Matty’s POV
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“I need you" she says moving her hand down to my boxers. Insatiable, we've already had sex countless times and she just keeps asking for more. That's definitely a first too. And a compliment.
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"You do?" I tease her. She chuckles and looks up at me. I melt at her looking into my eyes.
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"I only want you" she says simply. She starts massaging me, hands going everywhere. It’s an assault to my senses.
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"I only want you too" I tell her meaning it. Usually I say things for a reaction, everything is carefully planned and constructed. With her I’m myself, I don’t have to plan or orchestrate how I’m going to make her feel anything for me. My mind is consumed by just wanting and needing her.
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"That works out nicely then" she chuckles.
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"You know if you keep doing that I'm going to have to do something about it" I tease her feeling her hands all over me.
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"No I’m in control this time didn’t you know” she smiles climbing onto me and straddling me. I'm completely captivated by her. Taylor looks up at me kissing down my chest and I play with her hair in my hands. Loose waves that feel like silk.
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"Taylor" I say as she takes me in her mouth. Glancing up at me through her lashes as she works her way over me. Possessing me, my every desire is her. She appeases them all, all of my needs and longings.
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Her eyes are beautiful, truly enchanting like deep blue pools of desire.
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“You are” I gasp as she moves herself on top of me so that she’s straddling me again.
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“Do you want me, Matthew?” She asks softly.
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“I need you” I smile at her.
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I push her down onto me and she gasps before sighing and moving. My hands grasping onto her hips as she takes charge.
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“You’re so good with your hips” I tell her before flipping her over and claiming her for my own. She arches her hips up into me as she orgasms and I kiss her all over. Mine I think to myself over and over again.
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I whisper incoherently that I love her and she giggles.
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Pulling away from her I realise I’ve lost myself entirely, it’s something I always remember. Something that even should I be ready for it, we should have discussed first as a couple. As this would be as much her choice as it is my own. I glance down at her and she looks at me concerned by my panic.
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“No it’s just we didn’t use any protection baby”
I say to her and she looks at me uncomfortably briefly.
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She looks at me, realisation dawning on her face. She covers her eyes with her hand, and I beg her not to cry because I don’t want to blow things with her. I don’t want to be the reason she is upset.
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“It’s my fault I didn’t think” I say softly. It felt different, without a condom. I should have realised.
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"What do we do now then" she ask's quietly, I haven’t moved off of her. I hold her closely to me. I want her to feel secure.
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"I'll take you to the drop in tomorrow morning, if you like?" I suggest to her. She's quiet, I feel like it's all my fault and I've blown it. She pulls her arms around my back and holds me closely. A level of shock behind her eyes.
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"This is all your choice" I say holding her face in my hands. Searching her eyes. God I'm cracking up.
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"You can take the pill, I'll drive us there and then maybe we should think about better contraception." I advise her softly as a tear rolls down her cheeks. Shes worried.
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"Or you can just not take the pill" I say like a mad man gazing into her eyes.
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"Taylor Elena Harris, I love you. I want my life with you whatever you choose I’ll stand by your decision. Your body, your choice" I clarify wiping her eyes.
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I'm eighteen and I'm not ready for anything in my life but Id like to think I should give her the choice to do what she needs to do. If she decided she wanted to just let nature run its course I would stand by her decision. I would do my best by her either way.
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“You would do that for me” she says softly
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“I would do anything for you” I explain, tears in my own eyes.
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“Matthew” she sighs.
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“I mean it Taylor” I tell her and she kisses me.
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"We'll sort it out tomorrow, I don't think you can get pregnant that like that anyways." She says to me ruffling my hair.
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"Don't people like actively try to get pregnant I mean" she says.
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“What are the odds of us managing that” she jokes.
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This girl grounds me. How is it she can make me laugh in a situation like this. I've never had to navigate a situation like this before and she just holds me together. Normally I would shout and act out but I can't do that with her because I want her to stay, for good.
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I hold her in my arms for the second night in a row, and she falls asleep with me. I look down at her sleeping, stroking her hair away from her face. The one person to change my life. To stick by me. To tell me that I’m good enough. I need to do more for her. Repay her in anyway I can just for being with me.
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I've had accidents before, condoms split and Rachel nearly missing her period. I extended no care, no choices to those girls. No support or even a ride to the clinic. The shame I feel for my behaviour is all encompassing and I hold onto Taylor just a little bit tighter.
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When this dawned on me tonight, the first thing I thought was I love you, please don't leave me for messing this up. And then it hit me, I love this girl. I love her so much so that I would spend the rest of my days raising little versions of myself and her combined together.
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It's the reason I feel so jealous and so insecure of her being around other guys, especially guys that are like I was. It's why I can't make decisions for her because I care about her to much to not push her into a certain direction. I kiss her on her head. I tell myself that I will be there for her tomorrow, I will listen to her and get her what she needs. I hold onto her tightly until I fall asleep.
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