Ross' POV
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I'm not sure how I'm quickly becoming the bad guy in this whole situation. Most of the things I hope for aren't happening for me. I lob a piece of firewood into the open fire in my bedroom and stand hovering over the mantelpiece. I have an older traditional house, it's rustic, fireplaces in every room apart from the kitchens and bathrooms.
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I love Taylor and she has feelings for me I know it, yet everything is so problematic. Gazing into the growing fire I remind myself of how she is also with my friend. And they are together undeniably. But I want her. And it's so tragically pathetic.
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Taking a seat in the leather chair, I pull out my phone and gaze at it, willing myself to just reach out to her. To message her or make something happen. I've tried to just get over it but it doesn't work. Jen said she could help me forget about it all. She kept coming onto me, all the time and relentlessly actually. The more vodka I consumed, the more it seemed like an okay idea. How wrong I was.
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At the time all I could think about was Taylor and the fact that I needed her so much. She was hurting over Matthew and I couldn't just storm in because if I was going to get her I wasn't going to capitalise on her pain in the process. I thought about inviting her over here even just to sit with me by the fire and talk. Or to drink wine and watch movies. Looking into my fire now, I play out those situations in my head. Imagining where we could have been had I of just taken the initiative and asked her out.
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Yet after all of the pain and after my inability to invite her into my life, she's back with him. I've wanted her, desired her and tried to show her that I care. I have not played her or deceived her. I've given her time to heal from him. And without even a word to me she's back with him. Engaged. Chance gone. How does love work? I just don't understand it.
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Tonight, I knew would be difficult but I didn't quite anticipate that she would look that phenomenal. Taylor outshone everybody, Taylor stole the entire crowd, placing my heart in her hands and stealing it away forever. I place pen to paper in my brown leather notebook, briefly gazing up into the fire to think before I write. Sonnets are easy to write when you have somebody to write about, I let the words flow. Struggling to keep to fourteen lines. Taylor is complicated and beautiful. I pen a few lines and then glance at my illuminated phone, a message from Matthew.
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Come over to ours tomorrow? A bbq in the woods ? BYOB. Hope you got home safe. Matty
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Pondering the prospect of seeing Taylor, by an open fire I continue writing. A few more lines written before I decide I’m going to their place. So abandoning my leather notepad and binding it back up with the tags, I grab my phone and message him back.
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Great idea, will be there. Home safe man. See you tomorrow.
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Taking off my pale grey shirt and stripping down into my boxers I climb into bed waiting for the fire to die down, noticing the snow outside the window picking up again. And thinking about how I will steal moments with her tomorrow. Whenever Matthew, her fiancé, finally leaves her alone I grab a chance to just hug her. Still it's never ever enough, perhaps I need to admit to myself that she doesn't see me in that way at all? I take a long hard hit on my smoke and stare up at the ceiling in my empty bed.
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Jen propositioned me twice tonight, once outside while she cried on my shoulder about Brad leaving her in the dust for some new girl. And again at the end of the night. Her short pixie hair swaying in the cold night air as I left and headed over to my bike, it snowed all the way home. The chill finally left my body once I sat in front of the fire with my own brandy. The little sprinkles of white dust outside are just beginning to collect outside and form a thick white blanket over my driveway.
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I look over at the second motorbike helmet that I purchased for Taylor, when I was just so sure about putting her on the back of my bike and driving away with her someplace. Somewhere away from Matthew and Jay.
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The fire dies down and I imagine pulling her into my chest and holding her near, before I fall into a sleep that is peaceful because she will visit all of my dreams.
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