Olivia's POV
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🎧The Greatest - Billie Eilish
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The jealousy I feel over Taylor is all consuming, which is totally stupid and illogical. She is gazing down into her lap at her perfect little baby bump. As if having a husband like Jay isn't enough she has to completely bewitch Matty too. I watch him walk back to me just yearning to be with her instead, and my mind tells me to run. But when I look at him, sitting down next to me resting his arm behind my chair, like he's with me, I decide to stay put.
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I'm not a total fool, if that kiss wasn't proof enough, of his unwavering love and adoration of her then I'm not sure what else would be. I spin the damn bottle hoping to get somebody other than him. I'm fuming with him, that he continually feels the need to try it on with her when I'm around. That he has this history with her, which I know all about. And mostly that I don't have any real memories with him.
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I look over at him in his swim trunks and sigh, it's going to take a lot for me to walk away from somebody this beautiful and so tragically confusing. He gazes at me and then sips some whiskey. His brunette hair hanging just slightly over his forehead. He gazes up at her again on her own, I've been keeping count of the sheer amount of time he's looked at her. That was the thirty sixth time.
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The bottle spins and lands on Ross, his friend and my ex patient. The other blonde that looks just like Jay. But not quite, he's got more of a baby face, slightly longer hair and less rugged.
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He stands and I insist on going over to him as he's injured. I've never played a game like this before apart from when I've been with Matthew. It's unnatural for me to want to be kissing all of these people. Quite frankly it's juvenile. I'm a thirty year old woman, not a nineteen year old girl. However I'm willing to involve myself with all of this for Matty.
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There's something about him which I can't quite put my finger on, true it is that he's the first man I've ever slept with. So there's that, but more than that is the hold he already has on me. I remember him coming into the hospital the first time I ever met him, his eyes full of panic and loss and I just wanted to comfort him.
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I kiss Ross delicately, he has a tender way about him. Nothing on Jay, and the kiss he placed on my lips earlier but sweet all the same. I'm still wearing his wet suit, it's too big but it does the job. I won't be exposing any of my body here. It took all of my courage to be naked in front of Matthew. Let alone all of his friends.
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I take a seat back down next to him, my tortured brunette boyfriend and I swoop my dark red hair over my other shoulder. It hangs all the way down to my waist and I play with it in between my fingertips because I'm not good with social interactions.
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Jay takes a seat back down at the table, and I watch as Taylor stands up and he pulls her bare hips back onto his lap. He smiles at her and she chuckles. Her long brunette waves flowing around her bump in her white bikini. I'm just trying desperately not to get flashbacks of him doing her in the their kitchen. Rachel warned me to wait before entering but I couldn't have guessed they would have been doing that.
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I envy Taylor, the freedom she has with her body. The way that she's happy to sit here in front of everybody pregnant in a bikini. I guess it helps that she's perfect in every way.
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"You all good" Matthew asks looking up at me, I stare through him.
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"Yeah I'm all good" I tell him quietly and he looks at me with the same expression he always wears; confusion.
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"The bottles on you, so I have to kiss you" he clarifies and I nod, not even realising he had spun it.
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Kissing Matthew is different for me, logically my mind tells me it's because I've never kissed a guy before him. He caresses my lips and I respond to him as he pulls me in with his hands.
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Just as I want to deepen the kiss he pulls away again and I smile looking down at my lap, playing with my hair again.
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"You wanna sleep soon" he whispers and I look at him. He doesn't know what to say to me half of the time, he's just stabbing in the dark and hoping he doesn't upset me. In other words our communication could be better.
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"I'd like that" I say to him and he sits back lounging in the chair next to me, arm around my shoulders.
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The bottle spins and lands on Rachel, she grabs a hold of Ross and practically makes out with him. He winces sitting back down and I laugh slightly to myself. Even though she's loud and obnoxious there's this side to Rachel that is free and accepting of everybody.
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I watch as she twirls the bottle, Taylor protesting that we've done two rounds already and that she needs to take Jay up to bed. I laugh slightly and she smiles up at me. Despite having wild sex in their kitchen they're nice people, very accommodating. From making veggie food for myself to giving me a wetsuit in order to make me feel comfortable and included.
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I notice how Jay cannot keep his hands off of his wife and yearn for that kind of physical relationship, he holds her all of the time. Paying her and only her attention.
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"Rachel you've got Jay this time" Taylor laughs as she moves into their space.
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"Ahh can I not have both" she laughs and Jay scoffs.
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Taylor kisses Rachel and I look down as Jay kisses her too. It’s shocking that a three way kiss is maybe the most promiscuous thing I've ever seen, in my thirty years. I look over at Matthew and he's watching Taylor again. This is the fortieth time.
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Jay’s hands on Taylor’s chest while Rachel kisses her. I sigh knowing I’ll never get that kind of attention. Looking back over at Matthew I see the need in his eyes, the way he craves her is something he’ll never posses for me. Ross catches my eye. A small smile on his lips, maybe it’s one of pity, or just friendliness. I’m not sure I’ve never really interacted with him before other than being his nurse.
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He jabs Matthew in the side sensing my discomfort. I quickly glance down at my drink and finish it. Feeling Matthew stroke my arm, I look up at Ross and he pushes his blonde hair out of the way, watching me closely.
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Taylor stands up announcing that she's taking her husband to bed and Jay smirks holding onto her hips.
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"Pick any bedroom, apart from mine" she laughs.
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“I want the balcony room” Rachel says like a child and she grabs Christopher. They head in and I pick up the scattered glasses.
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“I’m just gonna go up” Matthew says looking down at me unsure, he’s really drunk. I notice the way his eyes can’t focus and I nod. Even drunk he’s absolutely breathtaking. I know he’s trying to get her alone, all of the time. So that he can steal a moment with her in the hall.
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Ross hasn’t moved yet and I leave him be taking in a few glasses and placing them in the rather fancy state of the art dishwasher. I clear the entire table, coming back out with his medicine, and some water.
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Handing it to him looking away and out to the pool, I hold back tears. Seeing the man that you want, the person you’ve placed high on a pedestal, the one that can do no wrong. Doing all of the wrong things and on top of that loving somebody else is hard.
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“Please sit down” Ross says to me, very quietly. A few tears escape my eyes and I wipe them away with my finger. He shakes his head appalled, breathing out exasperated.
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I cry, because with Matthew I want things to work.
With Matthew, I wanted my first love to be my last.
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“This is not okay” Ross says softly and I wipe my eyes.
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“It’s fine I’m just overreacting.” I tell him and he shakes his head.
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“No you’re not” he says softly and I look over at his genuine care. An expression I haven’t seen on him before now. Sympathy and understanding. He lights up a cigarette and hands me it.
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“Honestly, you’re worth more” he mutters softly.
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“I’m not” I say softly looking at him, as he lights up his own. He’s sober and I’ve had a few glasses of wine. He shakes his blonde hair back and smiles at me. He makes me feel safe, like there’s no side to him. No calculation or manipulation behind his smiles.
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“I say so” he says, and I never noticed the smile lines he gets when he grins. His long blonde hair and his perfect white teeth.
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“Please don’t cry over Matty” he says slowly his hand moving slowly over to my face. He wipes away the tears and I sigh.
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“It’s just I’ve really tried. I took him out for lunch and showed him street art for fucks sake” I laugh a little and he smirks his hand finally touching my hair. Ross isn’t predatory in the way he touches me, not possessive. He’s just instinctual, and above all else caring.
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“If a girl like you came along and took me out for lunch” he sighs looking down at his glass of water. His hands removed from my hair. I crave him instantly, which is an odd feeling for me. I’ve never experienced it before.
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He smiles to himself and laughs slightly.
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“No finish your sentence, I need to hear it” I say to him. He glances up at me and there’s that smile.
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“Olivia, if a girl as beautiful as you came into my life, I wouldn’t treat her like that” he says softly and then sips his water. He looks out to the pool slightly shocked with his admission, but owning it all the same.
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I’ve no experience of situations like this, and I think wildly in my brain of what to say. What would Rachel do in this situation; she would most likely launch herself at him. That’s a no, from me, I wouldn’t even know what to do in any case. What would Taylor do I consider; she would most likely just stare at him with her blue eyes and smile. I don’t have beautiful eyes so instead I look at him normally and he returns my stare. An expression of shock on his face which is quickly replaced by care and dare I say it love.
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