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三十分鐘前,我在一個有半個游泳池咁大的浴缸洗完澡,那裡水深約半米,我可以放鬆自己,浮在浴缸,看著雪白色的大理石天花板思考人生。753Please respect copyright.PENANAPWWBt2a5MS
753Please respect copyright.PENANADhNgqXYeJo
講到要思考人生,其實又有什麼要思考呢?或者我應該想想自己四十多年的人生都在幹什麼?前日如夢一般的驚魂夜?盧卡斯的傷勢?阿花想要我幹什麼?靚妹女僕為什麼會懂法文?還是說,畢加索為何能夠用短短一小時將潦倒的我塑造成一個成功人士?753Please respect copyright.PENANARw4NYQkvt7
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應該因為他是一個好撚勁的髮形師吧?753Please respect copyright.PENANAf9gWA3xCi8
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被他理過髮後,我覺得只有這種人才有資格被稱為髮形師,幾百蚊剪一個頭的頂多也只能稱為飛髮佬,而收四十蚊提供十分鐘快剪服務,即是我對上十幾次所幫襯剪髮連鎖店裡的,大概應該稱之為剪草員。753Please respect copyright.PENANA5uvFx4fxPB
753Please respect copyright.PENANAEv09IsDb22
我打開I Phone,用前置鏡頭看看自己的衰樣,其實個樣已經一D都唔鳩衰,我甚至懷疑畫面中的人是誰,看來陳錦波還未能接受自己的全新形象,你話我自戀都係咁話,我而家真係好好好好好撚有型。753Please respect copyright.PENANAuTC65Rv2X6
753Please respect copyright.PENANAsR3tjxWavU
人靠衣裝,佛靠金裝,未必盡是對的,現在我只轉了個髮型,已經成個人唔同哂,我不能想像再穿上訂造西裝的自己有幾成功,有幾有型,幾鳩咁威,幾鳩咁靚仔。753Please respect copyright.PENANApN8W5Zu2cJ
753Please respect copyright.PENANADd3mkod80o
可能是我多心有幻覺,或是真有其事,洗完澡後靚妹女僕幫我梳頭時,我感覺到她的表現多了一份尊重,整整二十分鐘吹頭的過程當中,她沒有再用那有禮中帶點輕佻的語氣跟我說話,眼神也不再像之前,整個過程中,她是專注,認真,以及嚴謹的。753Please respect copyright.PENANAQS7n0TeWMp
753Please respect copyright.PENANAcpMG0nw32H
當然有可能是為了專心一致地梳好我的頭,所以才會有這樣的表現,但我依然覺得她的態度確實有著明顯的改變,不管真實答案是怎樣,這樣想會使我心情好D,所以咪鳩同我拗喇,我鐘意點諗就點諗,完全唔鳩關你,唔鳩關靚妹女僕或是任何一個人事。753Please respect copyright.PENANAy1E8aapqXW
753Please respect copyright.PENANANEAM59yWcr
她用了二十分鐘梳好我的頭,正面看看我,確認自己的工作已一絲不苟地完成後,就粒聲唔出執拾梳頭用的工具。753Please respect copyright.PENANAmgDBfAqEP3
753Please respect copyright.PENANACuQKym1UK3
雖然她沒有下一步的指示或要求,但我想都想到接下來要做的就只有一件事,就是等那個身家過億的超級富豪來臨,親自向我發出下一步的命令。753Please respect copyright.PENANAeb74IQAd0e
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所以我沒有問靚妹女僕什麼,安守本份地坐在床上。753Please respect copyright.PENANA29iw651gnj
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坦白說,對於自己這個舉動,我是驚訝的。753Please respect copyright.PENANAd5rRI4RwDQ
753Please respect copyright.PENANAEETKGQLazQ
感覺上髮型換了,就好像連靈魂都換了一樣,換作舊陳錦波,應該會向靚妹問一大餐,又或是搏機會率,向她要求找個大波妹全套揼骨連出火。753Please respect copyright.PENANA86iqCEdz8R
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但我沒有這樣做。753Please respect copyright.PENANAvWyU9t9iGK
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講真,我認為自己現在就好像林肯,華盛頓或是孫中山等等名人一樣。753Please respect copyright.PENANALHat5xknJS
753Please respect copyright.PENANAt8J1TKFVEC
你話佢地會唔會問人:「可唔可以幫我出火?」又或者「幾錢一Q?」一定唔會囉!753Please respect copyright.PENANAA1iju5MzCp
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嗯……啊……其實都可能會既……753Please respect copyright.PENANAnq45B4hntZ
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屌,是但啦,總之我唔撚會咁做,新陳錦波係絕對(暫時)唔鳩會咁做,OK?753Please respect copyright.PENANAxYCe2x0egu
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大約十分鐘後,一絲一掛的靚妹一臉羞澀地下床,執拾被掉到地上的女僕裝快速地穿好,故作冷淡卻帶著含情脈脈地回頭望我一眼,然後快速離開房間。753Please respect copyright.PENANA1Z9ofWio5a
753Please respect copyright.PENANAXDpj4Tz4Ih
而我就穿好浴袍,走到房間角落的小雪櫃前,看著裡面的飲品,有啤酒,汽水,礦泉水……我二話不說就取走最有品味的有汽礦泉水,這附合我現在的身份。753Please respect copyright.PENANAd6jOPN5iTB
753Please respect copyright.PENANAszpcjmktDo
回到梳化,我扭開樽蓋,一記爽快的「滋~」一聲隨即響起,我一邊品嘗著不太喝得慣的有汽礦泉水,一邊將焦點回到電視。753Please respect copyright.PENANAV9JkqAMgeS
753Please respect copyright.PENANAyzAIm7R3ki
它正播著一套不知名的美劇,看來並不有趣,而且師奶成份甚重,看兩眼我就拿起遙控開始轉台。753Please respect copyright.PENANAjYSf1Z5ac1
753Please respect copyright.PENANAf33QeUQmU2
香港得果兩個台,而事實上真係播緊節目既就只有一個,但依個台通常都係播埋D黃X藍扮女人的所謂綜藝,結局永遠BBQ的劇集,是是但但的新聞,成為富豪富婆舞台的慈善節目……所以簡單D黎講,睇得入眼既節目就只有零個!753Please respect copyright.PENANABVPqsNCdek
753Please respect copyright.PENANAVnvOdrJD4E
可能美國佬無遠見,完全唔注重電視台太多會出現「不健康競爭」,所以美國有好多個電視台。753Please respect copyright.PENANAbhhkX1hO74
753Please respect copyright.PENANAx9rraRsYS4
我不停轉台,最後其中一個台所播的新聞吸引了我的眼球,是今日下午我所牽涉,又或是因我而起那場遊行的最新情況。753Please respect copyright.PENANAzSKLmfXfCB
753Please respect copyright.PENANArjDHaZZBx6
按報導,之所以有大群亞洲人群起遊行,目的是要求芝加哥市長關注市內3K黨以及其他鬼佬對亞洲人的歧視所引起的種種事件。753Please respect copyright.PENANASGulJWqy3K
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其實我不明白他們為何要在成吉思汗殺了兩個3K黨後才出來遊行,要遊行其實早就可以行動吧?753Please respect copyright.PENANA9GURoBEbDw
753Please respect copyright.PENANACRySfjPPNA
難道因為終於有人走出來替他們伸張「正義」,所以膽都壯一點嗎?753Please respect copyright.PENANACxnavAFWhx
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看來他們的膽真的壯大了,甚至乎壯得太大,因為他們已經開始在市中心與一批武裝警察發生衝突。753Please respect copyright.PENANANGRgpuXidF
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起初他們並沒有燒車呔之類的行動,但拋石頭,用木棍反擊還是少不免。753Please respect copyright.PENANAjeCIZjdIcR
753Please respect copyright.PENANAzfsn2Y5zuN
在前線有一排人,閱人無數的我眼力不錯,兩眼就知道他們是韓國仔與越南仔的混合戰線,他們非常狼死,對武裝警察的盾用拳,用腳,用棍進行瘋狂攻擊。753Please respect copyright.PENANAsLifve2tV5
753Please respect copyright.PENANAxsg2tyIuar
其後武裝警察開始推前戰線,驅趕示威人群,一班越南仔立即發難,開始推倒警車又燒車呔,以及打爆店鋪玻璃打劫,雙方武力隨即升級,引起混亂。753Please respect copyright.PENANA5vKQxbZMhT
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「嘩,好暴力,好唔文明囉!」753Please respect copyright.PENANAx0Mg7GKTFx
753Please respect copyright.PENANA08bZ3fXMQr
「一打人就比理由警察開槍清場架喇!」753Please respect copyright.PENANAMLJNfIi5aE
753Please respect copyright.PENANApYer8wIYfD
如果我是個土生土長,天真可愛的香港人,應該就會說出以上的話。可惜今次令各位失望了,實在對唔鳩柒閪撚住,因為理性和平對我來說根本是一督屎!753Please respect copyright.PENANACmlsn4P6iA
753Please respect copyright.PENANApoIHwbushW
我以前是個江湖中人,讀書唔多,道理我勉強都聽得明,但文明理性依D野對我黎講真係戇鳩鳩。753Please respect copyright.PENANAJlPU35YABJ
753Please respect copyright.PENANAlmnXIlcoR1
以前出黎行古惑的時候,有無人會舉高雙手同人講數?753Please respect copyright.PENANAHGLy0j6IAB
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即係我舉高雙手,然後同隔黎社團喪鷹講:753Please respect copyright.PENANAh4OqerMwon
753Please respect copyright.PENANAF29omPLf5K
「梁生,其實我想話你琴日搵人黎踩我場真係一個唔好既決定,你知唔知我地既損失真係好大架?希望你唔好再擴充你既地盤,令我地難做啦。」753Please respect copyright.PENANATFc0ai0xEw
753Please respect copyright.PENANA9PkV6fI1rU
然後佢就會話:「你既意見,我地已經收到喇,但其實我地社團就依件事已經作出左兩個星期既內部資詢,衡量過後,我地社團應該有能力應乎今次既發展。所以今次既計劃已經得到我地社團佔八成以上既票數支持,絕對係合情,合理同埋合法既。相反你而家非法入侵我既私人地方搵我,依件事就完全唔合理喇,我希望你可以用合法既方式黎表代自己既訴求。」753Please respect copyright.PENANAFqWuadczId
753Please respect copyright.PENANAF47tp7RtKs
然後我又將一封請願信交予喪鷹:「可能我係進入左你既私人地方,但我咁做,都係為左尋求一次對話既機會,而且我無對你進行任何暴力行動,所以希望你可以接受我地社團既訴求,依封係我地既請願信。」753Please respect copyright.PENANAd5rRMmJsZD
753Please respect copyright.PENANA2IXZRWTJ1K
「好,我接受你既信件,就你地既訴求,我地社團會進行新一輪既討論,並且盡快回覆。」753Please respect copyright.PENANAT0jErZmnM9
753Please respect copyright.PENANAvwBa3JbBks
喪鷹接過我的請願信後,我們兩人就此握手,期待事情下一步有更好的發展。753Please respect copyright.PENANAEt5bN95sbc
753Please respect copyright.PENANAll1qW8aDWQ
如果你覺得講數係咁撚樣既話?我真係無野好講,話你戇鳩驚你嬲,咪話阿叔唔教精你,講數唔係咁撚樣既!753Please respect copyright.PENANALjHfpJwuDm
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講數應該係咁撚樣架!戇鳩仔!753Please respect copyright.PENANAGKF2mCZ2qI
753Please respect copyright.PENANAfRyjspYJcb
雄哥帶著約十個人,手持武器,格硬殺入喪鷹竇口,雄哥走到喪鷹面前,一腳踢開擋在前面的凳,第一句就屌柒喪鷹老母:753Please respect copyright.PENANAJJxUEJAIwo
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「喪鷹!我屌你老母啊!搞鳩我個場!?」753Please respect copyright.PENANA8vA06pCS9Y
753Please respect copyright.PENANARKuPAJYysF
聽罷喪鷹冷笑一聲,聲大夾惡而且胸有成竹地回應:「係啊!咁又點撚樣啊!?我唔只搞你一個場,遲D我搞鳩你成個區添啊!閤家產!」753Please respect copyright.PENANA5IXv0bHOds
753Please respect copyright.PENANAkbWs2Lhf4a
雄哥接過我交上的大哥大,再中氣十足地威脅道:「好啊!咁睇下你搞惦我個場,定我搞惦你條女先!?」753Please respect copyright.PENANA7eORfgpqfd
753Please respect copyright.PENANAKcxQqoNtDh
喪鷹原本皺著的左邊眉頭隨即抽動幾下,故作鎮定地怒吼:「乜撚野女?你拋鳩我啊!?」753Please respect copyright.PENANAqTV6z6TDK5
753Please respect copyright.PENANAuwse4cexoh
同時間,雄哥已撥通大哥大,將其掉向喪鷹,看起來已穩操勝券地說:753Please respect copyright.PENANAekXmsRfF3k
753Please respect copyright.PENANAQUkG1GucqB
「你自己聽下咪知囉!到時睇下邊個先係閤家產?」753Please respect copyright.PENANArg66RttwEZ
753Please respect copyright.PENANAAdwPCpjDXf
接過電話,喪鷹臉色由黑轉紅,紅轉青,掛線後激動得連聲音都在抖顫,勉強低聲下氣地向雄哥說:753Please respect copyright.PENANAfUCD7g8hae
753Please respect copyright.PENANAUBaId8odyM
「阿雄……唔好玩咁大啊……禍不及妻兒……」753Please respect copyright.PENANAcfniiSLEWx
753Please respect copyright.PENANALcqV8ghSOm
乘著氣氛,雄哥當然食住上,攞到盡,立即大大聲怒屌:753Please respect copyright.PENANAvf2nIUsGdH
753Please respect copyright.PENANAQAXRGc2Vd8
「我屌你老母啊,你老婆就係人?我琴日比你斬到爆哂缸果幾個兄弟就唔撚係人!?」753Please respect copyright.PENANAiEfnDDzJXF
753Please respect copyright.PENANAUnz5DoGzRK
就這樣,喪鷹的氣勢已跌到谷底,如同待宰羔羊,等待雄哥發落:「等等…雄哥……萬事有商量……我地可以再傾下……」753Please respect copyright.PENANAOpInGa4d3T
753Please respect copyright.PENANA1KdjQ2Jvqf
事實就係咁撚樣,依件事絕對係真人真事,事後喪鷹唔敢再搞雄哥,無幾耐重比人拉左落馬,聽人講結局重死得好慘。753Please respect copyright.PENANAzaCTBl7j88
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所以你同我講,話和平?理性?你估雄哥真係走去交完請願信會點?你覺得喪鷹事後真係會開會?然後比個完滿既答覆雄哥,話:753Please respect copyright.PENANAaPhcNJYiQH
753Please respect copyright.PENANAC8x5zSy3Pf
「雄先生,經過新一輪既討論,我地發現今次既擴張確實有唔少地方準備不足,對貴社團造成唔少不便,所以我方將會終止今次既計劃,對貴社團造成影響,實在萬份抱歉。」753Please respect copyright.PENANAPZFR3MKdAd
753Please respect copyright.PENANAYzxu51NKTj
屌你老母都戇鳩鳩,你唔係真係咁天真,覺得喪鷹會咁撚樣講啊?發你個春夢啦!戇鳩閪!753Please respect copyright.PENANAxp5e3gnzMP
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當時雄哥同我講過一段說話,到依家我依然一字一句記得清清楚楚:753Please respect copyright.PENANA62DQlwd1hN
753Please respect copyright.PENANArjNjmA6XOq
「阿波,我話鳩過你知!我做左咁閪多年人,發覺其實世界就只有一個道理,一條規則!一句講哂:「人就係唔撚見棺材,就唔閪會流眼淚!」所以同人講數,就一定要帶埋個棺材去!無論邊閪個都好,只要一見鳩到個棺材,佢地就自自然然會同你講道理嫁喇!」753Please respect copyright.PENANAyAmQ6AubrA
753Please respect copyright.PENANA1FpNfory7F
雖然我開始做M記之後,就開始睇書,思想慢慢與世界接軌,但雄哥這套道理,即使到現在,對我來說還是有鐵一般道理的。753Please respect copyright.PENANAHQ9sYgzU7G
753Please respect copyright.PENANAw1erCAEF0L
回想起在香港,高鐵,國民教育,王維基開不了台,還有每年七一,我們都會遊行,但成功爭取的又有多少次?753Please respect copyright.PENANAA8lknVjX8S
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在這方面,相信民建聯絕對比我們多。753Please respect copyright.PENANAPevmM66VPA
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為什麼會這樣?因為我們人不夠多?不夠誠意?道理不在我們這一邊?當然不是。753Please respect copyright.PENANAUKAbe28Auz
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因為我們太鳩有文明鳥!753Please respect copyright.PENANAT53nzbQYHm
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我們文明到相信大家有能力,可以在不帶棺材的情況下達成目的。753Please respect copyright.PENANAX0SiXzESlz
753Please respect copyright.PENANA7uVzIrBwBX
可是你不帶棺材是你的事,在你相信對方都會以禮相待的時候,其實對方正一步一步哄騙你乖乖躺進棺材裡。753Please respect copyright.PENANAbG2iBI0OHV
753Please respect copyright.PENANAR5mPaQmwE6
當你意識到這一切的時候,希望跳出去打佢一鑊金的時候,已經太遲了,你再沒有這個機會,因為棺都已經封了,而且埋在五十米下的地底。753Please respect copyright.PENANAgYwx3gn8R3
753Please respect copyright.PENANAtGCP5vCzKE
到時候,你可以做的就只有一件事,就是一邊回想自己從前戇鳩鳩失去過多少次良機,一邊乖乖地等死。753Please respect copyright.PENANAxCGvZVNBdO
753Please respect copyright.PENANAZ68Ube06O8
又或者你會相信對方最後會良心發現將你拯救,但我只能說戇鳩到最後一刻,也許是一種福氣。753Please respect copyright.PENANADfAWVfa4JW
753Please respect copyright.PENANA0ue6qPn7jJ
753Please respect copyright.PENANAFxWovq6dMc
所以我認同韓國仔與越南仔的做法,看著眾勇士如何展示自己的威武,被胡椒噴霧顏射當食生菜,並且猛力瘋狂反擊,甚至令我懷疑那支是胡椒噴霧還是忌廉。753Please respect copyright.PENANAH9u9fyXfnC
753Please respect copyright.PENANACGd3L8oiuB
示威群後排的華人邊走避邊食花生,雖然我也在食花生,不過不同的是,我正安坐在一所超級豪宅裡,喝著高貴的有汽礦泉水食花生。753Please respect copyright.PENANAtyHqBtt2MS
753Please respect copyright.PENANADuPiV0sJZV
鏡頭一轉,見到已是以剛剛前線最狼死的越南仔為首,一班人被制服拘捕的畫面。753Please respect copyright.PENANAvZqV3dGL4t
753Please respect copyright.PENANATpSXFTe3XB
主播接著講解,市長在騷亂過後快速反應,就一班亞洲人的要求發出公開聲明,表示會盡快進行改善,承諾徹查3K黨的暴力事件,即時頒令芝加哥警察部重點執法,以及計劃向某個亞洲移民援助機構加大撥款,得到滿意的回覆,在市中心的亞洲人群就開始散去。753Please respect copyright.PENANAdglzp8YnMq
753Please respect copyright.PENANAC5aIh4e08u
雖然在香港的話我並不會相信這個承諾,但這裡是美國,可信度應該是可接受水平的。753Please respect copyright.PENANAd7V2DihHLD
753Please respect copyright.PENANAcitH4h8ikP
而且承諾沒有兌現的話,對市長應該也有著某程度上的壓力。753Please respect copyright.PENANAFqe6ZQ2Pw1
753Please respect copyright.PENANAKnTPbI5Wl8
若果近期出現亞洲人被害,又不好好執法的事件的話,亞洲人肯定會站出來,到時人將會更多,行動亦會升級。753Please respect copyright.PENANArYnBNvt1Rd
753Please respect copyright.PENANAmRp0NZacmm
市長的職位凍過水之餘,他在政治界的地位名聲都會受到損害。753Please respect copyright.PENANAIsKOWnfYCO
753Please respect copyright.PENANAoCSQqlCnMC
看到這裡,主播已開始報下一段新聞,而客房的門也打開了,望過去,果然億萬富豪阿花已經來到,她面無表情地望著我,打量著我,看來對於我的新形象,她也感到有點驚奇吧。753Please respect copyright.PENANA50HzMjetr2
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753Please respect copyright.PENANAWsBw3AYlUu
好,我已經準備好鳥!看看偉人——新陳錦波接下來會遇到什麼新挑戰吧!
753Please respect copyright.PENANAV9Mk20p70m
753Please respect copyright.PENANAq3S11DqR8D