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Jays POV
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Trying to erase seeing Taylor doing her boyfriend in the back of his car will be very difficult. As I'm driving Rachel home, the outline of Matthew's car in my rear view, Taylor's face just about visible in the light as she sings along to whatever music she can hear. Watching her lips, and her nodding along to the beat. She smiles over at him and he laughs, loving life.
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So I'm taking Rach home again, it's easy. Too easy. She glances at me, eyes full of hope and I almost bail and drop her at her house. Almost. I told Taylor that I'm an honest dickhead, and that I always tell the girls when it's just sex for me. Not one hundred percent true. I do most of the time, but sometimes I tell them after I've had sex with them.
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They all happily walk into my arms, and they assume a lot of things. Firstly that I'm a good honourable man. Secondly that I will see them again. They don't ever anticipate that I will tell them I'm not interested in them, in that way and that I'll see them around. They look at me like I'm a monster. A monster that didn't promise them a darn thing.
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Rachel is my friend, my friend that I use. My friend that I can't seem to escape, that I can't say goodbye to. The one that is a continuous one night stand, who I have to see every single day. I have to admit it to myself, this is heartless. She's pretty, average. She's blonde, blue eyes and pale. I can easily stare into her eyes because they have zero effect on me. I don't feel vulnerable looking at her. I can't look at Taylor, her eyes are enchanting. And I mustn't gaze into them because I will not be soft for her or anybody. It's not in my nature to submit to her.
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"We going to yours?" Rach asks she's on her phone.
Texting, she's addicted to her phone. I look into the rear view and see Matthew singing along with Taylor and sigh. Not a phone in sight, they're just enjoying each other's company. I've never craved that before in my life, the company of a girl. And not purely for the sexual intercourse.
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"If you want" I say, looking back through the windshield. It's easy, I don't even have to ask her anything I just agree and make it all her decision.
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"Okay sounds good" she says and I can't believe I'm doing this again. With Rachel.
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I turn off of the highway and Matthew continues in his lane happily with his fiancé. Storming through the narrow lanes to my apartment, I watch the road intently. Feeling increasingly angry that Taylor is with somebody, that Taylor loves him and that they are happily engaged. In all truth the charm I placed upon her tonight was a winning recipe for getting the girl. More than that I find myself being genuine with somebody that has more control over the situation than myself, and honestly it scares the absolute crap out of me.
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I pull into the gates and the scanner checks my credentials. Allowing me into my private driveway. Killing the engine Rachel looks over at me expectantly and I sigh unbuckling myself and heading over to get her door.
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"Thanks Jay" she smiles as I roll my eyes and we walk over to the elevators. The door man greeting us in his suit.
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"I can't believe the doorman just saw me dressed as an angel" she laughs and I look over at her unaffected by her physical appearance and grin. The elevator opens up with a ding and my apartment is exactly how I left it earlier on. Leaving with Rachel and expecting to upgrade to Taylor. How wrong I was. It's taking all of my resolve not to call her up right this very minute, and demand her to tell me why she's taking over my every thought. Why she must persist at invading my life, with her very being.
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I head straight for the bedroom yanking my top off without even taking a second glance at Rachel. I chuck it into the kitchen to wash and she chuckles. I ignore her. Rach never gets a hint, I could ignore her for hours and she would still make up our love story in her head. And then blame me for breaking her heart.
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After splashing water on my face in the en-suite, glancing in the mirror and heading back to the bedroom, I watch as she sits on my bed patiently. This was her idea not mine, I can't imagine it's very fun for her to be around a person that has no interest in her romantically, but who am I to judge her.
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Standing in front of her undoing my belt, I can't begin to imagine what races through her mind as she watches me. I drop my jeans. I'll leave it at that for now.
Tipping her chin up, with my finger she stands obediently and I kiss her on her lips. She tastes of alcohol, a whole cocktail of alcohol. Rachel forces herself on me, and it's just off putting. Too fast and too needy. Desperately undoing her bra, I imagine that she assumes that because I'm male I like breasts. How very wrong, and perhaps if she stopped just for a second to watch my body cues she would see that she's wrong. I'm a legs guy. I think of Taylor's legs in her stockings. Unbelievable. The way she walked down the runway, perfection.
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"You're hard" Rachel says smiling, It wasn't you Rach bless, I think to myself. Desperately trying to pull myself together and be in the moment with her.
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"What are you going to do about it" I ask her, tipping her chin up again.
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"Let's have sex" she smiles enthusiastically. Taylor would not say that; she would bite her lip, in the way that she does when she's thinking about things that she shouldn't be. A small smile on her lips, a twinkle in her blue eyes. Hold it together, Jay.
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Rach sits back on the bed and I pull down my boxers. Having removed her own clothes, I tell myself that I need to keep thinking about somebody else. It's pathetically sad that seeing Taylor clothed turns me on more than any naked girl. Rach is attractive, simple guys would say she's hot. I go through the many women in my head that I've had crushes on in my entire life, anybody but Taylor I tell myself. Think models Jay, think about women that don't attended your university. Women that you don't consequently have to see every day, women that you won't eventually have to see get married. Anybody but her.
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Resigned I settle on thinking about Taylor, who knew low cut leotards were a thing for me. I assure myself that it's the garment that has possessed me and not the women wearing it. How I would do pretty much anything to see her wearing that and nothing else.
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Protecting myself from babies and having Rachel cry at me like she did Matthew when she thought he had impregnated her, I take the necessary steps to avoid that at all costs.
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"Jay you feel so good" she gasps and I shh her. Baby don't talk.
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Once she is quiet, I will think about one thing. The first time I met Taylor, she was lying on Matthew's couch, the fire roaring and the scent of her perfume filling the room. Taylor's hair was fastened up in a high ponytail making her look beautiful. It struck me that I'd never described a girl as beautiful before. Never just said hi to them, instead usually I would come onto them, immediately planning my game.
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Matthew of course had kept her away, especially from me, the kind of girl I fall for just like that. She had looked up at me, eyes meeting mine. And I thought, I can't talk to her directly because I will reveal all of my weaknesses and she will see me caving for her.
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She proceeded to challenge me over and over again, grabbed my attention and demanded that I talk to her. And honestly that's when it all started, having to think about her in order to have sex. Having to imagine her in every situation of my life.
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"Jay, you're so fucking hard" Rach says bursting through my thoughts like an unwelcome visitor. Opening my eyes, I push my hair back and regard her underneath me.
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"Are you close?" She sighs and I cringe. Please stop talking.
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"Yeah" I say instead holding onto her hips.
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Squeezing my eyes tightly shut I find myself frustrated and having to think about Taylor, otherwise it's game over. Jay that cannot entertain the ladies. Jay that isn't good in bed, anymore. Jay that's worth nothing because he's stuck on some girl.
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Taylor, I imagine her in my minds eye. Shining under the lights, walking the stage. Pulling her hips into me, dancing with me. The rhythm of her movements, the soft sound of her voice. My hands placed on her waist, her bare skin. I could never have imagined her body yielding to me earlier. Yet it happened. Taylor moaned in my ear, a sound that can only mean I want you. Feeling the pleasure build, I realise that I'm close now.
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Rach is talking, I'm not listening. I'm hearing Taylor in my ear, moaning. Such a perfect sound. Drives me wild. I think of her dancing, moving her hips. Touching her body and biting her lip. Release. It's literally so good and I have to stop myself calling out for Taylor.
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"Wow" Rach says, as I lay beside her. I light up a cigarette.
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"That was fuck, really good" she exclaims attempting to pull me in for a hug. Having realise I’m not a hugger, she lights up too.
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"Hey can I sleep here" she asks me looking up at the ceiling.
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"Go ahead" I say placing the cigarette in the ash tray and flicking the air con on to clear out the apartment.
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I lay down ready to dream about her, Taylor. I've got to have her, maybe I need to change tact. She inadvertently said she wanted respect. I can be respectful, I will be nice for once see where that gets me.
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