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I know. I preach it as well. "As long as you're happy doing what you do and can make at least one person happy, you can be content and satisfied with life."
But. Why is it whenever I see someone more successful than me, especially when they have similar traits to me, that I feel like crap? Success is subjective, I know. But how can I feel successful earning the minimal amount doing what I love when I was raised to believe I had to be the best? I have to get a job paying six figures. I have to be someone you can't look down on. I have to be in the top percentile. Of course, there'll always be someone better, but at least this way I won't be inferior to as many people.
In my head, I know this all sounds ridiculous, but I can't help feeling this way. Even more ridiculous is the fact that this doesn't motivate me in the slightest to study harder. So I'm stuck here getting mediocre results and barely passing, hoping to someday earn six figures, and feeling like crap when my friends are more successful than I am.
Really, what a messed up human being I am. The thing is, this is all myself. I've long known no one gives a crap about me; I'm not the center of the universe.
But I'm the center of MY universe. I'm stuck here in my inferiority, hoping to be successful but unable to do anything. I know that there's only a slim chance I'll ever meet my delusions. But I can't help it.
All my life, I've been sheltered, but I'm not naive. I know how terrible the world and humans can be. I know that I have it better than most. But still, there's so much people that seem to have it better. Keyword: seem. I know everyone has their own struggles and trials, but the only thing I can see is their success- after all, no one likes showing their deepest flaws to the public. Like this, we're all stuck in an endless cycle of jealousy and competition.
ns 15.158.61.51da2
