Matty's POV
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🎧 The 1975 - Me and you together song
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Plant kitchens are an experience that's for sure. How anybody manages to sustain themselves on this really is the biggest question. Before I scoff at Olivia explaining to me how I need to try everything before judging the food, I keep my mouth shut.
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"I'm going to try the plant based fillet steak" she explains softly. She is wearing a black tank top and jeans today. The Californian sunshine is in full swing, and it's unlike me but I'm wearing a tank top too. She laughed and squeezed 'my guns' and I told her that she had a cheek. We haven't argued today, it's a fucking record. I pull my wallet out of my Levi's feeling very out of place as a prolific meat eater, like I don't have the members card. Olivia somehow now has a drawer in my bedroom, full of clothes and cosmetics and girl crap. This is progressing to a level I'm not comfortable with.
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"I'm gonna go for the same" I smile at the female behind the counter. She watches me, a reassuring smile coming over her face. Don't flirt Matthew I tell myself, I smile back casually and she hands me the card reader as I pay. The veggies love me I can't help it, she accidentally touches my hand as I hand her the reader back.
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I turn to Olivia and follow her over to the booths. This place is quirky, lots of art. All modern bits and pieces and all involving vegetables. What's wrong with these people, are they obsessed? With the art leaving little to the imagination and boring me senseless I stare at Olivia. Sitting opposite me she looks into my eyes, a doe like expression on her face. Do I rein her in? Or let her walk off into her fantasies of us, believing we're going to be an item forever?
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I think about Taylor, she would like this place. Even though she's a meat eater, she would appreciate the effort that has gone into the recipes. She would be enthralled tasting the dishes. Telling me all of the flavours she can taste, and I would get lost in her voice. Her eyes and the way she would flick her hair back smiling. The problem with moving on when you very much have already found the love of your life, is that every new experience you have links to her somehow. You catch yourself thinking about them without even realising it. It's not a choice, Olivia is beautiful in a different kind of way, and my heart is a wanker that just doesn't want to budge.
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"Matty" she says pulling me away from my thoughts. She strokes her red hair over one shoulder.
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"Yes" I utter back looking at her, please don't go on at me I think idly. I wasn't flirting with the girl behind the counter she was giving me the eye. Not the other way around.
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"Thankyou for trying this with me" she says softly and I smile. Relief washing through me.
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"That's cool, I like trying new things" I say sounding like the ultimate people pleaser.
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"Oh don't bullshit" she laughs and I smirk.
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"I am sure that plant based kitchens aren't your vibe and that's why I'm saying thank you" she smiles at me.
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"This is a first for me, yes" I laugh, sweeping my hair back and giving her my full attention.
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"So I'm wondering how anybody manages to make a plant based steak taste good, but I guess I'll find out" I laugh and she reaches her hands across the wooden table. That's a signal; she's asking me to touch her.
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I don't let her make the first moves, that wouldn't be very gentlemanly of me. I read her body language and I react accordingly, reaching my hands across the table I hold onto hers and she smiles.
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"I love that you're willing to try" she smiles and I chuckle slightly. I'm giving her all of the things she wants, saying all of the things she wants to hear. I just can't be real with her, that's the only problem.
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I smile up at her, realising that this probably means a fair bit more to her than it does to me.
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"Your plant based fillets." A male voice announces setting a plate of food down in front of us that astounds me. It's the chef, he is wearing an apron and the pride he has in his food is evident. I would be an absolute arsehole to disregard the effort taken into making this meal. I smile up at the chef.
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"I mean it literally looks like steak" I say to Olivia and she smirks reassuring me.
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I glance down at the food, the onion rings and the home cooked potatoes. The garnish and the mix of sauces. It's not daunting, it looks wonderful.
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"Try it" she smiles.
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I take my knife and slice through the steak. Pick up a morsel and having dipped it in the sauce take a bite.
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"Right" she laughs at my surprised expression.
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"What the actual" I laugh having swallowed the bite.
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"It tastes like fucking meat" I snicker quietly and she laughs.
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I lean in the table, close to her.
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"Are you sure they're not deceiving us" I whisper.
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"This is nearly indistinguishable" I say softly.
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She chuckles laughing, eating her meal.
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"I mean Matty, they would not be allowed to lie to us. Plus all of the nutritional information is here" she laughs handing me a menu.
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"Ohh you" I smirk ignoring the menu.
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"What !?" She scoffs.
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"I'm messing with you silly" I tease her and she laughs.
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"So ugh would you?" she begins looking up at me expectantly.
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"What?" I say tucking in.
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"Would you visit the plant kitchen again?" She asks watching me eat and smirking.
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"Yes I'd eat this again" I say surprising myself.
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"Or are you asking whether I'd come here again with you ?" I ask her, looking up. Unleashing my green eyes on her, and giving her my best smile.
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"Yes, Matty would you?" she asks softly.
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"Of course I would babe" I smile back at her and she blushes.
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We eat quietly for a while and I have to admit the food is delicious. Not even half as awful as I had imagined it would be.
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"Yesterday, Jay saying he would get in special stuff for me and buy a new bbq" she laughs and I chuckle, Jay having my back doesn't surprise me. He wants this to work out for me.
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"That really took me aback" she says smiling.
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"Jay is very accommodating of everybody. Their place is pretty nice I'm sure you'll love it" I say softly.
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"It's very kind" she says simply and I nod.
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"It will be nice for Ross too" I explain, smiling slightly.
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"For him to be out and socialising" I add.
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She nods and I place my knife and fork down, having finished. Glancing down at my plate she smiles, it's a success.
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What shocks me more? That we haven't argued yet or that I enjoyed plant based food. That I'm not sure of.
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"There's actually a few places I wanted to go with you after this, if you'd like" she says softly looking up at me.
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"Ohh where would you like to go?" I ask her, intrigued. I've not visited this part of California before, all that much.
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"Melrose avenue has a lot of colourful cool buildings and lots of like street art" she explains.
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"I thought you might like it, it's just I know you look at the walls at every single place we visit. And whether it's your kinda art or not I thought you might find it interesting" she smiles.
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"I'd love too" I say before I'd even realised I'd spoken.
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"Okay cool" she smiles back at me.
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I stand first, grabbing my keys and my wallet. Sliding on my ray bans and watching her as she hops out of the booth. She heads to the counter and thanks the chef which makes me laugh a little, before joining me again.
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We head out into the beating midday sun and I follow her down the street. I light up a cigarette and she pulls one out of her small purse. I notice how she flicks her hair away from her face before she lights up.
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"Matty we're almost matching" she laughs, eyeing up her black tank and my own. Hers is however cropped around her middle and tight in all the places that mine is loose.
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"I know is that a bit cringe or is it cute" I laugh inhaling.
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"It's literally a coincidence" she says matter of factly.
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I catch her up, taking her hand in mine and walking in step with her. The walls are filled with bright colours and various different painted images. It's different, totally breaks free from the white picket fences and boring cut lawns.
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Amongst the multicoloured buildings and vibrant street paintings I regard the both of us in black and can't help but to laugh.
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"Hey, we're the plainest things here." I tell her, and she glances up at me through her sunglasses smirking.
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"Matty there's nothing plain about you" she says holding tightly onto my hand.
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"You are, I'm sorry, but destined to stand out in any room" she says smiling. And outside of work, away from the hospital, away from everybody else she's different. I can't quite put my finger on what has changed, is it the slight swing in her step, the way she keeps flicking her hair back. The fact that her red hair looks less fluorescent next to the brightly coloured buildings.
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"You stand out too" I say softly and she smirks.
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"A red haired pescatarian stands out anywhere" she laughs and I chuckle along with her.
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Still no arguments. I sigh looking ahead and she catches onto my mood. Glancing up at me and stroking my hand lightly.
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"How long were you together" she asks me out of the blue and I almost flinch. So now we're openly talking about Taylor.
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"Around a year, and then I messed things up. But we got back together for around another year and a half." I say simply.
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"We don't have to talk about it" I tell her with an expression that says I'm grateful but I don't want to put her through it.
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"Yeah but I think you need to" she says, and I regard her in an entirely different light, self sacrificing and emotionally mature.
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"Honestly I don't mind, it's actually quite helpful to me" she says softly.
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"What happened?" She asks an expression of care on her face.
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"I messed things up again." I say frustrated.
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"When I met Taylor, she was about to get with Ross. And he was perfect for her. I swooped in under his nose and won her over." I say a smile on my lips.
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"I went to this stupid party and he was going on about how he'd been messaging her. It aggravated me that she had spoken to him, and didn't reply to me. So I piped up and said that I could get with her before him. Jen, the girl you saw at Josh's got involved and suddenly I was placing bets on who could get with her first" I say and she looks at me surprised.
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"Yeah so...I fell in love with her, after a couple of months. And I tried to keep her away from Ross, from Jay and from Rachel and Jen. But it didn't work. She wanted to go out with my friends. And I lived in this constant anxiety that somebody was going to tell her. The girl that I loved, that she meant nothing to me." I say softly looking down at her to check that she is okay. She nods to me as if I'm reading her a story. Something she feels she has to learn from.
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"We went to a party, a fancy dress one. Jen hated her, purely because I loved her. We were playing that stupid game. It was Taylor's turn and Jen was being a bitch to her, about her being a virgin before me all that kind of stuff. Rachel and Jay stood up for her." I begin, she nods understanding.
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"It was my turn; and I asked for a dare involving Taylor. Thinking I was being smug and sexy. However my dare from Jen was to tell Taylor the truth about how my relationship to her was all a bet. A sham and a lie. That I didn't love her" I say stroking my hair back.
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"I saw her face shatter, her feelings for me deplete in that moment. She was so hurt, not only because it was in front of everybody. But because I was her first and she loved me. Jay reined Jen in as she was going in for the kill telling her it was only a twenty dollar bet and that she needed to calm down. Taylor left me instantly. We had been living together and she didn't return" I say and she strokes my arm.
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"How did you get back together?" She asks softly interest peaked.
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"She agreed to talk things through. I won her over again. And we were better than before. We spent a lot of time together, we had just started university. Eventually we were expecting our first child. There was nothing in between us; she knew everything and I didn't have to worry about anything going wrong. Yeah guys wanted her, but she was mine. Expecting my child. Jay hung around a lot like he was just waiting for my mistakes" I chuckle slightly, she glances up at me moving her sunglasses on top of her head, fascinated. I hadn't realised my life was such a drama.
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I stroke her face lightly and she smiles. Waiting for more.
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"So we kept the pregnancy a secret. Because she was unsure, if something happened she said she wouldn't be able to handle people finding out. It was our life, our secrets. We heard the heartbeat, we saw the baby. My mum worked it all out." I say holding onto her tighter, moisture collecting in my eyes.
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"Then I saw that expression on her face again; the one where she just hated everything that was happening, lost hope. She woke up in pain, blood everywhere. So I took her to the hospital. And it didn't take them five minutes to come to the conclusion that we were miscarrying. That it just happens. That it wasn't supposed to be." I say and she stands still in front of me.
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"I tried to be there. She had a D&C and after that she was just lost. Completely devoid of anything. And I tried to love her even more, but that came across as smothering" I say, wiping my eyes under my glasses.
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"She threw herself into university, and after a couple of months we just didn't talk about it anymore. Not because I didn't want to but because it upset her too much. Jay was always around her, he made her laugh. He made her feel normal again without even knowing what he was rescuing her from. I got mad jealous of him." I say and she walks again, guiding me along.
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"He bought her expensive Christmas gifts, it angered me that I wasn't allowed to spoil her yet he was. Her friend. She had had enough of me, and I couldn't navigate the grief of the baby and losing her day by day to frankly somebody who back then was a prolific womaniser. I created a problem out of everything he did, until she just left me. She told me she loved me, but that she couldn't do it anymore" I say softly.
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"So you didn't mess things up" Olivia says softly.
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"You went through something deeply upsetting together" she adds.
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"Olivia" I say softly and she looks up at me curious by my tone.
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"I don't want to hurt you" I say surprising myself.
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"Hurting Taylor over and over again is the worse thing I've ever done in my life. And really I don't want to go through it all again" I say watching her.
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"You won't" she says simply.
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I look down at her exasperated, she kisses my lips softly before guiding me over to a print of two wings on a wall. Two angel wings that have been deliberately drawn so that members of the public can stand in between them and pose.
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“Want me to take a snap” I ask her and she laughs self consciously.
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“Yes” she laughs and I guide her over to the wall, I’m a gentlemen after all. I stand back pushing my hair out of the way and holding her phone up.
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She poses with her hip pushed out and her hair over one shoulder. I take a few snaps. She comes back over to me and looks at me expectantly.
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“You look great” I say softly and she smiles.
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“Ah I see you’re quite the photographer too” she laughs taking a look at the shot.
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I chuckle slightly, I’ve always liked photography. How it captures a moment and freezes it, forever to be remembered.
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“Come on then, your go” she says watching my stubborn expression smiling.
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I walk over to the wall with my cigarette still in my hand. I don’t pose, I’m not that kind of guy. I just stand there and she swoons. I roll my eyes taking a drag and she chuckles. I walk back over unable to help myself but to take a look at the images.
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“Oh you look like an alternative model” she laughs.
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“So cool and sexy” she says looking at the picture.
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“No” I say swiping my finger over to her picture.
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“This is sexy” I smile and she looks up at me blushing.
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“I could totally draw this moment” I laugh getting carried away and she smiles at me again. I discover that I like making her smile. I brush her lips with my own, take her hand in my own and we walk through Melrose avenue together.
