Taylor's POV
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Standing in the snow by the 4x4, I watch as Rachel approaches Jay and his eyes temporarily leave my own. Rachel pulls her bright pink fluffy coat around her paired with a check shirt and her orange handbag, and demands his attention. We're all going to see Ross. Ryan and Pippa are also joining us. Jay has a laugh and a joke with Rachel before returning his gaze to me standing by the passenger doors, my bags in the back. Worry has seized me again at the prospect of being in the car in the snow and I'm trying to squash it.
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I flick my eyes up as Matthew strolls through the snow his grey beanie and his leather jacket on to keep him warm. As a soon as he reaches me he lifts my chin so that I'm looking at him, Jay just behind him as Rachel rolls her eyes at his possessiveness over me.
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"You okay baby" he asks searching my eyes.
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"Great" I say blushing, I kiss him for a long time and passionately.
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"You were gone forever" I protest breathlessly, when I come up for air. I see him and it's like the part of me that's missing returns.
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"Gross don't do that again guys" Pippa says laughing at me, I smirk wondering how with this group of friends she's so emotionally immature.
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"You don't have to watch us" I laugh as Matthew puts his arms around me again and kisses me with force.
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"Right in the car" Phillipa laughs retrieving her keys and heading over to an Audi. Matthew walks around to the drivers side as I look at the 4x4 and find that I have a real aversion to get in it. The smile wipes off of my face and I'm frozen. Rachel says goodbye to Jay enthusiastically climbing into Ryan's car as Jay stands by the motorbike next to me. I take one huge breath watching my hands shake on the door handle as Matthew watches me expectantly. Nothing is going to happen I remind myself.
I need to breathe again; relax count in my head. Cope instead of cry.
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Jay comes over to me, ditching his helmet, and placing his hands on my shoulders. I breathe and open my eyes. Matthew looks alarmed and Rachel calls out asking what the delay is.
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"You are going to be fine, Matthew is driving" he laughs, rubbing my shoulders.
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"Thanks Jay" I whisper as he opens the door handle and practically guides me into my seat. I sit down as he quickly buckles me up.
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"You got this" he says as Matthew sits down next to me concerned.
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"I'm behind on my bike; Matthew is driving" he reminds me before closing the door and getting himself ready. I stare straight through the windscreen. Once we hear the roar of the Harley Davidson beside us Matthew starts up and puts the heater on full. We follow on from Pippa’s Audi as Jay kicks his Harley Davidson and sets off behind us. I notice glancing in my wing mirror that I can see him at all times.
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"Tell me what's going on Taylor" Matthew says as I pull my eyes away from my wing mirror.
Matthew doesn't look at me, he doesn't sound angry or annoyed. He just wants to know.
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"I don't think that's a good idea while we're driving." I say softly, trying to breathe.
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"What I mean is I'm trying to concentrate right now on not letting this get to me. Because of everything and I want you to know what's wrong but I can't right now" I explain further checking my wing mirror, to make sure that he is okay and hasn't fallen off of his bike like Ross did.
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"I understand" he says glancing over me and smiling. He eyes Jay's sweatshirt quickly, resenting it on my body as I self consciously pull my beanie on further.
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"I was just cold Matty" I tell him softly.
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"I know. I do wonder though about why you're cold and I'm just worried, like maybe it's best to have a checkup? We could even do it in the hospital if you like after Ross if you're up to it, babe. Or we can book an appointment for tomorrow?" He explains, resting his hand on my knee as I quiver slightly.
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"But it's cold, it's snowing." I say childishly as if to explain the reason for my constant coldness.
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"Taylor, I'm just worried okay, if you don't want to that is fine too" he reassures me. I nod to him as he watches me, I stroke his hand on top of my thigh and hold onto him for the rest of the journey. Through the trees and small lanes up to the highway. I keep Jay in my peripheral vision at all times. Watching him on his bike to make sure that he is okay. How dare he ride a bike directly after a motorcycle accident in the snow, I find I'm worried about his journey home after the hospital.
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Matthew pulls into bay and kills the engine, I jump out straight away needing to be out of there. Pulling in beside us Jay stops his bike and removes his helmet.
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“What did I say?” Jay smiles over at me pulling his own black beanie on.
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“Matthew can drive. I can drive in the snow. Nothing to worry about” he grins approaching me with Matthew as I pull the sweatshirt off. It smells of him and I feel the heat escape my body instantly.
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"Hey ugh do you want your jumper back?" I ask him, I pull my Barbour jacket over me and pout. I did like how warm it was. However it was clearly getting to Matty. Jay smirks, in the dark catching the sweatshirt as I toss it at him.
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"Mmm okay well let me know if you feel cold again" he chuckles lighting up a cigarette as we wait for the others. Matthew pulls my body into his and Jay pushes his hair back frustrated.
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Rach walks over to us first and she's on Jay straight away. I smile at her as she asks him for a cigarette and he obliges. Looking at me, he hands her the menthol cigarette from a fancy package. Begging him in my mind to stop staring at me, and instead to look at her, Rach has noticed his fascination with me and is angrily pulling on her cigarette. He takes a pull on his own cigarette, eyeing me carefully. I look over at him, real quickly and he meets my eyes smiling.
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After we finish smoking we head into the hospital all together half expecting to be turned away being such a large group. Rachel snickers walking ahead with Pippa as I walk with Matthew and Jay. Facing Matthew on the elevator, before we walk into west wing he makes a whole fuss about holding onto me and I chuckle.
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We head up to Ross' room. There's a maximum four visitor rule at any given time. As we saw Ross yesterday, I suggested the others go in and see him before us. Rach barges in with them. Taking a seat on the small plastic chairs outside of west wing we watch as the hospital food gets taken down to the patients. Being the social anarchist that he is Jay refuses to take a seat and instead lounges against the wall.
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“Hey I’ll grab some coffees” Jay says instantly reminding himself that Matthew and I are together. He strolls down to the coffee machine and releases three americanos.
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I rest my head on Matthews shoulder and close my eyes for a bit. Just wishing that I didn’t have that moment etched into my mind whenever everything goes dark. Ross, the snow splattered with his blood, unresponsive and cold. Tears fall down my cheeks as I open my eyes again.
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"Hey it's okay" Matthew says cradling me, as Jay returns with the americanos. He sets them down before us and Matthew thanks him. I look between the both of them sipping my warm drink.
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"I just keep seeing his face, all blue in my mind, feeling his cold hands" I say softly as Matthew strokes me.
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"Ross' face? that's enough to make any girl cry" Jay laughs smiling at me. I snort, his timing is so funny. He smiles to himself pleased as Rachel opens the door eyeing the coffee cups.
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“Ugh where’s mine!?” She laughs and he rolls his eyes.
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“Machine is over there darling” he teases her and she scoffs as Phillipa and Ryan follow her out.
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"Right are you giving me a lift on that bike" she asks him.
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"I haven't even seen Ross yet" he laughs back walking past her and heading into the room.
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"Just typical" she says huffing.
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"I'll be down in the foyer" she calls over her shoulder loudly, pulling her jacket on.
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“Got it” I say for Jay following him in.
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