Taylor's POV
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Matthew James Henderson stands outside in the dark, the moonlight cascading down over the lawn as he smokes. Blowing smoke circles up into the inky night sky as the stars come out to play. The music swells as I open up the porch door and shut it again, clicking it back in place behind me.
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Aria, the nasally mousy haired girl that keeps invading my kitchen, had declared that I would break his heart. She had screamed at him adamantly, over the roar of the music. As I approach him now, his bare back that I know so well I make a promise to myself to protect him. To save him from me and my drama. Matthew must find happiness without me, I gaze upon his brunette hair and long to be the uncomplicated girl that once was prepared to tell him I do.
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"Matthew" I begin softly as he turns around looking over his shoulder, surprised that I am alone.
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"Taylor" he gasps softly, inhaling his smoke. My bare feet glide through the long grass as I approach him slowly, keeping his eye contact. Upon reaching his enchanting green eyes, I stare into them as he grasps my hands in his own. One of his fingertips trails up my arm as he pulls me into his embrace and I close my eyes.
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"We can't Matthew" I whisper as his lips brush my neck.
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"I just want you to remember how it felt" he whispers.
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"You cannot feel anything for me" I whisper.
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"Please don't, besides there is nothing that you can change here. Telling me not to feel anything won't work" he says defensively brushing my hair back and looking into my eyes.
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"Listen to me" I tell him holding his face in between my hands.
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"I want you to be happy. And it kills me that I cannot give you that truly it does. But I need you to have somebody that makes you happy" I say begging him.
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"You are happiness for me" he says softly, watching my eyes. He sweeps my hair back smiling wryly before brushing my arms with his hands. The scent of roses and peonies fills my nose from the gardens as I look into his eyes.
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"Remember Taylor" he says in my ear as I look directly into his bare chest.
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"You're reluctant to remember how you felt, but it's important that you do. So remember how it felt to lay in bed everyday with my arms around you, remember us talking every single day and sitting by the fire. Remember how it felt to be carrying our children" he whispers, lightly touching my waist as tears fall down from my eyes and I weep.
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"Matthew" I protest but he shh's me gently.
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"I'm supposed to forget all of that, but I live where it all happened. Where I used to kiss you all night long, have my arms around you like this" he says adoringly.
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"Matthew" I protest again with little determination.
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"Please I am begging you to remember. Let me back in. Just briefly" he says softly looking down at my face as he holds my chin in his hands.
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"So beautiful" he smiles watching my eyes.
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"I have waited day in and day out to gaze into your eyes again.
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"I have imagined what it would be like to just hold you over and over again" he smiles before laying one sweet kiss upon my cheek.
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"He's not right for you Taylor" he whispers stroking my hair. As I look up into his eyes I recognise the expression he wears, the very look he had given me whilst I was pregnant with his children. After the miscarriage of our twins I longed for that look to return, I absolutely needed it at that time. Yet now that I have chosen, now that I have started a new life it is now that he looks at me in that same way once more.
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"He is brash and materialistic and he is not for you" he smiles down at me, I put my thinking head back on. Lightly disentangling myself from him and taking a small step back.
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"I don't want to hurt you, anymore. I can't give you the hope that you want. Because honestly what we had was so so perfect and wonderful. But it's not fair for me to even say that to you because it would be giving you the idea that we're getting back together" I say honestly.
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"I don't care about fair." He says closing the distance between us again, holding onto one of my hands.
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"Okay I loved you, I love you still that's all I care about" he whispers imploring me.
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"Please say something" he begs me looking into my eyes.
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"I loved you of course I did. So much, and I haven't just forgotten about it." I begin as he seizes my lips in his own tenderly.
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"Do you remember now" he asks before kissing me again, I open my eyes and see the moonlight colouring his hair a gorgeous shade of brown. I pull away from him and his soft lips because it's not fair to love him.
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"Of course I do, and I loved you so much but now I am with Jay. It's not fair for me to tell you anything otherwise" I say resolutely.
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"I don't care about fair" he whispers resting his forehead on mine as we breathe together. I close my eyes to the world realising that I must leave him once more.
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"We never said goodbye Matthew" I tell him ruffling his hair with my hand.
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"We never will" he whispers softly back before ditching his cigarette and walking back towards the porch with me. It would be natural for us to hold hands yet we don't. I stumble up a few of the steps and he steadies me before holding the large door open for me to slip inside.
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"We thought Matty had abducted you" Rachel laughs when we step into the kitchen again, the large strip light on. I scan the room for Jay and realise that he must be using my bathroom, he does have my keycard after all.
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"No we were just talking stuff out." I say almost solemnly as Rachel hands me a glass of Prosecco and I thank her. She nods and mouths the word anytime.
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"I'm just going to check that Jay is all good" I say absentmindedly as Nate shuffles a deck of cards, familiar poker chips are scattered in the centre of the table.
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Feeling like an absolute cheater I climb the stairs to my bedroom rather drunkenly and tap on the door once I reach it. Jay answers of course with his shirt off and a screwdriver in his hands, the sight of him lightens my mood instantly.
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"Fixed the shelf" he smirks and I practically push him back into the room. Guiding him to the bed I briefly look at his handy work and smirk, it's actually straight and he has used a spirit level.
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"Oh Jay" I smirk straddling him as he watches me chuckling.
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"Do you like handymen Taylor" he quips and I giggle pulling my shirt off. I nod my head as he lifts me up and removes the rest of my clothing before placing me down on the bed.
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"You're mine Taylor" he says thrusting into me in one swift morion.
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"I love you Jay" I tell him. Our sexual encounters are always filled with passion and intensity and this time is no different.
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Once we reach our happy ending we lay hugging and the feeling of guilt sits in my tummy as I realise that I have to tell him about Matthew and our encounter outside.
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"Jay I love you" I tell him turning to face him in the bed.
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"Me too babe" he replies holding onto my hips
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"And I know that this is going to come as a shock, but Matthew kissed me. It's not okay and I understand if you want to break things off with me" I blabber as he eyes me, furious expression on his face which turns to regret.
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"He did what!?" He asks me in a measured voice.
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"He said a lot of stuff, about everything and the babies and he kissed me." I say just coming out with it. Jay stares at me intently for a while, shock and utter confusion crosses his face and I curse myself for making him doubt my love for him. How could I have been so callous.
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"He did what? He touched you where?" He asks stunned.
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"He kissed my lips only" I say softly.
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"He kissed..." Jay says getting up hastily and pulling his clothes on.
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"Fucking..." he begins brushing his hair back.
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"Jay that's not going to solve anything" I say pulling my own clothes back on, facing him and imploring him to just listen to me.
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"Taylor that's not okay for him to do, to play with your emotions and bring up that stuff" he says angrily.
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"Jay" I say placing my hands around his jaw as he relaxes perceptibly.
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"I used to love him, and I should have been clear with him. This is my fault too" I begin as he sits on the side of the bed deflated.
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"Let's leave right now" I tell him sitting on his lap as he looks into my eyes.
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"Are you sure about me" he replies and I nod my head fervently.
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"Look I know this is my fault. But I love you Jay, I promise. I love you with everything that I have" I tell him holding his head in my hands.
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"Now let's just go the lake house" I tell him as he just stares at me
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"Taylor I need you to be honest with me" he says finally and I feel our forever life drifting away. Our promises to one another soiled by my actions.
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"Okay” I nod watching him my legs either side of his hips.
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“Am I enough for you” he asks finally a look in his eye that is entirely insecure and worried. Tears escape my eyes as I watch his confidence drain away from his face.
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“You are more than enough. You are my world Jay.” I tell him stroking his blonde hair back as my tears roll down my cheeks.
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“You are my world Taylor” he whispers holding my body close into his chest.
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“I mean it I love you” I whisper before he kisses me tenderly.
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“I can’t lose you” he mutters watching my eyes.
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“I will not lose you” he whispers lifting me up in his arms and kissing me. Before setting me down on my own two feet and wiping my eyes.
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“I am way over the limit to drive” he smiles finally dipping my chin up to his.
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“However do not worry I will not be hitting him” he laughs taking my hand in his own as I follow him out of the room.
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“I want to break his jaw. But I will not.” He says looking down at me and I do not doubt that his words are honest.
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“Instead I will play poker with him. Win. And absolutely be all over you for the entire rest of the evening” he smirks as I smile up at him.
