Taylor's POV
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"You know Matthew" my mother says over the dining table as Ross sits next to me loving every moment of Matthew being grilled by my mom.
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"This really is very good, how did you do the tagliatelle" she asks him as he charms her with his smile. I tuck into my food while Henry is having a nap in the snoo next to the table.
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"It's lovely thank you Matthew" I tell him and he smiles graciously. Mom arrived earlier and has done most of the changing and burping, she even settled Henry down for a nap. He's snuggled up in a sleep suit ready for bed, as the sun sets outside and we finally managed to get a minute to eat.
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"Well it's the least I could do" he smiles and I look down at my food. Emotions swirling around me as I comprehend that Jay isn't here, and how that is going to be a common occurrence. Whilst we dated, before marriage we spent the entire time with each other and our friends. Not even missing a day whereby we were together. It's totally necessary of course and I understand his job is important. I'm just hormonal I tell myself. I miss him terribly as I stare down into my food grateful that I have Matthew here to cook and cheer me up and my mother and Ross to help me with Henry.
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Unable to stop myself imagining the loneliness of being left whilst Jay's away and I'm in a foreign country on my own debilitates me. I try my best to breathe steadily, however I hear the faint clang of my fork hitting the side of my plate as I drop it. Standing promptly and heading over to my phone on the side, I instantly dial his number.
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Jay answers upon the first ring having not boarded his flight yet; I sigh hearing his voice tears escaping my eyes as I walk back over to the table and sit down. Three sets of eyes watch me warily and I smile.
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"Answer me Taylor is everything okay?" He says concerned, an edge to his voice.
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"It's okay sorry I didn't mean to worry you, I just" I say and he sighs with relief.
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"I just missed you" I finish and I can feel his smile.
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"Well that's funny because I was just sitting here having curry, in the airport thinking God this is nowhere near as good as my wife's cooking" he smiles and I laugh.
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"Have you eaten" he asks softly.
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"Yes, Matthew made tagliatelle" I say eyeing him as he smiles over at me.
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"Good please eat and I miss you terribly. Is Henry okay" he asks softly and I smile.
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"He's snoring" I smile down the phone.
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"Good baby" he smirks and I laugh.
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"I love you Taylor" he says softly and I smile.
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"I love you Jay" I say as my mom stands to load the dish washer before rubbing my back as I sob.
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"I'm sorry I had to leave. I will make it up to you" he whispers.
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"With so many kisses in Italy. And lemon cakes, hell I'll even bake them this time. And pasta and Lasgane" he smiles down the phone.
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"I know, please don't miss your flight." I tell him and he scoffs as I hear the announcements in the background for his flight.
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"Well if I did I could just come back and hug you" he smiles down the phone. I hear him boarding and the attendant telling him to switch off his darn phone and I smile imagining his wry expression. As he sits in first class in his suit thinking the rules do not apply to him.
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"Next time huh, I'll bring you both with me then I can show you Dubai. When Henry is able to fly safely" he says softly and I nod. It assuages my fears and I wipe my eyes.
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"Taylor accept the help, at night. You cannot do all of this alone. I would be an absolute ignorant idiot to expect you to do that night shift alone" he smiles and I know exactly what he's alluding to. I'm sure him and Matthew discussed it earlier before he left.
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"I love you" he adds and I smile, glad that I caught him before his flight departed.
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"I love you have a safe flight" I tell him before we hang up. Henry stirs and Matthew attends to him before I can even move. Accept the help indeed I think to myself looking up at Matthew cooing him as I undo the buttons on my dress.
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"Taylor you will settle" mom says almost to herself and I smirk looking over at Matthew as he marvels at me feeding the baby in my arms.
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"You're postpartum, you should expect to be crying for at least six weeks" she explains wiping down all of the sides and placing the steriliser on.
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"It's a process woman go through and you're handling it very well. The emotions of it all" she explains and I nod glad that she is here. She paces into the laundry room and I know that my basket will be cleared once she is finished. I hear the washer dryer whirl and close my eyes.
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"Taylor, you're doing amazing" Ross smiles down next to me and I rest my head on his shoulder feeling totally tired. I'm realising that being a new mom is the most demanding job one could ever begin. Yet as I look down at Henry's little hands positioned on my chest I thank everything in this world for him being here happy and healthy. Passing him to Ross for a burp and more importantly a cuddle, I straighten out my dress. Taking a glance around the kitchen I realise there's nothing for me to tidy up, as my mom has already finished it all.
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"I'll be back tomorrow" mom says from behind me and I stand facing her. She takes me in her arms and I smile. Stroking my long hair back before releasing me from her embrace.
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"You're doing an incredible job" she explains as I walk her out through the hall.
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"Happy baby, happy mama" she sighs and I giggle.
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"Get an early night, make sure you take time for yourself. That won't be difficult with Matthew around" she smiles and I nod.
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"He's very helpful, he loves the bones of that child and you're very lucky. No need to cry" she smirks before pulling on her padded jacket and leaving.
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Pulling my long cardigan around me, I think about the many women just like my mother who raise their children single handedly. With little to no extra help. Going through the long nights alone. Without anybody to break up the monotony of no sleep. Without anybody to stand by them and take care of them as they spend every waking minute looking after their young.
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"I can't thank both of you enough" I say softly as I pace into the kitchen feeling mushy and emotional again. I pull at the sleeves of my cardigan as Matthew stands.
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"Let's get you upstairs to rest" he whispers and I nod. Ross carries the baby and Matthew supports me the entire route up the stairs. His hands delicately around my waist. Ross rocks Henry to sleep before placing him down in the bedside crib whilst I change in the walk in wardrobe privately into my nightshirt.
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There's a moment, whereby I climb into bed, facing Henry and I'm sure Ross and Matthew both stare each other down. Matthew walks him out, clearly winning the face off over who gets to look after Taylor and the baby all night long. As I close my eyes just knowing that Matthew will return.
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***
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The crying begins not even an hour later and I sit up in bed looking out at the dim sky, Matthew just over from me seated in the massage chair. The voiles pulled around the bed as I pick up Henry moving my night shirt out of the way and feeding him. He suckles happily and I wipe my sleepy eyes.
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"Imagine Matthew" I almost laugh, deliriously from my tired hazy brain.
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"Breastfeeding the twins, I would have done it, it would have been bloody arduous" I explain softly and he stands coming over to sit on the end of the bed pulling the voiles around him. I notice he's pulled on jogging bottoms and a forest green sweatshirt.
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"We would have been using that electric breast pump" he smiles and I laugh.
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"We would have" I laugh and he smiles looking down at the floor.
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"It's drawing up a lot of emotions I didn't realise I had not fully processed or gone through, being a mama" I explain and he nods.
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"Like all of the stuff I would have done with them, and I don't know whether that's just because I'm going through it at the moment emotionally. Or whether it's because I'm just drawing up comparisons naturally" I add as he takes Henry and burps him for me.
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"I think maybe it's a bit of both" he surmises as Henry burps and he chuckles holding his head delicately.
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“He’s beautiful Taylor” he smiles rocking him into his body as Henry purses his lips and closes his eyes. I smile sweetly and stroke Henry’s little nose.
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“Did you speak with Jay about everything” I whisper to him and he looks up at me warily.
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“Yes he just said thankyou really” he explains softly looking back down at the sleeping baby in his arms before depositing him into the bedside crib.
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“He’s worried about you being stressed, he explained that helping you at night is all good” he explains standing up in his joggers and stretching.
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“He didn’t go into any specifics” Matthew laughs and I smile up at him, watching him return to the massage chair.
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“Please if you’re not going to simply lay down. At least turn the chair on and have a massage. He understands that you’re going to sleep in here Matthew” I tell him softly and he sighs.
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“I know, this really is very good” he laughs as the chair works his back.
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“It’s pretty nice huh” I laugh back at him.
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Usually Jay and I wouldn’t have a flatscreen within the bedroom, however since the nighttime feeding and the many wake up calls we purchased a large flatscreen, I had explained that it would enable me to stay awake whilst feeding Henry. I had been worried about potentially falling asleep with him in my arms and the concerns surrounding co-sleeping.
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Matthew switches it on low and places on an action movie, a re run of a typical one where the hero is running around saving everybody. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep again hearing the murmur of the television and the soft snores of Henry asleep next to me.
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