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Taylor's POV
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Winters at bear lake can be quite cold, I flick on the heater and my fog lights. Luckily, as it is Sunday morning before ten am, the traffic is light and the only people out are church goers. Glancing in the rear view mirror, I check the road behind me and it's empty. My tyre tracks in the snow, that are being covered quickly by the white sprinkles. The 4x4 handles like a breeze in this weather, I hasten to remember my mums little Ford and how it would swing around loosing grip in the snow.
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Entering the high way I accelerate briskly and get in lane enjoying the empty road and turning up James Vincent Mcmorrow singing away on my playlist. Decreasing in speed as I pass a junction, noting how the next one is mine. I prepare to get myself into lane, checking the mirrors and then swiftly taking a left.
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Once I reach town, I enter the car park and the barrier raises. There are plenty of spaces and as I reverse into one on the ground level, the parking sensors bleep at me and I watch the car camera to get the large car in the bay. Turning off the ignition, I swipe my phone out of my bag and send Matthew a quick message telling him that I love him. That I am here safe, and that I'm planning on the biggest cake there is.
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Making sure I have locked the car, three times. It isn't mine and I worry about it. Checking that I turned the fog lights off, I finally head over to the main streets. Ross booked us a reservation at The Copper Q and as I approach the establishment on pine knot Avenue I spy him seated by the large outdoor fire waiting. A forest green beanie on his head with his blonde hair ruffled and tumbling out, looking like a choir boy who drives a motorbike, with his pink cheeks and lightly tanned skin. He rubs his hands together before he spots me and his face softens. Watching me approach he stands, his broad frame evident in his leather jacket and I can't believe I'm here to break his heart.
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As I walk over to him, through the snow trying to remain upright, my bag swung over my shoulder. He smiles warmly, and I feel his positivity and happiness radiate through me. Making me warm, just like a cosy hot water bottle. I wrap my arms around him. Under his leather jacket, his cashmere jumper is soft and it suits him. In a dark navy colour he’s paired it with jeans and lace up tan boots.
"Hey" I whisper looking up at him.
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"Hey, I'm so glad you're here" he smiles broadly. Little miss sensible in my head shouts at me; space, make some space between him and you. I ignore her for just a minute, this is going to be hard. Ross is the epitome of safety and comfort, with just the right amount of surprise. He holds onto me like he hasn't seen me in years. He breathes deeply as if he's relieved to have me, releasing me finally and looking into the establishment.
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"After you" he says after ditching his cigarette in an ash tray, the snow delicately collecting around us.
Walking up the steps, I notice that he instinctively steadies me, with his hand on my lower back. Opening the door for me, we walk in together a large table before us with local produce on and an ornate traditional dresser against the wall with jars of jam and sauce in them.
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I can't help but smile at the dog sitting by the fire asleep and the cosy relaxed feel to the place. I place my eyes on a bookcase next to the fireplace that intrigues me as Ross turns to me and takes my hand in his. The waitress, a young lady, perhaps a year younger than us with auburn hair is completely under his spell and he has no idea. She looks at him, his toned arms and blonde hair, gawking as he orders me a mocha. I’m willing to judge whether Gilbert Scott’s was indeed as good as this cafes, I briefly imagine him in this cafe and giggle. One blonde guy at a time Taylor I tell myself.
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Ross orders a selection of food, including bread and two bowls of pasta. Two slices of a loaf cake and two cookies. The young waitress tells him that she will bring it over and I smirk following him to a seat by the fire.
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"How are you after last night” he laughs, his arm going around me resting on the sofa. We had a lot of cocktails. I smile remembering how he enjoyed my Bailey’s hot chocolate.
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"I'm good I think, not too hungover, how are you" I say feeling randomly shy. Until now I've not been exclusively alone with him. Without our friends around. Ever. I consider whether I should have consulted Rhea’s advice before undertaking this meet-up. Imagining what she would say whilst lecturing me on do’s and don’ts.
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"You think? I'm great because you're here" he smiles. He's so directly charming.
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"I mean, I'm good" I say slightly awkwardly, daring to look up at him. He's gazing down at me and I'm so close to him. I scoot over just a touch so that I’m not practically sitting in his lap.
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The waitress brings us our tray. She sets it down in front of him and I look away. If he should want to reciprocate her advances that's more than okay. In fact I almost implore him to do just that. Gazing up at him as she watches him and he watches me.
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When she's gone, he strokes my face, pushing my hair back. Ignoring the selection of food temporarily. I’ve come fresh faced today; no makeup as this is not a date. Feeling self conscious I look down into my lap, as he tells me that I’m beautiful.
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"The waitress likes you Ross, you should definitely get her number" I tell him smiling, looking up at him, he’s thrown off guard.
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"I didn't even notice" he says totally confused.
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"How could you not" I laugh slightly grabbing my mocha and putting it to the test. He laughs along with me and sips his black coffee.
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"I'm not here to hit on any waitresses or other women Taylor" he says catching my eye. Deciding that I need to be straight with him and begin setting boundaries between us I look up at him, facing him and scooting just slightly further away from his lap.
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"You should" I mutter, and he looks at me sipping my mocha. Which whilst it is completely wonderful, Jay’s rivals it in taste and coffee strength. I like a strong coffee.
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"Okay, elephant in the room. I'm just going to come out with it. I'm not interested in other women at all. Not one bit." He says clasping his hands together after he has put his coffee down. I notice he's wearing a silver ring today that I haven't seen before.
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"It's no secret how I feel about you Taylor" he says and just waits.
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"I know that. I'm just saying she's cute" I say trying to brush over everything, feeling defensive.
"You can agree with me Ross I won't mind" I laugh.
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"I get it now" he says chuckling.
"Now you're telling me that you’re gay" he laughs brushing his hand through his hair.
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"I'm trying to make you see, how sought after you are. How lots of women look at you like that. And I'm trying to draw your attention to the possibilities you have other than me" I say honestly. He smiles and then raises one hand slowly to my cheek. I dare myself to move but I am frozen this was a bad idea. My head screams abort mission.
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He brushes my cheek softly whilst staring into my eyes. It's completely and utterly intimate and I need to break it off now. Just as I’m about to look away he begins speaking.
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"I see you Taylor. I see what you're doing. You are trying to stop me from telling you that I love you. The trouble is that you don't know how much I need you. You can come here with your plan to push me away, tell me you love him even. Tell me to look at other women. But what you're not telling me is that you don't love me. You don't feel anything for me at all? Then fine that's okay, that is entirely different, that I would understand” he says softly, his hands now stroking down my arm.
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I'm dumbstruck. He's seen through my whole plan, to come here and push him away. Make my life easier and just shut him out. I stare down into my lap. Completely at a loss. I just love Matthew so much. I love him with everything that I have unconditionally.
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Unmistakably though I do have feelings for Ross. I've been telling myself that they are irrelevant.I imagine him with a nice college girl, maybe a fellow English student. Somebody who wants him and only him, somebody who deserves his adoration.
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"What are you thinking?" He asks softly watching me, reading the expressions on my face as he holds onto me.
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"I'm thinking about you. And what the right thing to do is” I tell him holding onto his hand, readying him for the break.
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"Sometimes doing the right thing hurts, but it’s still the correct thing to do. The only thing that will solve this is me being completely honest with you" I say softly holding his hand as he looks at me panicked.
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"You don't have to do anything, Taylor. That's the whole point, I'm your friend and I'm here for you. If you ever want more from me I'll be here either way." He tells me imploring me to listen.
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"And telling me to look at other women is not going to work. And you know why. I can't not look at you in the way that I do but that doesn't mean that I need to fill that up with another woman that cannot compare to you. And end up hurting her" he says honestly.
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“I know but what if this never works, what if we never amount to anything. I’m in love with your best friend Ross” I tell him softly, he brushes my arm.
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“Then I’ll be your friend” he says simply and I wipe my eyes. Pulling my body into his he hugs me, an all encompassing hug that makes me sob into his shoulder.
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"Don't beat yourself up okay? I told you before that I would be here in any capacity, in any way that you might need me. I get you, and maybe I haven't proved that yet. Maybe I haven't showed you that. And I can, I can show you just how right I am for you if you like. But I will not stop being your friend Taylor, ever" he says as he grasps my hands and holds them onto his chest.
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"I'm sorry that was a totally stupid thing for me to say. About the waitress I mean." I say looking at him finally.
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"No problem now eat your pasta and relax. I didn't ask you out to get you down and force you to make decisions. Let's just spend some time together" he says softly leaning over and grabbing a large bowl of chicken pasta.
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