***Taylor POV***
~past tense~
February
I'm a bad girl. Ross is gazing at me in his car, I imagine our relationship and it flashes before me through my mind. He's drop dead gorgeous, and how I can even manage to stop touching him is truly remarkable. He's handsome in a true and honest way.
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Ross pushes his blonde hair away from his face, glancing at me again. We’ve collected some breakfast from the coffee shop, it’s a habit that we have stuck too for the last month. He sips his coffee as we drive up towards university, the sun plays with his hair bringing all of the golden tones out in it.
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"Taylor what is it you desire in life" he asks genuinely gazing over at me as he lights up a cigarette. Caught off guard, I sigh and look back into his blue eyes which are totally clear and searching mine.
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"I'll have to think about that one. What is it you desire" I ask him softly.
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He thinks for a minute, forming his thoughts.
"Genuinely, I think you're the only person I've ever desired in my life. I think about the whole thing, how we could be together. How well we get on, like when I'm with you it feels natural and right" he says and that resonates with me.
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He glances at me awkwardly as I watch him quietly.
"I'm sorry you can tell me to shut up" he smirks holding onto the steering wheel.
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"No I want to hear it" I smile, reassuring him.
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"It feels good being with you" he adds softly as he indicates into campus and finds a parking space.
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"In every way" he admits stocking my thigh once he’s killed the engine.
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Campus is quiet because all of the students are in lectures, we walk through the car park hand in hand as the sun filters through the grey clouds. He ditches the cigarette before we enter the building and I giggle as he pulls me into his body kissing me in the empty corridors.
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We sneak in the back of psychology and descend the steps to our seats. He holds onto my waist as we walk, slipping into our chairs. I sit back quietly next to Jay who eyes me and Ross.
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"Hey" I whisper over to him.
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"I'll catch you up? On break" Jay whispers back, meaning the entire hour lecture that I have missed.
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"Thanks" I smile over at him as his eyes linger over me before he looks at the front.
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Ross places his hand over mine and I feel my cheeks redden and heat up. His touch feels different to me. I get flashbacks of his hand between my legs and I practically squirm remembering it.
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"What do you have after this?" I whisper over to him.
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"English" Ross whispers back stroking my hand possessively.
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The final ten minutes of the lecture leaves me with no idea what it might have been about. I stand as Ross embraces me and Jay clears his throat. I walk out of psychology in a daze, waiting for Ross to leave for English I tell him that I will meet him at the car and he nods before hugging me a second time and then disappearing down the English corridor.
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"Tay?" Jay says behind me softly as I watch ross leave, I turn to face him and he smiles.
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"Yes" I reply watching all of the students filter out of the corridor.
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"Let’s grab a coffee" he suggests smiling and pushing a lock of my hair behind my ear.
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I smile following him out and watching his broad shoulders move through the crowds, he places his hand behind him and I hold onto it.
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***
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Jay strides into the coffee shop, approaching the counter and ordering our drinks. I notice that he's remembered my order, a mocha plus a chocolate brownie and I smile down at my feet. Following him up the stairs as we sit on the sofas by the fireplace.
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"You didn't miss much. Not at all" Jay says eyeing me curiously as he sips his black coffee. He’s wearing a leather jacket today, it looks like the real deal and I notice that he removes it to reveal a button up shirt in a shade of blue. His eyes glow and there’s a moment where I just stare into them before blushing.
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"I couldn’t even work out what the lecture was about” I laugh and he eyes me again, rolling up his sleeves. Waiting for my explanation, after our conversation last night on the phone. There's an elephant in the room and I feel opposed to address it until I can confidently say what I want. I complicated this entire thing for myself by involving myself with Ross. That’s definitely on me.
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"Are you going to the party" I say to change tact and to skirt around the problems.
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"Taylor, do you have something to share with me" he says avoiding my question entirely and my cheeks burn.
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"Like what" I say softly looking up at him. He runs his hand through his hair frustrated. Looks down at his coffee and then breathes out.
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"I don't know. Things feel different. I called you literally last night and I thought...Ah fuck it." He says almost exasperated.
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"Yeah I deserve this." He says to himself watching me.
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"I literally have done this very thing to girls before" he almost laughs setting his coffee down and crossing one leg over the other.
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"I'm not trying to do anything. I'm trying to work things out" I say and it’s not a lie, perhaps I shouldn’t have climbed into my best friend’s bed, that’s a whole issue in itself.
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"Okay I get it" he says openly pulling his bag up onto his lap and yanking out his psychology book. Dumping his book down on the table, he looks over his notes before turning to me.
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“Are you going on Friday by the way, to the party” I ask him and he sighs.
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"Taylor, what is up with you?" He asks confused refusing to move on from our catch up.
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"Nothing" I say too quickly.
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"I mean what the fuck you tell me you love me, you break up with him and then you blow me off" he says confused.
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"What is that about?" He asks me directly.
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"Jay you actually care ? About me?" I say and he shakes his head exasperated. Pushing his blonde locks back and staring at me.
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"Yes, I fucking care. Okay and that has made me so weak for you." He admits watching me, a slight edge to his tone.
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"And I know that you are trying to work shit out, and I need to be patient" he says truthfully.
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"But I'm not patient" he says finally smiling.
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"Well that is a problem" I say watching his reaction. He goes quiet for a while assessing the situation and I shuffle slightly in my seat.
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"I am going. Yes the party though is at Nate's, the douchebag who tried it on with you before" he explains pulling the psychology book back into his lap.
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"Ah, I didn't know that" I explain. Remembering the night of Matthew’s art show last year and how Nate tried it on with me in the bar afterwards. Jay had saved me from that situation too.
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"So I'm definitely going with you" he explains and I smile up at him. He begins going through his notes looking at me expectantly as if to say why aren’t you writing anything down. I watch him, realising that I need to be clear with him, and Ross. However in order to be clear with them I also need to decide what I want and need.
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"Jay, I'm not blowing you off" I whisper as he looks up at me.
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“Just be straight with me Taylor” he whispers back and I nod looking up at him.
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“I am, that’s why I’ve kept you at a distance from me. Because I need to be sure of everything” I explain and he nods.
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“I understand” he says softly before leaning into me. Brushing his lips on mine quickly, before returning to his notes and speaking through them as I take notes smiling to myself.
