A pool that overlooks the ocean is something to be in awe of. With steps that allow you to walk straight down onto the beach for ease of access, I imagine us being in this pool almost the entire two weeks.
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The true blue of the water shimmers under the beams of the midday sun. I push my brunette waves behind me to flow down the sun lounger. And hopefully to let them dry out in curls. I've just dipped into the pool and now I'm laying under the terrace just gazing out at the ocean. Losing myself in the sounds of the waves.
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Jay strides out of the infinity pool, water dripping off of him, his hair slick and his eyes trained on me. I've taken my bikini off, we're out of view of any spying eyes, and frankly I just don't want the tan lines.
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"This is quite a view" he mutters standing over me dripping water everywhere, his eyes taking in my lack of clothes.
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"Just trying to get you out of the water" I smile up at him.
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"Well you managed that" he says smiling.
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"Are you going to join me" I ask him and he smirks.
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He appraises me, sits down on the lounger and pulls his trunks off. I blush bright red and he laughs sipping his beer.
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"That's more of a view, I'm all round and pregnant" I laugh.
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"Mmm you are all pregnant aren't you" he smirks, his hands going over bump.
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"It's sexy" he says simply kissing me and he grins irresistibly.
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"Is it?" I tease him and he shuffles closer to me.
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"Mhmm" he smiles kissing me.
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"Want to have sex in the Italian sunshine?" He whispers.
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"Always" I whisper back.
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"And then later on I am going to take you out for spaghetti and meatballs" he smiles and I chuckle.
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"And cheese, and orange juice" he laughs talking to bump. I swoon and he climbs on top of me.
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"If you insist on having your nipples on full view" he begins looking up at me his tongue working over them.
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"Then you must expect me to be paying them a whole lot of attention" he smiles up at me. I fist my hands in his hair and before I know it he is making love to me.
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"Think I should be more quiet?" I laugh as he makes me shout out his name.
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"No please, Taylor" he smirks, pulling back to look at me.
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"I'd love for the whole beach down below to hear" he chuckles lips on my own.
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"Louder?" I ask him cheekily.
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He begins moaning in my ear, so close that I can feel his hair tickling my neck.
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"Do you like it when I make you moan" he whispers in my ear.
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"Mmmmm" I say and he smirks.
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"Jay" I whisper slowly and his eyes watch me, waiting.
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"I love you" I tell him.
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"I love you" he says breathless.
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I lose myself in him. Completely and utterly. He scoops me up so I'm sitting in his lap and even though bump is much bigger now, we manage to remain close the entire time. His mouth locked onto mine and my hands in his hair. He pulls my hips close and I sigh, shaking.
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Afterwards he lifts me up, standing he walks me into the pool with him. I rest my head in his chest, feeling the warm sun on my back. He kisses me and I smile.
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"I can't keep my hands off of you" he smirks.
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"It's the best feeling in the world" I tell him.
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"Villa Principessa" I say questioning him.
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"Well Principessa means princess. And so I went with this villa because you're my princess" he laughs his cool hands going through my wet hair.
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"Also have you seen that view over the pool" he laughs and I can't help it but I laugh along with him.
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"It's a bit of a selling point" he says.
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"You haven't bought this too have you" I say laughing.
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"No I reined myself in" he laughs back.
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He stares into my eyes as the water covers our shoulders, making my hair slick and straight again. The blue of his eyes mirroring the water.
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"I'm sorry" he whispers and my mind cannot compute what he could possibly have to apologise for and I look at him questioningly.
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"I'm sorry I left" he says in a small voice.
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"No god no" I protest but he raises a finger to my lips.
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"I know how much the appointments get to you, Matthew and I spoke over the phone" he says and I'm all ears.
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"He mentioned that you were nervous, no more than nervous, scared. And I'm sorry that I wasn't there. That was not okay." He says softly and I feel his hands on the small of my back.
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"Matthew is my best friend, and even though I don't particularly like him at the moment. I'm grateful that he reassured you and was there" he says. I shake my head at this mess that I've caused.
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"Jay" I say looking into his eyes tears escaping my own. It's pretty much my normal past time by now, crying. Rachel joked that she thought I would be all out of tears by now.
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"You are the most incredible man and husband. You will be the most amazing father to our children. What happened is totally on me not you" I say wiping my eyes.
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"I should have said no to having Matthew in the house alone, I should have insisted Jay. Purely because we have a history. It will never ever happen again. I hate myself for allowing it to happen the first time around. The fact that I could have jeopardised our future, it's unforgivable" I say holding his head in my hands.
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"When you're heavily pregnant" he whispers.
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"What if I have to leave. And I will refuse my dad as much as possible. But if I absolutely have to, I would rather you're safe." He whispers.
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"I'll go with you" I whisper.
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"Flying is not good so close to labour" he says slowly stroking my cheek with his fingertips.
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"I'm annoyed with him, of course I am. But I cannot deny the need for keeping you safe" he says contemplating and I decide to end that conversation.
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"We'll cross that beidge together if we have to" I say.
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"I love you, I adore you Jay Gilbert Scott. And I will never ever disappoint you again. Or take us for granted. You are my entire world" I tell him and I mean it. I place his hands on bump and look into his eyes.
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He kisses me slowly and tenderly. Looking at me briefly and smiling. He returns to kissing me and I close my eyes. We remain in each other's arms, just floating on the water.
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"We have a birth plan to write" I whisper opening my eyes and looking at him.
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"A birth plan" he chuckles.
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"Indeed, plans for birthing this baby. What type of pain relief and what type of birth we want" I explain softly.
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"Ohhh Taylor I am good with writing up plans" he laughs stroking me.
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I smile at him, finding his low chuckle irresistible.
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“I hadn’t thought about it. I was so worried about the pregnancy and something going wrong that I hadn’t thought about the actual birth” I say softly.
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“I know that I don’t want anything too surgical, if avoidable. It will remind me of the…” I begin and hide my face.
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“I understand Taylor. We never spoke about what happened, and I think maybe you should if you feel comfortable” he says pulling me in. Feeling his arms encircle me, I rest into his chest.
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“I just lost the baby” I begin clutching at my waist.
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“And we were unsure of what to do. I underwent a surgical procedure. The remaining tissue was removed and the feeling after, it was…I was just empty. Physically and emotionally” I say softly.
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“Completely empty of all of the life that had been inside of me” I say looking out at the ocean before me.
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“All of the things we had thought up and dreamed about were just gone. And Matthew is Matthew, he did what any man would do. He cared and he tried and he made me feel even more loved. But it wasn’t something that I could just recover from. And now whenever I have an appointment, I get anxious about that time, the emptiness” I say attempting to explain it to him.
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He nods and kisses me. Understanding dawning on his face.
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“It was a lot for him, Jay. To go through that with me; balancing my emotions and the pain physically and mentally. And his own. And yes it was selfish of me to ask him to come to my appointment with me but I wouldn’t have gone if somebody wasn’t with me” I say softly.
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“Sometimes I still see it, the blood and his pained expression. Rushing to the hospital. But worst of all was the feeling of waking up in pain; with no baby left inside of me” I mutter, I wipe tears away and he just listens. Holding onto me, closely the still water al around us.
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“I had this wild thought at the time. That even if my baby was forever asleep, I wanted to keep him or her inside of me. Which is totally stupid” I sob.
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He wipes my eyes his hands cradling bump.
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“I understand” he says softly, crying too.
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“I’m so sorry you went through that, both of you. My mother experienced many miscarriages, at various stages of pregnancy, throughout my childhood. And I have seen the effects and the sorrow and the pain” he says stroking my back.
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“I know that pain, the pain that affects somebody you love. And I know that Matthew experienced that” he says looking down at me, contemplating.
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“I used to pray for my mum to be okay” he says and I glance into his blue eyes, imagining him as a ten year old seeing his mother distraught. I stroke his arms.
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“I used to beg for her not to be upset, not because I couldn’t handle it but because, she was in so much pain” he explains and he’s fathoming Matthew’s experience. Before now we had never really discussed the aftermath that both myself and Matty experienced together. It wasn’t something I was ready to talk about, and I didn’t realise that he would relate so much to the feelings we went through together.
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“It would have been difficult for him to be around you pregnant; and I get that. I can see his motivations and I can relate to them at least in some way” he adds finally.
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“Nobody was there for him, not even me. We didn’t tell anybody about the pregnancy and when we miscarried I couldn’t help him, I couldn’t be there for myself let alone him and he just had to deal on his own. I felt guilty about that, so so guilty” I explain to him.
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He nods and I take his hands in my own. My hands going over our wedding rings as I look up at him.
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“I want us to plan the birth together later. I think that will help me to be more in control of the situation; and of my feelings” I say to him and he nods.
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“I brought the stuff with me, and I think if we read through it together, then we’ll both know what to expect. Also we should most likely book in an antenatal class or two for when we are back” I smile at him.
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“I’ll book them tonight” he smiles looking excited by the whole thing.
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“Jay” I say softly holding his head in my hands.
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“We’re going to be parents. Like in a couple of months, this baby is going to be our responsibility” I say to him.
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“We are and actually you’re totally right antenatal classes are a must” he smiles.
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“This is really happening for us” I smile at him and he kisses me.
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“I can change diapers” he laughs and I smile at him.
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“And I can give amazing cuddles” he smirks.
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“I’m counting on amazing cuddles from you” I smile at him.
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“Whilst I’m pushing out your baby” I smirk.
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“Without a doubt” he winks at me and I wrap my arms around him.
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