A Christmas party for work.
My new coworkers and I ordered drinks, and we eventually split up.
After all, I had no place with people who've known each other for a year.
When I went back to our table, I saw our drinks had arrived.
All their drinks were covered except for mine.
I then realised how little my wellbeing meant to them. I thought it was a common courtesy to at least care if someone’s drink was tampered with, but I guess not.
If it were me, I would have definitely covered someone’s drink as well.
Or maybe, for the benefit of the doubt, they thought I might have misunderstood if my drink was also covered; but that could easily be dispelled by letting me know.
All I thought was, “I guess they don’t care about my safety.”
…When I really thought about it, there’s no one who really cares about me more than just a surface amount. And even then, they’d never do things I’d considered as “I’d do these things for everyone.”
I guess this is as far as friendships between men goes… or is it?
Is it only when a man finds a girl that they’re cared for beyond just “oh, you broke your limbs? Let’s flick you an obligated message.”
”Ah, we haven’t seen Charlie for a while. Oh, right, I forgot he existed! Probably doing sone shit somewhere.”
But at the end of the day, I know there are people who love me more than ever. No matter what I do, and I don’t need to earn their affections.
However, their “love” was not always something easy to swallow, and as a child, having that forced onto me was suffocating. I never believed they loved me for a second.
But now, I do. Even though I don’t enjoy our time together, I’m glad that I have people who love me with all their heart, with a love I can’t comprehend.
Even if no one in the world is on my side, they’ll love me.
I know I’m not a good child. I can’t help my negative feelings towards the people who love me. Even so, I hope a day can come where I can value our time together.
We’ll all be waiting for a time that I can love you back.
-To all the people who love me unconditionally.
I just had a thought - maybe I could appreciate the people in my life more if I experienced a different life. Someone who has it all, apart from the love of the ones clos.
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