Taylor's POV
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True blue eyes, looking into my own, he's calm and happy. I hold onto that look, the one I love. There's no sadness, no worry. Just happiness, pure uncomplicated happiness. Taylor he says to me, and he sounds carefree. I need you he says softly and I smile slightly. He means it, I can always tell.
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"You do not" I tell him, softly. I can't have him depending on me, because I cannot let him down all the time.
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Sadness clouds over his eyes and I chastise myself for causing any kind of worry or pain to him. I beg myself to find the appropriate words to change his sad expression. But my time with him is evaporating. It's always too short.
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***
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Ross, his name is on my lips as I wake up. I stare out into the dark room and remember where I am. We've been in our new lodge for two and a bit weeks. I'm used to our bedroom, the kitchen and most importantly the window seat which looks over the lake where I read or simply just watch the nature outside. The blinds are down but I can see the lake through the window, water rippling in the darkness.
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That was altogether different, my dreams have become more visceral since pregnancy. That particular one was fraught with emotion. Anxiously I wipe a tear away from my eyes. Feeling Jay pull me in, his arms around me.
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"You okay" he whispers into my ear softly. He stirs when I stir now.
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"Just a nightmare" I reply and I run my hands up his back.
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"Mmm what happened" he sighs softly kissing my cheek.
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"It was more of a feeling, nothing happened exactly" I murmur. He strokes my hair back off of my shoulders. He's more awake now and he looks at me.
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"It's odd but I just got the feeling that Ross was in some kind of panic or trouble. And that's it" I say.
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He's quiet, just stroking my back softly. He's thinking about what to say to me, what to say back to that. Me worrying about Ross in my sleep may come across as an admission of love.
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"What was the feeling" he asks softly his hands feeling over bump which is growing.
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"Worry panic and unease" I reply softly.
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"Well it could be that you're worried about him" he says matter of factly.
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"Taylor I'm not silly he proposed and you just married me, you can be worried that he's upset. I get it" he says kissing my cheek.
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"You're right. It was a lot on him, and my dreams since the baby are really intense" I tell him.
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Jay massages bump, I've popped in the last two weeks and now there is a discernible bump. Jay finds it irresistible, every now and then we can be doing something and he will just hold it. I love how tactile he has become, how much he's involved and present in the process. He's becoming a daddy before my eyes.
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"This place is out of the sticks too, no WiFi or cell coverage. Maybe it's worrying you because of that" he says whispering.
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"But I'm so happy with it being just us" I say softly placing his hand back on my belly.
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"Me too baby" he whispers.
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"Maybe we go to the nearest town. Check in on everything and then once all is good we can come back to hibernation" he chuckles.
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We've spent the past two weeks attached to one another, the lodge has everything we could ever need. It has been an altogether new experience spending time without any connection to the wider world. We haven't even watched tv.
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The first day we explored the lake, everywhere we've been before Jay has already visited. And this is the first time that we have visited somewhere that he has never been, we're learning this place together.
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It's become our own little bubble, we realised the lake stretched for miles and miles. Eventually it disperses into a waterfall. The surrounding mountains are magnificent and we've seen tons of birds.
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I told him it felt like we were the only two people that existed in the world one night when we sat outside on our deck in front of a fire which he made to keep us warm. He tipped my chin up to his kissed me slowly and smiled. Replying that he was so happy, and if we never returned he would die happy here with me.
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The lodge, I realised because of Jay and his clever planning, is chock full of books. Paperbacks and novels which I'm working my way through. There's also a few acoustic guitars, and we've spent so many nights with him cooking and me playing guitar in the background.
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"It's a plan" I say to him holding him close to me in bed. I know that he's resistant to return to our lives, I think it's due to thoughts of work and the changes that will inevitably bring. Jay will be working in his dad's multi million dollar business in a position that is just one step down from CEO. It's both a huge opportunity and a massive responsibility. He will be busy. We may have some time apart, we've discussed this over our honeymoon.
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"We're currently in the south-west wilderness" he says to me in my ear. I get goosebumps when his mouth is on my ear.
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"Nearest town means another helicopter ride" he says and he nibbles at my ear.
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"Queenstown" he says softly.
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"We'll go to Queenstown and while we're there we'll see Montezuma falls" he says.
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"That way you we can check in with everything back home. It's probably best I let my mum know we're safe actually" he laughs.
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"I love you" I tell him, both excited for our trip yet not wanting our time alone to end.
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"I love you my wife" he says softly.
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“What’s Montezuma falls?” I ask and he stirs again.
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“It’s a huge waterfall” he says and he sounds almost like a child who is excited about going to the beach.
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His hands travel over my hips and he holds onto bump.
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“You can’t miss it” he whispers and I smile looking into the dark and hoping for good news in the morning.
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