Be strong, you'd always been told.
Through grieving deaths when you were young, to the Marine occupation you'd witnessed your home endure as a teenager. Be strong, be strong. You were so desensitized to the phrase, it didn't...sound right to your ears. But the sentiment held steady.
Be strong.
You life had been colored with trials and hardships just as anyone else had experienced. In the face of adversity, they said, moving forward, looking ahead, was your only option. In a world where the cracks in one's resolve were shattered with force, indecision caving to greater will...What else were you to do?
And so, you did. You endured. You kept your head high. One foot in front of the other, standing--on confident or shaking feet--you rose, you triumphed, you were everlasting. Because who else did you have, if not yourself, when life tried to force you to cower on your knees. That was just...who you were.
That hadn't changed, even when the fate of your country hinged on the success of a political marriage between you and the son of a Yonko. A man you'd never met. A man whose reputation certainly preceded him. In the end, your country traded one evil for another. The Marines driven from your home, occupying the land under the false pretense of 'freedom' and 'justice,' replaced by the ever-looming power and greed of an Emperor of the Sea.
It had been terrifying, the whole ordeal. Meeting your future husband, a stranger in every sense of the word. The wedding itself, lacking love or affection of any kind. A sea of people you had no recollection of, and surrounded by a family you were now part of, but held no feelings toward whatsoever. Adjusting to life thereforward, in a land so different from your own home country. You'd never remembered getting such bad sleep in your life.
But you endured. Be strong, you told yourself. Every morning and every night before you finally managed to fall into some sense of sleep. Because what else were you supposed to be? You reinforced your cracks with smothered tears and your hopes for tomorrow.
Katakuri, while distant and emotionally dry at times, was a kind man. Respectful. Patient, if not stubborn in his own right. The walls that surrounded him were both physical and emotional. Tall as mountains and wide as rivers. Yours were similar. Neither of you knew how to interact with one another, keeping those walls close to your hearts, unsure if it would be safe to lower them. Awkwardly dodging around your lack of familiarity with one another.
For months...you danced this uncoordinated tango. Circling and passing by, sometimes by inches. Mostly by miles. The distance fluctuated by the day, but never completely disappeared. Misunderstandings, miscommunication...the wrong words at the wrong times, there was no end to it, really. All kept you an arm's length apart.
Somewhere along the lines--you couldn't be pressed to know the precise moment when things...changed--your walls began to tremble, quake, crack, to merge, to lower. Trust was slow between you, but there, by the smallest margin.
It was...the little things, at first. Timid smiles, the barest touches, lingering glances. Each instance built upon one another. You sought one another's company. You asked questions. You pondered answers. You spoke of life and death, and everything in between. Over time, you were together more than you were apart.
It went on, your dancing growing closer and closer, circling and rotating ever nearer to the truth underneath the facade of caution, of uncertainty and the tendrils of distrust left over. Feelings rested at the tip of your tongue, spoken in between words, implied but never confirmed...When had Katakuri taken up such a large place in your heart?
You felt afraid of being the first to admit what you knew to be true, but in the end, all you needed was the reminder.
Be strong, you told yourself. Be strong.
And yet, despite finding a home within the strange country of Totto Land, a humble and happy life, a husband, a dedicated partner, and the man who held your heart close...there were bad days.
Sometimes you knew they were coming. A scent, or a familiar taste. Occasionally, even a phrase from a passerby on the street brought back memories of your times of turmoil and hardship. Those were easier to manage, to catalogue and tamper down into your chest until you could confront it later.
Other times...it came without warning. This sudden...hollowness. One moment, you're fine, happy and content. And the next you can't find the motivation to care. You're reminded of all that you've endured, all that life has tried to bring you down with. And despite still being here, alive and well, it was difficult not to feel like you've still lost something, in the end. Perhaps a life free of worry? Perhaps the carefreeness someone who didn't have to experience what you did possessed? You'd never know for sure.
Be strong, you told yourself. Be strong.
...Could you be? Sometimes you were just...so tired.
So tired...
Of having to be strong. Tired of picking yourself back up, brushing the dirt off your knees, with the knowledge that you'd eventually be brought back down on them. Tired of...carrying the weight of your worth on your shoulders. Tired of wrapping your own arms around your chest, tired of hearing your own voice reassure, encourage, and remind you to keep going.
But now...you had him.
"It's ok." He'd mutter, his strong and protecting arms wrapping around you in a comforting embrace. "It's ok. I've got you."
Katakuri was warm, always warm. And soft, but only for you. Those walls he still kept around for everyone else would vanish the moment he knew you needed him.
If you collapsed under the weight of your own doubts and worries, he'd hold you up on your feet. If your feet could no longer support you, calloused and blistered from moving forward, from walking ahead and never turning back, then he'd carry you. Where your strength failed, hisbolstered, reinforced.
It still perplexed you. You'd always expect a man as unwavering and strong as Katakuri would look down on your moments of weakness. But when you faltered, he never scorned. He never shook his head with disappointment. Never a sigh that passed his lips.
Instead there was only unconditional promise, that no matter when or where, he would be there beside you. To catch you, to encourage you, to hold you tight and make sure that the world didn't dare tear you down until there was nothing left of you.
And if it tried, he'd give everything to preserve you, to keep you whole. Even if it meant giving some of himself to do so. Slowly, painfully, you came to the conclusion that being strong wasn't a solitary feat. It wasn't just the internal voice in your own head stopping you from falling to your knees.
It could be the tender embrace, the soft press of lips to skin, or the whispered words of support, from someone who cared for you unconditionally.
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