“For a long time and even now also sex is a sin in my opinion and however much strongly I felt for it, I did not dare to have it with a guy even I have plenty of chances. I don’t know how it has taken place, why suddenly that much of urge I felt but it happened while I was all alone with my commerce lecturer in his home. At that moment he was all alone as his wife went to her parents’ home to deliver her second child. He is a handsome guy and almost all the girls in the college loved him and liked him even there was no chance to marry him at all. When we both were all by ourselves in his home......”
“He took advantage of you. He raped you then but you were also with urge cooperated with him and later on it continued like that.” Charita became angry.
“I promised to be frank with you and I will be frank” however much unbelievable what her sister was saying her genuine expression convinced Charita what Sailaja saying then was true. “It was not from his side. He asked me to go home immediately. But I myself advanced and asked him to do that to me and in fact coerced him doing that to me. That is mainly because my friend said that experience with an experienced guy would be far surpassed the experience with an inexperienced guy. She was absolutely right! I never regretted that and for the first time I came to know sex would be that much pleasure-some.”
“You shameless girl! You need to feel ashamed to talk like that!” it was angry outburst from Charita.
“Feeling shame for what? For speaking out my true feelings? What’s wrong if a girl satisfies her sexual urge in the safest way possible? Why it has not been considered as wrong if a boy has sex with girls before his marriage? How men satisfy their urge with other women even after their marriage also but no one shows a finger at them but if a girl does it like that she becomes despicable to her own family.” Sailaja became angry.
“Oh, my god! I just don’t know what to talk with you.” Charita nodded her head with a helpless expression in her face.
“Sister” Sailaja dragged her chair near to Charita and took her both hands into her hands and squeezed them gently. “I know the gang rape like that on you on that day changed your way of perception of sex and your feeling about it. But it is not that much bad! Feeling sexual urge is as much common to a girl as it is to a boy but getting it satisfied is not as much easy to a girl as it is to a boy. I did not feel regret when for the first time I satisfied my urge with him and at later on occasion also. But there is no such chance to me now and I cannot have it with him like that just because his wife came back with her second newly born baby and she is worse than hawk.”
“Now you are in searching for another guy........” shocking Sailaja to the maximum now there was a small smile on the lips of Charita “........to satisfy your urge. I know once tasting like that it becomes quite unbearable to anyone. I just wish you best of luck.”
“Sister, I cannot understand!” there was shock in the face of Sailaja then. “May be I heard it wrong! I am mistaken a change in you now.”
“You are not mistaken my dear! You heard it right and the sudden change in me is surprising to myself but not without reason.” Charita sighed heavily sand said. “To be frank I came here to reprimand you if my guessing has come true. But after hearing you, after taking my own experience into consideration, the change just happens. As you have spoken your heart frankly, I want to be frank with you. I think being frank with the closed ones, give us peace!”
“You are hundred percent right!” Sailaja’s laughter then was full of mirth and her face was with calm and peaceful expression. ‘I am just too curious to hear what you are going to say.”
“You are right sister! After that gang rape my feeling about sex has completely changed! In fact, I never have thought that I do experience a change in my feeling regarding sex after that episode so but it happened like that. Sex may be that much powerful and it may happen just like that to any girl whatever may be her bad experience with that I don’t know but along with my body, my mind also started craving for sex. In fact the main reason for my choosing to live along with your brother in law also is for it.”
Then Sailaja remembered what Chandan asked her just one or two days before. He doubted whether sex also was one of the reasons for making Charita to take decision to go to her husband and she did not agree with it and angered on him. But most surprisingly that was the main reason for her sister choosing to go to Anirudh! To get regular fucking from him.
“You are feeling shock on hearing this? I do tell you another thing which will be even more shocking to you. Even I was quite against all the time while they were doing it like that on me, my body enjoyed that gang rape! It was just like filled a vacuum in me while their things moving in and out deep into me. In fact that was what made my body to feel about sex more and more.”
“I am indeed shocked! I just cannot believe this!” Sailaja’s face was with shock.
“I started thinking that the pleasure my body was enjoying that time made me subdued like that to them and let them continued what they were doing. That was what made me to hate myself. Even more ironically my body started craving for it more and more making my hate on myself more and more. But that psychiatrist told me how different the body and mind are! Despite our strong wish and desire body needs some things and it becomes amicable and amiable to those who provided it to them.”
“So you are thinking that you did not do your fullest best to escape from the gang-rape?”
Charita did not say anything, leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes.
“That is indeed a very offensive question! I should not have asked that. I am sorry.” That question was just an inadvertent slip from Sailaja and she was regretting.
Charita opened her eyes, sighed heavily and looked into the eyes of Sailaja. “The question is not offensive but a little difficult to answer.” She paused for a moment before saying. “I am not a child and I know how forceful the urge in men at times. Even my body was enjoying what was going on me then, I did hate and became angry on those three rogues. But what would have happened all the time if I have tried tooth and nail to escape from them? They would have harmed my body and I know the victims who were injured severally and died in the gang-rapes. So, I subdued and remained passive after some retaliation and let them go on with whatever they were doing. I am thinking just because of that I would have escaped just by that rape.”
“You are not wrong and you need not blame or hate yourself for that.” Sailaja took the right hand of her sister into her hands and squeezed it gently. “Moreover just because of that, that sexual intercourse did not become consensual and those rogues deserve the full punishment including your husband.”
“I agree with that” Charita laughed and relieved her hand from her hands. “They also agreed with that and that was why they paid money and Anirudh married me.”
“Are you thinking that it is a punishment to him? It is a boon to him that he can fuck your beautiful ass every day! That gang-rape, that ghastly thing in which he was an equal participant, got him reward rather than punishment.” Sailaja said angrily.
“I agree with that also.” Once again Charita laughed. “But we have to make some compromises with lives and excuse some rogues to go on with our lives. Alright, no ill-feeling, hate or anger on anyone to me and let it be so just for you also. In fact I have come here to give a simple advice to you but quite surprisingly became angry that you have been giving yourself to someone.”
“I am curious to hear that advice, tell me sister.” Suddenly there was a smile on the lips of Sailaja and she asked her sister.
“Insist the person to have the glove to his thing during that time rather than you take a tab later. Tabs are dangerous to health.”
“After hearing all that from you now I am not feeling surprise hearing your advice.” The smile was just so on her lips. “But why did it take that much time to you to get the doubt? Why did not you give this advice to me on this day itself?”
“I told Anirudh that you gave a tablet to me to prevent pregnancy after the gang-rape and it was he who enlightened me and planted that doubt in me. In fact it was he who said a glove to the guy is better than a tab to the girl.”
“Rascal! He must have sufficient experience with the girls.” Sailaja glowered on hearing that.
“No, of course! That gang-rape on that day was the first experience to him.”
“He said so and you believed it! Don’t become that much attached to him already I suggest.” Sailaja was still angry.
“I do believe him not because he said it so but the way of his doing on that day also convinced me about it.” Charita’s cheeks were blushed while saying that. “It was indeed very first time to him then. That rascal Tarang forced him doing that.”
“Alright sister. We forget about it.” Sailaja suddenly came to the decision that it was better not discussing about it anymore. “Now I am concerned with only one thing. Are you happy with him?”
“Yes, I am happy with him.” There came a smile onto the lips of Charita.
“No hatred, anger on him now?”
“No hatred and anger but just love.”
“Unbelievable, anyhow it is just for good.” With a happy expression in her face Sailaja nodded her head. “One last question! Are you having it with him willingly? Can you both enjoy it now together?”
“Yes, we both are having it together and enjoying it together.” Charita’s cheeks were blushed once again.
“Oh, sister! You don’t know how happy I am feeling now.” Sailaja got off from the chair, came near to Charita and put her both hands around her neck. “I just wish all your life with him should be so.”
“There I am feeling fear!” Charita got off from the chair still keeping herself in the hold of her sister and looked into the face of her. “I cannot feel confident! I just don’t know when I become angry with him remembering all that. Yesterday itself I behaved so rudely with him.”
“My god! Sister what should we do then?” there was sudden fear in the face of Sailaja.
“I am thinking that it is better to meet that psychiatrist again.” Charita paused for a second. “She told me that I may occasionally become angry and violent. She said some hypnotherapy treatment if I cannot control myself.”
“You may better have it from her as soon as possible.” Sailaja said.
Charita was about to say something more but then her mother and brother entered into that home. After talking some more time also with them, Charita returned to her home.
Because of her sister’s sudden intruding like that made Sailaja forgot about her sexual urge. But she did not forget about Ratan or the advice her sister gave to her.
(……….to be continued)
(I hope you enjoyed it so far. Please don’t forget to rate and review it. I update the next chapter as early as possible.)
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