Taylor's POV
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My inner most critic blasts off in my head telling me that I'm not over Matthew, falling for Jay was too soon. Loving both of them is wrong. I am the problem I think to myself as I stand in the chilled air outside on the grass. My old dorm looming up over me reminding me that I used to live here, that this is where all the drama takes place and I dared to revisit it.
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"Hey" Ross says sympathetically, but I'm not listening to him. His arms scoop me up like an older brother would. He holds me to keep me together. I hadn't realised I had been crying until I moved my head away from his chest and there were tear stains on his white shirt.
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"Oh Taylor, I'm going to be honest. For once." He begins his head lowered to mine. His hands cupping my face as he chuckles slightly.
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"We could have just been together and it would have been so simple. No stress, no tears no fighting right?" he smiles and wipes my face before taking a step back.
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"If only we lived in a place where Matthew and Jay didn't" he giggles and I laugh slightly.
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"A place where no fighting is allowed" he laughs pushing his blonde hair back as Jay appears, Stepping out onto the white porch without a speck of blood on him as he strides over to me in a few steps and takes me in his arms. He gives me no choice but to yield to his affection.
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"I'm sorry" he whispers in my ear as I look over his shoulder at Ross who is merely bemused.
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"I love you so much" Jay declares loud enough for everybody to hear.
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"I'm sorry too I fell asleep" I say looking into his eyes as he holds me.
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"I love you” I say without a question, without a doubt.
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"Home ?" He asks whispering in my ear shielding me from everybody else. The porch door swings shut and I glance over at Matthew. His approach is calm as he walks towards us. The moon shines behind him and Ross readies himself for another slanging match.
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"Taylor I'm sorry I just got carried away because of the pictures and stuff that's all" Matthew says softly as Jay faces me not wanting to look in his direction. The pictures took me straight back to our time together, it was like being placed right back into that time where we were in love.
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"I understand you two are together.” Matthew adds pleading with me to look at him.
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"What's happened" Rach calls out of her window and I look up, her fluffy robe pulled around her as she peers out into the dark. She sighs and rolls her eyes taking in the scene of Jay, Matty and Ross surrounding me crying. Quite the triangle were becoming. This is all I need, I want to run away as quickly as I can.
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"Nothing's going on" I sniffle and I'm about to cry again. Full blown ugly tears.
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"Get back to whatever it is you were doing" Ross sighs looking at her. Rachel scoffs as he grabs his skateboard from the porch before strolling over to me again. He offers me an escape route as he guides us all off of the lawn. I smile up at him and he mouths the word anytime to me.
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“See you all tomorrow” Ross laughs when he reaches his Aston Martin. He pulls the door open and climbs in as I walk over to the Audi with Jay, quietly.
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Jay roars the engine to life and I sit awaiting his questions. We are utterly silent until we reach the freeway.
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"Tay I overreacted and I could have handled that differently, truth is I'm pretty impulsive. When my emotions are high I find it hard to contain my shit. I saw him and the way he was looking at you, holding you and I just flipped. I'm going to make it up to you" he says intently. I notice he's smoking and grasping the wheel with his free hand. My cheeks redden and I cry. He’s being reasonable. More than reasonable, Matty is my ex and I need to set clear boundaries and stick to them.
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"I'm sorry I should not have allowed any of that to happen, I'm not making excuses. I had been drinking and I noticed a picture on his phone. It was a memory and I looked at it. Then I zoned out" I say, better not to mention our theatre trip at the moment I tell myself deciding that there will be a better moment to bring that one up.
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"It's okay I'm not getting on at you" he says and smiles over at me.
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"I love you, I need to better manage my emotions." He sighs as I wipe my face. The woods comes into sight as he drives through the dark lane that leads to the lake. Eventually just past the trees I can see the water and I relax. Home I think to myself as I regard the water and our house just beyond it.
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"It won't happen again" I say to him and I squeeze his thigh, pleading with him to touch me again.
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"I understand you two have history" he begins softly.
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"But I know for sure that I am your future, I want to make that future happy, and stressless and fucking exciting, and perfect like you, I will not get on my high horse again. Okay ?" He smiles turning into our driveway.
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"I love you" I say my heart beating out of my chest. He evokes a reaction in me each time. Whereby I am yearning for him. His words make me feel high. Like I'm floating up to heaven surrounded my his love and care.
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"I love you, sorry for getting jealous" he sighs as he parks up and kills the engine. He comes around to get my door and as soon as I am up I am in his arms. We stay wrapped in each other’s embrace for a long time, surrounded by the cars and the bikes. Damp tears trickle from my cheeks and I pull away from him realising that he is crying. There is moisture behind his eyes, they are glistening under the light and my heart breaks a little.
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"I'm sorry Jay" I say instantly feeling a whole mound of regret and worry.
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"It's not a thing. I just realised something. I need you for the rest of my life and the actual possibility of you not being a part of that is so fricking painful" he says cupping his hands around my jaw.
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"Me too" I reply instantly and he softens watching my eyes.
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"Now let's go in and I'll cook" he chuckles before taking my hand and guiding me into our home. He lifts me once we get into the kitchen and positions me on a high stool. I spend the next twenty or so minutes watching him cook. Wondering how I ever became so lucky to attract his attention and more importantly to get to keep him despite my reckless behaviour. His blue eyes wander to me every now and again as he cooks steak and my phone buzzes in my bag but I ignore it. Soon he brings over the food, and I smile up at him. He sits on the stool next to me facing me and sighs.
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"Where's yours?" I ask noticing that he's only made one portion of fries and one steak.
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"I'm not hungry for food" he smiles.
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He puts some on the fork and indicates that I open my mouth. I do and he spoons it in. It tastes delicious and he smiles.
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"What are you going to eat" I ask him and he chuckles.
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"Stop thinking about me, and start thinking about you instead" he says smiling.
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He feeds me until all of the food is gone. Then he pushes the plate away from us and stands. He takes my hand and I follow him to the bedroom. Up the marbles stairs and down the hall all the way until we reach the four poster bed. Wordlessly he undresses me, taking in every inch of my body as he does.
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"I can't stop thinking about you" he mutters in my ear and I melt.
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He sits me down on our four poster bed and I lay back. Instantly he takes me in his mouth, and I'm at his mercy. Clutching onto the bed sheets as I gasp.
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"Jay" I sigh.
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"I’m hungry for you and now I’m gonna eat you out" he says and I sigh.
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"You taste amazing" he says between licking me.
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"I'm close" I tell him before he kisses up my body and I sigh before I know it he is inside of me. He pushes all the way in his face inches from mine as he watches me intently.
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"I need you Taylor" he whispers possessively.
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"I need you more" I sigh my legs around his waist.
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He chuckles slightly as he pulls all the way out. I'm yearning for him and so I push my hips up to him and he sighs.
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"So impatient" he laughs yielding to me and thrusting again. A full force as I whimper underneath him and he moans.
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"Wanna go on top" he asks me in my ear. Taking him up on his offer I nod and we reposition ourselves. Gazing down at him underneath me, I take in his beauty and get carried away moving on top of him.
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"I love the way you do that" he says smiling and his breath hitches.
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We're both close, held on the edge of our orgasm and I speed up a little.
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"I need you" he says as he finishes inside of me.
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"Don’t leave me” he whispers as I collapse onto him and he holds me into his chest. The light fades and I close my eyes listening to the soft flow of his breathing.
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“I won’t” I whisper before I drift off to sleep.
