"So what are you calling baby" Rachel asks loudly and Henry jabs away at my tummy waking up from her noise.
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I sip my water and smile at her; Matthew's hand is on my thigh under the table. Occasionally he strokes one finger up my inner thigh and it's making me shiver. I stare at him pointedly begging him to behave and he smirks looking down at his steak.
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"So we were thinking Caleb" I say softly. Over the glow of the candle I see her appraise Nate with her eyes and then look back at me.
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"But we may change our plans" I say keeping the name Henry quiet. I feel Matthew's hand move my underwear to the side and I stare up at him as Rachel begins eating her lasagne again.
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"Eat your food" he whispers. We ended up at a bustling Italian restaurant, its full to the brim not a table is empty. The food is truly delicious and the music is joyous and loud.
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"I like the name Caleb" Rachel interrupts as I'm forking up some pasta. I place it in my mouth feeling Matthew stroke me just once. I gasp and hide my utter shock.
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"Is it nice?" Matthew asks looking down at my face and I nod. His eyes linger, his fingers holding onto me between my legs. I squirm unbelieving he's doing this to me in public and in front of our completely oblivious friends.
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"What about the pasta" he whispers cheekily.
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"Wonderful" I say softly and I look back down at my plate.
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Rachel begins nattering on about her ideas on baby names and I try to listen, but her names are utterly ridiculous.
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"Ej" she suggests and Matthew laughs. I rest my head back as Matthew continues moving his hand up and down my thighs, I get lost.
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"Ej standing for?" I ask her.
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"Just EJ" she replies smiling.
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"I'm more traditional" I say and I grab some pasta to stop myself from moaning. It works and I focus on chewing and holding conversation instead of the pleasure building between my legs.
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Eventually after three more mouthfuls of spicy arrabatia I stand and his hand quickly rests by his knee.
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"I need the bathroom, I feel a tiny bit" I say to Rachel and Nate who are a bit shocked. I fein sickness and focus on putting both feet into motion. I know that he will follow me.
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I walk through the crowds of patrons all waiting at the bar for their drinks and head to the restrooms. I walk down a long hallway which unlike the bold interior of the restaurant is decorated all in white. It's clinical and clean looking.
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"Tay" he calls behind me and I can feel his apprehension. His voice full of excitement and worry in the same instance.
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I turn to face him, my eyes lost in his. He approaches me and I open the small door to the singular rest room.
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He closes the door behind him and it's like the past few days have been building up to a climax. To a moment. This moment right here, as his lips crash into mine, hands pulling my top over my head. And instantly feeling my breasts.
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"God I'm in love with you" he says breath ragged. His hands going under my skirt.
"Can I take you home now" he whispers in my ear.
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"Right now, Taylor" he says in my ear kissing me.
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I feel his fingers in me and I gasp.
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"Shhh" he says as I whimper.
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"I am going to pay, you are going to tell Rachel that you feel sick" he says softly.
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"And then Taylor" he says watching me.
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"I'm going to make love to you tonight" he says his fingers moving , his eyes watching me.
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"Don't protest; we are not going to tell a soul" he says sexily.
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I pull my top back on and he dips my chin up to his. He kisses me slowly and passionately.
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"Do this with me" he asks of me softly, his eyes baring down into my own. I can’t believe I just made out with him, I’m a cheater. I slap on my best confident smile even though I can feel my skin boiling up. My heart pounding, both excitement and panic pulling me under.
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He takes the lead; holding my hand and gently guiding me out of the rest room and through the queues. It is true that I have desired Matthew, that maybe I have lead him on. But this? Having sex with him? Can I do that?
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The night is rushing away with itself, and looking down at my hand in his it just reminds me of being with him. The way he took charge of every situation, subtly. The way he commands me and keeps me grounded.
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I follow him, questioning every single decision I have made so far since meeting him. Every step that I have taken towards him and away from him. Embracing him for years and then leaving him. He holds me in close as he pays for everybody’s meals, and I feel as though I’ve gone into a state of panic. I can’t cheat on Jay, can I? My husband, the father of my child.
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“I love you” he whispers sensing my hysteria.
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Am I the kind of woman that cheats? That hides things from her husband. I must control this situation, but I fear my defences are too weak. I am too weak.
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Once I'm back at the table I tell Rachel that I'm feeling nauseous. She winces and recoils, but I assure her that I'm okay and not contagious just pregnant.
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"Okay I hope you manage to not throw up in the car" she laughs and I just can't wait to get her back when she is pregnant. I'm going to hassle her for every single pregnancy symptom there is. She gives me a lopsided grin and gulps at some Prosecco.
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Matthew casually pulling on his leather jacket grabs his car keys from the table.
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"Ready" he asks me softly, his stare is intense.
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"We can pick up something to help on the way back" he says.
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“For the nausea” he smiles and I nod.
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We say our goodbyes to the others, Nate hugging me awkwardly trying to avoid bump, which just isn't possible. Rachel eyes me for a few seconds and then lets me go.
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