Taylor's POV
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrR4DV606Ph
Having collected myself together in the cloakroom, touched up my makeup with a compact and strolled back out as normal Taylor, not the girl who cries on the stairs. I emerge fresh faced with the guitar as Joseph approaches me in the hall. No longer wearing his apron he smiles down at me and I paste a smile on my own lips.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qFv1BzXhO
“You okay” he asks softly and the last thing I need is somebody else realising that I’ve been crying over Jay.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUVipBxLuG
“Joseph honestly I’m great” I say to him and he shakes his head annoyed, feeling Gilbert Scott’s stare from the top of the winding stairs I resolutely tell myself that he is dead to me and therefore I will not look up at him.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIhUbwCiCa
“That is not alright making you cry like that” he whispers, he must have seen at least some of my interaction with Jay on the stairwell.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGt6dvnjQA
“Please don’t mention it, you’ll make me cry again and I kind of just got myself to stop” I tell him as he wipes under my eyes gently with his thumbs. I notice that he glances up annoyed at Mr dead to me but I refuse to look.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAuETULKu8
“Got it” he smiles down at me decisively changing tact he eyes the guitar slung around me.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EJJseUZ2e
“You play too” he asks and I smile slightly walking back towards the kitchen.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBS40xLO0a
“Sure do” I tell him softly feeling myself wobble again emotionally and telling myself to keep it all together. I pinch my nose and he stops me at the door.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsupSTgUpHl
“Hey Taylor, whatever the problem nobody should make you cry, like that. I’m really sorry you just experienced that. Honestly you seem like a great person, super caring and nice. And you just do not deserve to be made to cry” he says and I look up at him shocked, pausing and of course crying again.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhLtvcPVe3
“No I’m sorry don’t cry” he says pulling his arms around me and hugging me, I hide my face before moving away from him.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4Q07Lqx8l
“Taylor let’s talk” Jay says to my left and I resolutely don’t look up at him, because if I do I’ll end up doing exactly that and we will either fight or kiss and neither of those options are appealing. Jane pushes past Joseph and he eyes her annoyed, looking back down at me protectively.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGU3KYVP5X
“I’m not sure that’s the best idea” Joseph says softly and I feel Jay’s irritation without even glancing in his direction.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WGGwAyx3H
“No I’m done” I say softly, wiping my eyes and briefly smiling at Joseph before I turn to leave.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUAYkTcrBF
I walk all of two steps before I turn on him, Joseph eyes me warily as I take in Gilbert Scott in all of his glory.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKO7Hrl2EJ
“You could have just left me alone right, you didn’t have to come and help me with Ross and pretend that you cared. Pretend that you cared about me and whether I got out of that mess okay or not” I say to him and he swallows pushing his hair back.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFC1FIwSXLZ
“I did care Taylor” he says softly.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4U2pMezrfv
“You could have just not held me Jay” I say crying again and his face softens.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyGFHN98YB
“Don’t touch me” I tell him as he reaches out for me.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQ9DSqTeqB
Pushing the door over I head into the kitchen and spot Matthew with Ross. Pulling myself together I place myself down on the sofa with my new guitar.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmq868hBPcN
"I found a guitar" I smile over at Matthew, he rubs my thigh happily and Ross smiles genuinely down at me.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFl7Ajs8uA
"Awesome, can you serenade me" Matthew laughs.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHz751AjLfz
"Of course" I tell him kissing his lips.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JQetjaWkg
Beginning by strumming and focusing on getting used to the guitar first before singing along. I play a few acoustic solos and then I go in for the first song. Ryan recognises it and turns his music down, smiling over at me. I watch as Ryan begins singing along to my acoustic version of somebody else by the 1975 and I smile over at him pleased. He's got a natural voice, a nice tone to it.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jMWmBdQav
When it comes to the chorus I sing along with him, up an octave to complement his bass register. It calms me completely, I forget all about Jay until he walks in and sits down next to Jane. When I reach the end of the song I continue playing in the same key until I find another song to play, sorting through my ideas in my head and just strumming away.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCTrSqqJvh
My fingers find their way over my favourite Bob Dylan song, I walk the line. And undoubtedly that's a favourite amongst a lot of people who drunkenly sing along. I turn to face Matthew and he smirks over at me, pleased that I'm enjoying myself. Jay eyes me from across the room, absolutely intrigued and bewildered and I look away reminding myself that he no longer exists in my life.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEoT1L7wuT
Stiffy strolls into the kitchen hearing me, a second guitar slung over his shoulder as he sits on the floor next to me, by my legs.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIyeLbq6z1
"Let's do some nirvana" he suggests and I smile letting him lead. I back him up on guitar as he plays come as you are. Decidedly letting him take the vocals as his voice is so well suited to it.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhh2VguIwq
After our rendition of Nirvana, I look at Matty and start playing Paul Weller's, You Do Something To Me. He rests his head back, I know that he loves my version of this song. Stiffy plays it well on the guitar and I sing it alone as Matthew smiles and strokes my thigh occasionally.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnBqyOkzbZ
I finish and everybody is silent, I'm not used to that. I've sung a fair bit in shows and everybody claps and makes noise following a performance. Silence however I haven't had before. Matthew smiles opening his eyes and kisses my lips briefly.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJ14P2Lqgx
"Wow" Ryan says taken back, and I blush putting the guitar down.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7B7A4btlY
"Sing that one in your show" Rach says sitting on Brad. She smiles at me and I'm thankful for her being in my life and that we made it through our dramas remaining friends.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fKg0oRNeZ
"Noted" I say blushing and Matty rubs my thigh.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3O4deLegj
"Hey ugh would you like to play with me at my gig" I ask stiffy casually expecting a no.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6Wpfih9VD
"Fuck yes" he says happily and I grin.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tcnxyNRH8
"We need to record that song next week and then maybe after that we can work on a set list?" I say elated by the prospect of having somebody with me on stage. Kim, Matthews sister, and her boyfriend have arranged a set for me, which I'm both excited and nervous about.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxui0HrmkI
"Perfect, I actually know a drummer who is excellent if you like?" Stiffy suggests and my brain begins working on songs.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2lB0DP4mc
"Perfect. Sounds great to me" I say smiling.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ly0XFaiwT
Delicately placing the guitar on Matthew, I stand ready to grab top ups, taking Matthew’s glass reminding Matthew that we can always get the car delivered back to us and get a cab back instead tonight. He chuckles liking my logic. I encourage him to strum along and leave him to practice taking Ross' glass with me too.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESFFcEvgd4
I mix up some juice at the bar for my mocktail before grabbing a non alcoholic beer for Ross. Jay's words sift around my head, two boyfriends, the Taylor boyfriend club or whatever he was going on about and I consider the accuracy of them briefly. Perhaps he wasn't far wrong, still he annoyed me intensely like he always manages too.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2klHERpx2F
"How the hell do you manage that" I say as he clears his throat by the door.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduBl5JJy6b
"What" he asks softly.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3faeP72Aj
"I can feel when you're watching me" I say turning to face Jay who is standing by the door, he's closed it over and I sigh ill prepared for another fight.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3lbwDPJsF
"I’m not coming anywhere near you don't worry, I'm just saying sorry" he says. Emotional rollercoaster that I am, I feel like hugging him.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXNB3xZo5X
"Jay it's fine, I thought we were at least friends on a basic level but I understand that's not possible. You clearly think badly of me and that's fine" I say watching him from my side of the bar.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrsX92Ylh0g
"I'm not coming across at all in the way I had hoped. I tried time and time again to get a different outcome. And nothing worked. And yes I'm an absolute dickhead. I shouldn't say half of the things that come out of my mouth, and all of the things I think in my head I should actually say because they are actually how I feel." He pushes his hair back looking down to the floor. Coming to sit in a stool over by the bar and closer to me he looks up at me with his blue eyes like a puppy dog that won’t leave me alone.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLwhUnk5zI
"I'm sorry for saying you were dead to me" I tell him and he chortles.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyA0lGOfX27
"I've heard worse Taylor" he laughs, watching me closely.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4XI6N1Cj9
“I do care, though. I cared when I helped you and when I held you” he says softly looking up at me as I just stare at him captivated.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aA5Ka4f8y
"Bob Dylan is my favourite" he whispers looking up and into my eyes as I instinctively pour him a drink. I slide it over to him and he brushes my hand casually.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKaU8BGvHN
"So what do we do?" I ask him softly.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnF5ADCDGSw
"I don't even know anymore okay. I was trying to be your friend but I also wanted to be more than your friend. And because I couldn't get that to work I couldn't be your friend at the same time" he says and he's getting jumbled up looking down into the martini I made him.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjk37cVyGXv
"Do you like Jane?" I ask him as he looks up at me again, his blonde hair tucked back neatly tonight. I pluck a stray lock of hair and push it away from his now angelic face, before it was full of annoyance and anger but now he is subdued, contemplative. He closes his eyes as I touch him and for a second I'm sure that he's going to pull my lips into his own, yet he doesn't. And mentally I thank him for that.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPfBZ4IopW
"Honestly Tay, I don't like anyone" he laughs opening his eyes.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNCvZXnx7u
"Since I met you especially" he says softly sipping his martini. I glance down and worry about the whole thing.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ise8kMF6S
"Do not bite your lip" he says seriously.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtFX7fjzFp
"Or so help me God, I will take you on this very bar." He says and I gulp.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6koHZAlqha
"I tried to tell you how I felt, to make you see how much I'm into you. Lord how can this ever work for people? Being friends with the person they..." he says and then instantly looks away from me embarrassed and absolutely shocked at himself. He raises his eyebrows and eyes the drink, I can tell he's telling himself that he is just hammered and absolutely drunk.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6b5yLekZe
"I really did not mean to chuck it in your face earlier. I'm just a stupid dickhead. You're the most caring person I have ever met, the way you looked after Ross is just one example. It's just when I feel hurt or pushed out that's what I do" he says after some time.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7q01xLi0o
"I know I didn't mean to push you" I chuckle looking down at him on the stool, he keeps my eye contact. Not letting me stray from his eyes for even a second.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8SHyggPCq
"You want another one" I ask him meaning another martini, he’s finished it entirely.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidNI90YDT4
"I want you" he says softly gazing into my eyes.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJI8VzFkMZl
"We cannot keep going around in this circle" I tell him.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgLFwVbA9C
"We could just wander around it for a bit longer" he laughs cheekily leaning into me. I stare at him, wondering. He’s silent as he watches me.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXS1FJYgLh
"Espresso martini" I whisper and he grins.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWUOc4zurT
"We can Taylor" he whispers back, ignoring me.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97ATrGFfxr
"Jay" I whisper and he grasps my lips with his thumb.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqrMqXVClZi
"I told you not to bite them" he whispers his thumb on my lips.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqG2GzKn6J
"You know what that means" he smiles cheekily brushing my lips with his fingers.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxc5AgA0kR
"Stop it, I cannot dream about you again" I tell him and he chuckles.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYK1S75o3Z7
"Oh you can dream about whomever you want Taylor" he whispers, his eyes alight.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VNxCOOOeX
"Jay" I whisper and he smiles removing his hands from me.
100Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4iu6hMlHw
"Now come and help me make these" I tell him as he rolls his sleeves up and joins me behind the bar as if he owns it. A broad grin across his face as he moves around me helping me to make cocktails for everybody.
ns 15.158.61.20da2
