Matty's POV
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Something isn't sitting right with me, as I'm driving Olivia to mine, noticing how she avoids all eye contact and ignores the loud music I'm playing so as not to talk to her. I pull into the drive and switch off my lights.
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Walking around the car I go to grab her door and help her out, she's thanks me and I smile heading to the front door. Rachel hasn't arrived yet and I curse a little bit not wanting to be alone with her again.
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"I haven't got work tomorrow" she announces as we walk over the threshold.
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"Ah okay" I comment.
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I pull my phone out and text Taylor, l feel disconnected from her and it's frustrating me. I've had sex with Olivia twice now. I don't want her. Being around her constantly is annoying me, already.
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I type out a message lounging back on the sofa, ignoring Olivia entirely as she sits opposite me again rather formally.
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Taylor, I know I begin the message with, what to say to her? I miss her entirely. that you're definitely having a wonderful time in Italy, but I miss you still. I decide to mention the baby too, I hope bump is okay and more importantly that you are too. I love you, M xxx
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I click send and then rest back closing my eyes and wishing for the loud knock of Rachel for once in my life.
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"Matty" Olivia says in a small voice and I almost wince. Not now. I light up and nod at her indicating for her to go on.
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"Yes" I say slightly peeved, it's like babysitting a child.
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"I shouldn't have said the L word" she explains and I open my eyes.
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"It's just I've never really, you know" she begins. I curse under my breath not wanting to be made aware of the fact that I'm her first ever boyfriend and I don't even mean it. I'm a total fraud, she does not deserve any of this.
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"I've never had a boyfriend" she says coming out with it, I look over at her insecure expression. Shes timid again, not self assured. She swings through moods all day long.
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"Never" I say softly unbelieving.
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"No I've never liked anybody" she admits.
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"And they've never come onto me either" she says softly.
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"So for me this is totally new and different and I just don't know what to do or say at all" she says freaking out. Wiping her hair away from her face.
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"It's okay" I say slowly feeling like the worst man in the world. She is vulnerable and she loves me and I just texted my ex that I love her.
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"Hey. honestly you're doing fine" I say softly standing up and going over to her as she cries. Placate the child I tell myself, give her a hug.
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"It's just Taylor you know obviously you were together, and she knows what's she doing and I don't and I'm rubbish at this" she sobs. I flinch when she mentions Taylor, I can't help it. It's involuntary, I miss her so much.
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"No don't compare" I say softly feeling guilty.
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"Taylor wasn't my first but I was Taylor's first. And so I get this" I tell her intending on reassuring her. It's just like history repeating isn't it? Except I did actually love Taylor, from the second I saw her luscious brunette locks and blue eyes.
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"You know I care" I tell her softly stroking her arm. I'm committing the absolute worst deceit here, lying to her about how I feel and making her believe I care when I fervently do not and absolutely never will.
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"Let's just see where it goes, keep everything chill" I say and now I just sound like a dumbass. An immature boy who wants to keep things "cool".
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The door knocks and I exhale. Saved by the Rachel. I pass Olivia the cigarette and then head to the door and open it.
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"Matty, hey" Rachel says bustling past me with two zip up dress bags. And a suitcase. I laugh slightly and follow her in, pushing my hair back. Happy to see her for once. I pull off my top knowing that I'll be getting changed too, she rolls her eyes unfazed by my physique since I messed her around, for years.
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"Wine please" she says to me before I've even asked her what she would like to drink.
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Olivia eyes my chest conspicuously, standing up and greeting Rachel. She glances at her luggage and smiles.
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"Thank you Rachel for doing this" she explains softly, standing up hands behind her back. It's always formal with Olivia. I've never heard her so much as crack a joke.
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"Ohh nice boo-tee leggings" Rachel comments and I feel their friendship blossoming.
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I head into the kitchen and grab some wine, a new bottle. Carrying it in with three glasses. I'll call us all a cab when we're ready. Deciding wine is my saviour from calling this whole facade off.
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I set it down on the oak coffee table turning on Ross' playlist as I go back to the kitchen intending on rolling a joint up for myself and Rachel. Olivia will not be getting high with us.
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I roll it up checking my phone and deliberating whether to dial up Taylor. I decide it's risky considering how Jay reacted to me sleeping in bed with her. I need to make him calm again. Allow him to trust me. I need to play it cool with her, too. Even though I think about her every waking second and even when I dream, it’s important that when she returns they both believe I’m done.
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I fry up some bacon; remembering Olivia’s a damn veggie. Frantically looking through the fridge for anything that isn't meat and coming up blank.
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I end up serving up some bacon rolls and crisps, and some cheese on toast. It's no gourmet restaurant but it's something.
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I walk back into the front living room, Olivia with half a dress on. Rachel doing it up at the back. It's a navy blue one and it's alright I suppose.
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I place the food down sitting in front of Olivia watching her. She looks at me slightly appalled as I wink at her. Well I figure we just had sex and she made such a show of undressing in front of me that she would like me watching.
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"It's nice" I say as Rachel does it up, I spark up the joint and Rachel eyes me. She winks at me as if to say me next and I smile taking a long drag on it. I rest my head back slowly and let my mind clear.
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“No we can do better than nice” Rachel smiles at Olivia.
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“Next” she says simply presumably digging out dress number two.
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“And share” she says over to me. I lift my head up and hand her the joint.
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She hands Olivia a white dress and I already know it’s not the one. It’s too much, as are all of Rachel’s dresses to be honest. But this one is too white, it’s not cream or ecru. And looking at Olivia’s complexion I know it’s just going to match her skin tone. And not allow her to stand out.
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Either way she flashes me an expression that says don’t look. I scoff, grabbing a bacon roll and watching her. It’s not impressive underwear, shape wear would be a better word. It’s skin coloured and I sigh slightly at how even the nude stretchy elastic looks tan on her white skin.
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It’s unfair really to judge Olivia, it’s not right to compare any woman to the love of your life. Taylor’s skin is the perfect shade, I imagine her now in shape wear. How her body looks in anything is nothing short of miraculous.
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The dress is zipped up and I stand up and walk over to the suitcase. Flicking through the fabrics. I find something silk and pull it out. It’s red, but not pillar box red or bus red. It’s more of a muted red, slightly darker. But not maroon. Rachel looks at me questioningly and I hand it to Olivia wordlessly. Taking my joint back and sitting back down in front of Olivia on the sofa. I take a hit and exhale slowly, she watches me the whole time, like I’m a dangerous animal that needs to be tamed.
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Removing the white number and stepping into the red silk dress I picked. She smiles slightly at me, unsure of the cowl neckline and the close fit of the dress. Rachel grabs a pair of heels and she steps into those too.
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I take another drag eyeing her. She waits patiently for my smile.
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“This is hot” Rachel says enthusiastically and I wink at Olivia. I reward her with a smile and she takes a seat back down on the linen sofa in her new outfit.
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“No Olivia we’re not done” Rachel says annoyed and I smirk. Olivia wearing a confused expression looks over at her.
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“We must do makeup and hair” she says and I laugh standing up with my joint and going to dress myself.
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“Hey you, sexy” Rachel calls out to me, I turn to both of the girls eyeing up my back. Olivia looking slightly blushed. Staring at Rachel shocked, as if she may as well have just asked me for a lap dance. This party is going to floor her, I realise.
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“Joint please” she demands. I turn slowly and approach her.
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I inhale the rest of the joint slowly and she glares at me. Expecting me to finish it. As she’s perched on the sofa I sit next to her and she registers what I’m doing, relaxing.
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I open my mouth around hers and she breathes in the smoke. We share the hit.
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“Cheeky” she laughs as I walk away and upstairs Olivia watching me appalled. It was vulgar, Rachel is just a friend. But in all honesty we’ve done much worse.
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