Taylor's POV
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJKJ0pc4ad
"The psychology exam was easy." I explain to Matthew siping a glass of wine and touching his chest. We got in from the cold and proceeded to lay on the sofa almost immediately.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJotWke2pEv
"I'm so proud of you babe" he says kissing me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNVsV5TumK
"Thank you" I smile at him cheekily, kissing down his chest and getting carried away. My hand finding its way to his jeans and unzipping them. He sighs and I know that he's going to tell me no.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQswpXPWeys
Following the miscarriage, I underwent a D&C procedure to remove the remaining tissue that used to be my beautiful twin babies. It took but twenty minutes and I was out for the entirety of the procedure. I visualised the babies for the final time, and said goodbye to them. Thoughts of them still linger, occasionally I remember my dreams of them and cry. The procedure left me in pain physically and emotionally.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYyfRt3v0j
It has also left our sexual relationship in a difficult place, Matthew I think is actually worried about impregnating me again. Who can blame him really, my body failed us, it was a difficult experience for him and for us both.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28dEiCwOXD
"Taylor" he says softly halting me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Uianq5Xl3
"How are you feeling" he asks softly.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIomYEUSdkG
"I'm ready for this Matthew" I tell him, we were advised to not have sex for some time, Matthew took this on board and I'm yet to engage him in intercourse.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4JDCfP4KY
"How are you my love" I ask him stroking his thighs.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiCZldlUxE
"I'm just worried about you. But you're coping well. I catch myself thinking about it and try to let it pass" he says worried.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Csi036YHI
"Matthew let me relax you" I say to him sipping my wine.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1HUo84EPB
"You don't have to perform for me Taylor" he says and I remove my hands from him, feeling like a useless partner that can't even excite him anymore. It's true that he's grieving, I feel absolutely guilty for all of the pain in his heart.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQ4t1C68hY
We're quiet for sometime as he rolls up, I notice that he's smoking funny cigarettes again and almost roll my eyes. When the person that you love retreats from your physical touch and preoccupies themself by loosing all contact with the real world it's difficult to watch.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuC9jLyCsE
He breathes in the smoke and rests his head back on the sofa, closing his eyes briefly. I watch him deciding whether to leave him be and get changed for our night out or to try again to sort out all of our many problems.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EmS48HiOL
"Earlier I bumped into Jay and he ugh kissed me kind of" I blurt out unsure of where my admission came from. He opens his eyes, slowly. This was not a good move.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTB0vSl9fO
"I'm not in the right head at the moment Matty, I'm not excusing it and I did pull away but I have to tell you all the same" I add looking down into my lap. He scoffs slightly and taps the ash away in the ash tray.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMrycvahm9
"Do you like Jay?" He asks openly, pushing his hair back.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEXAMXsGXh
"As a good friend yes" I admit watching him smoke, and loose all sense of the person I love. All of his endearing qualities are forgotten when he's high.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3ptQgfMWN
"Okay then what do you want me to say? That's okay did you enjoy yourself? I don't even know what to say to that. I mean fucking hell Taylor, I spend the whole day worrying about you. Your health and your emotional wellbeing and you just let him...Walking around with him all day long" he says angrily, I'm shocked by his abruptness, he has never, ever spoken like that to me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ702O9AAZwb
"No, I get your point I just don't feel like I instigated it and it happened but I stopped it" I explain to him as he watches me, his pupils slightly dilated.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlpOPIlWM4
"Okay Taylor, I just got kissed today by Rhea. I did stop it but yeah just so you know?!" He laughs and I shrink further into the sofa.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsEsIedS8r
"It's not the best feeling is it?" he prompts me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6B1KQHEtC
"No" I say quietly as he rolls another after stubbing out the first rather angrily.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ulam135Iv
"Taylor, he likes you a lot. He will do anything to get with you. I'm constantly paranoid and worried about it. Thinking you're going to leave me for him. Thinking he's touching you" he says whilst rolling.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDI3iV9QHl
"And now I know what he is doing, that just makes it worse." He explains lighting up the second funny cigarette.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YZJnCX9AR
"Taylor" he says as I throw my arms around him. He stiffens slightly but I keep a hold of him as he begins sobbing.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKaSvJFykB
"I don't know what to do, nothing works" he says between sobs.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wDkZqBQ3K
"Please can you just either be with me, or not" he half cries.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZLijETck6
"I love you Matty" I whisper to him looking up at his face and seeing the distress.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2yHaej2eF
"I love you too" he says resigned, defeated.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNvGr6nuCi
I climb onto his lap facing him, he stiffens again and his hands move away from me. I sigh just wanting to kiss him again.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeYDCazFgG
"You have to let me touch you" I say to him.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEfk8IuMGl
"I love you more than anything Matthew, I always have and always will. We can get through anything together" I tell him placing my hands on his jaw as he watches me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15X9qAmtsU
I kiss him slowly and he remains still. Forcing my mouth onto him, I sigh and run my hands through his hair.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3ASprWGVZ
"I love you" I whisper crushing my lips into him.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQSpYqzOP5
"I'm sorry" I say and his hands rub up my back finally. His hands travel through my hair as I move my hips into him.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrgb5JItmu
"Please Matthew I miss you" I say to him as he sighs and his mouth travels down my jaw and over my neck. Urgent kisses that make me gasp.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfbuYnfNfV
"I'm sorry too" he says softly stroking my hair back.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5wZY7vGCB
"Please" I ask him and he places his hand under the T-shirt I'm wearing.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Iwt5RXpQ8
"Let's start slowly" he sighs, and I smile down at him. He massages in between my legs and I gasp at the pleasure building in between my thighs.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dJLPn3BFZ
"Matthew" I gasp.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkFCxVLRIy
"I want you" I tell him as he keeps his finger working.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCH1u8yWY7
"You have me" he says softly working me up.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVB7GOPi97Z
"I want you" I tell him pulling at his jeans, I need to feel connected to him again. Lifting me up he settles me down onto the sofa, I smile until he leaves his jeans on. Lowering his lips to my breasts he kisses me and continues using his hands. I finish clutching onto the cushions around me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOw8QAwjHYt
"Why won't you give yourself to me anymore" I say before I can stop myself.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzKTUKhWhl
"You have me Taylor" he whispers sitting down on the sofa next to me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHMGs7vU7R
"Is it my body? Or do you just I don't know?" I say exasperated pulling the shirt down.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtl3qOJvQBi
"That's literally crazy talk" he says defensively.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBUdoZwTRd
"Well what is it then, why won't you have sex with me?" I ask him.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7isGl7QmDU
"I will can we just take things a bit slower" he says softly, as I wipe my eyes.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuH3tRMEPYg
"You won't even let me touch you okay ?" I say embarrassed.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrWEQvHzoL
"Okay fine" I say as he lights up another pushing his hair back as I stand to get ready feeling more stressed than I did before.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThVgKxHPFS
Half stomping up the stairs I shower alone. Tears in the shower is always the best start to a night out, I think idly. Having blow dried my hair I pin it in a half up half down style. I overload on the makeup, I'm usually pretty fresh faced, however tonight I'm even wearing false eyelashes. Red lipstick and bronzer.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHEMHJ2Jfs
“Taylor you look unforgettable” Matthew says as I walk down our oak steps, I shrug off just a little bit of my mood temporarily.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnLKsPXtT5
“That’s a nice red dress” he comments and I smile.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzxXE3mSO1
“It’s maroon” I smile and he pulls me in for a hug. I miss the intensity of our relationship, before he would pin me against the wall and assault my body with kisses. The dress I’m wearing is rather short for snow, but I have teamed it with stiletto ankle boots. It’s silk, with long sleeves and a low back. I pull on my wool coat noticing that he changed into a shirt and tie whilst I showered, we both leave the house.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXw4oEX82dt
Spotting Rachel at the bar, I place my coat in the cloakroom and Matthew walks with me hand in hand over to Ross and Brad who are keeping her company.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdP3x0ev60
"Taylor what are you drinking?" Brad says eyeing me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmCNWbbTxz
“Prosecco please” I tell him.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bRue4EkBn
“That dress is gorgeous” Rachel says eyeing me and placing her hands on the silk.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkA4yyI82m2
“You look wonderful Taylor” Ross says softly as Matthew nods.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMO5kwxMce5
I sip my Prosecco and get the feeling that everybody is watching me wondering if I’m going to get wildly drunk again tonight, I’m not. I hope.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz10WdHqYLf
“So what’s tapas” Rachel says standing in ear shot of almost all of the bar staff. They laugh and I hug her, I love how she breaks all of the tension just by being herself.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJBFmQLOYU
Matthew guides us over to our reserved table and holds the chair out for me as I take a seat and thank him.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjEo7GCnSh
“Tapas is a Spanish cuisine of small dishes” Ross informs her sitting at one side of the table.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijCgUlDFnJ
“So we can just all order a whole host of different things and share” Matthew adds and I smile at him as he brushes my knee, one arm hooked around my neck.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw04iCn8q9v
Rachel peruses the menu perplexed before informing us that she has no idea what this foreign language is.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXGDDhi5Ab
“It’s Spanish” Brad laughs.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7tCud6o27
“Don’t worry I’ll translate” I say having experience of being in a tapas bar before glancing up at the cloakroom and locking eyes with Jay as he walks in, wearing a light grey suit which is tailored to his body. His hair is neatly swept back and his eyes search mine, before eyeing my dress and red lips. As I look at his crisp white shirt he smirks slightly heading over to the bar. The waitress eyes him up and attempts to engage him in conversation.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHFfgVobXY
Rhea and Malachi stride through the entrance entwined with one another. I catch her eye, she walks up to me instantly eyeing the dress and smiling.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIXhnoF8DB
“This is very nice” she smiles.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nyCNUbTtG
“Hey you look wonderful too” I say eyeing her fluffy fur coat and smiling. Her skin glows and she looks radiant.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeRoMbMyit
.Jay follows soon after with his brandy placing his blazer on the back of the chair as he hands Malachi a brandy and Rhea a glass of Prosecco. They thank him surprised as he sits down, eyes settling on my own as he scoops his shirt sleeves up and smiles eyeing my neck and lips briefly.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj89s7cVOZ4
Matthew and Jay greet each other, Matthew is cordial and pleasant yet there is an edge to their interaction. Jay sips his brandy and lounges back in his chair, as we all discuss mains and he shares his knowledge on Spanish food. As a group we end up going for some patatas bravas, huevos rotos, a selection of cheeses, olives and a whole host of fish. Calamari was my choice and I can’t wait to try fried squid.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgU0imEhGV
The music is soft and low and I tune into that already feeling the Prosecco go to my head. I somewhat self consciously pull my dress up slightly self conscious of my cleavage sitting right in front of Jay. Ladies I mouth to Rhea and she nods standing as we escort one another through the bar garnering looks from random men, not all of them in the correct age bracket for us to entertain.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21WfWPWwbY
“Can you tell me from your perspective is Jay watching me ?" I ask her as we stand in the bathroom by the double mirrors. I fluff my hair and reapply the red lipstick.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QpmhaRBOS
"He is, can't take his eyes off you. Why what's going on" she asks confused and interested.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTyBYDhTAC
"But your boobs are out to be fair” she nods and I laugh.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnWBxRLrP3
I turn to her and she waits for me to off load. Her eyes watching me and waiting.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBi11tIazW
"Jay kissed me. I've told Matty" I say and she frowns slightly.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuI9yEcblG
"He did what! Shut the fuck up. How was Matty?" She asks me curiously.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RSOPbRXzL
"He was pretty upset. He cried. But we have a lot going on, a lot. I was…” I say and she gasps instantly hugging me just knowing what I was about to say.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IJpZZnBFR
“I was expecting twins. And I lost one, and then the other” I say to her and she holds me in the bathroom.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmHPBZP5Ok
“Taylor I’m so sorry. I understand why you didn’t say a thing, with babies it’s so unpredictable. How are you holding up” she asks seriously and I nod pulling myself together.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZOa414wdJ
“I’m okay, I had a procedure a few weeks back to complete the miscarriage and since then he won’t you know.” I say softly.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1UFWvrU0v
“He won’t have sex with me” I explain and she nods, sitting up on the sink. I clamber up on the side and sit next to her resting back and sighing.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bGYnR7LOA
“He’s worried about impregnating me” I say to her.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bc9izi1oB
“But he won’t even let me touch him, it’s like he’s switched out from it all. And it’s… well you know” I say exasperated as the door clicks and an older lady walks in eyeing us and smirking slightly before ducking into a stall. We hop down and Rhea pulls me in for a hug again.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpOdW8CGnl
“Anything. Let me know what you need at any time” she whispers before we walk back through the bar.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT88zim9ntO
Pulling her towards the bar, I buy a second round for everybody. The waiter stares at me whilst placing the bottle in a bucket of ice. He has sweeping brown hair and I would place his age at around twenty five. He paces around the bar and I watch him bemused as Rhea rolls her eyes.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIGGrzyFY0
"Where are these going ?" He asks holding the drinks for me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSPkY1uhwh
“Table ten” I explain and he walks behind me to our table.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgzzAnLCpL
"Thanks Tay" Rach laughs eyeing him up briefly as he hands out the drinks.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESbSsdr30L
Cute waiter guy hands out mine last and places it in my hand pulling my chair out for me. I giggle and sit down telling him thanks. Matty smiles over at me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDo7e9xkv0
"Thank you" he kisses me after sipping his brandy.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAunQgIRx2
The mains have arrived and everybody starts to eat, I delve into the calamari. It’s crispy and delicious and I love it instantly.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelGBRrJv98
"How did you find the test Jay" I say casually looking over at him.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJXNZSk739
"It was alright I suppose" he says to me and smiles warmly.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lXcS05F1I
"The question about alpha types made me chuckle" he laughs.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQLJ7FQSqY
"Sure it did" I smirk as he passes the bowl of patatas bravas to me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKMDEAwJog
"Matty when’s your exhibition again" Rhea asks directing the conversation to him.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyfwsR1C3j
"Tomorrow night" he says and I smile over at him and rub his back. He keeps his eyes on me for a second and I smile.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUvSvAWlDN
"Can Malachi and I come?" She asks softly.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJ1Re0jQUy
"Of course you're all welcome" he explains smiling at everybody. His smile reaches his eyes and I rub his hand softly.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTLDPnfCYZ
"What have you painted" Malachi asks genuinely interested. Malachi has his dark hair pulled back into a man bun and is wearing a simple shirt. New tattoos exposed on his forearm.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIYmwtPHKC
"A few different prints, one includes Taylor as a subject" he smirks. I face him and stroke his hair a glorious smile falls over his lips and I feel relief wash over me after our argument earlier.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk4EEGeHnT
"And there will be champagne" I add trying to pull the conversation away from that point.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyGr03sIMP
"Are you nude!?" Rhea asks sipping her Prosecco and smirking.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZIecxI90L
"Almost" I say blushing eyes on my plate.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jqI5niUg0
"I'm preoccupied with her hip bones, it took me hours to draw them correctly. She still hasn't seen it, to be fair." He says smiling at me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2V4vxdsEcF
"That's wild" Rhea says smiling.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc98kZhSKNu
I imagine being in a room where a drawing of me half naked is and squirm slightly, but then I remind myself that Matthew drew it and therefore I’m sure he has made it extremely tasteful and forgiving of any of my imperfections.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3xU8q6HtX
Almost downing my glass of Prosecco before we leave Rachel eyes me smiling as Matty talks with Malachi on the way out.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBzLVLd2y8
"You look beautiful" Jay whispers in my ear just ever so slightly pulling my hand back and letting the others walk ahead.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWEVkIwi5N
"And you look smart" I tell him smiling, the Prosecco has really worked a number on me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXT6rfa5gS4
"I wish I could take you home" he whispers rubbing my hand in his own whilst keeping an eye on the others.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ze0awWSgE
"I confessed what happened between us" I say to him.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGJoCYQYio7
"Which occasion ?" He smirks.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJOpej2l2C
"Shhh" I say.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6MTRoaM1O
"Now I just sound awful" I admit looking down at my wool coat wrapped around me as we walk to the cinema.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgNAs7XPgT
"It's all my fault don't worry" he laughs as I look up into his shining eyes.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnfaNbfhY8
"Thanks Jay" I begin as he watches me captivated, and for a brief second I worry that he’s going to kiss me.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoAajUXb1T
"For suggesting this and for cheering me up" I explain.
90Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqbtvE0NJ1
"Anytime" he smiles easily.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
