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Family Ties300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvL7KPn48cE
The good thing was that my parents were supportive of me throughout this period of my life, and actively reflected on their actions towards me in my childhood.300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKZU6SfPPM
"I'm sorry I pushed you too hard," my mother would keep saying. From then on, my parents would be strangely affectionate towards me, but it was too late.300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgFhh3YztX
My father, a person I could never understand, was a firm believer of routines. As long as you set yourself a routine, you can develop a habit and live that way. He would do everything robotically, and would often keep tabs on my actions. He didn't believe I was able to "be efficient" on my own, which was technically true, but him being there did nothing but cause me to despise his presence. However, he gradually learnt to let me be, especially when I told them their demands were causing me to be spiteful towards other people. Of course, this didn't happen instantly, and my father would urge me to exercise three times a day at some point. I once refused to do so, which resulted in him tackling me, yelling and punching the ground, narrowly missing me.300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASEg5h7IMl
Despite all this, I was lucky enough to have him support me throughout the dark times of my life. He put effort into understanding what I was going through despite never experiencing such a thing.
Over time, they changed a lot. When they used to watch over their every move, constantly making sure I had to sleep before a certain time, hence making me feel constrained, they started to let me sleep later, or be late to meals. Small changes with a big impact, as they would never let me do such things in the past.300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQ0GPP2Wxo
Why change? How did they change? As you know, saying sorry was never an option to Asian parents. But my parents would apologise for their actions… though shallow, it was still an apology. Well… the answer was religion.
Family and Religion300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKwCZ4wz20
Religion often raises red flags for families. Parents doing unspeakable things and rejecting their child in the name of religion. However, my parents truly believed there was a God that they could have a personal relationship with, and that their… overarching goal in life was to become more and more like Jesus, and to show His love for us.300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAJWmen8UO
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Honestly, there’s so much media that portrays the dark side of so called “Christians” such that it’s hard for someone to say that they’re christian anymore. Society is becoming more and more focused on individual empowerment, and believing in a higher power seems “old fashioned” and “weak”, after all, what’s the use of following a set of rules from some book? I just want to write and hopefully at least inform people of how Christians are meant to be from observing the people around me.
Christians are humans. They’re not better than others. They make a whole lot of mistakes, and I don’t have an excuse for those who harm others under the name of christianity. On behalf of them, I’m really sorry for those who have trauma due to this. 300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0Hn8f091h
But the thing is, they believe that there is an all-powerful God that loves them no matter what. That this God sacrificed Himself to save them from an eternal wrath, and it was an undeserving gift that they did not have to earn. And because of this, they are moved to do His will and spread His undying love to others. So they’re actively trying to become better people.300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ERkmE6Vwg
Jesus had lunch with sinners. He didn’t condemn them; His purpose was to save sinners. Christians are also sinners. They aren’t supposed to condemn or reject people because of their actions. If anyone has told you, “you’re beyond help,” “no one can forgive you,” that’s simply not true. They aim to speak the truth in love. Because once one truly accepts God’s love and Him as their saviour, they can attain eternal life, joy and peace. As for the book, it’s a device to help understand and communicate with God, His will, and to learn how to live as a better person. Of course, many passages can be taken out of context and exploited, so one has to be exceptionally careful.
Anyway, my mother would come to me and say, “God spoke to me last night and I reflected on my actions. I wanted to tell you sorry for what I did.” Regardless of whether God is real or not, my family’s belief and faith turned them around. 300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4cfa5ceAQ
Of course, our relationship is still far from perfect, but unlike the past, I know that they love me, won’t abandon me and aren’t doing everything for me to expect me to give them back their efforts worth in the future. 300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgT6DCY5Ed
However, to this day, I still dread the time when my father would ask me, “how many hours of actual work did you do today?” Hahahaha…
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Conclusion300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweDks3TF39
I’m tired. Always. I’m still figuring a lot of things out, like my constant battle between wanting to connect with others and my hatred for humanity. When life gets hard and my work I’ve been avoiding piles up to what seems like an impossible amount, I start to rethink my existence. I’m not what people call “productive,” yet I want to be recognised for my efforts. I’m one of the most chill and unorganised people you’ll know, but you can trust me to finish that assignment.300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpEULFYrsW
Until now, people who don’t know me think I’m a nerd who studies all day, and people that know me slightly think I don’t study but get good results. Thanks to that, I’m almost never recognised for my hard work. I struggle just as much as you. Even when I seem like I’m doing nothing or wasting time, deep inside, my fear of failure and stress eats away at me and bursts when deadlines are near. While I boast about getting good grades for something I finished in record time, I sincerely wish that I’d have started it earlier; the stress of a deadline takes a physical toll on me, sometimes so much I would give up on my grade all together (ft. The test I just failed). Yet every time, I cannot bring myself to start doing hard work unless a deadline is ridiculously close.300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwILH9sJ3v
I struggle with my violent fear of failure and spitefulness of the success of others. 300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryWtEEknCn
I have really no idea what to do with my life, and working in the field of my major scares me. It’s not fun work; it’s hard work with high pressure and expectations. Hell, I don’t even like it! But money is money, right? My fear of falling behind strikes again.
Pathetic, aren’t I? Yet I still want to be acknowledged. 300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvePRU8ZU4
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However, I can function as a normal human being. After a big accident (see the day I almost died), my mental state was surprisingly unaffected, and I was able to lay off my antidepressants. 300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89UoSqni1t
I’m able to make friends easily, and at least know what not to say at the proper time (I had the issue of being too blunt in the past. Not beating around the bush is a good thing, but there’s a line between being blunt, insensitive and straight out rude). I’m still trying to figure out how to keep friends. Though there’s a lot of things I’ve yet to learn, I’ve learnt a lot, and hopefully I can change my critical character flaws someday.
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So, let’s start again.300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25YWpKgsTe
Hi, I’m Charlie. One of the many names I have on the internet, it’s obviously not my real name, but you can call me Char. 300Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcM40H5koa
I hope we can be friends.
