Taylors POV
April
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A week has passed, seven days exactly, since I've laid eyes on Matthew James Henderson. The time I've taken to process my feelings around our argument has gifted me with perspective. The notion that he is in pain is still present within my mind all of the time and it's something that I cannot work out how to solve without giving him what we lost. Our lives back and our dedication to one another is not something that I can give him. We have steered clear of one another, I've dipped my head out of the refectory when I've seen him sitting eating lunch and since I've been staying in dorms Jay has picked me up from my house rather than us being in the parking lot at all.
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Jay collected all of my stuff for me, pulling on a sweatshirt and Levi's before he left the apartment to go to Matthew's alone. I had hovered around him thanking him lots of times to which he told me one thing; that I don't need to thank him as he would do anything for me. Together we stashed everything in my new dorm room, which considering the walk from the car to my actual bedroom, was a long and tiring process. That night we ordered Chinese and he slept with me all night long holding me close.
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Now however, it's an unusually rainy night, I've cooked for him in the dorm kitchen whilst Rachel loitered around with Nate. The chilli I made him went down well as the others were pre-drinking for the party taking place in the living room downstairs. And as we lay back in the small double bed away from everybody else, we made sure to lock my door so that no drunken students stumble in. I snuggle into him and he strokes my back pulling me closer; holding me as I wear his black t-shirt and nothing else.
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Rachel had pre-warned me, by whispering in my ear, that Matthew and Ross would be here later. She hugged me and told me that even if I did decide to venture downstairs in my nightshirt, she would have my back. Honestly our friendship has blossomed, we're closer than ever and have more in common than just the guys we've dated. Occasionally I knock on her door and she does my hair for our dorm parties or I do her makeup and we get ready together.
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However tonight partying is far from my mind as I kiss Jay's chest. It's my favourite thing to do. I adore his chest, he has tattoos and a nipple ring. And as the music booms downstairs and we begin to hear students stumbling around, I kiss him slowly and seductively everywhere. He strokes my hair.
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"Keep that up and" he begins as the laptop switches onto a new song on my playlist. I added a whole host of Johnny cash songs to it as Jay sings them all the time and now they're somewhat my favourites.
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"Please make love to me Jay" I interrupt him. He looks at me half shocked, half excited before he pulls the black t-shirt off of me, revealing my naked body underneath. He bites his lips and I kiss him smiling. Swiftly he's inside of me and I feel complete. He stays close to me whispering in my ear, as he lays on top of me thrusting into me. His ashy blonde hair falling over his forehead, whilst his cerulean blue eyes stare into my own.
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"I need you all of the time" he whispers in my ear as he moves my leg up to get closer.
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"I need you all of the time, every waking moment" I tell him as he sigh's. Eventually I think we rival the noise outside as we finish at the same time; me surrendering fully to his will.
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"I love you Jay" I tell him as he holds me in his strong arms.
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"I love you" he tells me smiling as we hear people stumbling down the hall and falling over presumably drunk. A light tap at my door followed by more forceful knocking makes me cringe.
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"Not sure whether this was one of my best plans" I whisper to him.
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"Wanna stay at mine tomorrow?" He laughs standing up and placing his boxers back on.
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"Yes" I tell him without hesitation, glancing over at the clock and realising that it is now three am. And Rachel, my dear friend, is calling for me at the door.
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"I am not opposed to driving there now" he says planting a soft kiss on my lips before opening the door and lounging on the door frame.
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"We can survive one night" I say laughing. Standing up and wrapping my duvet around my body as Rachel peers in drunkenly.
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"Oh come on! one drink" she giggles and I sigh placing Jay's black shirt back on as he pulls on his Levi's and we head down with Rachel.
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I cling to Jay's bare chest as we push past a few students on the stairs. Thankfully everybody seems to be dressed normally rather than in fancy clothes, I eye a few guys clad in just jeans or joggers and feel less conspicuous over wearing nothing but my boyfriend's T-shirt. Not even a pair of socks, thankfully I have had a pedicure courtesy of Rachel. She painted my toes fluorescent pink, which I objected to at first although the bright colour sets off my tan rather well I must admit.
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Jay wraps his arm around me as we slip into the dorm kitchen, I take in the red cups everywhere and sigh slightly. Nate eyes me and then looks away quickly which strikes me as odd, I can feel Matthew's stare even though I am yet to look at him. Jay scoops me up and places me securely on one of the velvet breakfast stools, before he starts assembling bottles of alcohol to make us a drink.
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"Just a small one Jay baby" I say to him and he smiles mixing up a cocktail.
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"I can make you a pornstar martini or do you fancy a strawberry daiquiri?" He smiles and I giggle slightly as he brushes my thigh.
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"Oh can I have one too" Rachel laughs and I smirk watching him roll his eyes.
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"Strawberry daiquiri's please" I smile as he grins looking down at me in his shirt, he plants one soft kiss on my lips before he sets on the drinks. I gaze up at the ceiling for a few seconds telling myself that I have to face my two ex's sooner or later, I am yet to unpack most of my things from Matthew's house. I haven't been able to go through most of my belongings because I know the memories that will resurface.
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"Hey Tay" Ross says softly as if he had been reading my mind, Rachel eyes him drunkenly and asks him to dance with her. He politely declines keeping his eyes fixed on me as Matthew hesitates disengaging a conversation with some intense looking guy in the corner of the room. Matthew catches my eye briefly and I look away, racking my brain for answers as to where I recognise the guy he is talking to. Long dark hair, sympathetic eyes. He looks like Nate, but a nicer younger version.
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"Hey Ross" I smile hugging him, we still share our lectures and so far have managed to remain friends even after our rather heated call after myself and Jay made things official. I glance up at the guy again with Matthew, tactfully avoiding Matthew's stare as I realise I recognise the guy from my lectures. He had been with a group of Nate's friends, that I had seen watching myself and Jay after we first became an item.
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"It's nice to see you somewhere other than psychology" Ross whispers holding onto me just a fraction too long. I pull myself away aware of my T-shirt dress and how it's riding up. Jay smiles presenting me with his creation; and honestly the grin that highlights his features whenever he has done something or made something is my favourite thing in this world. He beams and his inner child shines through in the most glorious way.
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"I love it" I say eyeing the strawberry on the side and taking a sip.
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"It's perfect" I exclaim as he pours his brandy and sips it watching me, once's he's had a drink he sets the crystal glass down on the kitchen island and wraps his arms around my waist.
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"Hey Ross you want another" Jay asks him, a genuine smile on his face. Ross extends his glass to him and I smile into my lap, Jay making an effort with everybody is another one of my favourite things. I wrap my arms around him again as he pours Ross' drink and he chuckles.
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"Lovebirds" Rachel sighs and I wink at her.
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"How are things going with Nate" I ask her openly and she smirks.
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"He's intense but I like it" she laughs as Ross looks over her rather uncomfortably. Most likely assuming he will have to pick up after the mess Nate makes of her life when he's finished.
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"Let's play" Rachel says wrapping her arms around Ross as he shifts uncomfortably and Jay scoffs laughing.
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"Play what" I say to her smirking and running my hands over Jay's chest.
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"It could just be a dares round" she says clapping her hands together as I rest my head on Jay's chest.
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"Forfeit is that you shot your drink" she winks at me and I laugh.
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"Okay just us for now" she sighs taking an empty bottle and laying it on its side as the music gets even louder and I move my hips into Jay. He strokes my hair back softly.
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"You're testing me" he whispers softly lifting my face up to his.
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"You get super horny and we'll just go back up to bed" I tell him winking at him as he eyes me smirking.
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"Okay I'm up" Rachel explains looking at the bottle facing her.
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"Well come on" she laughs waiting for her dare.
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"I dare you Rachel to go and grab Nate and snog him" I say and Ross laughs, as she marches herself over the kitchen to the large silver fridge where Nate is speaking with Matthew and the other mysterious guy.
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"Well you never know she may stay over there" I laugh and Jay giggles.
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"Looks like she's enjoying that kiss poor Matthew getting an eyeful" Ross laughs and I smirk as Rachel practically devours Nate. Rachel breaks away from the kiss and walks back to us triumphantly, a huge grin on her face as she moves past other students to get back to the kitchen island. Matthew follows her and I dip my head as Ross clears his throat quietly.
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"I did it" she exclaims to me and I giggle focusing on her and only her.
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"Hey man" Jay greets Matthew as they nod to one another and Jay passes him a glass of brandy. Ross eyes me as if to check that I am okay, and I begin to question what I ever did to deserve such a nice guy looking out for me despite all of my wrongdoings.
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"Okay" I smile spinning the bottle for her. It revolves around and around until it stops on Ross, he smirks and pushes his rugged hair back.
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"Ross I dare you..." Rachel laughs looking over his chest.
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"To take your top off" she finishes nodding to herself as I hold onto Jay trying desperately to not feel uncomfortable by Matthew staring down at me.
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"Nice" she admires as he removes his polo and I glance up at Matthew just once seeing the intensity of his stare and deciding that I need a minute away from it all.
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"I'm just, I'll be back" I tell Jay as he looks at me alarmed. Rubbing my back he asks if I want him to come.
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"Honestly I'll be two minutes" I tell him softly before kissing him and striding away from the kitchen entirely. Pacing down the busy hall I head to the winding staircase that leads to the first floor. It's a little walk to my bedroom, but worth it to use my own bathroom and to clear my head from the green eyes that won't leave me alone. Haunting me and taunting me to feel his pain from my actions. Shaking my head as I open my door, I take a seat on my bedspread briefly telling myself that I am a horrible woman. And that women such as myself don't deserve happiness and loving boyfriends that take care of them.
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Using my own bathroom before I leave my room with my keycard, I pull myself together to face the music for a second time tonight. Reflecting on how I should not have allowed Rachel to pull us downstairs knowing that Matthew would be there. I gaze up looking at the end of the corridor and how the lights flick on through sensors as I progress through the long carpeted hall. Three guys loitering around by the top to the stairwell, doesn't bother me at a house party. It's a fairly common occurrence if I'm honest. I see billows of smoke and realise they must be getting high.
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"Tay" Nate says calling my name as I approach them, I briefly wonder how long I've been gone before I push aside my hazy thoughts and decide to focus on Nate and his upcoming taunt.
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"Which boyfriend was it earlier then" he says smirking, I stare at him briefly before continuing to walk towards the stairwell. Noticing the two other guys that I recognised from before, one with longer darker hair and another with short hair and visible piercings.
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"Oh maybe it wasn't Jay after all. Maybe it was Matty or even Ross again after all they're all here tonight right" he laughs and I decisively ignore him, the closer I get I can see that the guy with the longer hair is telling him to shut up.
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"When's my turn babe or am I after Ross in line" he laughs patting the other guys shoulder as they smirk.
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"Dude that's a bit much" the taller guy says, the intense one who was talking to Matthew earlier. And at a second glance I realise he has grey eyes, and long ebony hair. He eyes me and then swiftly looks away again almost uncomfortably.
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"It's true that you are with all three of them right?" Nate laughs undeterred by his friend's abhorrence. Swiftly walking past them and their little smoking circle I take the stairs wiping my face slightly shocked by the angry tears rolling down my face. Quickly I take the carpeted steps almost two at a time, wishing I hadn't left Jay at all.
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"Hey, I'm sorry about him" a voice says as I look up into grey eyes. Eyes of the guy I had remembered from the lecture hall, the taller guy with long hair.
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"Justin, my names Justin. Please don't cry" Justin says as I look over his long dark hair swirling over his chest in tendrils of dark waves.
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"Justin" I say rather awkwardly and he shakes his head.
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"That's not okay" he says suddenly angry and I wipe my eyes.
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"No I deserve it. It's all good. Thank you anyways. I can't really be seen talking to another male, otherwise people will start saying things" I say to him before looking down at the steps.
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"Ignore what people say, especially when they are either jealous of you or just annoyed that they cannot be as great as you are" he smirks and I smile slightly before descending the remainder of the steps down to the hall. Wiping my eyes one final time and taking a deep breath before I enter the now very crowded kitchen. I locate the others around the counter top and push my way through the many drunk people before reaching Jay.
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"Hey" Jay says softly as I join them silently.
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"Hey" I smile slightly and he eyes me carefully.
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"Taylor are you okay" he asks me and I nod not wanting anybody to punch one another tonight. He clasps my jaw in his hands assessing my face.
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"Can we go to bed" I ask him softly. Clearing my throat as I eye Nate coming back into the kitchen, mingling with other girls and smiling at almost everybody. A wide grin on his face which tells me that he thinks he can do as he pleases.
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"Taylor what's wrong" Ross demands of me as I watch Nate and wipe my face.
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"It's nothing can we just drop it" I say softly watching Rachel dance around the counter unaware of anything and wishing that I could be more like her.
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"It's clearly something" Jay says looking from myself to Nate.
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"Did he say something to you" he questions me and I look down at the floor as he curses.
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"Honestly it's nothing, just a bit of juvenile rubbish" I say to him as I fiddle with my hair, Ross’ eyes dart from Jay back to me assessing the situation as Matthew only stares at me captivated.
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"Okay he said some stupid joke about me having multiple guys, whether he could get in line or some rubbish" I admit as Jay deserts his glass of brandy and swiftly walks over to Nate. I only see the back of his jeans and how they hang over his hips before it's too late to drag him back and stop him. Jay extends his hand into a fist and squarely knocks Nate down. The whole thing happens fast and genuinely the shouting of people around him should deter him but he only shakes his wrist off removing his Rolex preparing himself for a comeback from Nate.
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Nate gingerly stands up, blood dripping from his brow as he wipes it off and squares up to Jay who towers above him.
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"Jesus" I say almost running over to Jay before Ross pulls me back and leaves me with Matthew. Unable to remember a time that I've seen Jay hit a guy with such force I gasp as Nate hits Jay with his right hand, Matthew holds me. His arms wrapping around me as I watch on astounded that they're pulling punches so freely in the busy kitchen. My body jolts and Matthew stops me from running in, as I watch Justin pull Nate back and Ross shove Jay back telling him enough is enough.
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"No you're not chucking yourself in the middle" Matthew whispers.
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The blood collects on Jay's lip as he asks Nate whether he's done, Rachel squeals only just realising the commotion.
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"Done man" Nate squeaks like a coward.
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"Now leave her the hell alone" Jay says angrily before pacing over to the double sink and soaking his hand under the tap. I scramble over to him and as soon as I reach him I sense the agitation rolling off of him. Stroking my hands up his back before I walk over to the freezer and retrieve a bag of peas which I wrap in a towel to place on his wrist.
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As I guide him out of the kitchen I notice that Ross is reassuring Rachel, she's crying and he's holding her into his bare chest. I eye Matthew, and he smiles at me weakly before I leave pushing Jay towards the stairs.
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"I'm sorry" he mumbles as I get him all the way to the first floor.
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"I love you he cannot talk about you in that way" he explains simply as I swipe my keycard and settle him down on my cream bedspread with my makeshift ice pack.
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"I love you" I tell him even though I'm annoyed that he was fighting in a dorm kitchen over me.
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"I'm not worth a punch up babe" I tell him and he sighs wincing as he moves his hand.
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"Now I'm going to check Rachel is okay and get you some water to sober you up" I say softly before kissing his forehead and leaving him in my bedroom.
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