Ross' POV
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Walking around with Taylor honestly is like nothing else, for me it reminds me of what we had and it teaches me what we could be to one another if we just could give each one other a chance again. We're sitting in the theatre, darkness surrounding us watching the play, of course Taylor selected good seats. She doesn't do anything by half.
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Don't get me wrong I'm intrigued by the play, it's a little bit of a dream come true for me, take an English major to a reenactment of his favourite play and you’ve won him over. Equally I'm finding it hard to stop watching how she reacts to the play, her smile, the way she watches things and takes them in. The way she gets upset and empathises with the characters and how the different events in the play intrigue her. Truly I'm in deep. Still, years on and theres no budge on that feeling. Just an odd acceptance to my fate.
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Occasionally I find myself almost dropping the "L" word like we can tell each other that we love each other without it being a thing. The problem is her continuous adoration with guys who are not me. Guys like Heathcliff, passionate and all consuming, they get in the way.
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Secondly the other problem with us is that I know she has feelings for me. They are buried of course. Locked away and I cannot find the keys. She glances up at me and I let all of my guards down moving my arm around her shoulders. She leans into me. It's painfully wonderful having her this close.
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"This is great" she whispers and I want to kiss her. I smile easily and stroke her arm.
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"You're great, tattoo not itching?" I whisper back.
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"Nope yours" she chuckles, her face close to mine just so that I can hear her.
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"Yeah a little" I whisper back keeping her eye contact.
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"No scratching" she teases me as I sigh laughing and look away. She snuggles into me and I remember her doing exactly that before when she snuck into my bed at night. Her cool and smooth skin against mine.
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I longed for her to come back to me, to be with me. I wanted it so much. To the point where it's still driving me crazy. Stealing moments and alone time with her is all I can do.
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The bombshell that she's meeting Jays parents has caught me off guard. It is more of a shocker because Jay is not like that. He doesn't do that kind of thing with girls. Apart from the one I'm in love with of course.
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The denouement of the play unravels before us and my mind panics realising my time alone with her is coming to a close. She glances up at me again, her eyes invite me in all of the time.
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"I love you" I tell her softly realising that it might be the last chance that I'll ever have to make anything change.
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"Ross" she begins softly stroking my hair back and it’s not the best start if I'm honest. It's like an I love you but…
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"I will always, always care for you and love you" she says softly surprising me at her admission of her love finally.
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She faces away from me and surpasses her comment about being with Jay for now. When the show finally ends, I bow my head to her which is resting on my shoulder and I kiss her. I can't not kiss her. She doesn't essentially push me away either. I imagine a life where we could be together. Where we would do stuff like this at the weekend as a couple.
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She pulls away and stands up to walk out. I follow her lead watching her hair sway in front of me. When were outside it's cold and she huddles closely to me.
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"Did you enjoy it" she asks as I clasp her hand in mine. Everybody would assume that we are together, everybody walking past would think that we are a couple. The tattooist definitely assumed we were a couple.
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"You and I need to do this more often" I say softly.
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"I thought it was amazing" I add and she smiles gladly.
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"Yes, just no more tattoos for me anyhow" she laughs beginning to walk back towards the car. I brainstorm ways in which I can express my love for her without pushing anything too far. Cursing myself for not keeping her with me when she used the live in my home. She climbs in my car and I start the engine instantly, driving her to his apartment even though I want to take her home. Life is unfair but you can't get hung up on things.
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I remember her body on mine, the night we shared and I yearn for her physical contact. I place my hand over hers and she holds onto me.
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"I get where you're at" I begin smiling.
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"Like I know you're with Jay. I know that Taylor but I am still in love with you" I say. Too far? Most likely.
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"I think Ross we will always have this connection whether we like it or not" she replies.
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"I like it. I love it. Actually." I laugh openly as she strokes my hand. Silence falls before us and I accept my fate.
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"Did you enjoy the show?" I ask smiling over at her.
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"I loved it, maybe we should go and see the next one" she says retrieving her phone from her bag and sending off a text presumably letting him know that she's on her way. I can't help but to wonder how long I will be just Ross to her, the person that is always there for her. The one that loves her but isn't with her.
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I pull into the gated parking area and have a bizarre moment of not wanting her to leave. I am not crazy and I would never keep her with me against her will.
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"Thank you for spending the evening with me" she says.
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"Not at all thank you" I say desperate for just one more kiss as I idle the car.
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She leans over in the car and I meet her halfway she will go for my cheek and I will change that. She kisses my cheek and then pulls away as I lightly grasp onto her chin. She invites me in every time, gets close to me only to leave me for him. I lightly touch her face and pull it back towards mine. I kiss her lips, slowly and she gasps.
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"Good night Ross" she says softly giving me her full eye contact before she climbs out of my car. Once she is safely in the building, I reverse the car intent on leaving this moment behind so that I do not dwell on it. My notebook and fireplace awaiting my arrival back home, a place where I can vocalise all of my longings without actually saying them out loud to the one girl that I love.
