Taylor's POV
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I place my phone down face first and ignore it temporarily. Jay is sipping beer, and I'm trying to work out his body language. Since he hugged me in the hospital, he has removed himself from my vicinity.
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He watches me place my phone down and stares at me for a few seconds I'm cooking for us and usually he would be around me or on me in some way. Matthew has messaged me that he misses me and I can't encourage him.
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"How was Dubai" I ask him softly, stirring the pot.
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"It was actually fine, some of the board members remember me as a six year old" he laughs and I chuckle glancing up at him. He's staring at a collection of papers on the table. He stands, stretches and heads on over to me slowly. Putting his arms around my waist and holding me close. I savour the physical contact.
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"Matty found time to draw you huh?" He asks slowly in my ear.
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I gulp slightly, not even realising where the drawing had been left. It's a wonderful portrait, of my whole entire body and it must be on the dining table. This looks bad, but of course that's not even the entirety of it.
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"Matty drew me" I say slowly.
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"What else did Matty find time to do?" He asks slowly kissing my ear and I'm confused. Is he annoyed? Or is he turned on? Who knows?
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"Jay I ugh, need to say" I begin slowly and he pulls me closer, standing behind me.
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"Oh Taylor, I want you to understand and be very clear on what I'm about to say." He says whispering.
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I nod slowly his hand holding onto bump.
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"I'm sure that something happened. Absolutely positive. But you are my wife, you are to be honest with me. And then we can find a solution here" he whispers and I can't look at him.
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I spill the beans, and I don't cry or whine or pretend I'm blameless. I don't blame the pregnancy hormones, I don't even blame Matthew. I blame myself. The whole entire thing comes out, the shower, the picture and Matthew "thanking" me. He looks down at the floor the entire time, and I just keep going.
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"He slept in our bed" he asks softly coming to stand behind me.
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"Jay" I say and he shh's me.
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"He saw you completely naked?" He asks.
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"That's a yes" he says pulling the picture out of his pocket.
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He steps back and puts the picture on the side. I can't read him, at all. His body language is too calm.
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"It's beautiful" he says running his hands through his hair. Just the slightest hint of frustration.
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"Why?" He says lounging back on the counter, arms folded over his chest as if he's asking me about something trivial like what's for desert or what the weather will be like tomorrow.
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"Did he have sex with you" he asks not letting me answer.
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"No, just what I told you" I reply instantly.
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"Taylor so help me God, no lies. I can take this shit, I've done it to enough women in my time. Granted not ones I had been married too. But I will not take lies." He says and he's adamant.
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"No he just slept in bed with me." I say. The pot boils over and I remove it from the hob.
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He watches me for a few seconds, just evaluating as if he has a lie detector over my head.
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"He came to the scan, and after that he asked me to leave with him. Which is totally crazy." I begin slowly.
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"Well not totally you had been in bed with him, sex or no sex" he says and I wince.
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He sighs and pushes his hands through his hair.
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"But why Taylor" he asks softly.
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He walks over and stands facing me again.
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"Am I not enough for you, is this not enough for you" he asks holding onto bump.
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"Yes you are, this is everything to me" I say softly.
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"I was gone for a few days, Tay" he whispers and I cry.
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"I told my father that we would fly over together next time. But only if baby is okay" he says looking down at bump. And I'm sure that he's gone into shock.
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"I spent the entire time imagining you there with me" he says.
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"The whole time" he says.
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"I'm sorry" I say and I cup his face in my hands.
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He looks at me briefly, and then shakes his head unbelieving. I remove my hands from his face.
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"This never ever happens again" he says looking down at bump.
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"I want you to text Matthew right now" he says and he's all business, emotion removed from his expression.
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"I'm sure he's been messaging you all evening. Tell him I know. And there is to be no fighting." he mutters.
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"Oh and tell him, never will he be around you alone again" he says.
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I look up at him.
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"Got it" I tell him wiping my eyes. He passes me my iPhone and I unlock it. Opening up our chat and typing out the message. He watches me press send and I place the phone down. Not wanting to see Matty's response.
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I look up into his eyes and he watches mine intently.
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"Taylor" he whispers.
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"Jay" I say softly.
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"I love you with everything I've got. This is final, no more. Okay we're not doing this again. We will have our children and then some more and grow old together" he says looking at me tears running down his cheeks.
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"If you feel something for him though now is the time to admit it" he says and how can I possibly explain this to him. Matthew was my future until fate twisted things. I've told Matthew that I love him, I erase the moment from my mind.
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"I love you, Jay" I look up at him, and I do love him. I'm surprised he hasn't shouted. But he hasn't not even once. He's a better man than I am a wife.
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"I love you and our baby. Not Matthew" I say softly. He watches my eyes assessing me; finally throwing caution to the wind and wrapping his arms around me. Breathing me in and resting his hands on bump.
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My phone illuminates on the side and I wince slightly ignoring it.
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"Check it" he says slowly.
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I pull the messages up and read. He's just asking whether I'm okay. He's concerned and he's worried. About me. Not himself.
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"He's just said are you okay and do you want me to come over" I tell Jay.
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He scoffs laughing slightly. Pushes his hair back and wipes his face, as I type out that I'm fine and that he doesn't need to worry.
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"Now" he says softly kissing me, I’m sure that he’s gone into shock. I suppose he is acting normally around me, but inevitably there is this distance.
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"We've made a mess of this food" he laughs.
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"Let's order and eat in bed" he suggests and I smile weakly.
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He walks away from me and calls up the pizza place for a delivery. I empty the pans into the bin and set up the dishwasher. Silently. Glancing at the picture just temporarily and placing it back on the table, under a mound of paperwork. I wipe my eyes and tell myself this is all just a consequence of my own selfish behaviour. I take a seat at the table the dishwasher whirring behind me and place my head in my hands.
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"Tay" he says from the doorway and I wipe my face.
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"Mhmm" I manage.
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He comes to stand behind me. I feel his hands first on my shoulders as he massages me.
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"No don't cry, it's over now" he says as I sob. How is he comforting me? It should be me comforting him.
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"I'm so sorry" I tell him facing the other way still.
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"Marriage is about making things work” he says softly. He turns me around to face him.
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“I couldn’t leave you even if I tried” he whispers.
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He pulls me up and I just stare at him, his shirt off and his hair pulled back. The love I feel for him intensifies, I feel it more than ever before. The dependency I have worries me, and I begin to imagine him leaving. I kiss him, all but smothering him with kisses. He just forgave me, for doing something that was unforgivable. I cry and kiss him, everywhere.
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"Darling" he says raspy and I look up at him.
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"I love you, I'm sorry" I whisper.
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“I’m so sorry” I tell him, and I think I’ve gone into shock or some kind of emotional hysteria. I pull him into me and he yields to me. Slowly I feel the tension ease off from his body. The way he was holding onto his jaw trying not to cry, his fists clenched and his body language held back. Eventually he lets go, and I pull him under with me.
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I must know whether he feels anything for me anymore. I’m needy, and I can’t let him walk away from me again. I hold onto him and he gasps breathless, from our continuous kissing.
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He sits me on the table, his eyes watching me. I feel the heat behind them, and I watch him carefully. I decide he needs to have sex with me; he needs to take me. And there is nothing else I want more than him. I take off my clothes. And should he reject me, then so be it, I will understand. He stares at me, I have to know if he can still have sex with me. I just have to be sure that we haven't lost our attraction, our passion. I need to know if he can still touch me. And yes maybe it’s pretty early to test it out, considering my betrayal and the pain I have just caused. But if I know Jay, offering him my whole body, and heart for that matter is the ultimate apology.
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He smirks and I smile up at him. Feeling my blood rush through my body as he accepts me putting his hands on me again. He thrusts into me instantly and his hands cradle bump.
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"I did that" he whispers in my ear.
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"I put a baby in you" he says softly and I moan in his ear.
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"It's bigger again" he chuckles.
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"He's growing" I smile and he kisses me, telling me that he loves me.
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"I'm going to have to open the door for that pizza" he chuckles pushing my leg up.
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"I want you, not pizza" I smirk laying back as he takes me.
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"I want you" he says slowly.
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"For the rest of my life, Taylor" he says as I lose myself.
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"For the rest of our lives" I tell him.
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