Furiously your feet pace the deck of the Victoria Punk, the distant sounds of celebration falling on your deaf ears. You were too drunk and distraught to much care if the party lasted all night long. The only thing you paid attention to was the swirling of your own turbulent thoughts.
Angry, narrowed eyes stared down at the golden necklace that you clutched in your shaking fist. Something you’d treasured so much. Something you now found cheap and meaningless. A muzzle. A collar. Meant to keep you compliant and silent.
Wet tears slide down your cheeks, and you angrily brush away at them, furious with yourself for crying in the first place. Kid wasn’t worth the tears, you told yourself, finding yourself unable to stop regardless. You’d spent too many tears on him.
The chilly wind brushed at your wet cheeks, and you turned your gaze upwards out to the dark sea. Stars glistened on the water, the waves foaming and lapping against the shore.
Closing your eyes, you finally felt the peak of your anger bubble over, thinking of all the wasted time, energy, and heartache you’d allowed to continue for so long. Baring your teeth, you swung your arm back, casting the necklace as far into the black water as you could.
“Y/N!” You heard behind you, the last voice you wanted to hear in that moment. And before your very eyes, the necklace you’d sent sailing through the air towards the sea changed course to zip directly behind you.
Kid grabbed the necklace out of the air, releasing the use of his devil fruit ability. The tingling on the air subsided, and you turned your wet, angry eyes at him.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He spat, scowl already gracing his features. “You know what this necklace means to me!”
“Get away from me!” You yelled, deciding to turn away into the ship itself. He was stubborn and a bastard, and you knew hell would sooner freeze over than him doing as you asked of him. “I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Tough shit.” You felt his strong grip close around your wrist, stopping your escape. “You try throwing away something precious, and think I won’t want to talk about it?”
“Ughh! Let go! Bastard!”
“Y/N, stop it! You’re drunk and pissed off-”
“Like I need you to tell me that!” You yanked your wrist away with all your might, and somehow managed to free yourself from his clutches. Stumbling all the way, you ran into the interior of the ship, intent on getting to your room and locking the door behind you.
“Stop, Y/N!”
“I told you to get the hell away!”
“Why are you acting like this?” He called out from behind you, closer than you’d preferred. He was gaining ground and catching up to you.
Choking back a sob–the irritating tears had returned and blurred your vision–you didn’t reply and ran as fast as you could to your door. You managed to grab the handle and open it, but his large hand planted itself on the edge and forced it shut before you could get inside.
Letting out a frustrated cry, you turn in place and push against his chest with all your might. He wouldn’t budge. “Go away, you bastard!”
“Y/N!” He grabbed your wrists and held them, keeping you from continuing your assault. His anger had morphed somewhat into concern. He’d never seen you like this, so loud and uncooperative. “Just stop!”
“Just…leave me alone!” You whimper, the adrenaline leaving your veins and ceasing your resistance against him. You sucked in strangled breaths, emotions overwhelming you all at once. “I’m done…being your plaything…”
“Plaything? Who said that’s what you were?” His brow furrowed in intense anger. “Was it that bastard doctor? I thought I saw him talking to you! Did he tell you-”
“No, for fuck’s sake! There you go again, making assumptions, not even listening to what I’m saying!”
His eyes rolled. “Then who told you you’re my plaything?”
“You!” You shake your hands, but he still has a grip on them, staring into your face with confusion and shock. “Everything you did tonight…was to make sure I knew that I meant nothing to you! Not listening to me…going off to that woman…you threw me aside, and expect me to say and do nothing about it! But I’m done! I don’t want to be a part of it anymore…”
“That’s what this is about?” His head shook. “Y/N, I-”
“I don’t care about anything you have to say to me.” You try yanking your wrists away again, but he won’t let go. “Let go, Kid.”
“No. I’m not letting you walk away from me. Not like this, and not when you’ve got it all wrong.”
“I saw you! You were flirting with that woman, touching her neck and leaning in close…I’m not stupid. What else could it have been? Huh?”
“Y/N, I…only did that to make you jealous.” He said, the bite slowly bleeding from his voice. Then, he scowled. “I didn’t like how that blonde prick touched you and-”
“And what? You go and do the same thing you thought I was doing to get back at me?” You can’t help the snarl that leaks into your tone, teeth bared again. “How is that fair? How do you expect me to think you care about me when you go off and intentionally try to hurt me? What makes you think I’ll want to be with you anymore after seeing that?”
He simply stood there, staring at you with a wince. You could still see he was angry, though your words had, for the first time in your life, left him speechless. Your alcohol-addled brain was telling you that for once, he was listening to what you had to say. A first, if there ever was one. It was a short-lived pleasure, however, because you didn’t stop your tirade.
“What even are we, Kid? All we do is fuck, you never want anything more than that…Am I just the closest woman you have on hand when we’re out to sea?” Your voice warbles as you finally get everything out that you’d been wanting to say for so long. “I’ve always wanted something more, but you never talk about it. Relationships are taboo, forbidden to talk about!
"I’ve left plenty of hints, plenty of signs that I would be open to being more, but you’ve never taken it. You push me away when I want something soft. Something kind. Everything is pleasure and nothing else…and I’m…so tired of it all. I’m so tired of not knowing if you even care about me for more than my body.”
“Y/N-”
“If that’s all I am, just tell me. Spare me the pain of constantly wondering, I can handle the truth, but don’t expect more from me than what that bare interest warrants. Don’t expect me to only be with you if you can’t promise to love me and be faithful to me like I do to you. I won’t be yanked around any longer.” You say, trying to catch you breath after the exhausting word vomit that just occurred.
Kid was silent, staring at you in bewilderment. It felt like your chest was torn open, your heart left to bleed out right in front of him, the most vulnerable part of you on display. You finally managed to break your wrists free of his grip, which had loosened from the sheer surprise of hearing your true feelings.
“If you can’t love me…then let me go. Stop breaking my heart and let me leave. Because we aren’t going to work out otherwise.” You say quietly, weakly brushing away at the tears that had tracked down your cheeks. Even now, he only looked at you with a perplexing thoughtfulness. His extended silence was getting on your nerves, and you shake your head in frustration. “Say something!”
“I…” His own head shakes, gaze staring down at the ground a moment, before looking back up to you. “I shouldn’t have done what I did tonight. I was just so…angry when that guy touched you, I wasn’t thinking straight. I thought you didn’t take me seriously, I thought you were toying with me-”
“Why would I-”
“I do care about you. Don’t ever fucking think I don’t.” His stare was hard, and he held up the necklace you had tried discarding minutes before. “The last thing I have to remember my mother, I gave to you. I entrusted it to you, because I knew you would keep it close and safe. And because I cherish you just as much as I do this memento of hers.”
You look away, feeling somewhat ashamed for having let that slip your mind. He’d mentioned it once, long ago, the origins of the necklace, and in your rage you’d forgotten that.
“It was stupid how I reacted. I know that. I fucking know that.” He said further, grabbing your chin with his hand and making you look at him. “I’m sorry that was the way I decided to vent my anger, and that I didn’t think about how what I did would hurt you. In the moment I thought you’d understand what I went through if I did the same…that you would realize how it felt to be tossed aside.”
You say nothing, still trying to calm yourself down. From all the yelling you’d been doing, the alcohol was wearing away and you were beginning to feel more sober than before.
“I fucking suck at talking about feelings, and you know that. I don’t know how not to screw up my words and not say the wrong thing. There’s too much I don’t know how to handle the right way, and I vent the worst way possible. I’m an asshole, even I can admit that. It’s no secret. But if it means you’ll stay, that you’ll give ‘us’ another chance, I’ll do whatever it takes to try being better.”
“You didn’t answer my question.” You muttered, looking at him sadly. “What even are we, Kid? I don’t know. I don’t even think you know sometimes.”
“Maybe not…” He admits, allowing an uncharacteristically sorrowful expression to take over his face. “Maybe I don’t know what I’ve wanted all this time. But hearing your feelings now…I know that I don’t want you to go, and that I want you to be happy, with me. I thought you already were, all this time, but clearly that wasn’t true.”
His hand raises to cup your cheek, and you look up into his expression. Residual anger still lingered, but the worst of your rage had subsided. Now, you were just mostly tired. Tired of yelling, and tired in general. You were emotionally drained.
“Stay, Y/N.” He whispered in the softest tone you’d ever heard come from his lips. “I can’t promise that this is the last time I’ll hurt you in some way, or that I won’t say or do something stupid, but I’ll try. I’ll do better. I’ll be better, for you. That I can promise you, as your Captain and as a man.”
Your tears began anew, the overwhelming proclamation he was giving you too much for your still drunk mind to handle. And when he gently sets the necklace back into your palm and encloses it around the golden jewelry, that’s the final straw. Your forehead falls to rest against his chest, and you let out a choking sob.
“You hurt me so much, Kid…you tear my heart to pieces and then put it back together somehow…”
“I know…” He mumbled sadly, hand shifting to rest against the back of your head. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m still so mad…I just want to scream and cry and break something…”
“Sleep off the alcohol.” He advised, fingers gently carding through your hair in a soothing gesture. “If tomorrow morning when you’re sober you still want to leave, I won’t try to stop you. I’ll understand you can’t forgive what I did. But until then, just sleep.”
You want so badly to hang on to your anger, to spit more venomous words and pound your fists against his chests in rage. But you can’t. You’re exhausted, drained, and inexplicably…you’re already forgiving him.
So with a numb, silent nod, you raise you head and turn to enter your bedroom. He doesn’t follow you, doesn’t say another word, and you shut the door between you. His retreating footsteps a few moments later indicate that he’s left you alone.
You clutch the necklace to your chest as you fall asleep, knowing that in the morning, you’d have no intention of leaving the Victoria Punk. Because for as painful as it was to be with Eustass Kid, you still loved him, and your devotion was absolute.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
