Taylor's POV
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Whiskey it turns out is strong, totally overflowing my senses and filling me with confidence and making my hips sway whilst I walk in front of Jay and Josh back to the main room. The party has escalated, girls are dancing on tables and I'm here for it. I'm just about ready to jump up on the pool table and dance the night away. I notice that Jay steadies me twice on route to the collection of leather upholstered armchairs and I thank him laughing as he kisses my neck and Josh watches him peeved.
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Settling down into a chair next to Matthew he eyes me curiously as I stand before him. Glancing around me unsteadily as I look for Rachel. I'm not sure where both Nate and Rach have gotten too, and I most likely do not want to know.
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"Here" he whispers pulling me into his lap as I stare into his ice blue eyes. Full of questions and occasionally looking up at Joshua who is still shirtless.
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Joshua and blondie are talking again and I exhale relieved his attention is on her and not me. I didn't actually see that one coming. I always manage to get myself alone with shirtless guys, it's a common occurrence in my life. I gaze at Matthew and he rolls his eyes slightly at her desertion of him and Ross for the captain of the football team. Superficial and cheap I shall name her.
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Jay is stroking my leg and I whisper in his ear.
"Should we leave just a little bit early this time" I ask him as he watches me carefully like I'm a wild animal. His stroking makes me feel calm and I rest into him stopping the world from spinning.
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"That's a definitive yes" he smiles and downs his brandy stroking my hair back as I rest my head down, hearing his heart beat underneath me.
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"Did you drink something different" he asks me softly as I laugh into his chest feeling utterly drunk.
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"Whisky" I say and Matthew scoffs.
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"A couple shots" I continue.
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"How many is a couple" Jay asks concerned.
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"I don't know maybe three" I say as he strokes my back and I sigh lifting my head up to assess his worried expression. My fingertips stroke through his hair and he closes his eyes briefly. He pulls me lightly towards him and I smile looking over his shoulder at Matthew next to us.
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"I need to ask you what he said" Jay whispers slowly in my ear. I sigh rocking my head back to look at him as he holds me behind my neck. Lightly compelling me to rest on his shoulder.
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"No you don't not now" I say and I kiss his neck lightly. He exhales sharply and strokes my waist.
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"What you need is to take me somewhere and..." I begin whispering to him.
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"Shhh Taylor. Fuck" he says playing with my hair as I attempt to charm him out of it, I don't want any fights after all.
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"You shh" I giggle sighing when he stares down at me seriously, waiting.
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"He didn't say anything important. He's a sore loser from pool" I laugh and I stroke his hair back. Kissing his lips. I'm devoted to him.
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"Okay proposition I go and find Rach, spend a few dances with her. And when I'm back we can call a cab and go home. I'll even get you a drink before I go" I sigh.
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"Deal, only if you tell me" he smiles as I stand up leaning over him. His eyes take in my body smiling. Lightly he pulls me on top of him so that I'm straddling him and I smirk.
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"How am I going to get you a drink like this." I say and he winks at me.
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"Don't need one baby. I want you" he says holding me on top of him steadily. The room spins and I look down at his beauty to stay centred. Resting my head on his shoulders I sigh as his hands travel up my waist and he holds me close.
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"I want to know though Taylor, if you found me with a topless girl would you not want to know?" He whispers as I watch Matthew look up at the pool table next to me.
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"Put her down" Rach says from behind me as I sit up and crane my head over to her. She smiles widely and I giggle.
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"Taylor is wasted" she teases and I laugh.
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"No question now you're dancing with me" she demands, giving me my orders.
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"Ross you're coming too and you Matty we don't go to parties to sit around" she sighs exasperated with us apparently chilling out.
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"I suppose Jay can come too" she laughs as he shoots her an uninterested look. I stumble back just slightly as Jay smiles and Ross catches me. I feel his strong arms around me and sigh. Why are all of my friends so gorgeous, and so ready to look out for me when I'm drunk.
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"Sorry" I laugh as he steadies me.
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"Me and whiskey are not good" I smile to myself and Ross looks at me giggling.
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"You're all good" he says and his eyes don't leave mine for one minute as Jay wraps me in his arms. Rachel guides all of us over to the speakers and though it's dark we manage to follow her. In an orange dress she's hardly easy to lose. It appears Joshua has a very decent sound system and a huge amount of floor space that works as a dance floor. I glance down at the parquet floor before turning around in Jays capable arms and swaying with him.
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"Taylor" Jay whispers in my ear and I chuckle. My eyes are closed and I'm dancing, I briefly thank him for being so clingy. Luckily I'm not grinding all over Ross.
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"Baby I love you" he says in my ear.
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"I love you too" I say back without any doubt keeping my eyes closed and feeling his hands all over me.
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Rachel pulls me away from him and I protest but she begs me to just be her friend and not Jay's girlfriend for once. As I'm dancing with her I'm briefly aware of the guys staring at us. Clearly we are giving them quite a show. I laugh and then move her hair away from her ear.
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"Guys are thinking all kinds of things about us" I whisper.
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"Let them" she laughs.
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"Remember when we kissed" she says after a pause.
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I laugh and smile at her, remembering how sexy I felt doing that. At the time I had been exclusively Matthews, after mine and Rachel's gay experience Matthew had taken me upstairs to Ryan's spare room. I glance over at him briefly before looking down at Rachel again. My mind travelling over that night and how Jay had declared that girl on girl was his biggest sexual fantasy. It gives me a wild idea.
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I pull Rachel's lips to mine. Lightly brushing her lips on mine and twisting my hands in her hair. She gets the picture and reciprocates instantly.
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"Woah" I hear Josh saying. Rach smiles and kisses me again. Her hands going over my dress and down my chest and her lips tracing my neck. I open my eyes and look at Jay and he's dumbfounded, I can see the lust behind his eyes and it turns me on. I touch her back and she full on snogs me. When I come up for air I moan slightly. I kiss her jaw and her neck moving my lips down her chest as my hands knot in her hair.
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"Fuck" Josh says but I ignore him returning to her lips. Kissing her over and over my hands going over the orange dress. She pulls her dress down slightly and so do I. Feeling her cleavage against mine, wondering whether I may be bisexual. I've always just assumed my heterosexuality.
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"Should we stop" I say silkily my eyes darting up to Jay.
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"No objections here" Joshua says laughing.
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"Not a chance" she says kissing me down my neck and over my chest.
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Jay is currently speechless and I take that as a sign that we're driving him wild. Matthew is trying not to watch. We are both his ex's after all. And Ross, I dare not look at. Blondie; I really should learn her name, is watching distastefully.
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I sigh my head resting back as she kisses my cleavage. This is a side of myself that I haven't really explored fully before. I didn't know that this Taylor existed. It must be the whisky I think idly as Rachel pulls my straps down revealing my red lingerie. Placing kisses over my whole chest, I lift my head up and she kisses me again on my lips. She laughs a little at the guys expressions, mouths are catching flies.
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"That was hot" Ross says to break the silence once we refrain from having our lips on each others body parts.
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"A bit of a fantasy for you too, Ross" she says and I turn to face him. Realising my chest is out as his eyes quickly move from my breasts to my eyes. I feel Jays familiar arms around my waist and I push up against him feeling his erection.
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"What guy wouldn't find that a turn on" Ross says and I snicker drunkenly.
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"That isn't the first time we've made out is it ?" Rach asks me.
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"Nope" I smile.
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"Sorry Matty both your ex's making out in front of you" she jibes at him.
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"Not a problem" he laughs eyeing me briefly.
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"What? you've been with both of them?" Josh asks shocked.
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"Not at the same time!" Rach laughs as Matthew nods.
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"The only one that hasn't been with both of us is Ross" Rach laughs.
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"Maybe we should change that" I smile at her.
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"Taylor I thought you weren't kissing anybody else" Rach says to me smiling and winking.
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"Apart from you" I remind her and she smiles widely.
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"You know how many times I've tried it on with Ross?! And he's very unobservant" she laughs as I shake my head.
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"No we're just friends Rach" Ross says smiling almost patronisingly.
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"You and Taylor are just friends" she questions.
He sighs and looks away, I refuse to look at him.
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"Have you ever, Taylor been with two people at once ?" She asks me and I feel my face turning as red as a tomato. Matthew was my first, I was very inexperienced when we started dating and now the idea of a threesome worries me. The idea of having another girl present whilst I'm naked with my partner isn't something I've ever thought about.
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"Have you?" I ask astonished.
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"Yep" she smiles and I hold my tongue, it's perfectly acceptable should all parties be agreeable of course.
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"No I haven't" I laugh slightly uncomfortably.
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"Wait you have ? Another girl and guy or two guys" Josh asks interested.
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She eyes Jay and I begin to click the information together. I cannot help but stiffen in his arms as her stare lingers on him, how he stands behind me casually holding me in his arms. Matthew watches me carefully.
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"What was her name again?" She asks Jay ignoring my slightly pained expression.
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Confirming that it was him seals my jealousy for me, I feel my blood boil. It's not the act itself that angers me, it's that it was with Rachel and another random girl. It's that I had no idea and still have no clue what his sexual experiences are and how they far exceed my own. It's that I'm almost always out of the loop. The last one to know. And mostly out of all of the reasons it's that my jealous head tells me that it would have been the best sex he ever had because he likes watching girls together. Embarrassment courses through me realising that I just made out with Rachel imagining it was the best thing he's ever seen when in reality it wouldn't even come close. I feel the music pound into my chest as I attempt to close my ears from their conversation.
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"I don't know, it was a long time ago" he mutters holding onto me. His hands feel different, like they're clinging onto me rather than holding me.
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"You could always try that, exploring your bisexuality." Rach says to me and I smile weakly.
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She does actually mean well. I'm getting wound up and Rach is completely unaware as to why. It's just because he didn't ever say, and to be fair he doesn't have to tell me everything but it's the fact that she knows more than I do about his past. And that she was a part of it.
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"I haven't decided that I'm bi" I say quietly and she chuckles.
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"Nina, her name was Nina" she says remembering as she sips her wine and smiles triumphantly.
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"Did it go all the way" Josh asks enthusiastically and I decide that I no longer like him, whether he saved me from my jealous ex boyfriend or not.
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"Oh yeah Jay did us both" she grins and I remove myself from the conversation entirely.
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"I need another shot" I say abruptly and I leave. Rach looks slightly shocked but decides I just want to get my drink on. It couldn't possibly be anything she said of course.
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As I walk away with my head held high I tell myself that I am overreacting. I disappear into the crowd almost instantly and instead of heading for the kitchen for more whiskey I walk out of the drawing room and into the large hall. Retrieving my coat from the hook I begin to wonder what Nina was like, what she looked like. How she dressed and where she is now? I've never heard of her before. Did she date Jay? It's entirely plausible. I wonder whether he took her to the lake house, whether he cooked for her and held her by the fire.
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With my coat pulled around me I walk out, Just one more porch door and then I can leave and not think about Nina and who she might be ever again. I glide by stilettos over the gravel and walk past the cars to the grounds that are covered in fairy lights.
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I decide walking through the damp grass that it's totally irrational to blame him now for his past. I know he's been with a lot of women. I know that because he has told me. However I don't know why this is eating me up but it is.
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The rose garden opens up before me and I take in the scent of the flowers and the lines of white roses before me. The vines and the thistles and the sharp thorns all accompanying them. Clasping a small rose in my hands I realise the I have this idea of Jay in my head, which is comprised of how he treats me. How he is with me and who we are together. And that version of him does not have sex with multiple women at once.
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Taking one deep inhale of the rose I decide that his past is his own, however if he is to share my future he will have to share that part of himself with me.
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