Time will heal these wounds.
You don’t know how many times you’d told yourself that over the many months after Marineford had left it’s mark on the world. Everybody was left to pick up the pieces of what once was–Marine, Pirate, or just your average human being…it didn’t matter who–to sift through the rubble of all of the enduring preconceived notions they’d put their faith in all this time. Yourself included.
Looking back, you couldn’t well remember the days directly after Ace’s death. In your terrible grief, a kind of fog had settled over your mind through the funeral and burial of the man you’d loved. It hurt, knowing that you couldn’t recall a single clear memory from any of the memorial services dedicated to him. But perhaps that was for the better. It was easier to look back on, the picture clouded and unclear.
You were left with nothing but the memories of the moments you’d shared together before his death. The happy times, sad times, and all of those in between, thinking the world was your oyster, and of how you would grow old into your elder days at each other’s side. Now, in hind sight, it never would have happened.
You’d close your tearful eyes each night, letting the sea breeze steal your attention away from your spiraling thoughts as you stood on the deck of the Moby Dick. No matter what, you’d still wake up the next morning, alive and aware, to live yet another day without Ace at your side. And each day, you’d repeat that same phrase, hoping this time it would actually be true.
Time will heal these wounds.
In a way, it was true. Life did go on even after the world chewed you up and spit you back out again, something you’d come to learn very well. And while the ache of yearning for something now lost never truly went away, new things could help fill the hole Ace’s death had ripped into your heart.
It had been a hard decision to leave the Moby Dick–the crew had begged you to stay–but simply being on board, meandering through the many halls where you and Ace had spent so much time together, hurt too much to bear. Everywhere you looked, something reminded you of the way he smiled, or laughed, or looked at you…you had to get away.
Marco at the very least seemed to understand, and as new Captain of the Whitebeard Pirates, he’d let you leave with honor and dignity, despite the protest and disagreement of the others who couldn’t quite accept your decision. You didn’t blame them, really. They simply didn’t wish to see you go, or make such choices while grieving the loss of someone you all loved so deeply.
You’d spent many days after simply wandering, no destination in mind, no purpose in where or why you travelled. Whatever it was you were seeking, you couldn’t be sure of either.
With only your little boat the supplies your former crew refused to let you leave without, you simply…existed. Large spans of time seemed to vanish. Scenery didn’t even capture your attention. You sat and daydreamed of life before the world had decided to take away the one person you loved most in it.
And then you’d met him. A keen-eyed pirate Captain with an eye for those he recognized as strong. And it just so happened he had room on his submarine for another crew member.
Law knew you were a former member of the Whitebeard Pirates–perhaps he’d seen you at Marineford, somehow, in all of the destruction and chaos. Or perhaps he’d simply seen your wanted poster. It didn’t matter. He knew your name, what you could do, and he asked you to join him.
You’d initially rejected his offer–the idea of being surrounded by so many new faces was intimidating, admittedly–but Law had simply cocked his head, asking if you truly wished to waste the rest of your days ferrying yourself around on your tiny boat, lacking purpose or direction.
It was as if he knew. As if he could sense it. You were desperate for…life. To live. For something, for someone, else. It’s what Ace had always done, and it was what you wished to do now, to honor his memory, in some way.
A cold sensation snapped your melancholy thoughts back, and you inhaled the fresh air of the evening. Eyes opening, you gazed out at the sea, the surface of the water glistening with the reflection of the starry sky above.
The tide forced waves up onto the sand, and you looked down, seeing the indents in the soft sand where you’d been standing now full of water. The tide had made it’s way all the way up the shore to where you were, and in your distraction, hadn’t noticed.
Feet now wet, you step back several meters, unwilling to return to the lodge where the rest of the crew was staying. Even from this distance, you could hear the sounds of their celebration. There was no particular reason to hold their party, but you were in no mood to put on a fake smile for the rest of them.
“I was wondering where you’d gone off to.”
Turning, you spot Law trudging down from the path of rocks that lead to the little, hidden-away spot of beach you’d found to reminisce upon. You watch him approach, then stand beside you looking out at the water.
“Any reason you’re out here so late, alone in the dark?”
For once, he’s missing his sword, perhaps left in the lodge where the rest of the crew were currently enjoying the festivities. It was rare for Law to feel comfortable enough to go without it.
It strikes you, then, how much Law isn’t like Ace. You don’t know why you’ve suddenly been struck with this observation, but now that it was prevalent in your mind, you couldn’t get rid of it.
Law lacked Ace’s free-spirit, his cheeky smile, his brazen mischief. Ace had always been so inviting, so open and honest about who he was and what he believed, that there was never any doubt the way he felt about you or anything else.
On paper, you and the pirate captain shouldn’t have gotten along. He was closed-off, calculating and quiet, and often didn’t speak his mind unless he felt a need to. There was a maturity in the way he carried himself that Ace had never bothered to adopt. He was, under no uncertain terms, Ace’s complete opposite.
And yet here you stood, glad for his company.
After a moment, he turns to you expectantly, and you realize that you’d never answered his question. You clear your throat, looking way from his curious gray eyes.
“Just…thinking.”
“About what, I wonder?” He questions, head cocked to see you a bit better in the moonlight.
“…”
“You’ve seemed a bit…distant, lately. I meant to ask, but I have a sneaking suspicion you’ve been avoiding me so I don’t get the chance to.” His words sounded accusatory, but the way he spoke them made it clear he was indirectly asking if you wished for him to know.
If this was something private, for you alone to work through, he would respect that. He’s always respected you. Something about him that you admired greatly. Which didn’t make avoiding him any easier, unfortunately.
Of all of the crew, you felt Law was the one you could trust most. He’d welcomed you in when you’d been in the haze of grief, when you truly had nowhere to go and no one you could rely on. The Whitebeard Pirates would of course always be family, but you couldn’t go back. You just…couldn’t.
Law had seen you at your worst, encouraged and helped build you up to your best in his own quiet way, and never judged you for the stumbles you had along the way. You looked up to him as much as you had Whitebeard, which was quite a role to fill, in your eyes.
It was clear he genuinely cared about his crew, his family, and you sensed that immediately when you’d agreed to sail under his flag. It was a major reason you’d managed to open up, to…heal, in a way, after Ace’s death.
And yet despite all that, there was this…building tension that made you keep an arm’s length between the both of you.
Your chest would ache when he looked at you, if he offered you one of his rare smiles, or if he asked for your input. Or the subtle brushes of his fingers against your hand, the way he tried lifting your spirits with a gentle tag with his knuckle underneath your chin, his reassuring gaze telling you what he could not with words.
Simply being in the vicinity of him set your teeth on edge, had you fidgeting in place. The longer you sailed together, the worse it became. And at first, you weren’t sure what to call it.
And then it had hit you all at once.
Love.
You were falling in love with him.
It felt wrong. It felt…dirty, to be feeling this way about him, to desire to have him hold you in a way that a simple subordinate could not. To have him look at you in a way that made you feel beautiful and wanted and…loved in return.
To feel him touch you in a way only one other man had.
You’re startled when you feel a touch on your cheek, and open your eyes to see Law watching you with concern. He swiped away at the tears that had unknowingly slid down your cheeks during your extended silence, mind once again wandering of it’s own accord.
“It’s difficult to watch you suffer through whatever it is that’s bothering you.” He said gently. “I can’t help if you don’t tell me what has you so upset, Y/N.”
Unable to find the right words to describe what was causing the hurt, you merely shook your head sadly.
Law’s eyes searched yours a moment. “Is this about Fire Fist?”
He made it easy to wonder if he could somehow read minds. Of course, by now, he knew how hesitant you were to bring up Ace at all. So it really wasn’t so difficult to deduce, you suppose.
“There’s no shame in mourning someone you’ve lost, even years later.” He states quietly. “I hope you know that by now.”
“I do.” You reply in a whisper. “But that’s not entirely it.”
Law is quiet, but nods to indicate he’s listening.
For a long time, you stand there, trying to find the words that will explain how you feel without admitting what you’d come to realize you felt for your captain. But no matter how you strung the sentences together in your head, something would make it clear that your own guilty, burdened heart was the issue.
In the end…what did it matter hiding the truth anyway? You were tired of feeling like this, of suffering this torment alone.
“I…” You squeeze your eyes tight, letting loose a few stray tears, which Law is swift to sweep away. “I shouldn’t…feel this way.”
“About what?”
“About…” Your eyes dare to open, glancing upwards at his concerned expression. “…you.”
Law blinks, surprise registering across his features, but you cover up your sudden embarrassment by trying to explain further.
“It hurts whenever you look at me, or even just smile…because I can’t help but feel guilty. My heart thinks I shouldn’t want you…it hurts and hurts, and reminds me of everything I had before, that falling for another man would somehow…betray everything I once shared with him.”
“Y/N-”
“But I…don’t want to be stuck in the past, and I want to feel this way about you, or it wouldn’t have happened.” Your tone warbles as your grief and pent-up sorrow burst forth. “I want something more, something like what I used to know, but…Why does it feel wrong? Why does it hurt so much?”
You sob, feeling Law’s forehead rest against yours, his hands still cradling your wet cheeks as he had been doing. “There’s nothing wrong with you, or the way you feel. Don’t ever think that.” He mutters, inches from your mouth.
You say nothing, but you didn’t need to. You hear Law take a long inhale, then let it out in a slightly shaky breath.
“I’m sorry to be the cause of your strife, even unintentionally. I don’t wish to see you in such pain.” His thumb brushes against the corner of your lip, and you’re startled to realize that you’d been eyeing his own with longing.
“The pace at which someone grieves differs mildly. I wouldn’t begin to tell you when you should be ready to move on. I won’t deny harboring similar feelings for you, but I understand if you cannot bear them with a clear conscience.”
“Law…”
“If you cannot bring yourself to love me tonight, Y/N, then I will continue to wait. No matter how long, I will still be here.” He says in a whisper, barely audible above the waves lapping against the shore. “And in the end, if you should find that you cannot love me at all, I will never hold it against you.”
His patience is what nearly breaks you down entirely, but the confession of feelings, of telling all without holding back…it begins to make things easier to view from the outside.
Ace would never wish for you to live life in sorrow, in loneliness and grief and despair for the rest of your life ahead. It’s clear to you, now, that you are suffering from the perceived way you felt you had to honor his memory.
It was time to unshackle yourself from the figurative chains you had unwittingly placed around your ankles, this misguided sense of honor and fidelity that had been holding you back, and the fear of tarnishing or diminishing the memory of who Ace had once been.
Pushing aside the undeserved guilt, reminding yourself that you were alive, and deserving of the love you so wished to give, you closed the distance between your lips with a fierce kiss.
Perhaps it was too soon, perhaps a night full of such raw emotion was not the time nor place to escalate that first kiss into something more, but in that moment of complete vulnerability, of laying your emotions bare to the man you’d grown to love, there was nothing you needed more than that physical connection. Sensing the same, Law was happy to oblige you.
You found yourself lost in the throes of desire upon Law’s lodge futon, somehow making it to his lodge room without the rest of the crew noticing. And the sounds of their partying masked the deep, longing moans he pulled from your lips as his hands explored your body.
He was soft, slow, and took care not to miss a single part of you. Law gave no thought to his own pleasure, laving your skin with caresses and kisses to set your nerves on fire. The build to your impending orgasm was slow and methodical, and everything your heart and soul needed in that moment.
Your grip on the sheets was tight as he brought you to an emotional and physical peak. You don’t recall ever feeling so…satisfied on a complete and soulful level. Law pleasured your body, but each touch and each groan healed a part of your heart you hadn’t anticipated.
And when he did eventually enter you, his length stretching your walls so unused to being penetrated in such a long time, he kissed away the tears that sprung to your eyes unbidden, slowed his pace when you asked him to, held you close as a wave of loneliness took over, guiding you back into the comfort of his company.
And despite a fear of regretting your decision after the fact, it never came. The guilt was long gone, the image of Ace looking down on you for once absent in your mind, replaced instead by that feeling of fullness and elation.
And when the two of you reach climax, and recover from the physical exertion the sex had required, you bask in the way Law wraps you in his arms, unwilling to let you go now that he had you.
Exhausted in all aspects of the word, you gaze into the gray eyes of the man who was nothing like the one you’d last shared a bed with. Their differences were a good thing. There was nothing to remind you of the love you’d lost, of what once had been. There was only the promise of whatever was to come.
ns 15.158.61.4da2
