Nobody ended up cooking breakfast, whilst he showered I dressed and texted Jay. He hasn't arrived yet, and that just means he'll be away for even longer than I had thought. I searched up flights to Dubai and realised it may take him give or take twenty hours to get there.
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"Matty" I call through the door.
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"Yes babe" he replies and I sigh.
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"You driving or me" I ask.
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"Me, of course" he says and I can just imagine the smile on his lips.
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He appears out of the en-suite in his boxers as I'm sitting waiting on the bed. I've dressed so as to avoid giving him another show. I remember exactly how his hair looked wet. We used to shower together all the time, day and night. I used to run my hands through his wet hair and kiss him. He used to thrust into me in the shower, water droplets falling down his forehead, emerald eyes staring into mine as he made me orgasm.
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"You all good" he says pulling me out of my trance.
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I yank my eyes away from him and let him dress without me ogling him. I can hear him doing up jeans, pacing around the room for his shirt which is in the bag he carried up last night. I look over my shoulder at him, grabbing a shirt out of his bag. Standing up and stretching, looking out the window and finally putting it over his head. My phone buzzes and I jump looking down at it. I answer the call to Jay, my husband.
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"Taylor" he says and I smile lying back on the bed, phone to my ear. My world aligns again hearing his voice.
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"Jay" I reply softly, Matty looks at me with his wet hair and lays down next to me.
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"Yes babies fine, I'm fine. How're you" I smile.
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"Tired, missing my wife" he says and I feel this massive pang in my gut. I haven't done anything with Matty. Apart from sleep next to him. I frown slightly watching Matty lying on his back, hands on his chest. We're too familiar with one another, I'm leading him on again. Sleeping next to him is just the beginning I tell myself before I drag myself away from my thoughts.
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"Miss you too" I tell Jay, and I do.
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"I'll let you know when I've landed I just wanted to hear your voice" he explains and I can almost sense his little smile through the phone.
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"Okay I love you Jay baby" I say and Matty scoffs, I place my hand over his mouth. Muffling the noise.
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"Love you" Jay says and I kiss the phone goodbye.
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Matthew eyes me, twinkling eyes just dying to laugh at my nickname for Jay.
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"Jay baby" he smirks.
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"I know that he is not the most baby like guy but it just comes out" I say chuckling.
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"So adorable" he smirks and stands up.
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I follow him out and down to the front door. Setting the security system behind us as he heads to the car.
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Matty is the designated driver. I doubt he would enjoy me driving his 4x4. I'm not great at parking, I scar up all the tyres every time I have to pull in anywhere.
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He has a new car, an upgraded one since we were together. Still, now sitting next to him in his car feels the same as it always did. I glance up at him, he's dressed in a light heather grey shirt, his leather jacket and Levi's. Eternity ring on his finger, the one I gave him. He starts up the car and pulls around the water fountain to head down the drive. His Ray Bans and his playlist on.
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"Taylor, stop staring at me" he smirks.
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"Ohhh shhh, I'm evaluating. You look great, good choices today she will most definitely give you her number, again" I laugh.
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"There will be no such thing" he says softly and he moves his free hand to rest on my thigh.
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"Matty we are getting too familiar" I say looking down at his hand on me.
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"I know, I'm sorry I just find it hard you know when we were together. We did all this stuff and now we don't anymore." he says.
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I should be firm, I should be decisive and remove all physical contact. I glance up at him, concern etched all over my face. I watch as he pushes his hair back absentmindedly looking out at the traffic. He looks down at me briefly and smiles, a wide grin that reaches his eyes.
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"Taylor I promise I can control myself. You're not with me you're with Jay baby" he smirks and I swat him.
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"Owww" he says laughing.
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"No I'm serious! You're with him. I'm just taking these little moments but I know that is all they really are. Momentary" he says and he looks at me reassuringly.
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I focus on looking out of my window, thinking about it all. I decide a change of focus could help.
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"Humour me, let's get the girl." I smile at him and he scoffs.
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"I suppose at least then nobody will suspect that we just spent the night in each other's arms" he chuckles still indecisive.
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I smile and look out of the window, my own sunglasses on as we drive through the palm lined neighbourhood on route to hospital. I'm wearing a strappy cami dress which clings to my body, it's warm and I can feel the sun beaming down through the window, my hair blowing back in the breeze.
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I feel Matty's hand stroke my thigh and I should most probably stop him. I glance over at him and he looks at me through his shades smiling.
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"Baby, okay?" he asks and I nod at him. He glances out of the window again, his hand just stroking me. Up my thigh and down again, I close my eyes and rest my head back.
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"I love you" he whispers and I exhale slowly, not wanting to have the I'm married conversation again.
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"If I take her number, and I do all of this. It will be for the wrong reasons. And actually she deserves more than that. True I don't even know her, but she doesn't need me coming along and fucking things up for her." He whispers his hand just grazing my thigh, I sigh. His thumb circling over my inner thigh. Jay, your husband, my head screams.
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"You have all of the power here, we've already established that I would do anything for you. So are you sure you want me to flirt with her" he says softly.
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I open my eyes turn my head to look over at him and he glances at me from looking out the windshield. Raising his eyebrows he watches my smile.
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"I just want you to be happy" I say and my voice is just a whisper.
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"I am happy" he whispers back, pushing his brunette hair back and looking back out of the windshield.
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I place my hand on him, just lightly and he watches me.
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"We can't overcomplicate things now" I say softly.
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"We can" he says quietly.
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"Just for a moment, we can Taylor" he says.
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"I'm with him Matty. And I will always love you, but I'm with him." I say slowly.
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"I will settle to just have you in my life still" he says and he looks over at me. This is a charged conversation for the morning. I stroke his thigh and then remove my hand. He keeps his firmly on me.
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"I think you're right" I say after a short pause.
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"It's wrong of me to push you into this woman" I say.
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We're quiet for a minute or so, whilst he parks up in the hospital lot and pays the daily fare from his phone.
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"Oh no let me" he says when I go to open the door. He appears at my side and opens the door for me and I smile at him.
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"I could totally have done it" he smirks as we walk up to the hospital entrance. I burst out laughing.
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"Oh Matthew I know you could get any girls number that's not what I was saying" I chuckle.
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The automatic doors open and we head through the corridor together, he grasps my hand in his own.
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“Just for now” he says looking down at me his shades now on his head.
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“For now” I say softly as we walk to the ICU.
