By the time Killer made it to his bedroom, still dazed and disoriented from his concussion, he still couldn’t quite comprehend what had transpired in the infirmary. Head swimming, both with pain and confusion, he collapsed onto the bed in a heap, groaning his as his head eased back onto the pillow.
He’d fucked up. Oh, how badly he’d fucked up…
It was all starting to make sense to him now. His confession had unwittingly come at the most inopportune of times, when you didn’t believe him and had basically been obligated to give him an awkward rejection. Even if you’d accepted his feelings then and there, both of you understood there would have been doubt.
Killer rubbed at his eyes, both trying to ward off the, ahem, killerheadache raging through his brain. Everything hurt, but nothing else could really trump the small detail he did manage to retain from visiting you. He was almost certain now that you felt the same.
You’d looked terribly flustered when he’d finally confessed how he felt. Cheeks all pink and eyes wide, sparkling in the right light. Truthfully, you’d never looked more beautiful. You could barely look him in the face afterwards. The sight had been so damn cute.
But thanks to his big fat mouth and poor timing, things were going to be awkward between you for the next little while. At least, until he cleared things up.
For now, though, all he could do was rest and try to get rid of the concussion. You wouldn’t believe him again anyway until it was gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer debated going back to the infirmary after two days of feeling much better. He was pretty sure his concussion was gone and that he was thinking and speaking clearer, but as the ship’s doctor you’d probably just convince yourself it wasn’t. That anything he told you was still done out of confusion, or perhaps a desperate attempt to commit to something he knew he said. And that just wouldn’t do.
By now, after plenty of time to himself to think about the state of things, he was determined to fix the damage he’d caused, without taking back the way he felt about you. Because if he rescinded his words now, you’d never believe him again in the future. And Killer was tired of admiring you from a distance. He wanted to be able to hold you and…so many other things he’d thought of over the years you’d been with the crew.
But he wouldn’t see you. Not yet. He’d let time simmer some of the awkwardness that had been caused that night, and in the meantime he’d figure out how he wanted to approach you with his second confession. Because how he was going to fix things…he still wasn’t sure.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Killer was still wondering how he was going to approach you four days after you’d patched him up. In all honesty, it bothered him how he hadn’t come up with something concrete to say. All this time he’d had to think, and surely it had been long enough for you to believe the concussion was healed?
The longer he waited, the more anxious he became, and the less he felt confident that things would go as well as he hoped them to. But he missed your company. He was half-tempted to hurt himself again just to have an excuse to see you, but that just wouldn’t do…
He had never been good with romance or attraction in general. Fighting the most dangerous of the generation’s pirates? No problem at all. Telling a pretty girl he liked her the right way? Hell, he’d rather take on a Yonko one-on-one.
Standing in the maw of their ship’s front bow, Killer heard footsteps behind him. Familiar ones, but not yours. Kid approached, holding out his repaired headwear.
“Just finished it. See how it fits.” He said, turning and leaning his back against the railing.
With an appreciative nod, Killer took the familiar helmet and inspected the inside for anything he saw out of place. But of course, Kid was meticulous and everything looked just as it did before. He’d made so many modifications to it over the years that he’d practically created it himself by now.
Killer slid it onto his head, mindful of his still-healing wound, and found it fit just as it did before. Nothing poked, the shape was back to normal, and the damage from when he’d been smashed into the building was long gone.
“Just like new.” He said, carefully pulling it off. “But Y/N says to keep it off until it heals. Thanks, though.”
“Makes sense.” He said, taking a place beside him at the railing to look out at the ocean. “Haven’t seen you go to visit. Isn’t she supposed to monitor the stitches or something? Make sure it’s not infected?”
Unsure of what to say, Killer cleared his throat, looking back out to the sea. “It’s fine…”
“You never miss a chance to go see her. We all know how you really feel.” He commented, eyeing his first mate with suspicion. “Now you’re out here sulking by yourself. Something happen?”
“No.”
“…Uh huh.”
“Nothing happened.”
Without looking, Killer could hear the sly smirk in his voice. “Riiiight…I wonder if I go ask Y/N, if she’ll tell me-”
“Kid, let it go.” The first mate said with a shake of his head. “Please.”
“If you promise to grow a pair and actually admit your little crush on her. Watching you pine is exhausting.” He retorted with a smirk.
Ironically, and unbeknownst to Kid, that was the exact opposite of his entire problem. Killer didn’t bother with an answer, just stared at his captain with an expression that said he wanted him to shut the hell up. The redhead finally tossed up his hands and pushed away from the railing.
“Fine, fine. But whatever it was, figure it out quick. I don’t want to have to deal with you when you’re all mopey.” Kid snickered, sauntering away with his typical smugness.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He was running out of time.
His stitches were due to come out the next day. They itched something terrible, anyway, but he was simultaneously looking forward to and dreading his inevitable visit to the infirmary. What was he going to say? What was he supposed to do? How the hell did a conversation like that start in the first place?
Killer considered himself 7 days ago as a perfectly daft bastard for getting the current him into this entire mess. If he’d only kept his mouth shut…
Then again, if he had never said anything at all, he’d be left to forever admire the ship’s doctor from a distance. Never finding the courage to truly tell you how he felt. Because after several days of introspection, it was clear that he really didlove you. And for whatever reason he hadn’t realized that either.
Clenching his fist, he let out a tired sigh. That expression…wouldn’t leave his mind. The way you’d looked so surprised, but almost hopeful…he didn’t know what to do about that. It made his mind race in so many ways, it took everything in him not to go down to the infirmary and just kiss you.
God, how much he wanted to…
Killer shook his head, telling himself not to go there. Fix one problem at a time, first.
Downing the last beer for the night, tossing the empty bottle into the kitchen’s garbage, he sauntered off to sleep, hoping that he would figure out something to say or do in his dreams.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
