Ross POV
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1vaqmIkOr
I'm watching Taylor, pace around the kitchen. She's cooking and I can't keep my eyes off of her. Yes, I had a moment with Olivia, it struck me as odd. Bizarre even that my head was turned by another woman. Taylor has been my muse for a while, the one I think about when I'm about to write a poem, the one I model all of my future moments on. However, I remind myself that she's married and quite clearly pregnant. I look back down at pride and prejudice, away from her and her black dress which hugs bump perfectly.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXqDIexNOr
Olivia. I don't even know her second name. Matthew doesn't do anything by the book. Had I of been dating her I would have made sure everybody knew how brilliant she was, I would boast about her to everybody. And at the very least I would have introduced her properly. He doesn't deserve half of the women that choose to stick by him.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDYt9TJM45
"Ross could you just grab the onions and the garlic" Taylor calls over her shoulder and I smile standing up and heading to the largest fridge I've ever seen in my life. Opening the door I grab the things she needs and head over to the stove. Almost forgetting myself and wrapping my hands around her. She looks up at me perplexed as I hover and I smile, lean on the side with my arms crossed over my chest.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVBxrU3xDt
"Did you take the medicine" she asks me stirring the pot.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzSnc9G2Se
"I'm waiting till I try this food" I say softly and she looks up at me.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWMtMfVNkG
"I've been on a hospital diet, and this is practically gourmet" I laugh and she smiles.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbygqd050bx
We haven't broached the subject of me proposing to her just before her wedding. We haven't discussed how I was thinking about her day and night, which led me to driving around all night. I look down at the marble floor. We haven't talked about the fact that she will be away a lot, in Italy.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kOK1TlRSJ
"So" I say like a moron and she looks up at me unassuming, a touch of concern in her expression.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwRBpMTbVw
"So" she says quietly and I laugh slightly. Jay has gone to pick up antacids, Taylor was complaining about indigestion which is apparently a massive pregnancy symptom, who knew?
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsyBO2oeYJ
"You married Jay huh" I say not knowing how to bring it all up. I had told her that she didn't need to give me a definitive answer whilst I was down on my knees in Australia. That I would know by her walking down the aisle or not. She walked it. Practically skipped it up to him.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeq2lDDCTji
She looks at me shy and then back down at the pot, exhaling.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8jQmbyNjD
"You had years" she says muttering.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxZrfgRhfh
"I had years did I?" I say turning to face her, smirking ever so slightly.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONrZRNGQB6
"The way I saw it was, we were together, and then you chose Matty. We were together again and then you chose Jay" I say softly.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDhdKpHZRY
"Ross" she says softly and I know she's trying to placate me again. I fall for her, looking down into her eyes.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HkuWzzUj2
"I told you I would marry him, I'm in love with him" she says softly.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCm4zxcGviE
"I know but you told me you loved me, a whole lot, Taylor" I say softly, reminding her.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhaWgcdWpv
She scoops up some of the sauce and holds her hand beneath it so that it doesn't spill. She blows on it and brings the spoon to my lips. I taste the sauce watching her and she waits for my verdict.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhA1LaqiMBr
I smile, and head into the pantry and grab some peppercorns handing them to her wordlessly and she stirs more in. We both love cooking. We have all of the same interests really; reading and literature. Baking and the theatre. My main interest right now is how she purses her lips together concentrating as she forms her thoughts waiting to respond to me.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVU4rOaTl1
"I did love you, with all that I had" she whispers looking down at the pan. I head to the fridge and grab some more cream, reading her mind. She smiles when I hand it to her.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTA6EuHTqcS
"I know" I whisper and she adds the cream in.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuq1cYUGxL
I decide that this conversation is not giving me the answers that I want and need. In all honestly I would rather be kissing her slowly whilst she stirs the pot. But I'm not Matthew. It's not the right thing to do and so I will not do it.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW26EVkijaF
"It's okay" I say and she looks up at me curiously.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRL73SeK2iL
"It's not" she says softly.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjgjWd1v2Q
I smile at her reassuringly and stroke her hair back.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVpNuU7UtP
"I understand" I say softly looking down into her soft face.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCdVQplhkZ
"How's baby" I ask and she grasps her waist, I yearn to cradle her. To stroke her waist.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FiHax0V01
"Making me feel rather full and large" she explains.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsKvd4YERG
"Not large. Pregnant. You know, I used to" I say not thinking before I speak.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBIuwIX19Q
"You can go on it's okay" she smiles, frying up the first steak. And this is just how I imagined how we'd be if we were together. Cooking together, but in each other’s arms.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfLyQiFoHo
"Do you remember when you were staying at mine" I say reminiscing on a time before she was with Jay.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4pdrSybzY
She blushes and I continue.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhagqVM9HZ
"You climbed in my bed at night" I say. We weren't strictly together, but it was the only chance I got to show her how I really felt. She looks up at me and smirks. I made love to her through the night and in the morning.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9ZHYACYCO
"I drove us to university the next day and I asked you what you wanted for the future and the only thing I could think was I'm going to get that girl pregnant." I say, and she breathes in steadily.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ872e7U6sf7
"My best friend, my soul mate, my lover" I say softly and she sighs looking up at me like I'm a romantic fool.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBl5vfegW01
"We could have had it all" I say softly as she stares at me.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91ldANPEZe
She wipes her eyes, crying slightly just staring at me. I take her hand in mine and wipe her tears for her.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwE7n4Gi3SB
"You know, that's my biggest regret in life, not keeping you with me. Not showing you how much I felt for you. Not just telling you that I saw a future for us. I could have made it work." I say softly and she sobs. She turns to the steak and flips it.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdbXbV1Hp4
"Or after you saved my life, the first time around, after the motorbike accident. I kept thinking the whole entire time; tell her. Make it happen" I whisper.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFECUxS6SRP
She cups my face in her hands, the shock of her physical contact coming over me. And it's a wonder I don't pull her into me and cry, but there's something in her expression that makes me hesitate. A sadness, regret.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1xdgpO9HZ
"I was pregnant then" she says softly and I can't help it I gasp.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57RUGVBlow
"I was pregnant with Matthew's child" she sobs.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡES5mdbkuYI
I look at her completely astonished, she wipes her eyes and it's like the axis to my world just tilted. She never told me and nor did he.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWqWOEVrF2
"Taylor" I whisper. Wondering in my head how they lost their child; did she miscarry or did she opt for abortion?
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0u87gcqpz
"Matthew" I begin lost for words. She flips the second steak and turns back to me. Wiping her eyes again.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ328U4m9Ae4
"That's why I always say this is all my fault. I conceived his first ever child and lost it."she explains softly.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNpuRu7kME
"Jay knows, and now you. That's it" she explains.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5s9GhSZ2I
"I'm sorry" I tell her softly stroking her face. I’ve never had to have this conversation with any woman before. I’m lost and floundering in the dark. The agony in her eyes, compels me to comfort her.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJkGfyIbMt
"I never deserved his baby. But I loved him and I loved the time we had planning our lives out. We heard the heartbeat, we thought up names. And then overnight we lost everything" she says.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbPsf1aJgi
"We split because I couldn't handle the pain anymore. We split because I felt like I died with my unborn baby. The physical and emotional pain was unbearable. And even though he tried over and over to make things normal again, I couldn’t be normal around him. Jay…” she begins.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBb2lvm5uj
“Jay was there continuously at that time; he didn’t know about any of it. And no his intentions weren’t always honourable. But he made me feel normal, he made me laugh again. He made me want to be myself again. Not Taylor the failure, the girl that couldn’t successfully carry Matthew’s baby. Jay brought me back to life. And I will forever, feel guilty about Matthew. I will forever regret not being there for him when he was grieving both our unborn baby and our relationship alone." She sobs.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgMUUUBelx
Matthew carried that grief alone. He didn't tell a soul. The suicide attempt now makes total sense to me, when he attempted to end his life and I found him rushing him to hospital. At the time I couldn’t fit the parts together, because I was missing a piece. This piece, the loss of a baby.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJIWk8LhJH
I look back into her eyes and she assesses me. I place my arms around her, pulling her into a hug. Some situations you can't talk through. Words don't come close. She cries onto my shirt and I attempt to pull my mind together. But now it all makes sense to me, Matthew and his venom at Jay last night. Yelling that Taylor was his first, I suppose he planned his entire life with her. He considered being with her forever and then fate took that away from him, from them both.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVut6hqhBb
"Shhh" I say softly stroking her back.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuYQSTLp6d
"I’m sorry" I whisper.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eci1E12L4
“We didn’t tell anybody, and that was the worst” she cries.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2VPZdoaTz
“It’s a struggle for him to even be around me, because we had everything. And then I lost it. And that’s another reason why Italy is the best and only option for Jay and I. I won’t feel like I’m shoving my family in Matthew’s face, whilst he looks on grief stricken” she explains and realisation dawns on me. Perspective hits you square in the face when you know all of the facts, when you’re in on the secrets.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqp86936qjL
“And I can’t do that to him. I need him to have his own life, his own love and eventually his own family.” She says softly.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUgyo2d07B
I kiss her forehead, she’s my best friend. She wipes her eyes and we disentangle ourselves from one another. She plates up two steaks and begins frying another.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eAO8VSx3e
“And I don’t want to lose you, or anybody in my life. But that distance, whilst I’m away, You will stop picturing me in your head every time you think of your own future.” She says softly and I shake my head. Defiantly, I’ve proposed to his woman and she thinks I will just forget her.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGB2qf1zNB
“I will still love you” I whisper.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3H5s9yMdRl
“But you have to stop thinking about it, and with me away you will” she says to me softly.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7DdWkTV0X
The door clicks and I hear Jay bustling through the foyer.
26Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqtN2HIshK
“Got em” he calls out and she pulls her hair up. Wiping her eyes again as I clean up all of the ingredients and set down the plates.
