When the door cracks open again I look up expecting Jay and seeing somebody altogether different. A middle aged woman pokes her head through the hospital door, if it wasn't for her striken expression she looks as though she would have the same sunny smile as her son.
Wearing gym clothes, with a backpack over her shoulder she has clearly just stepped off of a plane. She pushes her golden blonde hair back, the same shade as her sons, and strides straight over to the bed.
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Tears evident in her eyes she looks down at her son, with an expression of shock.
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"Laura" Matthew says softly and he comes to stand by us.
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"Oh Matthew" she says and she cries.
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"I'm so sorry" he says and it's the first time I've properly looked at him. His eyes sunken from sadness and despair. His hair pushed away from constantly stressing. In all of this he is still Matty, still the epitome of handsome. But I yearn to hug him and console him, I wish he had a significant other to give him a hug and a kiss and to tell him that everything will be okay.
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"Where is the doctor" she asks wiping her eyes and resuming a calm business tone.
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"Here I will take you" Matty says and she follows him out without another glance around the room.
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Rachel and Nate have taken a break to smoke and eat. So it's just me left with an unresponsive Ross. I wipe my eyes sitting down on the chair. The quiet only interrupted by the beeps of the machine. The last of today's sunlight filtering through the tiny window.
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"Ross" I whisper fully knowing that he will not respond to me.
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"I told you once, that I could not live without you" I begin and I don't even know what I'm doing.
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"And if anything this experience is proving to me just how much I meant that. I don't know how I could live in a world where you don't exist. Where I can't see your smile anymore or hear your low chuckle. Where I can't make you laugh or where we can't cook pasta in my kitchen in the middle of the night" I say softly and I'm sobbing remembering all of the things we've done together.
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“Where I haven’t apologised to you for giving you half of myself and not my all.” I sob and squeeze his hand.
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I sit there motionless, holding onto the hand of a man who gave me his everything. I sob looking into my lap. Waiting for any sign, when although I cannot be sure whether I have imagined it or not, I feel just the smallest movement in his fingertips. I gasp through my sobs looking up at him expecting his true blue eyes to be open.
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They’re not, but as I watch his face tears falling down my own, I feel his whole hand hold onto mine back. I grasp onto him securely, I will not be letting him go.
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“I’m here” I whisper.
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The door opens again, and I hear muffled voices from the hall. I don’t turn to look but I’m sure it’s Matthew and Ross’ mum.
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“It will be okay” I hear him reassuring her as she walks in glances at my hand on Ross’ and smiles weakly at me.
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“You must be Taylor” she says softly.
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“Nice to meet you” I nod, unsure how she knows my name yet and I don’t know hers.
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“I just wanted to say, I can’t be totally sure but I’m almost positive he just moved his hand” I say wiping my eyes.
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“He did” she smiles shocked.
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“I was talking to him and he grasped onto me” I say elated. It’s the first sign of hope we’ve had.
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She paces around to the other side of the bed and holds onto his other hand.
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“I’ve got to say thankyou to you both” she says
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“For looking after him whilst I couldn’t be here” she sobs.
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“Not at all” Matthew says and he takes Jays seat until he returns.
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Matthew places his hand on my thigh and I know that he needs my emotional support. I glance up at him and then continue to monitor Ross.
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“He’s spoken a lot of you both” she says watching him. Eyeing Matthew’s proximity to me.
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I glance at her intrigued and a slow twitch of her lips tells me that he’s told her all about me. I flush bright pink, and she looks away. She knows her son is in love with me.
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“You’re the best people in his life” she says and she strokes his hair.
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As I settle back, feeling the most relieved I have since we arrived here, I lean just slightly onto Matty’s shoulder. Closing my eyes for a short time feeling one of his arms around my back and the other on my thigh. Just holding me his leg crossed over his knee in front of him.
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The door opens again, fully swings open startling us and the nurse from before comes in again. Her red hair up this time, and her green eyes taking in Matthew and his closeness to me. It’s an odd expression, and if I wasn’t so tired I would wonder why a nurse would regard us in that way. I glance at her as she recovers her apparent shock and gets on with her routine checks silently.
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Matthew pulls me in closer, stroking my hair. I know he needs me, he’s so tired and completely spent.
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“You need to eat” he whispers in my ear.
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“Jays bringing back burgers” I whisper back and his lips linger by my ear. I remember how he held me on the beach right after the wedding, just pulling me in continually. Wanting me and needing me.
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“Can I have some” he chuckles playfully his lips just by my neck.
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“Yes” I smile looking into his eyes wondering what his game is.
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He sighs stretching out, his hands going behind his head as I lay my head on his shoulders.
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“Can’t I eat you instead” he smiles as Ross’ mum leaves the room for a phone call. The red headed nurse is patching up Ross’ ribs and checking them.
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I chuckle and his lips graze my neck.
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“Do you think he’ll be okay” I manage thinking about Ross again, laying my head back down on Matty’s chest as he strokes my hair. I look up at him and he wipes the tears off of my face.
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“He’s a fighter” he whispers and his hands are on my chin.
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“God I’ve missed you” he whispers but I know that the nurse can hear. Who cares? She’s just a random employee right?
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“Matthew” I say softly and he shh’s me, he is irresistible. He places one finger on my lips.
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“I missed these lips.” He says softly getting carried away. He’s enchanting, just as I get lost in his green eyes the nurse bangs some apparatus by the bed and I startle.
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He rolls his eyes, finally looking at her and away from me.
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“How’s he doing?” He asks the nurse.
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She watches him briefly as I adjust myself to sitting up. Combing my hair back and pulling my dress down I stand up and smile warmly at the nurse only to be met with an expression that is cold and unfeeling.
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Matty stands next to me, arms casually linked around my lower back. He watches her with an expression that is just as baffled as my own. Why is she being so weird ?
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“Olivia, right?” He says glancing at her badge.
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“Yes” she replies finally.
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She continues to give us a brief low down of Ross and his improvements. I smile up at Matty, and he tucks my hair behind my ear.
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“See he’s a fighter” he whispers getting lost in my eyes again.
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“I told you so” he chuckles one hand on my hip and the other on my jaw as the nurse fills out the flip chart.
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The nurse leaves without a smile or so much as a second glance.
