Taylor's POV
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Tom Louis Parker, with his sandy beach hair and open easy smile was very good at talking to girls. Good at serenading them with his guitar and dedicating songs to all of the girls he casually glanced at. And even though I was very young, had the rest of my life ahead of me, I thought I had found love. The kind that creeps up on you slowly, gives you butterflies and makes you feel faint whenever you see each other.
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I sigh exasperated looking out of my bedroom window, back again at the juvenile posters on my wall. They're all bands that he likes, we share similar interests. And I may have just adopted some of the music he enjoys along the journey of our five year friendship. Bands like pearl jam and nirvana. I hasten to remember him crudely giving me a rendition of pearl jams track daughter and reminisce at how I laughed as he muddled up the words. Him tickling me and then awkwardly removing himself from my immediate personal space. Neither of us sure whether we were friends or something more than that.
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That was the real problem with Tom. He was a casual kind of guy, carefully choosing his words. Always delineating on love but never quite promising it.
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Pulling myself up, from the comfort of my bed, I stand and grab at the nirvana poster pulling it down and throwing it in the bin. There I think to myself. Pearl jam is next. I drop shot that one into the bin too. Finding myself examining the room for all leftover signs of him, in some weird kind of exorcism of my sort of ex boyfriend exercise.
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"Taylor Elena Harris" he had said to me when we first met, eyes sweeping over my brunette hair and cream skin.
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"What do you play?" He had asked, at a music rehearsal, it was a straight forward question uttered by a boy unlike any boys I had ever seen before. I looked up into those eyes uncomprehending, losing my train of thought entirely.
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"You're a singer?" He guessed, he was very good at talking to girls. Pulling myself together I replied that I could play guitar and sing.
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"I'm sure you sound wonderful" he had replied, I glance at my guitar sitting proudly in the corner of my room and consider throwing it just because he touched it once. All in aid of the exorcism of Tom. Deciding I've hit a new level of crazy I force myself back into the bed noticing a car pull into the drive as I peer out of the window. Reversing up the small driveway, killing the engine the driver remaining seated in the car.
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LY... I begin assessing the number plate recognising it and racking my brain. A blue car, Taylor think, who drives a blue car? I ask myself deliberating for a moment. Im no car enthusiast, couldn't tell the difference between a Chevy and a jeep but the more I look at this one I'm almost positive this is Tom's dad's car.
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Before my mother seizes the opportunity to embarrass me by opening the door and asking whether Tom is staying for lunch, or confronting Tom's dad on why Tom hasn't been over for weeks. I fly down the stairs and out of the front door to confront the driver of the mystery blue car. Hoping that's it's Tom and not his dad, that would be rather awkward. I laugh a little on my descent.
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The air hits me as I leave the house, and I realise I haven't left my bedroom let alone ventured out into the glorious Californian sunshine for almost two weeks. I have been busy procrastinating, writing tortured love songs and watching re-runs of one tree hill. Let's not miss out crying my little heart out. But I will not be letting onto any of that to the young man sitting in the car before me. He glances at me a smile on his perfect lips, his chiselled jaw clenched just slightly. Apprehensive of the reaction he is going to receive. His eyes tell me that he is sure of himself, sure that he can worm his way back into top spot "kind of" boyfriend position.
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"Tay" Tom says glancing over at me. There's that easy grin, the one that used to make everything better. The one that said I'm here.
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I sit down in the car, bash the car door shut. He flinches just ever so slightly and turns his too cool for you rock music down.
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"Yeah so I'm sorry I kind of haven't been in contact" he explains casually, around a year ago Tom decided he was Gods gift to women. As if he woke up one morning, started styling his hair and thought to himself I'm the man they all want. I give him my absolute best don't mess with me expression.
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"I thought I would drop off our pictures from the dance, I ordered two copies." he says reaching over to the back seat. Wearing a tank which exposes a lot of his tan skin and physique, perhaps he thought I would see his biceps and decide that was enough. Upon noticing the uninterested expression I have plastered on my face he looks straight back through the windshield avoiding me. Handing me the pictures a stoney expression on his face.
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"Right, you thought did you? For once you thought before you just did as you pleased" I say sharply, now I'm just angry. Secretly I had been waiting for this very moment, for Tom to come along like he always does. Only this time I'm exasperated, not falling into his arms. I make my move to get out of the car placing the pictures on the dash. Away from his proximity, his familiar cologne filling the small space between us. Making me betray my own feelings and almost imploring me to lean into him and embrace him. To listen to his words and slip back into being Taylor the pushover.
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"Taylor" he musters looking at me with regret, his clear eyes searching my expression for any kind of softness that he can exploit.
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"This is not appropriate, you cannot just show up Tom. Okay? You know we're really past that now please respect my boundaries." I instruct him metaphorically patting myself on my back for staying strong.
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"I'm not sure why you think I would want these anyway" I say glancing at the pictures. I pull at one of them and take a good look, at the girl who allowed him to do as he pleased with her.
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Of course they are beautiful pictures. Tom, wearing a suit his hand draped around my waist. I briefly look at myself in the pictures, unable to tear myself away. Reminiscing on my navy blue satin dress that my mother scrimped and saved to buy. How we spent an afternoon perfecting the ultimate smokey eye together and how my mother bought a curling tong so that she could style my hair into what she called Hollywood waves.
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"We look great right" he says finally looking away from the windscreen and into my deep blue eyes. I desperately collect my emotions and pride, tears are pricking behind my eyes. I will not be the girl that needs sympathy, or a sneaky make out session in the back of his dad's car. Not a chance.
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"We looked great, past tense. I have plans today I should get going" I say firmly placing the picture back with others. My plans are one tree hill and lying in bed until I fall back asleep, but that's really none of his business is it?
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He stares out of the front windscreen, again. Clearly the recently washed and polished windscreen is more significant to him than our five year friendship.
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"I didn't mean for things to go like that. You know that right. You said..." he says slightly frustrated.
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"Well they did" I snap at him. Abruptly letting myself out of the car and away from the memories and the feelings I have been so desperate to put behind me.
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The engine starts up as soon as I let myself back into my mums house. I firmly close the door behind me and head back up to my bedroom, intent on my one tree hill marathon. Avoiding my mother's questions and interrogations.
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In less than a month I'll start a new university, I'm my mother's only child, and she is immensely proud that I managed to earn myself a dance scholarship. Due to being a good student, I've earned myself a place on three extra courses which I'm still yet to decide on. The anxiety seizes me as I clamber back into bed realising that Tom is most likely out of my life for good after our little car chit chat. I hush it with the sound of one tree hill starting up.
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Falling asleep during your favourite show at one pm on a Saturday is a sure fire sign that you are down in the dumps. I wake up to a small tap on my bedroom door. Praying for no more car talks with ex boyfriends I open my little bedroom door and smile.
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Rhea looks at me aghast at my apparent state and invades the room as I sit back down on the bed that has become my comfortable warm prison.
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Rhea has dark curly hair, caramel skin and a petite frame which she hides in jeans that are slightly too big. She wears cool t-shirts that she finds at stores like H&M. I remember Rhea commenting on my loose brunette waves asking me how I managed to grow my hair so long back when we were at school. We were putting on cheap makeup in the girls toilets only to have it confiscated from us in our next lesson.
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"Okay don't judge me" I say looking down at the discarded crisp packets and cans of fizzy.
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"No judgement, let's get it all out and then go out" she says positively.
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"Go out no" I say and she laughs.
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"I am not letting you rewatch one tree hill and try and compare Tom to Chad Michael whatever his name is okay" she laughs.
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"It's just totally delusional" she says and I swat her pulling my blanket up.
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"Tom came over this morning" I tell her and she gasps.
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"To give me pictures from the dance" I explain and she rolls her eyes.
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"Nope not good enough we're still going out" she laughs.
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"But he was my first" I say softly and she hugs me, caving into my neediness.
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"First kiss, I'm just glad you didn't do anything else with him" she says wiping my eyes.
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"Okay compromise. We watch an episode and then we go out for a bit. If the world is too scary then we come back to one tree hill prison" she laughs a lopsided grin on her face.
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"You got yourself a deal" I smile.
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Half way into our one episode deal I check my phone, it illuminates before me and I frown. Rhea nudges me.
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"You better not be checking your phone for you know who" she chastises. I dump the phone down again and she swipes it away.
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"Out of sight out of mind" she smiles.
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Rhea was never a fan of Tom and me. She always made it clear. She used to say he will just use me as a conquest. Rhea would not lie to me or sugarcoat anything, honesty is one of her best qualities and I need that kind of straightforwardness in my life. Part of me, the childish part, had always hoped however that Tom and I were different, that what we had was unique.
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"He hasn't texted me, or called. Nothing waiting for me, so don't worry" I tell her. Clearly he must be busy, probably with his next conquest. I try to deny how much that hurts. Slashing my hopes of him returning into my life, I really need to get a grip and move on like I had planned.
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That said instead of enjoying one tree hill I weigh up my options. Text him and grovel for my behaviour this morning but not hear back for days. Go over and see if he's home, definitely a no I need to stick to our boundaries. I glance over at Rhea and realise there is another option before me.
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"What's the plan? Where are we off to then" I sigh. Rhea beams at me clearly excited and happy with this development.
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"So Malachi took me to this skate park a few weeks back, it's just in town. Want to go?" She says excitedly.
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Malachi is actually one year younger than us but acts older and more mature. I am always slightly intimidated by him. Not because he's rude but because he's into cool music, cool things and he skateboards. Everyone talks to him. He isn't part of one group, everybody accepts him. It probably helps his case that he is good looking and well built. The kind of guy that you think would make a good captain, somebody who is on everybody's side.
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"Skate park ? That's random. We don't even skate or BMX or anything" I look at her confused, almost withdrawing and remaining in bed prison.
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"Just trust me okay. Everyone buys some cider, I know classy, and gets a little drunk and just hangs out plus there's hot guys there. You'll like it." she laughs.
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"No skateboarding skills needed" she smiles as my phone illuminates.
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Anticipating that Tom is the cause of the beep Rhea exclaims grasping onto the phone.
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"No don't look, please. Come and see the hot skater guys with me. You are not allowed to ditch me this way" she smiles.
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"Boundaries remember, if he is getting in contact then how are you ever going to move on" she explains pleading with me.
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"I need my phone if we're going out" I tell her, a small smile on my lips.
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She begrudgingly passes me the phone and sighs as I open up the notifications.
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"Hopeless case" she smirks.
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"Okay let me just look two seconds" I tell her watching my phone like it holds all answers to life.
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"You need to get a grip Taylor, don't turn into one of them weird stalker girls. Hey if you have to delete him" she smirks. Huffing she's clearly annoyed at my apparent interest in my phone.
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Opening the notification I see a picture of Tom wearing the same tank that he wore this morning in his dads car. It was posted to social media just moments ago. I breathe again, relief at the sight of him. Then my heart thumps when I see another girl poking her head into the picture pouting with full red lips. He's out somewhere enjoying himself with mystery pouty girl. My eyes rake over the caption before I can pull myself away, just chilling with this one, it reads and my blood starts to boil again. The anger from earlier returning.
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Curiosity fully peaked I click on the comments.
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"Stalker tendencies check" Rhea laughs looking over my shoulder.
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"Almost 4 months together" I say aloud to Rhea and her expression turns to fury.
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"Shut up" she says grasping the phone, looking at the picture for herself and the comment published by mystery pouty girl.
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"Oh Taylor we are definitely going out, maybe we will be doing our own little social media posts too" she says smiling.
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So here I am sliding into my vans, going to the dumb skate park. I decide I am going to be drinking too many cheap ciders and doing whatever a girl does when she's at a skate park in the middle of summer with hot guys. No more tortured song writing and definitely no thinking about Tom. Ever again.
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