Taylor's POV
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Five course meals are a treat I tell myself, looking down at plate number two on the table as I take a seat at the veranda. The table decorated with candles as the pool glistens beyond us. The trees holding darkness and the water taunting me as I refuse to think about drowning or that sickly feeling you get whenever you have swallowed too much water and it's all just taking over your body. I glance up uneasily and meet Matthew's eyes as he's watching me again.
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Braciole, a staple Italian course for gatherings was my next idea on the menu. Stuff rolled flank steaks that I have covered in breadcrumbs and cheese and then cooked and baked in rich tomato sauce, it doesn't disappoint even after the bruschetta and caprese salad. Despite my efforts I learn that Rachel will stuff almost any food in her mouth so long as there is vintage red wine to complement her meal. Christopher however praises the food and I smile pleased with my culinary efforts.
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"So this is course number two, what are the next three" Rachel enquires slurring slightly as I gaze upon her lemon dress and prey that she doesn't slop sauce all down it.
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"You like fish? Seafood linguine. And then it's your choice tiramisu or vanilla panna cotta" I say as Claire nods happily, she approves of my menu.
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"I'm going to finish it off with coffee and home baked biscuits, you can have wine instead Rachel" I giggle as she smirks at me.
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"This wine is quite something" Claire begins and I smile up at her as Jay's hand rubs my thigh under the table, we've set Henry down for a sleep and tucked him into his bassinet on the veranda with us.
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"It's my own brew of course it is" Jay says rather triumphantly, he's been on a high since we returned from the church. I watch as he gazes over at his father briefly, talking up a storm with his uncle and enjoying a meal with his family.
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"My darling gloating is not attractive" Claire laughs at her son, and believe me she's the only one that can get away with chastising him publicly without his ego being bruised. He grins eyeing his mother as his fingers brush my inner thigh and I gasp ever so slightly.
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"Although it is rather good wine" she surmises taking another sip as I watch her under the glow of the twinkling lights and the outdoor fire pit that Jay tended with his father. The facade of not getting along with his dad for years I see was unfounded, considering the amount of likeness between them in mindset and demeanour.
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"Oh leave the boy alone, Claire" Andrew chimes in as Ella nods laughing slightly. Her short cropped blonde hair the exact same shade of Jay's.
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"We wanted him to do something with his life" Andrew chortles to Claire's brother, a stocky guy with the hands of a manual labourer. Rather than the manicured professional look of Andrew, Jay's father.
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"Trust Jay to start brewing up alcohol for a profession" Andrew laughs and it's the most carefree I've ever seen him.
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"I'll tell you something though Jay, you managed a great balance. Business tycoon for a father that you have!” his uncle Thomas laughs as Jay's head swings back guffawing.
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"You managed to work the land and do a practical job whilst also being a business man" he surmises and they laugh as I stand and head back towards my kitchen. Intent on being away from the swimming pool and setting up the linguine so that it's ready for the next course.
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Preparation is key I tell myself as I hustle around the large marble countertops, intent on pulling off this five course meal even amidst my recent mental crisis and newly found pregnant state. I pour a glass of wine for show, to take to the table so that Rachel doesn’t catch on that I’m not drinking and consequently come to the correct conclusion that I’m up the duff.
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“Wine isn’t advised in pregnancy” Matthew laughs behind me, a glass of brandy in his hand.
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“Brandy isn’t advised when you’re you” I laugh back at him and he acts mock surprised holding his hands up and smiling.
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“Oh chill babe, I’m just bringing out the plates think of me as the butler” he sighs placing the finished porcelain in the dishwasher as I roll my eyes.
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“Thank you” I say softly looking down at my boiling pan and getting transfixed by the bubbles in the water. Like little pockets of air. The water swirls as it boils and my mind wanders.
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“It won’t boil any faster the more you stare at it I’ve tried that one” he says laughing as I snap out of it and head to the chiller for the prawns, mussels and shrimps. Adding them swiftly to the oil and butter and watching it all cook before my eyes.
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“Matthew” I begin softly standing back from the pan and resting on the kitchen island as he fills the dishwasher.
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“Taylor” he whispers approaching me as I look up at him and his eyes fill with hope. I squash my tears as they begin falling from my eyes and hold him at arms length when he attempts to comfort me.
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“What is it?” He asks me in my ear as I push him away.
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“When you had your overdose did you have like flashbacks” I ask him wiping my eyes as his face darkens momentarily. He opens his mouth to speak and closes it again twice before he answers me. Stroking my hair back before he has put his thoughts together into words.
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“I had moments of like temptation, where I would like fantasise what might of happened. How things could have played out differently and because it was alcohol and drugs that I overdosed on, well at first whenever I drank it would flood back to me yes” he says as I stare at his dark green eyes.
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“Is it happening to you” he whispers and I nod.
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“The feeling of the water it’s on top of me most of the time” I tell him as he nods in understanding, the pan sizzles breaking my concentration as I attempt to leave his embrace but he holds me still by my forearms.
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“I can fix this, I get you” he whispers softly his hands rubbing my forearms.
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“Matthew no, I didn’t mean it to lead you on” I tell him, it’s selfish to seek his comfort and then to leave his embrace but I must. He’s the only person in my life that has a similar experience to me. The only one who can relate to my current issues.
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“I need to cook and we will not be embracing in my kitchen” I tell him firmly as a low voice scoffs, footsteps that I failed to hear approach us as Matthew lets me go looking down at the marble floor briefly before he raises his head again.
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“You know it’s beginning to feel like I’m an imposter in my own home” Jay begins as I wipe my eyes of tears.
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“Not at all man, Taylor needed help with the food. And actually if you would pay any attention to her at all and what’s currently going through her mind you’d understand why I’m in here instead of out there chatting up a storm like you are” Matthew says as Jay scoops his hair back laughing.
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“You think that I’m unaware of my own wife. You know that’s a new one Matthew!” Jay scoffs as I attempt to remedy the situation so that there’s not a punch up at my first child’s christening party.
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“It’s my fault” I blurt out as the two angry bears glare at me, Jay’s face softening in disbelief. Matthew shaking his head fervently as I wipe my eyes free of running mascara.
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“Taylor” Jay begins softly reaching out for me as I shake my head. Jays eyes focus on my own through the silence of the kitchen, trying to work out the situation and struggling to see any deceit in my eyes.
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“Jay” Claire screams from the veranda as I look over his shoulder towards the door utterly confused. Her scream is desperate and loud enough to penetrate the marble walls that separates us from the outdoor seating area. Jay’s face darkens and briefly I catch a glimpse of the old Jay that haunts me beaming right through his eyes.
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“Jay” she screams and I jump as Matthew stands back out of Jay’s way. He flinches and then storms past the countertops wordlessly, his hands grasping onto the sides as he steadies himself knocking down glasses as they smash onto the spotless floor in shards. Jay breaks into a jog as he reaches the large oak door and I stare down at bump just briefly before looking up into Matthew’s eyes and the mess of glass all over the floor.
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“What the” Matthew begins grasping my free hand as I fumble with the gas hob intent on not burning down the farmhouse.
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“Henry it could be Henry” I almost shriek as Matthew guides me through the hall back to the party.
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“It is not Henry” he reassures me as if he just knows that my child will always be well, I look up at him as he curses rushing us to the double glass doors that lead to the swimming pool and the outside terrace.
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The night sky has darkened since my departure from the table, the air slightly cooler as I hear Henry scream from his bassinet and commit the sound of his cries to memory so that I can forever be reminded that he is okay. That he is not the reason for the hysteria.
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“Matthew” I say as he nods hurrying to collect up my baby and sooth him. The crying ceases as I hear Matthew cooing him to my left.
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“I don’t know, Jay” Uncle Thomas exhales as I look upon the white cotton handkerchief discarded over the food, the chair pushed out forcefully and the table cloth pulled down as if Andrew had grasped at it upon his fall to the tiled floor.
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“Well something must have…” Jay begins his voice unrecognisable. Quieter somehow through his sobbing.
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“Something must be done” he says softly as he kneels on the floor with his fathers head in his lap, blood spilling onto his grey suit trousers as Claire lets out a wail gazing upon the love of her life.
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Andrew’s lips are blue, his face set in a permanent expression of shock as I approach Jay on the floor and rest my arms over his shoulders.
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“I was gone but minutes” he murmurs, the blood on his hands as he checks over his father’s body for vital signs.
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“Jay we need to call for an ambulance” I whisper as he carries on ferociously checking over his dad’s chest and Claire sobs next to me.
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“Jay” I murmur grasping his hands in my own as he shakes me off.
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“On it” uncle Thomas says softly.
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“Jay” I whisper as he sobs uncontrollably, my hands going over his once more as I attempt to soothe him. My wedding vows running through my mind wildly as I tell myself that this might just be one of the biggest tests of our marriage as he pushes me off of him and continues to glare down at his fathers still body.
