Matty's POV
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Love is choosing somebody, over and over again no matter how hopeless you feel. Love is choosing them even when things aren't right. And, when things are far from perfect, love keeps us together. Love is unconditional, love stands the test of time. It doesn't care how long it takes for the stars to align and for her to say; yes, I love you back. Love doesn't care that she wears another man's ring, it insists that we are supposed to be. Love is surrendering your own wants and needs for the happiness of another. Love is Taylor and the way she looks up at me briefly as I'm driving her out for lunch, a small smile on her lips. Sunglasses on her head and hair flowing back in the wind.
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"Do you think baby is a boy" she asks me and I move my hand from her thigh to her belly.
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"Baby looks like a boy to me" I say softly looking at her.
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"I thought so too" she smiles and shes places her hand on top of mine.
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Turning into the car park of a local diner on the way to the hospital I park, reversing into the space one hand on baby and one on the wheel. She chuckles and I feel her little boy kicking away inside of her womb.
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"Cheeky baby boy" I laugh and she chuckles along with me, an irresistible look on her face.
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I grab the door for her and help her out of the car, she smiles slightly. We enter the small diner and I take her hand again as a young male waiter sets us up at a table. Passing us menus and saying he will be right back to take our orders.
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I take one glance at the menu and then set it down, I already know just what I will be ordering. Classic traditional breakfast and coffee, black of course. No sugar, no milk just pure caffeine. I watch Taylor glance at the menu, her eyes sweeping over the options as she bites her lip. I long to be biting her lip. She glances up at me and I remind myself to look into her eyes.
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"I kinda want pancakes but then" she smiles.
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"I also want toast and bacon and eggs" she smirks.
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"Get both" I say to her.
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"One for you and one for the baby" I add smirking at her.
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Removing my leather jacket and placing it down on the booth next to me, I roll my sleeves up as the waiter arrives again to take our orders.
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I order the pancakes for Taylor as she is far too embarrassed to order two items off of the menu.
Once the waiter has left to grab our drinks I lean forward and take her hands in my own. She smiles down at the gesture and watches my eyes.
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Showering with her this morning was breaking a big rule. I think back to when we would have shared a shower every morning; and I don't feel bad at all. He took her from me, this is just me reclaiming what is always going to be mine. As I stroke her arm I remember her skin slick with water, my hands in her hair.
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"What are you thinking, Matthew?" She smirks and I pull myself back into the here and now.
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"Can't tell you that, sorry" I smirk teasing her.
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"What is it" she smirks unable to resist my charm. I still have something with her I just know it.
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"Nothing at all, now be good and wait for your food" I laugh.
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She bites her lip again, and it pulls my eyes straight back to her lips. And in my head I'm back in the shower, her hair in my hands only this time I'm kissing her. Just like I used to for years.
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"Tell me" she says breaking my concentration.
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"I'm thinking Taylor, that I quite like showering with you" I tell her slowly watching her reaction.
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She clears her throat and I keep her hands in mine. Her eyes watching me, and she's thinking about it too. I just know it from the way that she looks at me, the heat behind her eyes.
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Just then the waiter breaks our moment, placing her smoothie and my coffee down on the table. We don't break each others eye contact, although I let go of her hands. It's important to me that she's hydrated. And coffee. I need coffee.
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"Sorry for the wait sir, food will be along in five" the waiter declares and I nod to him.
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He saunters off to break somebody else's romantic moment and I take my time waking up with my coffee, staring into the only eyes I'll ever lose myself in.
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"So what's the plan?" She says finally.
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"Plan?" I ask her smiling. The sun beats down through the window and colours her hair with golden hues. Like a halo, the sun marking her out to be an angel. I sigh.
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"Yes, we've been in the bed, in the shower together" she laughs nervously. She brushes her hair off of her shoulder and blushes.
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"That's a lot of places isn't it. But we've also done all of those things many times before. And it wasn't a thing was it ?" I say cheekily.
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"We have done a lot more" I whisper, and her cheeks redden.
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"What do we do about this, we clearly can't be around each other alone" she whispers, I'm sure that was honest. Shes validating the way we feel for one another, yet it's forbidden. I watch as the sun shimmers down onto her skin, and wonder what she wants from me. She wants to have this conversation right now, clearly. Rather than avoid the subject. Before I would be able to placate her and she would hold off. Since Jay and their time together, she's become direct, more shrewd.
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"We don't do a damn thing; we keep this for only us" I say wondering if I'm saying the right things. I would like to tell her to leave with me. I would like to drive her off right this minute into the sun where I can forever watch the way it makes her skin glow. I would like to forget reality with her yet I know none of it is possible.
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She nods. Just a simple nod. And its leaves me exasperated, dying to know what is going through her mind. Her silence bothers me and I have to stop myself from demanding a response from her, my impatience and desire swells inside of me. And I watch her, I can tell from the way she stares out of the window that she's conflicted. I damn Jay for coming into her life, and making me something to think about rather than something she wouldn't even question.
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Our food arrives, the waiter sets the pancakes down in the middle of us giving Taylor a quick grin. He leaves quickly this time sensing the air of hostility between us.
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"I don't want to lose you" I whisper, be soft Matthew I tell myself.
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"So if you would rather, I rein it in" I say, sacrificing all of my wants and needs. Stop myself from touching you, whilst watching you play happy families with my best friend then I will. So long as you are happy, Taylor.
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"Then so be it. So long as I still get you" I say instead softly. Softly does it, no arguments.
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I eat waiting on her response. I will not add anything more in. If she doesn't want me to complicate her life, I will not. Simple as that.
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Just as I'm placing toast in my mouth I look up, Tim McGraw blasting from the cafe radio, tears falling down her cheeks and food left untouched.
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"Shit" I say annoyed at myself for ruining a perfectly wonderful morning.
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"I didn't mean anything like that" I add and she wipes her eyes slowly.
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"It's not you Matty. It's my fault. I shouldn't be instigating or even reacting. I'm sorry" she says and stands abruptly, walks over to the rest room.
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I curse at myself over and over. Stupid idiot I am. Thinking I could unravel the ties between us and braid them into something entirely new and our own.
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I place my knife and fork down, and grab a damn pancake. Stuff it in my mouth and maybe that will stop my stupid mouth from saying what's going through my head.
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Taylor reappears and I must encourage her to eat rather than stress and cry over this. She quietly comes to sit back down in front of me.
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There's an all consuming silence that neither of us fills up with words until she looks up at me and smiles.
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"How's the pancakes" she asks and I snort. It's the single best thing about us. No matter the arguments, no matter the miscommunication, we can always get ourselves back to where we were. It's both a blessing and a curse; I never remain annoyed at her and nor her me.
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“Delicious” I say softly and I hand her one.
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“I’m sorry, eat please” I say and I smile at her.
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Once we've finished our food and left the conversation well and truly behind us, unresolved and not revisited. I grasp for my phone to pay, pulling it out of my leather jacket. A message from Jay has me stopping in my tracks. It's akin to the feeling you get when you're skipping home free but then suddenly there's a whole new obstacle in your way. A new challenge, a consideration. Something you have overlooked.
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I open up his message, no point in delaying the inevitable is there.
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Back tomorrow, thanks again man. J
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My heart plummets. Just one more night, one more night of sleeping and feeling secure next to her. I gaze up at her as she's looking down at her purse. Most likely about to check her own phone.
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She grasps her phone and unlocks it, my head in my hands. I watch her eyes change as she reads something, perhaps a message from him, who knows? She grins from ear to ear and her hand rubs her tummy. I feel as though I'm watching her from a far, an intruder or a stranger that doesn't know her. Because she will leave me again and again for him, and she won't be the Taylor that's mine anymore.
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"Jay will be back tomorrow evening" she announces and I look down quickly hiding my eyes from her.
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"I'm gonna go pay" I say and I move quickly away from her.
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Love is impulsive; it guides me down these paths where I cannot think rationally. Love is obsessive and possessive. All consuming, filling my head with ideas of us. I push them out of my brain and pay the bill.
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I head back to the table grasping my leather jacket and slinging it on. Shoving my phone back into my pocket and grabbing the car keys.
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"He was always coming back Matthew" she whispers. Standing before me she looks up into my eyes pulling her shirt back on, the one she wore earlier to the scan, it’s his.
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"Yes but not before I'd... not before I'd shown you... not before I'd made you realise that you should be with me" I say in a hushed tone, just ready to snap.
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I walk her out of the diner. We do not argue in diners. Gentlemen do not argue with women full stop. I pull my hair back and unlock the door of the car. Opening the door for her she climbs in and I tap away at the steering wheel instead of lighting up a cigarette.
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I start up the car, listen and focus on the normal hum of it. It steadies me and I turn to her. Music down low, just the sound of her breathing to guide me.
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"Taylor, what would you do if I were to just drive us off somewhere right now" I say, love is impulsive.
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"There is nowhere for us Matthew" she says softly, and I don’t accept her answer.
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"There's everywhere, but here Taylor" I explain, imploring her with my eyes.
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"But I'm not yours" she says softly.
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"Taylor you could be mine again" I whisper, love is possessive.
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She looks at me evaluating. Reaches her hand to my cheek and strokes my face.
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“This is not an ending” she whispers and I have no idea what she is alluding too.
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“That’s our main problem we never end things, or begin things we just sit in the middle of our decisions” I say and she gently pulls my face to hers.
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Tears in my eyes I regard her face and lips, so close to mine. I can hear her breathing and smell her perfume. I tuck her hair behind her ear, she leans in closer to me.
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My lips find hers and it’s like no kiss we’ve ever shared before. It starts off tender. As I kiss her slowly, she pulls away lightly and I bite her lip. She gasps and then my hands are just around her. All of the tension dissipates and she pulls me closer her hands in my hair.
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“Taylor” I whisper opening my eyes.
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“Mmm” she responds her mouth leaving mine.
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“I can drive us right now” I say catching my breath.
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“I can take us wherever you want in the world” I add.
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Through thick dark lashes she regards me, a bizarre expression on her face. And I kiss her lips lightly again.
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“London, Paris, the Maldives for all I care just as long as we are back together” I laugh.
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“I’m married Matthew, and pregnant” she protests and I need her to forget about it all. I need her, I’m being possessive and irrational, I know it.
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“I will look after both of you” I say and I place my hand on bump.
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After one more kiss, she looks at my wild eyes before I turn my attention to driving. Pulling out of the bay and heading back to the highway with Taylor by my side.
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