Matthew's POV
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Departures lounges are not my favourite place to be, waiting is not my idea of a good time either however here we are again. Waiting for the next part of my life to take place. It’s feasible that Taylor is most likely already in the sky, on her way to Italy. Upwards of thirty thousand feet in the air, travelling to her final destination.
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Pulling my brown sweater off and sitting back with the black coffee I purchased, I glance over at the cappuccino on the opposite side of my table and sigh slightly. Opening up my sketch book, as we have around an hour or so until boarding, I focus on the outlines of the cup. It’s a simple exercise I tell myself, just replicate the cup in front of you. The lines all add up to make its shape, let’s get the outline done instead of sitting and thinking about the love of your life who is currently with the love of her life travelling away from you.
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Pushing my hair back slightly I put pencil to paper and begin, willing myself to focus. The outline comes together and it does indeed resemble a cup. A basic one at that but next I must add in tone and detail, I gaze at the cup for a few more seconds noticing the light and how it reflects on its surface. How and where the shadows cascade over the cup and then I set to work on that.
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The idea being, that this sketch book will be a visual representation of my trip. There will not be any visual representations of Taylor. This will be new work, a whole new body of drawings.
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Light instrumental music plays over the speakers, after half an hour goes by I sharpen my pencil, rather pretentiously dust off my page and look back over the drawing. It’s not inspired, it’s pretty normal and everyday but it’s the beginning point of my journey.
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“Rest rooms are fancy huh?” Ross saunters over to me and I can’t help but to laugh.
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“Were you having a shower? What took you so long” I say looking at the sketch book before he takes a hold of the cappuccino cup that I’ve been focusing on for so long and sips his creamy, now cold coffee. He makes a face before returning it to the table.
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“Don’t be so antsy, takes me longer to walk at the moment” he chuckles and I roll my eyes.
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“First things first in the UK we promised to locate a physio, so we need to get that done.” I tell him softly as his eyes take over my image and widen. He’s impressed.
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“You did that in twenty minutes?” He exclaims, clutching onto a hold-all bag and rifling through it to retrieve a light grey hoody. He proceeds to pull it over his head and shakes out his hair.
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“You know, I could draw you if you like?” I say eyeing him and the lines that make up his face. He scoffs loudly placing his cup down.
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“Go ahead man” Ross laughs.
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“We have a good fifteen hours on the plane for you to get it right” he adds and I laugh closing the book and grasping my phone quickly.
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“She messaged you?” He asks and I sigh, must we continue our juvenile competition over Taylor and who she adores more when quite frankly she has a husband and a baby that I adore. Apple of my eye, I think they say.
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“She messaged me man” he says laughing slightly.
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“What did she say?” I ask him softly.
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“That they were boarding and to be safe with you in London. To make sure that you were okay” he laughs and I wipe my face putting my phone away.
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“That she misses us” he smirks.
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“How did we become a married couple huh going on trips together” he laughs and I smirk.
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“Well since I nearly took my own stupid life and you crashed your car, we are somewhat looking out for one another” I smirk.
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The announcement tannoy goes off and I decide to place all of my belongings back in my leather carry on bag. Ross follows suit and we walk over to the terminal, there’s no fancy first class for us but being on a plane for the first time since Australia and the wedding is practically exciting.
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“You ready man” I ask him and he laughs.
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“Yes let’s go get us a bit of the UK” he smirks and I sigh. Of all of the times I had imagined this moment, this is unlike any of the possibilities my mind had played out. My favourite had been myself and Taylor walking through with two children, who by this point would now be around two, coming onto three years of age. A girl and a boy with flowing brunette hair, a perfect mix of the two of us.
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The flight attendant eyes Ross and I hide my smile as he is completely unaware of her physical attraction to him. I smile at her kindly, aware of the pain of being completely unnoticed when you so desperately want to be seen by another person. He strides through the aisle, locates our seats and begins to put his hold-all up in the racks. Sliding into the window seat with his leather bound notebook which I know contains most of his writing over the past three or four years. Most of which are love poems and sonnets about Taylor, he sets his pen over the top and looks up at me expectantly.
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“Dude you put your bag up and sit down” he smirks as I hover around. And genuinely it’s not that I don’t want to go to London. I do. It’s the lingering feelings that tend to swarm me whenever I leave the states, the place where I fell for her. The place where I found her and tried to build a life with her.
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The journey that I was supposed to make with her. For years now I’ve had this very day planned out in my mind, and to be frank this isn’t how I imagined it would be going, although I am very lucky to have a friend such as Ross to help me along the way.
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I stuff my hold-all, having retrieved my art book out of it and a set of headphones. Dumping them on the seat as the attendant sweeps past us again eyeing him up. I almost laugh thinking it a testament to his looks, that even with his current limp, Ross is absolutely irresistible to women. How I’m going to keep the British girls away from him is another thing, and quite honestly I think it will do him good to be surrounded by admirers.
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Taking a seat in our business class seats, I sit back and await take off closing my eyes.
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“You’re not scared of flying are you?” Ross nudges me in the arm.
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“No” I laugh opening my eyes as he rolls his blue ones.
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“Totally are” he scoffs placing in his own earphones and snickering to himself as he belts himself up. The attendant checking that he is safely belted in as if he is the only passenger on the plane.
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Take off is smooth thankfully and once we are gliding in the air I make peace with the outcomes of my life. It’s too late to undo every little step I’ve taken to this point in my story that has led me to sitting here next to one of my best friends on board a flight to a different place, a change of scenery and a new horizon. I rationalise the things I have done wrong, and I discard them. It’s as easy as taking the flight I tell myself, taking the step in the right direction.
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Somewhere above the Atlantic Ocean I message Taylor, because the distance becomes too much to bear. The WiFi sends my message over to her and I await her reply as Ross stirs and mutters away in his sleep. He eventually wakes up and I cannot help but to laugh as he pulls out his earphones and looks at me.
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“When your playlist starts on heavy foo fighters tracks and you’re soundly asleep. It wakes you up man” he laughs and I sigh.
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“Would you look at that” he laughs placing his phone down and grinning.
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“A text from another one of your ex’s” he chortles and I rub my forehead.
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“Man if only I had girls message me for me and not you” he snickers.
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“Rachel?!” I ask and he shakes his head.
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“Olivia” he says softly.
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“Jesus. Man that’s a bloody mess.” I say regretfully.
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“What did she say” I ask him.
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“She said: Hope you’re well and on the mend. Would be nice to grab a coffee? Or I dunno see you at some point. It’s a long shot. I know. But yeah just knowing you’re okay would be nice” he says and I shake my head.
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“Man, that was a message for you” I tell him and he sighs resting his head back. The gentle lull of the plane relaxes me as Taylor messages me back and I breathe again not realising that I had been holding my breath.
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“What happened between you guys?” He asks me openly.
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“Olivia ?!” I ask and he practically shoves me out of annoyance.
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“Yes Olivia” he smirks.
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“When I arrived at the hospital that night she just showed me in the right direction of the ICU and I thought nothing of it. Until she kept coming back into my bloody life.” I begin thinking about that night where Ross had crashed his car.
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“Then Taylor” I smile and he shakes his head.
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“I was looking after her, when Jay was away. She made a whole thing about me messaging Olivia. She straddled me on her sofa searching for the number that Olivia had written out and given to me. She wanted me to move on, and I wanted to do anything that she wanted me to do.” I say laughing.
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“But I didn’t really take any of it seriously. Then after the incident with Jay. I decided, to pursue Olivia for reasons that were not gentlemanly.
I figured if Jay saw me with her he would chill the fuck out around Taylor. I didn’t tell you but Jay had forbade her to see me, Taylor messaged me saying she wouldn’t be around me again. He pinned me against the hospital wall and I kind of got a bit desperate.” I explain.
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“So” I say looking up at Ross whilst opening my sketchbook and beginning to draw the outlines of his hair and his face.
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“So…” Ross laughs and I chuckle.
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“So I knew she was attracted to me. Olivia I mean, so I showed her my art and I took her to the big eight. I took her home to yours sorry man, I didn’t want her to know my address. She was fucking unbelievable at stalking me and working out where I was” I laugh and he shakes his head in disapproval, a wry smile on his lips.
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“I took her virginity eventually. But that’s when it all got a bit crazy. We went to the big eight, with Rachel, Chris, Taylor and Jay. She caused so many arguments with me, over the dish I ordered for her. Just everything, and I swear that she was bipolar. She demanded to see my phone at a party. I think she was crazy and I added fuel to her paranoia. Because I’m a horrible individual” I say drawing his eyes as he nods.
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“All up until the point where we had that bust up in Jay’s bedroom, thanks for that man deescalating that situation and you know” I look up at him as he waits for more explanation.
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“The way I treated her was unimaginable. We drove to yours the morning after. She told me she was leaving me and so I told her that I loved her. I needed to keep her, and honestly I thought that I did. But really now I understand my feelings, at the time I couldn’t lose her because she gave me my alibi to be around Taylor. I didn’t love her and I only realised that when Taylor fell before birth” I admit and he gasps looking down at the accuracy of my drawing.
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“The only thought I had was anybody in this world, but Taylor. I can’t lose her indefinitely. And I would truly sacrifice anybody for her. That kind of love, is pretty hard to replicate and I decided to end things.” I admit and he nods solemnly.
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“How did she take it” he asks softly.
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“She literally had a fit in her living room chucking her belongings around that I’d collected up for her. She shoved a pregnancy test in my face, which was negative, and she told me that she hated me. That she hoped I never got what I wanted in my life. And that I’d robbed her of the only thing she wanted; to lose her virginity to somebody that loved her” I explain working on the shading of his face and lightly blowing on the paper.
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“Jesus” he sighs and I exhale.
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“So I ruined that even as a friendship, she absolutely hates me. It’s not hard to see why either” I explain.
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“She ranted about me being a second daddy to Taylor’s baby too. But honestly I’m not sure what either of us expected from the situation.” I say finishing off the outlines and smiling as the attendant returns with coffees. Complimentary ones.
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“That’s striking” she comments looking down at my work and I smile weakly.
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“The resemblance is uncanny” she smiles looking at Ross. He finally looks at her before looking back down at the drawing.
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“Thankyou it’s not finished we’ll have to show you the final version” I smirk and Ross scoffs, most likely thinking I’m making moves on her. Perhaps a few years older than us with shoulder length auburn hair the woman smiles. I think I’ve been put off of red heads for life, and all women for that matter.
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“I’d like to see it” she smiles her eyes sweeping over Ross and the print.
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“She likes you man” I say once she has moved on, her slender frame disappearing down the aisle.
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“Oh stop it” he laughs and I sigh, he proceeds to message Olivia and I try not to snoop, my head just craning over his shoulder.
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“I just messaged her telling her that I’m heading to London. Leaving it all open huh? See what she responds” he admits softly before giving me a small smile.
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As I sketch him for the next hour or so I reflect on how Ross is exactly the guy to have dated a girl such as Olivia. Full of love and laughter, always ready to treasure a woman. Yes he has a past with Taylor, but unlike myself he does not appear to be marred or forever altered by her presence in his life. Instead he is emotionally available, he’s open and he would never ever use a woman. Perhaps women, such as the flight attendant see that in his smile and perfectly paired with his good looks it all adds up to his undeniable charm.
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