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Family Ties258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqt1OoRlTj
The good thing was that my parents were supportive of me throughout this period of my life, and actively reflected on their actions towards me in my childhood.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTH9DO8H9M
"I'm sorry I pushed you too hard," my mother would keep saying. From then on, my parents would be strangely affectionate towards me, but it was too late.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYubpijxll
My father, a person I could never understand, was a firm believer of routines. As long as you set yourself a routine, you can develop a habit and live that way. He would do everything robotically, and would often keep tabs on my actions. He didn't believe I was able to "be efficient" on my own, which was technically true, but him being there did nothing but cause me to despise his presence. However, he gradually learnt to let me be, especially when I told them their demands were causing me to be spiteful towards other people. Of course, this didn't happen instantly, and my father would urge me to exercise three times a day at some point. I once refused to do so, which resulted in him tackling me, yelling and punching the ground, narrowly missing me.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwt1cvXGGg0
Despite all this, I was lucky enough to have him support me throughout the dark times of my life. He put effort into understanding what I was going through despite never experiencing such a thing.
Over time, they changed a lot. When they used to watch over their every move, constantly making sure I had to sleep before a certain time, hence making me feel constrained, they started to let me sleep later, or be late to meals. Small changes with a big impact, as they would never let me do such things in the past.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEgLY0wOtP
Why change? How did they change? As you know, saying sorry was never an option to Asian parents. But my parents would apologise for their actions… though shallow, it was still an apology. Well… the answer was religion.
Family and Religion258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuV1eYkXZNO
Religion often raises red flags for families. Parents doing unspeakable things and rejecting their child in the name of religion. However, my parents truly believed there was a God that they could have a personal relationship with, and that their… overarching goal in life was to become more and more like Jesus, and to show His love for us.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUNL9QnsJh
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Honestly, there’s so much media that portrays the dark side of so called “Christians” such that it’s hard for someone to say that they’re christian anymore. Society is becoming more and more focused on individual empowerment, and believing in a higher power seems “old fashioned” and “weak”, after all, what’s the use of following a set of rules from some book? I just want to write and hopefully at least inform people of how Christians are meant to be from observing the people around me.
Christians are humans. They’re not better than others. They make a whole lot of mistakes, and I don’t have an excuse for those who harm others under the name of christianity. On behalf of them, I’m really sorry for those who have trauma due to this. 258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJxLbgFhwj
But the thing is, they believe that there is an all-powerful God that loves them no matter what. That this God sacrificed Himself to save them from an eternal wrath, and it was an undeserving gift that they did not have to earn. And because of this, they are moved to do His will and spread His undying love to others. So they’re actively trying to become better people.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KSZR1x9Ru
Jesus had lunch with sinners. He didn’t condemn them; His purpose was to save sinners. Christians are also sinners. They aren’t supposed to condemn or reject people because of their actions. If anyone has told you, “you’re beyond help,” “no one can forgive you,” that’s simply not true. They aim to speak the truth in love. Because once one truly accepts God’s love and Him as their saviour, they can attain eternal life, joy and peace. As for the book, it’s a device to help understand and communicate with God, His will, and to learn how to live as a better person. Of course, many passages can be taken out of context and exploited, so one has to be exceptionally careful.
Anyway, my mother would come to me and say, “God spoke to me last night and I reflected on my actions. I wanted to tell you sorry for what I did.” Regardless of whether God is real or not, my family’s belief and faith turned them around. 258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVu5tJWBQY6
Of course, our relationship is still far from perfect, but unlike the past, I know that they love me, won’t abandon me and aren’t doing everything for me to expect me to give them back their efforts worth in the future. 258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UuKxkAUwP
However, to this day, I still dread the time when my father would ask me, “how many hours of actual work did you do today?” Hahahaha…
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Conclusion258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgCOQxOQx3
I’m tired. Always. I’m still figuring a lot of things out, like my constant battle between wanting to connect with others and my hatred for humanity. When life gets hard and my work I’ve been avoiding piles up to what seems like an impossible amount, I start to rethink my existence. I’m not what people call “productive,” yet I want to be recognised for my efforts. I’m one of the most chill and unorganised people you’ll know, but you can trust me to finish that assignment.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZ3fMlVB8b
Until now, people who don’t know me think I’m a nerd who studies all day, and people that know me slightly think I don’t study but get good results. Thanks to that, I’m almost never recognised for my hard work. I struggle just as much as you. Even when I seem like I’m doing nothing or wasting time, deep inside, my fear of failure and stress eats away at me and bursts when deadlines are near. While I boast about getting good grades for something I finished in record time, I sincerely wish that I’d have started it earlier; the stress of a deadline takes a physical toll on me, sometimes so much I would give up on my grade all together (ft. The test I just failed). Yet every time, I cannot bring myself to start doing hard work unless a deadline is ridiculously close.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqylAYn3Zto
I struggle with my violent fear of failure and spitefulness of the success of others. 258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4B7SzzFVI
I have really no idea what to do with my life, and working in the field of my major scares me. It’s not fun work; it’s hard work with high pressure and expectations. Hell, I don’t even like it! But money is money, right? My fear of falling behind strikes again.
Pathetic, aren’t I? Yet I still want to be acknowledged. 258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6DWOeGBS1
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However, I can function as a normal human being. After a big accident (see the day I almost died), my mental state was surprisingly unaffected, and I was able to lay off my antidepressants. 258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMM3mp70z3e
I’m able to make friends easily, and at least know what not to say at the proper time (I had the issue of being too blunt in the past. Not beating around the bush is a good thing, but there’s a line between being blunt, insensitive and straight out rude). I’m still trying to figure out how to keep friends. Though there’s a lot of things I’ve yet to learn, I’ve learnt a lot, and hopefully I can change my critical character flaws someday.
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So, let’s start again.258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4wF0fwoHg
Hi, I’m Charlie. One of the many names I have on the internet, it’s obviously not my real name, but you can call me Char. 258Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdxjZpjLjl
I hope we can be friends.
