Onwards, you trudged. Forever onwards.
Through dust and ash, and all other manner of debris you could no longer identify. The windy, desolate plains all around you gave no comfort, no respite, from the jarringly empty world you now called home. It could have looked beautiful once, maybe. Birds and animals who'd roamed and fed and lived in such natural splendor. Fields full of flowers and trees and the greenest grass your mind could still conjure.
You blinked, and the fantasy was once again replaced with the gray, barren wasteland the Buster Calls had twisted the world into. Weapons of such destruction, you could hardly recognize this place as the same planet. You sigh, and continue on in ratty shoes and a too-heavy backpack weighing down your weary shoulders.
The dirt and dust of disturbed earth goes on for miles and miles. Head bowed, disinterested in the world around you, your feet carry on. They carry on and on, and on further past that. What else were you to do, but keep walking? There was nothing for you here, and there wouldn't be. So you just kept going.
Wind whipped at your figure with vicious snaps. A weak, faded sun behind noxious clouds hanging high above your head burned your exposed skin. A useless flip up of your jacket collar was all you could do to try warding the mild pain away.
Eventually, the environment began to show subtle signs of change beneath you. Bits of wood, or plastic. Then long bars of scorched metal and glass shards from what you believed to have once been windows. Signs of civilization.
You look up from where your eyes had been watching your feet for so many miles, and with a cursory glance you see the ruins of a town of some sort, stopping to take it in.
The structural supports and a few of the strongest walls, the sturdiest parts of the manmade structures, were lucky to have survived the onslaught that had no doubt come through here. They were crumbling and decrepit, a moderately strong wind might be enough to topple the remains even now, but here they stood. Refusing to be fully removed from existence. Even now, the place held the unmistakable stench of chemicals and char.
Perhaps in another scenario, the sight would have been relieving, but the place was barely recognizable even with so much of it still somewhat intact. Only the bones left from a long-destroyed culture. Bones and dead skin. There would be little here of use to you. Another sigh passes your chapped lips.
So much for miracles.
Disappointment settles in your belly, and your aching feet resume their lazy, unhurried pace down what you thought might have once been a well-used path. Nothing about it gave any sign it could have been, but the terrain was just gentle enough to allow you to walk without overly tiring yourself. You had what you assumed to be a long way to go to wherever you eventually ended up, after all. No need to exhaust yourself so early in the day.
You pass by two ruined homes--at least, you think that's what they might once have been. It's so hard to tell with so much damage--when you hear it. A sound so foreign to your ears now that you stop completely in your tracks.
Struck. Still. It sets the hair on the back of your arms to stand straight up, the muscles in your back and shoulders tensing chillingly. You're terrified, and simultaneously, shockingly...expectant.
The silence had been a constant companion to you, for so long you couldn't even pinpoint the last time you'd been without it. But the quite human gasp that had come from behind you made you turn slowly.
Were you hallucinating? Hearing things? Perhaps your mind was slipping, the start of the final descent into true madness. You'd feared such an eventuality, the isolation and loneliness finally getting to you.
A mannequin...no.
A person.
A...living, breathing person.
Tall, black hair, slim...a woman. Standing in the blackened doorway of one of the houses. Blue eyes stared right back into you with such an expression of shock that no doubt matched your own.
You blinked, expecting her to disappear the moment they opened again. But she didn't. There she still stood, unmoving, and yet so very alive. You were half tempted to pinch yourself, fingers twitching at the thought, just to be sure this was no dream. But the wind against your skin felt real enough. This was no mirage. This was no illusion or trick.
There was probably so much more you should have noticed about her, but all else fell away at the earth-shattering revelation that you weren't...alone.
That after all these months or even years of wandering, aimlessly drifting through the shell of a dead world that had somehow, inexplicably, left you behind, you'd find someone or something else other than yourself in the aftermath. You'd long ago lost hope of such a discovery, the silence and empty days stretching until you could no longer count them.
But here. Now. All of that mattered. All of it was worth it. All for this single, blessed moment.
Silence stretched between you as you both stepped closer, cautious and yet so incredibly curious. It was difficult to look away from the way she moved. It was so different from the rustle of a handful of leaves in dying trees, or the sway of the grass in the harsh winds. This was so...organic and driven. Uncertain. Each motion had thought behind it. Logic and reasoning, rather than the will of nature's thoughtless existence.
How could something so stupidly simple be so relieving?
Only feet apart, in the middle of the road, is where you met halfway. You couldn't find the right words for such a monumental meeting. Perhaps neither could she. Her mouth opened, eyes glancing you over as if she knew not what you even were, but no sound came out.
Words felt too shallow. Not enough. And so you lifted your hand up, palm outwards to her, still hesitant. She blinks, but does mimic your movement, her fingers hovering inches from your own. Seconds stretched indefinitely, but blessedly, your fingertips touched skin that wasn't your own for the first time in...you dared not imagine how long. Hands trembled against each other, life touching life once more.
As it was meant to. As humans were meant to.
Your chest split. Not with sorrow, no. Something much more painful and fragile.
Hope. And purpose. Things you'd thought lost long ago.
With your hands flush, palm to palm, you looked back up to the woman. And she smiled, eyes glassy. An expression you thought you'd never again see in your lifetime. And with as much of the welling joy in your heart as you could pour into it, you smiled back.
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Robin. Her name was Robin. You'd never treasured a name so fondly before. And when you told her your own, she'd lit up with such delight.
Speaking turned out to be hard for you both, at first. Not only had you not used your voice in so long, but conversation was no longer a skill you seemed to possess. Social skills were...unneeded now. At least, they had been. But now, with someone else in this terrible world with you, it felt like the difference between life and death. It very well may be.
You sat where you'd met in the road, face to face. Perhaps it should have been difficult to figure out where in the world to start. The first person you'd seen in ages...what did you say first? What was most important? How did one begin that sort of conversation?
But once you stopped worrying, and got caught up in the moment for what it was, the words just poured out. A friend. You had a friend. A companion.
"I've been alone." You say in a cracked tone, letting the loneliness soak in every single syllable. "So long."
Robin nods slowly, eyes holding an intense understanding. She needn't say anything for you to know that the sentiment was shared.
"Just wandering." Your eyes sweep past her to the plains you'd spent days traversing up until this point, the horribly drab gray and beige grass stiff and yet swaying as the wind caught it. "No place to go, nothing in mind. Just...forward. Wasn't anything else to do."
Robin nods again, slowly and with a small exhalation of breath. "You're the first. The only one other than me."
"You are too." The possibility of anyone else having been alive hadn't ever come to mind. Well, it had. In childish dreams and those tiny slivers of hope that you repressed deep in your heart. "I never thought...I didn't believe there was...anyone else. It...almost doesn't feel real. Maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me, but I...don't think so."
A long silence persists between you, giving you both time to let the reality soak in before going on. You felt so emotionally drained, just by sitting next to her. Not in a bad way, but...it was difficult to take in so much all at once.
The wind blows again, sending her hair rustling. You're mesmerized, as she pulls it back and over her shoulder more comfortably. Such a human reaction...wonderful.
"I'm searching." Robin suddenly said, looking to you with a small smile before taking off her own backpack and setting it on her lap. Fingers pulled back the rusting zipper to reveal books inside. She pulled one out, and it was then that you realized the books weren't published novels, but her own creations. Pages, shoved together in place in any way she could.
"What are you searching for?"
"Clues, evidence. The truth. The cause. Anything." Her gaze turned outward, before looking back to you. "Why the Buster Calls happened, and...maybe how to fix this."
You blink, looking out over the barren landscape yourself, before turning to her with a wince. "You think...this can be fixed?" It was impossible to keep all of the doubt out of your tone when you spoke.
"Maybe." Her smile falls, and you suddenly feel bad for being the cause of its disappearance. "I'm not sure how. But I want to try."
"I'm not sure you...It just sounds..." Your voice fades away, unwilling to truly speak the words that she most likely already knew. The chances, the odds, of this being fixed were...miniscule, at best. Your throat clears, and you pick different words. "It must be so difficult. Why bother?"
"What else is there to do?" She counters with a shrug, finally putting her book back into her pack and zipping it shut. "What else would make being alive worth it?"
"Survival." Was your initial answer.
Robin's smile returns, but it lacks its warmth, it lacks...humanity. Stale and tight. "Right. Survival. Waking up another day. For what? Why? What use is surviving in a place like this?" Her hand raises, gesturing to the decaying remnants of life, "Why go on at all, just to exist? There has to be more, there has to be...something. What else is there to do, if not trying to do something with the time we have now?"
The question pinged around the sides of your brain, echoing and hitting you with such force. There'd been nothing to believe in, all this time. Without others, without purpose, you lacked any really hope or desire to seek change. To seek...something more, like she described. What Robin sought was an idyllic dream at best. Fanciful prayers for someone who couldn't accept reality. And yet.
Was it so idiotic of you to feel that rising of hope in your chest? The fire in your soul that had been extinguished all this time, was seemingly flickering back to life. There was something about Robin that encouraged your cynicism to release the grip it had on your heart and mind. Was it her confidence? Or the vindication in her eyes?...anything was better than endless, mindless, useless meandering around the crumbling ruins of the world with no purpose.
You turn back to the gray of the plains, wondering if you had it in you to lift your belief in something substantial from the dust where you'd allowed it to drag since the Buster Calls first devastated everything. You'd lost everything before. Now that you had something--now that you had Robin, a friend, a companion--could you afford to risk the disappointment and grief of losing it all again? Why encourage the hope if it would all come crashing down again?
Robin looks to you, perhaps sensing the inner turmoil. You nearly jump as her hand settles on your leg, drawing you to look at her again. The smile you'd longed to see settles back into place, quieting the darkness that had began to stir within.
"Y/N. Let's search together, you and me." Her hand moves to grasp your own, holding them in the space between you and her, holding it tenderly and yet with a firm grip. "We don't have to be alone anymore. I don't want to be alone, not now that we've met."
"I don't want to be alone either." You say, knowing they were the most honest words you've ever spoken in your life. "I can't be. Not anymore."
"Help me search for answers, for some reasoning behind all of this, and maybe for how to bring things back." She went on, giving your hands a squeeze. "Let's use the time we have now to do something meaningful, to give us purpose."
You're nodding even before she finishes speaking, enamored with the idea of no longer being by yourself in an empty, dead world. You think that companionship alone is enough for you, no matter what the two of you would be doing.
Robin nods, satisfied that you were onboard with her idea, before standing and helping you up a moment later. But she made no move to let go of your hands.
"Where are we going now?" You ask, before Robin points with her free hand down the same way you'd been traveling.
"We'll keep going this way, until we find more signs of buildings. Maybe there will be information that's survived all of this." She dictates, looking to you for any objections. "How does that sound?"
"Good." You give a smile, prompting her to return the gesture, but when she moves to pull her hands out of yours, you hang on tighter. "Wait."
Robin pauses, watching you curiously.
"Can we...not let go? Just for awhile." You didn't have the heart to let go of her hand quite yet. Feeling the touch of another human was too comforting.
The confusion clears, and her hand settles more comfortably in your own. "Of course. As long as you'd like, Y/N."
Somehow, all the miles after that felt much more beautiful. As if the grass had new life breathed into it. As if the wind didn't bite so fiercely. As if the ground beneath your feet wasn't quite so upturned and charred. But that would have been silly. These miles were no different physically than the other thousands of miles you'd traversed.
Perhaps...you were simply seeing it from a new, brighter perspective. A better one.
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There were still bad days, bad weeks. Really, you should have realized that having Robin there wasn't a cure for all of your negative thoughts. She certainly helped, of course, but somehow the bad feelings always returned.
You tried not to let it show, tried to handle it yourself. You'd had to for so long, you should be able to just hold in the tears, hold in the sadness, right? There wasn't a need to show Robin how broken you truly were. At least, that was your fear, that upon realizing how much you were holding in, how much was truly behind the curtain, she'd leave.
But she wouldn't...would she?
Your heart whispered no, but the tendrils of doubt that were so familiar to you poked and prodded in your mind.
Day by day, as mile after mile was tread beneath your feet, your companion at your side through it all, you journeyed. Where you were going, neither of you had an idea. A meandering path through the country was your sole purpose, inspecting ruins and debris, searching for further survivors in this wasteland.
It wasn't something either of you had voiced aloud, but the desire to find others was an unspoken agreement. If you'd found one another, then there must be more.
"Let's rest here awhile." Robin said, gesturing to what looked to be the remains of a barn.
It was a shell of its former self, smoldering wooden support beams and blackened panels of what would have once been sturdy walls...but it was the most intact structure you'd seen all day.
With your feet aching and in minor pain, you nodded. Resting awhile did sound wonderful.
You approach, saddened yet unsurprised to find that all of the hay it once would have housed had been burned away long ago. All that remained was a scorched dirt floor, and a few twisted metal bits you couldn't identify. Farming or tilling equipment, perhaps? Hmm.
You chose to sit in the middle of the ground, since there were no other more comfortable places to. Robin joined your side, letting out a little sigh of relief as her weight was taken off of her feet. She must have been suffering too.
You adjust and settle in place, stretching your back until it popped, and looked out of the dilapidated barn door.
The countryside here looked just the same as the place you'd met Robin. That was the sad part of the apocalypse; scenery was reduced down to be pretty much the same everywhere. Sure, grass could regrow in some areas, and there were trees barely hanging on here and there, but for the most part everything was gray, drab, dirty, and so remarkably boring.
What you wouldn't give to run your hands through soft, green grass again...
You're silent as you stare out at the distant sun, slowly descending lower to the horizon. The sky was murky, a mixture of unnatural colors, toxic colors. Greens and browns, and yellows with undertones of orange. Even water had been tainted with chemicals, lakes and seas inky and muddled with black and purples from the Buster Calls.
How sad, the color blue appeared to have been erased from the world. And you didn't realize how much you liked it until you no longer had it. Well...you catch a glance of Robin's blue eyes.
Perhaps sensing your depressive thoughts, Robin shifted closer and peered into your face. Her concern was obvious. "Did you want to talk, Y/N?"
You blink, debating your answer. It's hard to look at her for some reason, and your eyes dance away to the ground at your feet. A gentle hand settles on your shoulder, soft and yet steadying.
For awhile, she doesn't say anything, just sits there with you and waits. The words linger on your tongue, all of the feelings you'd been holding inside wanting out, but you hold them, unsure of how she'd react.
Robin shifts again, getting comfortable, but doesn't pull her hand away. "Did I ever tell you where I came from?"
You shake your head.
"It was a place called Ohara. My home." She says softly. "It was a beautiful place, full of knowledge. The people there...they just wanted to learn and discover the world we lived in. Uncovering mysteries and sharing what they found.
"...and it was destroyed." She finished. "Long before these Buster Calls, it was removed from the world. I was only eight years old."
You look up to her, surprised and saddened by this story. She only gives you a sad smile in return. But it's an old sadness. One she'd come to bear for years, you recognized.
"I thought I'd lost everything. No home. No one else beside me. I thought I...had nothing left, no reason to keep going." Her eyes look out to the sun, before sighing tiredly. "But I still found friends eventually, a sort of family all my own, and we had such amazing adventures together. I rekindled my desire to live."
"Did they...?" You find you couldn't say the rest. But she seemed to understand.
"I'm not sure." Her shrug is small, slightly dejected. "I like to hope they're out there somewhere. They're an enduring bunch."
A long pause settles between you, Robin falls silent, her story ended. And the words that had halted in your mouth now voice themselves freely.
"I thought that finding someone else would fix me." Your hands clench in front of you, a visible effort to hold back the tears that itch behind your eyes. "I'm so glad we met. I'm so glad that you wanted to stick together. I'm all the happier for it."
"I am too." Is Robin's reply, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze.
"...but I'm still feeling so...empty, sometimes. Even now. I'm so happy you're here, life is a lot less lonely. But with the way things are, I'm just...it's hard to keep going, it's hard to keep telling myself that there's a point."
You finally give a shrug and a tired sigh. "I don't want to drive you away. I'm sorry, I'm trying so hard to be ok, but sometimes...I'm just not."
Robin's nod is slow and understanding. "When I first met my friends, I kept a distance. I didn't let them see the most honest parts of me. I kept secrets. I told half-truths, what they wanted to hear. I even abandoned them, thinking that they'd be better off, safer, without me.
"But they came back for me. I think they understood why I felt the way I did, but they didn't let me walk that destructive path. They showed me such unconditional love, and acceptance for who I was. I've...it's a moment I still think about, even now."
Robin shuffles again, this time to be able to look in your face clearly. Her eyes are glassy, but her expression is so hopeful and cracked with a smile.
"So, I know the days are dark, I know you think you're broken. But I'll be here with you always." Her hands reach out and take your own, holding them with affection. Her touch is a comfort you still get slightly overwhelmed by. "You're a stronger woman than you give yourself credit for, Y/N. That's why you're still here. I want you to be here, and I'll help you want to be here however I can."
Tears track down your face, and you lean forward to embrace her in a tight hug. She's warm and soft. She's the fresh spring wind, and the grass beneath you. She's the blue sky and everything that you thought you'd never have again.
And while you might not be ok right now--this hug is only a temporary respite--you know with time, you will be. And she'll be there every step of the way.
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