Matty's POV
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🎧cherry flavoured- the neighbourhood
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The shower is cold and actually I've checked the temperature dial two or three times. Somehow even though it is clicked into the right setting I still feel the chill. I'm putting it down to the fact that I'm showering alone, without Taylor.
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Imagining her in the Italian sunshine, her hair flowing down her sides. Most probably wearing a cute little dress eating pasta. Or dipping into the pool in her bikini. I could have treated her this way whilst we were together; trips away and holidays. Granted not to the extent that her and Jay go away. I sigh wishing I had that time back with her. Wishing he'd never met her.
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I push the water away from my face, pull one of Ross' towels off of the rack and dry off. Head over to the room in his house that I now call my own. It's far from the luxury of Taylor's house. Beige walls, a standard large flatscreen and my big bed take up the entirety of the room. I pull out some chinos, they're like a stone colour. Grabbing a navy blue t shirt, I dress without the company of my ex girlfriend watching me.
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I place my watch on my wrist and my bracelets, I glance down at my eternity ring and leave it on. Unlocking my phone I pull up my messages, seeing notifications from Rachel only. My other ex girlfriend I remind myself. I rub my eyes, I can just feel my stress levels accelerate. Funnily enough they were completely non existent whilst I was around Taylor.
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Rach has asked when I'll be at the hospital, not that she essentially needs to know, she's just being Rachel. Nosey and in your face. I do however message her back saying I'm leaving in ten. I am sure that I will find her by the coffee shop, just because that guy is there. The one she has her eyes set on. Callum or Christopher or whatever his name is.
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Hopping down the stairs I pull my jacket on and I'm out of the door, jumping into my 4x4. Turning the music up to cover the silence. Imagining her next to me and feeling so lonely that she isn't here to go on about something. Even her going on about Olivia would be better, than me driving alone while she makes it up to Jay in Italy.
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I know the drive to the hospital by memory, I take a short and quick detour past my house on the way. It's important to check up on things, it's been vacant since I tried to end things. Winding up in hospital myself, just waiting for the end. It sounds terribly dramatic, but really I just didn't see any other way, no hope left.
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It's a joke that I didn't run into Olivia back then whilst I was the patient in hospital. Clearly we were not supposed to meet. I drive past the porch memories of Taylor and I living together, sitting by the fire and cooking together clouding my mind.
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I turn left at the end of my road, almost colliding with an oncoming vehicle but breaking just in time. I apologise through my windshield at the rather shocked female driver in the other car. Just get there in one piece, I tell myself. You can function without her, I remind myself. Yes it was nice waking up with her again. Indeed it was more than nice showering with her and tracking her every movement. But you can and will be fine until she's back, I tell myself. Tapping my steering wheel, itching for a message from her or some kind of contact.
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I end up in one piece at the hospital, parking up I curse the daily charge for the car park but pay up all the same. Pulling my ray-bans on to hide my tired eyes, I head over to the hospital entrance. The private side is fancy, there are potted plants and messages of wellbeing on the walls.
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All's you need is rest and time in order to heal. One reads and I scoff laughing at how that applies directly to my current life problems. Rest and time and my little black heart will be fixed, I repeat to myself. I grasp my phone waiting for so much as a how are you from Taylor. Still nothing, I sigh and place my phone in my back pocket.
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Don't get me wrong; I was the one going on about how we were momentary. I was the one who pushed for more from her, illiciting a romantic response from her. And I knew that he was always coming back to claim her. To be her husband again, I just didn't imagine it would feel this depressing.
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I shouldn't have drawn her, even though I felt compelled. If I hadn't maybe we could have just floated for a while on the possibility of playing around, and eventually who knows? Instead he found the print and she told him everything. The lot, and really I do understand. But honestly Taylor I think to myself; we could have had it good. I picture us finding alcoves and secret places to steal kisses with each other and I feel a pang of regret at how that may now never ever happen for us.
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Breezing through reception, shades still on, it is bright in here. I head to Ross' room, and as much as I relish the thought of looking after him when he does get discharged. I'm kind of sick of the sight of this place. Sick of Olivia watching me every time I walk past her, sick of the white walls and the hospital smell. Even in the private suites you cannot escape the smell of disinfectant and hospital food.
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I can feel her eyes on me, and I feel like approaching her and telling her to get on with her job. But that would mean talking, and I'm afraid that isn't a skill I'm very good at today. I'm very much a bear with a sore head. A man with a sore heart. And talking to her will rattle my cage a whole lot more.
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I push the door open feeling the relief from her eyes. When I enter Ross is up, with the physio. And I stand back amazed, my mood lifting, I place my glasses on my head.
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"Wow dude" I say and he glances at me.
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He's even changed today, into a pale blue shirt and shorts. He looks more like my buddy Ross.
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"Hey Matty" he says breathless sitting down.
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"Amazing job Ross" the physio says and I take a stand next to him, agreeing with the physio and smiling. We're his celebratory party.
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"And with no cheering on from the girls" the physio says, alluding to when Rachel and Taylor kissed him for standing up. I chuckle, everything comes back to her.
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"See ya tomorrow, man" the physio says and he leaves the room off to his next patient.
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Ross lays back with his head resting on the bed, switching on the flat screen to the game and then he looks at me. He's not as delirious as he normally would be and I just hope that even with less meds, he is not in pain.
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"So spill, what's happened" he says to me, and I get all hot and guilty looking. He gives me his best stare, and I begin to feel like I'm getting my mate back.
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"She's gone where? What did you do?" He laughs meaning Taylor.
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"She's gone to finish their honeymoon, in Italy" I say softly.
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He nods. Just a simple nod, and then he winces from the pain in his ribs.
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"And what did you do" he asks, probing.
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"I just acted like we were together again" I tell him looking away.
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"Matthew you didn't" he laughs watching me with a wry smile.
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"I just kissed her and showered with her, and drew her naked, Jay's pissed" I say.
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"He's done it to enough of us" Ross laughs, rolling his eyes.
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"That is true, but she is married" I say feeling guilty.
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"And pregnant" he chuckles.
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"Man tell me you could lay in bed naked with her and not touch her or kiss her" I laugh.
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"Yeah that's what I thought, you're the one that proposed just days before the wedding remember so don't be too quick to judge me" I say teasing him.
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The door swings as we're laughing and I dare to look up. Olivia eyes me, I look away. She begins doing whatever it is she has to do and I go and take a seat on the sofa. Waiting for her to leave. Please do not talk to me, I think to myself. I don't need an Olivia catch up today.
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"That's just not Taylor though is it" Ross says as his drugs kick in and I plead for him to shut up internally.
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"To tell him, what happened" he asks, and I know that he will not leave it be.
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"He found something" I say looking over at him from the sofa. Olivia is all ears, trying to be inconspicuous about it.
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"He found the naked portrait you drew didn't he" he laughs out loud.
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"He did!? Shit! I can see Jay now, like what the fuck is this" Ross bellows clearly finding this whole thing amusing.
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"What the fuck is what?" Rachel laughs entering the room, and that is all I needed. She's wearing high leather boots today, a sleeveless top and jeans. It's try hard.
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"Nothing" I say knowing that she will press.
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"He drew Tay naked and left the picture, where did you leave it man" he laughs clearly finding Jay's misfortune hilarious.
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"You drew Taylor" Rachel persists.
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"I left it on their dining table" I say head in my hands trying not to laugh. Ross makes me feel better about almost everything. We have a laugh about it all.
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Ross laughs looking over at me.
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"Fucking legendary" he says.
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"Jay fucks me off sorry, we all know he's not right for her anyways. His Armani suits; and fancy new job" Ross laughs. I knew Jay first, before I knew Ross. And I've always tried with both of them, they are the same in some ways. Headstrong, privileged-one more than the other. Ross' family are much more well off than my own, he already owns a house in his early twenties, his dad passed away when he was six and left him a whole load of savings. His mum works in business; top profile job, and he is an only child.
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"It's not funny Ross, what if he'd snapped on her" I say more seriously, Jay has a temper. This was careless of me.
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"He wouldn't ever" Rachel says adamantly and I wonder when she became team Jay. He used her, he played her, granted I did too but that's not the point.
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"Is Taylor okay?" She asks seriously.
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"I haven't messaged her, she hasn't messaged me" I say.
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Rachel grabs her phone and types out a message, I notice the bright pink fluffy phone case and her yellow nails. I look away again pulling out my own phone to see no new messages or notifications.
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She leaves her phone on the sofa, chucking a pillow at me and sighing.
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"Silly boy, cause all of this trouble and then you just" she says exasperated with me.
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"Oww, don't chuck shit at me" I laugh back at her and she stares at me annoyed.
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Now is one of those times Matthew, I tell myself, to consider things from a female point of view. I lounge back, pulling my T-shirt down as it rides up, whilst extricating my phone once more. Unlocking it to a picture of us, and pulling up Taylor's message thread.
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She had messaged me last, and I'd been so in my head I hadn't even registered it or replied. I opened it and proceeded to ignore it. It was a simple text after we spoke at the hospital, just her signing off. Be safe whilst I'm away. Tay xx
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Sitting up I push my hair back aggravated with myself and set on typing a message to her.
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Tay, I hope your journey has been good and that you've arrived in Italy safely. I begin typing; looking up briefly deciding what else to say and catching Olivia darn right watching me. I roll my eyes and gaze back down at my phone. I could say I miss you, but you know all of those things already. I'm here with Ross and he took a few steps today. Can't wait to hug you again. M xxx
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Having sent the message I place my phone down on the side, my hands behind my head and my legs out in front of me. My bed is not as comfortable as being in bed with Taylor. Not sure whether that's because hers is a king sized poster bed or simply because when she is there I sleep heavier just knowing that I'm holding onto her all night long.
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She will resist me, after this. She will absolutely push me away physically. She won't want to hurt Jay again. And so sitting back looking at the flat screen I've decided. Just as Cooper Kupp scores a touchdown in the game and I sit up and watch him enthusiastically, Rach rolling her eyes at me. I've got an answer right there in front of me, haven't I? In the form of a devoted, delusional nurse who is just dying for some attention. Maybe if by the time she is back I can make Olivia think that I like her, then Taylor will realise she actually needs me.
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"Absolutely naked Matthew?" Rachel questions me about the picture.
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"Completely naked yeah" I say looking up.
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"It's a really really nice drawing" I say grinning slightly. Olivia looks at me and I wink at her.
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"Tasteful" I say and Rachel huffs.
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"Pretentious ass" she says chucking another cushion at me.
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