide that with Jarred as well"
I looked over to Alexander.
"I think we can spare one person if not two- I would say it just depends I mean Zadicus doesn't know I think either so I think he's safer to begin with"
He shrugged leaning on the wall beside the door.
"I haven't mentioned anything to him. . . I've thought about it because it's probably be better but I just don't know how he'd react to be honest" I huffed pausing.
"It's like he's my father when it comes to dating I swear except he only wants me to date him" I rolled my eyes.
A few of them let out a small chuckle but the rest stayed quiet.
Crossing my legs I leaned back in my chair stretching.
"You guys need to relax more sometimes really, but that being said you guys are free to go"
"Yes Lady Luna" they all said in unison before leaving the room.
☾☾☾
A few hours had passed and I had gone into the gym room to work out and try to distract myself from the Zadicus issue.
I dropped down from the pull up bar and tried to catch my breath as the sweat dripped down my face I use a towel to blot it off. I walked over to the little stand that had a stereo on it and grabbed the remote and started flipping the the tracks till I found something. I stretched my arms out as the song started. My brain just kept going through flashbacks of what happened and I shook it off.
There was a sudden slam of the door and my head whipped towards it seeing a very agitated Jarred wearing a grey tank-top and a pair of jogger pants. He looked at me with hazed black eyes.
"Rough day for you too? Glad to see you're listening to my advice"
"One could say that- you wanna talk or just work out?"
Jarred was focused on the stereo before he smiled.
"Ooh Asking Alexandria I can appreciate that choice"
"Mmm little bit of both maybe, but don't push it-I can bench press you fucking easy"
He pointed his finger warning.
I snorted in response.
"Whatever"
He brushed passed me shoving me a bit before loading up the smith machine and getting on the bench. He was pushing an easy five hundred, I'm not really sure why he worked out so much, but him and Jason practically made it their ritual.
I waited for him to do a few reps before trying to ask him what was bothering him, but when I did he just told me to spot him not wanting to talk yet, it was gonna be a long night.
☾☾☾
Shortly after our last weekly meeting for the night Jason left to go meet Jarred somewhere in the city and I had decided to go to my office and file away the paperwork Alexander finished. I shut the door and walked towards my desk grabbing the stack. My phone rang in my pocket and I quickly reached in and took my phone out but looked at the screen confused.
Zadicus?
I answered the phone.
"Luna? Luna you there?"
"Uh yeah, what did you want? You don't normally call. . ."
"I need to talk to you- about what happened yesterday can I come over? I would have just shown up but I figured that wouldn't be best- you can come here too of course- though I assumed you'd like option one better"
Believe it or not he wasn't wrong, I knew I'd have ears listening and I'd have a guard around as a shield if need be. Which was so odd to think about since normally I wasn't really concerned.
"Yes I think that would be best. . . I can meet you in the meeting room and we can talk"
That room is bigger in case of any issues. . .
I thought to myself.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't more uncomfortable then I ever had been after that incident, I hadn't ever doubted my strength minus of course that night we met I had never felt so stripped of power. . . My mind had been a mess thinking about it.
I made my way to the meeting room gathering Alexander as I went and instructed him to stay near by, he started to ask me what the problem was but quickly realized it wasn't something he should pry into. I was pacing back and forth across the room trying to calm myself which ironically did not help at all if anything it made it worse. Thank god Jason wasn't supposed to be home for a bit because I don't know the problems this would stir with the already massive problems. I didn't like having secrets between us, but I also didn't know what to talk about regarding it since I didn't know what fully happened.
Zadicus walked in wearing a black striped shirt with a pair of black jeans giving me a faint smile.
"Ms. Luna. . ."
I cleared my throat.
"What'd you need to urgently talk to me about?" I stopped pacing at the head of the table and sat down crossing my legs. My body tensed and I was worried he would sense that and take another chance at me and that didn't help my paranoia in the slightest.
"I didn't mean to do that yesterday- I know you're uncomfortable and for that I'm sorry I didn't- I don't normally. . ."
"You caused that?"
He closed his mouth and it almost seemed as if he were biting down on his tongue before he spoke.
"I did. . .I didn't mean to trap you like that I was upset and not thinking- well I was and that was part of the problem but I wasn't realizing my impact of my thoughts until you were already pinned"
"How. . ." I sat there dumbfounded with my eyes wide, I really couldn't hide my shock, my horror my everything really.
His eyes softened like he felt terrible for causing me such pain, which was unsettling because he wasn't so kind normally, but more recently he had been. . .
"You don't know then?"
He looked just as surprised as I probably looked and I was just confused as to what he meant by that.
"Know what. . .? how or why you made my whole body freeze up? Why would I know that?"
"Because you have the same ability. . ."
No way, no fucking way that was true. I would have known by now wouldn't I? I've lost my temper and I have thought about many different ways to-
"Oh my god- I - you-" I stumbled on my words.
My head was spinning thinking about the options in which they were probably used.
"Yeah I figured you had, but you just thought they were scared of you huh? somewhat true you can be intimidating. I thought that too at first."
"How?" I finally managed a word.
"Just another perk of being the King of Crimson" he shrugged.
How fucking dare him.
He must've been able to sense my anger because his face had changed.
"Listen, you can tell me I'm wrong but tell me someone else other than yourself who can bend other vampires to their own will like that"
But what about Jason? Maybe he didn't think about it either.
I thought to myself.
"I don't know, I've never asked. . . what about Lilian and Zac?"
He chuckled.
"Yeah clearly they didn't considering you killed them like they were humans"
I winced at the thoughts of that night, how easy everything was once we made it through the guards.
"Oh? is that who you used it on?" he grinned.
"No wonder you feel so bad. . . you shouldn't though I mean lets be honest- what were the chances they were going to give up their new life after everything?" he questioned.
"I. . . honestly I never thought to ask I just- I selfishly wanted it so I just. . .I took it"
"Maybe you and I aren't so different then are we?" he pointed out.
"Don't you dare try to say I'm as much as a monster as you" I felt my eyes start shifting.
His eyes remained calm but he didn't move any closer he stayed there.
"It's not your fault, I didn't know when I first did it and neither did you" he simply spoke trying to calm the conversation.
"When did you find out?" my brows furrowed looking at him.
"That night."
He looked me dead in the eyes and that's when I knew exactly what night he was talking about.
"So that's why I couldn't. . ."
He nodded.
"I didn't want you so flustered so upset. . . so I guess I forced that upon you I just figured you accepted it"
He paused seeming to be watching me to see my reactions and feelings.
"I feel horrible about it, but I also know it was inevitable so do you now I'm sure, neither of us had a choice. . ."
I sat there, speechless and honestly somewhat numb, but also the strange feeling to want to vomit.
"I know this is hard. . . but I wanted to be honest with you and I see that may have not been best. . ."
I shook my head.
"I don't know. . . I just don't know about an of it" my words came out more like a whisper as I just continued to sit there motionless.
Did it feel better knowing? I guess. Did it make me feel more questionable about myself? Most definitely. The worst part? Could I even really even blame him? Like he said how couldn't I know, how didn't I notice?
"If you don't wish to talk it's fine, I understand I just wanted to apologize to you face to face."
But why?
"Why are you being so nice suddenly?"
He shrugged.
"I'm old and tired Luna. . . you forget I'm older than you and honestly nearly forcing you to do what was needed wasn't happening. . . so I don't see the point, you ended up where you needed to be in the end."
"So. . .does this mean you won't take Jason from me?. . ." I spoke almost at a whisper again.
He looked at me in the eyes again and my body felt as if it were trying to relax but at the same time my worry was causing me to somewhat tense.
"No point if I have you and you just hate me for it all."
He moved towards the door before looking over his shoulder.
"Buona notte"
"Buona notte. . ." I whispered back and I slumped into my chair again.
"Goodnight Alexander" I heard him yell once he was through the door.
A few moments later Alexander had walked in with a concerned look on his face.
"I heard what happened. . ."
Please don't talk about this right now. . .
I thought to myself.
"Luna listen to me. . . you cannot beat yourself up about this I can only imagine how you feel right now but-"
"Alexander have I really hurt people like that. . ." I looked at him and to be honest I wanted to cry.
I wanted to ball my eyes out right there and I felt the tears swell up and my vision start to blur but nothing fell.
"I- that night. . . at the ball was the most recent or the one I can fully account for- I felt it, I think to be honest we all felt it"
Then I just couldn't take it after I heard what he said and I felt the tears start burning my eyes and rolling down my face and his look of worry turned into a scared and shocked look as he rushed towards me.
"No, no don't cry. . . Luna listen to me-" I got up quickly and moved him out of the way and quickly flashed my way out of the room.
I couldn't let him see me like this, I couldn't bare to see myself like this either.
So I went to my room and let out a muffled sniffle holding my hand over my mouth as I walked in quickly closing the door behind me as I bumped into something- someone. I turned around to see a Jason undressing and his smile quickly turned into a frown as he wrapped his arms around me tightly.
I hugged him tightly as I sobbed into his bare chest.
"Jason I- I'm a monster" I said through my sobs.
He pulled me away slightly to wipe some tears and look at me.
"What are you talking about? what happened babe talk to me. . ."
I didn't know where to start. . . what happened between Zadicus and I? No. . . that wouldn't help, just that he told me one of our secrets? None of it sounded any better than the other.
"Have I ever made you. . . like your body do something it didn't want to?" I managed to choke out.
He looked down at me confused and concerned, but soon his face started to just frown and look sad.
"You finally realized didn't you?. . ." he spoke softly.
I didn't really want the answer he was giving me. It made me scared, it made me angry.
"You- you never told me and you knew?!"I shoved against him my blood started boiling.
He sighed letting me move him.
"How was I supposed to tell you? can you imagine how difficult that was for me? you were broken up about the whole thing enough"
I shook my head charging towards the walk in closet searching for one of my leather jackets.
"Luna!" Jason yelled.
I ignored him shifting through the closet until I found the one I wanted.
"Come on, you know I'm right to some degree was it wrong somewhat? Yes, but I didn't know how to explain it okay" he admitted as I walked out of the closet not making eye contact.
"It's been months, and on top of that it was part of the main reason why I sat there and bled my whole body out! and you didn't think that was important to mention? that maybe it wasn't just all the blood's fault?!"
I just felt angry, betrayed, hurt.
I felt tears start to sting my eyes again when I finally managed to look at him and I could see his once warm eyes start to seem cold and sad and watery too.
"Maybe it heightened your usage, I don't know. . . I didn't know you have to understand" he pleaded.
I wiped my eyes shaking my head.
"I don't know how it works, you clearly don't either I mean I don't know what else I can say, what to do" he continued as he stepped closer to me careful.
"We tell each other everything. . ." I whispered.
He cupped my face in his hands.
"And I have told you, later than I should have yes, but believe it or not after this many years I still have some flaws. . . I should have spoken to you about I just. . . I thought about even-" he was biting on his tongue or holding his words for a moment before he blinked looking down then back into my eyes.
"I even thought about asking Zadicus myself. . . I instead was selfish and I continued my refusal of interaction. You're right it cost you a lot because of that- also perhaps not but I accept the blame"
I smiled a little before giving a frown as I looked back into his eyes finally and put his face in my hands rubbing his face softly.
"I'm proud of you. . . even if it didn't work out I'm proud of you" I spoke softly.
"You shouldn't be, what if you were dying? I was too much of a coward or just angry to bother" he shook his head taking my hand in his.
"What would you have told him anyway? Your gut told you not to because you knew about the bigger picture with Ben" I reminded him.
He sighed.
"I suppose you're right on that. . " he admitted.
ns 18.68.41.139da2
