Taylor's POV
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Matthew James Henderson has taken me down memory lane in more ways than one. Firstly it was the anxiety of why he wasn't answering his phone, the chasing his whereabouts and brainstorming what he could be doing. The general nagging feeling in my gut that told me that I'm the only person that can fix this. That I can fix Matthew James Henderson with my smiles.
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Secondly it was driving up the one track road to our home, the place that we shared together for years. Our home that we spent preparing for our twins; where we held each other and vowed to never ever leave one another.
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And lastly, although it shouldn't, but making a simple drink on my old gas oven and ruffling his hair reminded me of all of the many times we stood by one another in our long relationship. Falling in love with one another over and over again. I watched him as he held onto Henry cooing him and imagined him with the twins. Our twins that we lost.
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"Taylor" he whispers his hand rested on my thigh, he's checked Henry three times and it's undeniably cute.
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"I just wanted to say before you park up; I don't expect anything from you" he begins as I drive up the lane that leads to my new home, cherry tree.
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"I just mean, that was a bit heavy. Thank you for coming and finding me. And I just..." he stutters.
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"I just well you know how I feel and I'm not expecting any sort of declaration of love, I understand that you are with Jay. I'm not about to ruin your life" he explains softly.
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"Honestly" he smiles over at me and I smile weakly.
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"I was so worried" I blurt out and he strokes my thigh again softly.
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"So worried that you had done something or were about to lose yourself again in that cycle. And I can't comprehend..." I add trying to fathom my feelings and articulate them at the same time. The cherry trees surround the lane and I look up at the sun briefly willing myself not to cry, imagining a world where we could have brought up our babies instead of having them cruelly taken from us.
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"I can't lose you" I tell him wiping my eyes just once.
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"I can't okay. We lost so much together, and had we of not gone through all of that... had we of been okay..." I admit as he holds onto my hand.
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"I know" he whispers.
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"You won't ever lose me. I'll be there when Henry is eighteen, when you've had two or three more babies and they're all grown. I'll be there until the end Taylor, because even if I can't have you I'll still need you." He whispers and I look over him seeing the earnest expression on his face. Matthew sitting in my car in the Californian sunshine, the light playing with his hair and bringing out the golden brown in it as he rests his arm on the door side and watches me.
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"The only thing that is important to me is that you are okay and happy" he tells me softly and I know that he means it.
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"That's it so don't worry about anything at all, there's nothing you can do wrong, I'm just here for you" he explains and I nod.
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Parking the Audi by the water fountain, he climbs out first as I sort out my watering eyes. Delicately unclipping Henry from his seat he holds onto him and smiles as he continues to sleep in his arms.
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"I'll get Jay and Ross to help with the many bags" I laugh and he smirks as we walk up the steps to cherry tree. Jay opens the door smiling at me as I throw my arms around him, whispering that I love him.
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"I bought a lot of stuff including baby stuff, Henry and I had a very successful trip" I inform him as he kisses me.
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"It was okay because I had the bottle and so when he literally whimpered in the canned foods aisle I just fed him and pushed the trolley" I say smiling happy with myself and Jay grins at me irresistibly. Standing in the large arched doorway, he showers me with kisses and attention.
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Finally, he nods to Matthew as he passes Henry over to him, they smile at each other and I grin as Jay cuddles his baby and kisses his little nose. Matthew strides over to the car and extricates the shopping.
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"You bought a lot hey" Jay smiles over at me as myself and Matthew pull the grocery shopping in from the car.
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"You're all having a home cooked meal tonight, apart from you little one" I say smiling down at my baby.
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"I suppose you can have me" I smirk and Jay laughs.
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"Can I have you too" he smiles and I kiss his lips. His eyes flit over to Matthew and I whisper that I will tell him about it later. He nods pushing his blonde hair back before strolling in with Henry over his shoulder.
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I follow the both of them through the entrance hall and out to the kitchen where Ross is already beginning to unpack the items, glancing over at the bags I laugh slightly informing Jay that they had a massage breastfeeding chair.
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“Darling if you want a massage chair just buy one” he says silkily to me and I smirk rolling my eyes.
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“I don’t need one, I just enjoyed it.” I tell him as he unpacks the babies stuff; the new pyjamas and vests that I purchased.
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“I did good right” I laugh as he smiles
at the sleep suits.
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“You always do Taylor” he smiles placing Henry down on the changing mat and beginning to dress him in the new pjs after changing him. So far Henry has shown himself to be a very easy going baby, and I hope that it never changes. Although I’m sure that we will face our challenges at some point.
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“Ohh what’s that?” He asks as I remove the electric breast pump from the bag.
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“So the bottle I gave him, satiated him for a long time. So I was thinking an electric pump would let me freeze some milk so that we can have a stash. I’ll feed him from the source too, something tells me that he will not let me not breastfeed him at all” I laugh.
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“Nice” he snickers and I smile.
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“What !?” I laugh as he pulls him over his shoulder and pats his back.
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“You’re literally the best mom ever” he smiles kissing my lips as Henry begins to whinge again.
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“All this talk of milk” he laughs and I roll my eyes.
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“He needs more” I say as he passes him to me in his pale blue sleepsuit.
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“I’ll start the food” Jay explains as I take a seat down at the table.
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“I’m making arrabatia” I tell him and he smiles as Ross sits down at the table with me.
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“Feeling better!?” I ask Ross as he strokes Henry’s head before setting down a mug of tea in front of me.
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“Loads you have a very comfortable couch thank you” he says also looking over his shoulder at Jay.
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“You know I was thinking maybe we could set a date for the christening. Then we could fly over spend like a week prepping and then you guys could join us” Jay begins and I smile.
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“You could stay here if you like while we’re away I mean” he suggests to Ross.
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“I mean who could turn down this house” Ross laughs as Henry falls asleep on me and I place him down in his bassinet tucking him in with the knitted blanket that my mother made him.
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“Jay baby, when are you thinking about all of these plans; Italy, the christening?” I ask hugging him and he chuckles frying up the chicken.
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“Well, my father, put a teeny tiny bit of pressure on me today about some meeting coming up. And so I objected because Henry is days old. He seems to think I can just private jet there and back. But it made me think about the christening and going to Italy just after it” he explains and I nod clutching onto him.
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“Well when’s the meeting?” I ask softly taking over the food. Dicing onions and crushing garlic cloves.
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“It’s two days away” he explains softly watching me, I had always expected that with Jay’s job he would have lots of meetings and stuff to do, important stuff that holds together multi million dollar businesses.
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“I think that we could manage” I explain stirring in the chicken, onions and stock. I add in the canned tomatoes and pesto before seasoning.
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“I don’t want to leave” he mutters eyes boring down into mine as Matthew looks up from the table.
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“One private jet there, meeting and then one jet back, I’ll get everything ready for Italy. And then…” I smile over at him wrapping my arms around his waist before I head into the pantry. Emerging with the flour, he watches me walk over to him bare footed.
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“Are you making the fancy dough things” Jay asks me as I grasp the flour. I smile up at him and kiss him.
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“Dough balls, Yes” I tell him combining butter and flour and salt. Jay loves my food and I love feeding him.
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“Oh Henry is going to be one chubby kid” he laughs as I place the cheese and milk in before dividing them into twelve even balls.
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“Why does Dubai have to be so far away” he whispers holding onto me from behind and whispering in my ear, turning to face him I pull his waist into me.
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“It’s okay, I have helpers, right” I explain looking over my shoulder at the guys drinking coffee and watching my baby sleep.
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“And I could even invite my mom over” I add as he plants soft kisses on my neck by the kitchen island. Pouring himself a neat shot of brandy he tells me that he will consider it. I kiss his lips, before marching myself upstairs whilst the dinner cooks and changing into my nightshirt. Since the evenings have gotten much chillier, I’m wearing a plaid long sleeve button up shirt and slippers. The red and white check reminds me of Christmas but I wear it all the same as we near the end of summer, the buttons will allow me to discreetly feed Henry. I make a mental note of purchasing some nice button up dresses before combing my hair out and removing all traces of my makeup.
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The laughter and deep voices in the kitchen make me smile as I walk through the landing hearing Jay go over all of the reasons that perhaps it’s for the best Matthew isn’t seeing Olivia anymore. And before I stride into the kitchen, I tell myself that if anything can fix Matthew, from feeling low it’s being around me and the baby.
