Taylors POV
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Jay Gilbert Scott with his blonde hair fastened back in a messy top knot, strands escaping around his forehead has been watching me. Every now and then I will glance up over the table or laugh at a joke that Ross is delivering and I will catch his eyes. Twinkling in the golden light of his dining area as they track me and watch my every move.
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And as we all sit down together, like normal friends that don't casually make out with one another. I can't help but to think of him telling me that he's in love with me, half of me wonders whether he has said that before to any of the girls he has dated. And the other half is still in shock from the urgency of his tone, the passion and clarity behind him delivering it.
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"I brought some books, and I printed off the PowerPoints" Ross says looking between myself and Jay briefly. I smile at him breaking Jay's stare as he scoops up another naan and begins dipping it into his curry.
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"I think we're going to be the most prepared students ever." I smile eating some more and sipping at my wine. Feeling the heated floor underneath me and glancing into the open fire over the other side of the room.
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"This is incredible by the way. You got any more that I can take home" Ross laughs looking down at his almost finished plate of food.
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"Soon I'll be making you microwave meals" I laugh eyeing Jay just briefly as he smirks. A small sexy smile.
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Once they have both finished, I stand to collect the plates so as not to sit in front of Jay eyeing him up for another twenty minutes. He takes over of course loading the dishwasher and brushing my lower back inconspicuously as he fills up my glass of wine.
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"Thank you" Jay whispers softly to me in the kitchen as Ross sets up the laptop in the living room.
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"For what" I whisper, searching his eyes.
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"For the most amazing dinner and for giving me the chance to tell you how I feel about you" he begins walking me through the hall and holding onto the small of my back as he does.
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"This is the print" I say gazing up at a newly hung piece of art in his hall lit up with spotlights. He smiles and stands behind me.
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"The one you were describing when I fell asleep on the phone" I say feeling his hand on my hip bone.
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"It's so romantic" I say in awe; the watercolours and the sweeping blue sky. The rolling hills and a couple in the distance. It's idyllic. It's the kind of art a person who dreams of love buys, the kind that is both simple yet complex. Full of emotion, an ideal snapshot of life.
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"My mum loves it" he smiles and I chuckle.
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"I told you it's romantic, not a hint of abstract" he laughs.
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"Are you becoming totally sappy" I smile up at him and he chuckles; his eyes softening.
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"Considering what I just told you" his eyes flick up to the living room doors checking for Ross.
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"I think I'm very much a changed man" he laughs before guiding me into the living space, the panoramic views take me back no matter how many times I walk into his living room. I watch as the snow cascades down the windows and smile at the warmth of the fire. Ross has set up the laptop and pulled out his journals. Lounging back with one leg crossed over the other in his jumper as he reads.
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Taking up our own separate spaces on the large cream sofas, I sit cross legged reading and occasionally watching out of the window at the world surrounding this utopian bubble in the sky.
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"Studying and wine" Ross smirks over at me and I swat him.
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"You are currently drinking beer Ross don't judge me so soon" I tease him.
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"No it's just I can tell when you get slightly happy from drink" he smiles and Jay turns some music on, I take in the impressive sound system and smirk wondering what I could possibly get a guy like Jay for Christmas considering he already has the world.
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"Oh really" I tease him and he laughs out loud, rubbing my arm just once, I notice how Jay stiffens and sigh.
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"Yes really Taylor, you get all like this" he smiles looking down at me touching his thigh, casually.
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"Sorry" I giggle.
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"Don't be" he chuckles tickling my side as I curl up next to him.
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"How are you getting back" he asks softly with his hand on my thigh, Jay interjects immediately.
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"I'm dropping her off" he explains and Ross nods over to him just as I pull my phone out and start to message Matthew through slightly blurry vision.
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Home soon, love you.
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I message Matthew quickly before looking up at the impressive chandelier above us, the candles that I didn't expect Jay to have scattered around the place. And the balcony to the second floor which is reached through an impressive winding staircase.
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My phone vibrates in my hand as I'm gazing at the ceiling, it's Matthew telling me that he loves me. Instantly I feel guilty, the feeling swamps me as I lay back on the sofa sighing. He does love me. Matthew does not kiss other girls or so much as look at them. My behaviour makes me the worst partner in the world, not only loosing his unborn children I fall into the arms of his best friend continually. Opening my hazy eyes and sliding my skirt back down, it had ridden to the tops of my thighs, I move the books off of me and declare myself done with study as Ross chuckles.
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"Just seriously, I don't want to study anymore" I say laughing and his eyes glow as they watch me. I take a sip of my wine and walk across the room to the collection of framed pictures, swaying to the music as I do. Grasping a metal frame in my hands and eyeing a picture of Jay and an older man that he clearly looks like. Of one thing I am sure this is his father, a business tycoon through and through. Dashing blonde hair and a disarming smile, Jay his son, looks up to the camera with a strained smile on his face. Red cheeks, full of embarrassment. His blonde hair shorter and his features more boyish than manly.
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"This is your dad" I say looking up at Jay as he stands slightly behind me.
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"What was your first clue" he laughs, charmed by my smile.
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"And this is my uncle" he smiles holding another picture out to me. Placing the other one down I take a look at the second picture and smile, seeing Claire, Jay's mum instantly in the man's appearance. A kind smile and crinkly eyes.
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"You have no siblings, like me" I say softly and he nods.
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"None" he whispers.
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"We have the only child syndrome" he smirks and I sway moving over to the mantle and eyeing the photos there.
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"When I was maybe twelve or thirteen" he says hastily sipping wine as I eye a photo in a large golden frame of his mother and him set against the skyline of somewhere tropical. I couldn't guess the location, it's not a place I've ever been. Sweeping sandy beaches with azure blue water. Claire, his mother holding onto her son and smiling as he looks towards the camera.
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"We were on a holiday, I mean we never stayed put really. This was the Maldives I believe. It was supposed to pull the family back together, however as you can see my dad was rather busy closing in on deals and acquiring more wealth so he was not present" he says looking at his mother before returning his gaze to me and shaking off his melancholy. I watch him curiously as he scoops up the wine bottle and pours me another.
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Ross peruses the book case and I briefly smile over at him before Jay sweeps me into his arms. Holding me rather traditionally, like one would for a dance. I smile up at him seeing nothing but his face under the soft glow of the firelight.
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“So you’re a good dancer” I say to him and he chortles.
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“A necessary skill isn’t it?” He laughs.
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I chuckle as he spins me and I land back slightly closer into his hold. I wonder briefly as I rest into his chest swaying ever so slightly, about the young man in the pictures with his innocent blue eyes. How he stood by his mother continually even as a young boy, how he indulged her every idea and made her smile.
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“Here” he says to me after a couple of songs. I look up at him questioning expression on my face. He softens and removing my head from his chest, I glance at the large iron clock on the wall and realise the lateness of the hour.
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I sway over to my bag and pack up my things retrieving my phone from the table and throwing my arms around Ross. He holds onto me chuckling and rubbing my back.
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“Are you staying for a bit” I ask him worried about him driving after a few beers.
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“Mhmmm why don’t you stay too” he whispers back to me; images of drinking more wine and dancing with Jay come over me and I decide that even though I’d love too it’s not the right thing to do.
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"Sure I can take her?” he says looking up at Jay after staring at my lips.
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"I’m sober you are not” Jay replies and it’s not essentially true, he just hasn’t had much to drink.
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“See you tomorrow” I whisper to him before crossing over to the elevator and leaving with Jay.
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Everything feels heightened once I sit in the car with him alone, feeling his arms around my body even though they are not and seeing his eyes in my vision as I look out of the window and count in my head.
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"Stop counting and say what you're thinking" he says softly and I look at him incredulously wondering how he knows the inner workings of my mind.
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"How do you know that I am counting?" I chuckle looking back out the window.
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"Because I do it too and you go all quiet and focused" he chuckles. I gaze out at the passing trees, the pitch black sky and how it’s making me feel like we’re the only two people in the world.
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"I was just thinking that when I first met you, I saw you as a completely different person" I say softly after sometime, forcing myself to stop imagining him pulling over and taking me in his back seat.
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"And now you're just Jay" I add hoarsely.
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"I was a dick. I do stupid things, I'm not perfect and I play silly games. But my aim now is for the next girl that I manage to convince I'm worth a chance, I don't do stupid shit like that. If that's you then I'd be ecstatic but if it's not then I'd be happy you didn't get stuck with a jerk like me" he says watching me closely.
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"Why do you think so badly of yourself" I say quietly touching his thigh, wondering what I’m doing and why I’m playing with fire.
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"I know you're not a bad person" I add stroking his thigh.
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"Taylor don't defend me. I'm not a good person" he says focussing on the road and not my hand.
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"I think you are. Or that you could be" I say and I glance over at him. He pulls over, indicating and checking all of the mirrors before he does. Leaving the car to idle and the heat on, I crush my lips over his kissing him passionately before I can stop myself. Pulling his body into my own as he holds himself away from me in the drivers seat. Pushing the seat back slightly, to allow me to climb over him I throw myself at him. His lips entwined with my own and my hips rocking back and forth.
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“Mmmm” I say as he grasps my neck from behind and holds me steady.
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“Taylor” he says breathlessly.
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“We can’t” he whispers in my ear planting soft kisses down my neck as my eyes widen in shock, feeling his hands press into my hips.
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“I’m determined to do this right” he whispers I feel my eyes prick from tears as the sting of rejection hits me and I climb back into the passenger side. Feeling the absolute numbness of the last few weeks hit me again, almost instantly remembering all of my problems and all of the reasons I have to feel nothing.
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“Hey no” he whispers as I sob.
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“It’s not that I don’t want to, I just will not take advantage of you” he says wiping my eyes with his hands. He pulls me in for a slow kiss before releasing me. Alongside the intense pleasure, his kiss feels warm and allows me to feel connected again.
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“Taylor, I’m in love with you. I will not just take from you” he whispers before driving off into the night.
