Ross' POV
past tense
March
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU014MLH6eM
The problem with myself and Taylor is that we have unspoken expectations of our relationship. My expectations I fear exceed hers. I’ve waited for her by my car for twenty minutes, and I’ve considered the different scenarios of where she might be. And not particularly enjoyed any one of them.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUj3MPwd1z
Climbing into the Aston and turning the key I half expect to see her walking through the trees from dance and rushing to me. However that does not happen and so I put my car into drive, in the now empty parking lot, noticing that both Matthew’s and Jay’s cars have already left and assume that she’s with either of them instead of me.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacB4yvmfxp
Deciding to put the radio on to muffle the silence of my car, I go through all of the interactions I’ve witnessed her have with Jay. All of the times he has touched her, or held her stare and I try to work out what it could all possibly mean. I was under the impression that she didn’t like him, but now after careful thought and consideration I realise that she may be feeling the exact opposite.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OaX8lVokP
My empty house looms over me as I park up, and in all honesty it’s never felt more lonely than it does in this moment. I have wild thoughts of driving my car back out to Matthew’s or Jay’s apartment and demanding an explanation from her. But I don’t. Instead I carefully climb out of my car, head into my barren home that used to be filled with her laughter and her rambling conversations.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwcLuS47rZ
With Taylor I feel personally responsible for her wellbeing more so than any of my female friends, it does not help that I am madly in love with her. No communication from her is a bad sign, it tells me that she made a decision on a whim. She took somebodies hand instead of mine, surely she’s aware that I would wait for her. And that I would worry myself silly about her.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjacUUNlGGx
Rachel messages me about the party later that I had assumed I would be taking Taylor too. Sighing I pull out my smoking stuff and roll up before messaging her back. Take a long draw on the funny cigarette imagining all of the things she would say to me, and how we would share the smoke. I finish it entirely on my own before messaging Rachel to tell her that I’ll be there, there’s a chance after all that Taylor may arrive with whomever she took a ride home with. And then at the very least I will be able to see that she is safe.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvxJ3S7gcb
Pacing up the wooden staircase, it’s unlike me to go into her room when she’s not around but I take a few steps over to her wardrobe and notice that everything is still in place. It does not appear that she has taken clothes or packed up any of her belongings and so I breathe out. Eyeing the dress that she wore to the party that I escorted her too. Placing sapphires around her neck and holding her body all night long.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfBU9LQ6Dh
True to form Matthew had to cause a drama. Not once, when he was seeing her did I cause her or him any problems. Out of respect of her feelings, I was just there. Matthew however, acting like what one can only describe as a spoilt childish idiot had to cause a scene. Reducing her to tears, crying all the way home in a taxi. That night I had helped her up to her bed, she had clung to me as I sat on the side of the duvet. And so I had held her all night long in my arms. He’s unimaginable, causing so much aggravation, with no regard for her.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9ZcxKS9Tt
Watching her as she slept with a small frown on her face, kissing her forehead and stroking her hair back as the moon shone through onto her. She had told me that she was the problem, that she blames herself for almost everything that happened between them. That she was not worth a thing. And it had broken me, she is vulnerable.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWHEvsVk43
And so, I would not blame her for falling into the arms of Jay Gilbert Scott. After all his absolute speciality is preying on woman who are feeling insecure. I long to rescue her from his clutches. I long to hold her and keep her safe from men that do not deserve her.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHOKAPKvki
As I climb into my shower, I can only assume that she is with him as I let the water stream over me washing away the worries of the day. Reassuring myself that her belongings are still in my home, that she will return to me. That I will be able to hold her all night again and that I will be able to convince her to see my genuine affections for her.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZw1iCKsiPN
The maroon walls of the hall crowd over me as I walk back down to my own bedroom, having dried and put on my best button up shirt and a pair of Levi’s. I make a fire missing the sounds of her stumbling around her room. Reclining back into my leather chair I tell myself that I will be there for her, unwaveringly when Jay decides to show her his true self. When he disregards her. And when he unfortunately breaks her heart I will be there for her. More than I have been before.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvMCz9RmWG
Opening up the leather bound journal, I flip through the painful pages. The ones that detail our love, the ones that hold my feelings encapsulated into words. And I write freely about this day, the complexity of my emotions. It gives me space from them. It gives me time to process them before I have to be around other people.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW751ptE94Y
Every now and then I expect the door to knock, yet it doesn’t. And all the way up until I climb into a cab to go to Nate’s I wait for her to rush in and declare that she needs to get ready for the party.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ232kxkfgsf
Nate’s is rammed of course as I stride up the lawn of the dormitory house. Women strewn around the place like they’re just waiting for a guy to give them attention, it reeks of desperation. I stride through the open door as girls snicker and one deliberately tries to hit on me. Pulling myself through the crowds I head straight into the kitchen, pouring myself a brandy and necking it. Another steady shot sets me into motion, with my glass, to scan the room. The music booms as I pace down the hall in search of her. Unable to locate her I head over to Matthew who appears to be doing the same as me. He nods to me and I cover the distance between us.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4cubBXvOq
“She here?” He asks me steadily.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkoukLunQT
“No man, look I don’t know where Taylor is. She hasn’t messaged me, she left uni I waited but I actually assumed she left with you” I say, it’s not a total lie. Two girls approach us, as I close myself off from them Matthew openly knocks them back.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7eROFB10S
“Fucker” he curses.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgR8Y9Ue9x1
“Well who else isn’t here?” Matthew say’s sarcastically.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqohJMaL3q
“She doesn’t like Jay surely” I say, fishing.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGICw8ssWn
“Man. Can I just say I’m sorry. For lashing out at you. You’re my best friend. I know you look out for her, I was very drunk.” He says eyes on the crowd as we both scan the room.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpk9rawaQU4
“No problem man. I just want what’s best for her” I say meaning a safe committed nontoxic relationship with yours truly.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFt9Oktduq
“I’m going to message him” he announces angrily.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx60TIjzY5d
“Is that the best idea? He’s pretty manipulative” I say as he pulls his phone out. I gaze down at the display which is a picture of her and him in a location I don’t even know. Some kind of cafe or restaurant, who knows ?
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjirs0k98l
“Ross” Rachel smiles over at me and I push my blonde hair away from my face. I smile as she hugs me pulling Nate along with her.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKVC8JQzvv
“Oh I see” she smiles, and I realise that I will be looking out for her for the rest of the evening. Not only is she wasted, she’s also set on having Nate break her heart. He looks over me with his stupid eyebrow piercing and I nod to him, I’ve bulked and I know that I can take him on without any problem. He’s scrawny, his shirt off showing off his lean torso. A collection of tattoos that make no sense littered on his skin.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRn8fktKeJ
“You two are looking for Taylor” Rachel smirks and I look down at her as Matthew looks up from his phone. I neck my brandy and place the glass down.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEcXTbZy7P
“Hate to break it to you both, I saw her yesterday I think it was. Wrapped around Gilbert Scott in the dance corridor” Nate explains a huge grin on his face, enjoying my misery as he breaks the news. My mind plays out the situation where I break his nose and shut him up.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOl78UnKXjq
“They couldn’t have been more obvious about being together man” he adds and Rachel looks up at him intrigued, slight concern shadowing her face.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RgQxotChx
“He asked her to the party as his date if I remember correctly” he informs us.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQDHqHvLnQ
“It was a resounding yes” he smirks as Rachel grabs her phone instinctively and ducks out of my way presumably ready to message her. My phone goes off and my heart pounds when I realise Taylor has messaged me.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlUIOdTzlA
Honestly I’ve never been heartbroken, not even once in my life. But her message informing me that she’s with him rips right into me, I feel my blood boiling and my hands clenching as I hold onto my phone. I stick it back into my Levi’s pocket determined not to read another word of her message. Angrily I look up at Nate and his stupid black hair, his grin that tells me he is enjoying the whole thing far too much.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLDpiCMZSg
“She’s not worth it man come on” he laughs at me and my anger reaches a peak, feeling Matthew pull me back as I lose control.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvym0BmKNSu
“I’m guessing that she decided to miss the party and just get with him either way, girls like that, pretty ones that can have whatever they want they usually end up fucking the whole campus” he smirks to himself enjoying his own jokes as he smokes a blunt.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxLJZ4i6Eh
“Good for Jay hey, being next in line. I’m guessing she’s had both of you and decided to level up” he sneers as I raise my forearms and knock him out square in the jaw. My hand recoils from the sheer force of my hit as he staggers backwards. People shouting around me, Matthew pulling at my shoulder as I clock Nate again in the jaw.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaKHZnqJI9
“You don’t know anything about Taylor” I shout before stepping over him and leaving the dorm house before I take it too far. Before I knock him unconscious, before I actually do break his jaw. My eyes water as I push through people blood dripping onto the floor presumably from his broken lip.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYG5r9PxPSh
“Ross” I hear Matthew shout a stunned tone to his voice.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbbpNLL05U
“Not now” I say to him before calling myself a cab standing out on the lawn determined to leave this party behind. Thoughts of Taylor in my mind, of Jay holding her, of his hands around her body.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHvWwn2Ztg
“Man, that was Jesus” he says almost loosing his shit and as I take in his bizarre expression I laugh incredulously.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtg77ubAGM9
“Taylor is vulnerable, she’s sad and fucking in pain. And I will not have any body talk about her in that way” I explain pushing my hair back as the cab pulls up and we climb in together. Matthew eyeing me incredulously as we leave.
87Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9szBOxqbl
