Taylor's POV
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His arms embrace me. Wrapping around my waist delicately as I breathe in deeply, my Jay I think to myself as I rest my head back on his chest. Us.
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"Two months" he whispers in my ear as we look out at the lake, the calming blue water still before us. The views are incredible. Boats pass by and gulls sweep above.
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“The baby will love the lake” I whisper looking up and into his crystal clear eyes, sensing his happiness instantly. His hands rub my small bump and I smile looking out into the trees ahead. Something about the particular shade of green of their leaves catches my eye before I smile up at Jay again and he guides me back into our home. Our lake house.
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***
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As promised we returned back to the lake house after university. I rise the following morning hazily having had a deep sleep without interruption. Imagery from my dream filling my mind as I stare at Jay asleep next to me. Baby dreams, I tell myself are fairly common once your relationship progresses to living with one another. I won’t share my hopes and dreams with him just yet though, I figure meeting his mother first is the priority. As I roll over and stretch out I must admit that this bed, being a large canopy is far more comfortable. The silk voiles pulled around it and the heavy blankets that invite you to stay asleep. No cold morning showers either I tell myself as Jay opens his eyes slowly.
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“Morning” he smirks and I giggle sweeping his blonde hair back, wondering how in my dream I managed to capture his utterly beautiful face so perfectly. I’ve stared into his eyes for long enough to never forget them.
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“Morning” I smile softly as he watches me.
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“Mmmm this is nice” he giggles looking over at me and stroking my face.
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“Waking up together here” he smiles.
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We both take our time getting ready for university, the entire time I change I can feel his eyes on me and it makes me smile. Even as I pull on my dark sandals his eyes travel up my legs and the look he gives me sends my heart into flames.
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"So you've got dance and then you guys are having pizza and then it's the show" he says finally wrapping his arms around my waist. Ross and I are seeing our show tonight after university, he has insisted that he can take me there and buy me dinner before hand.
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"That’s the plan, please though Jay if there’s any reason you don’t want me to go out tell me” I say softly as he grasps my hand in his own.
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“Taylor” he begins smiling, his hands travelling over my chest in the silk dress I have on.
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“You’re beautiful, please have fun and then come home to me” he smirks and I laugh.
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"Is he driving?" He asks.
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“He is” I smile up at him.
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“Then have a few glasses of wine and relax” he smiles kissing me before we walk down to the garage. Climb into the Audi and set off for university.
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Jay, I notice parks in the parking lot instead of by dorms. He holds me into his chest before I have to set off for dance.
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"I’m going to miss you" he says slowly looking down at me as cars filter past us. Matthew pulls up to our left and Jay rolls his eyes before he kisses me.
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"Hmmm" I say pulling away as Ross pulls up to our right.
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"I miss you already” I whisper before hugging him as the guys get out of their cars.
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“Morning” Jay says cordially to Matthew whilst his hands hold me close.
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“Morning” he replies as I take a step back and smooth my hair out, before pulling my bag on. After greeting one another, I watch the sun play tricks on Matthew’s hair making it appear more golden than it actually is as he walks off with Jay towards the main campus.
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***
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Dance flies by, I spend the time revisiting my dreams. Moving and twirling around the light space as I see Jay in my mind. His hair tousled from the wind as he holds onto my waist and the baby he put there. I must admit the dream is utterly wonderful, albeit just a dream and part of my imagination.
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Practically marching myself into the showers after dance, I make sure to blow out my hair afterwards and reapply my makeup. I notice Ross the second I emerge from the changing rooms, lounging against the doors opposite with his blonde hair pulled back and a smart blue shirt on. He smiles looking up at me as several other girls gawk at him.
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I stroll over to him, the second I reach him he instantly pulls me into a hug catching me off guard smiling. I chuckle feeling somehow small and delicate in his embrace.
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“Ready” he whispers in my ear.
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“Ready” I declare as we begin walking out to the parking lot. Instantly I notice that Jays Audi has gone, as I climb into Ross’ Aston Martin. Taking a seat next to him conjures up many memories for me, all of which I do my best to squash. Looking out of the window my mind racing through the moments we shared; living with him, making love to him at night and kissing him in the morning. All of them from a time when we had so much potential before us.
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"You all good” he asks as I snap out of my daydream and finally look over at him.
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"Yes, are you nervous for this tattoo" I ask him, Ross is getting it done before the show.
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"No because you will be there" he smiles at me rubbing my arm just once.
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Once we’re parked up he takes my hand in his own before guiding me over to a shop with a large black edgy sign. The lettering reads saints and sinners, or something along those lines. I turn to face him and realise that he’s already staring down at me, the sun just setting behind him.
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“I'm nervous now" he laughs slightly as I gaze into his eyes.
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“Here” I say stroking his hair back as he closes his eyes and I smile faintly remembering the effect I have on him. His hand travels up my back and I sigh slightly.
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“Relax you have got this" I tell him as he opens his eyes. He smiles blushing almost before we head through the door.
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Ross gives his name over to the small lady at the desk and we wait to be seen. I lean against the wall gazing over his shoulder at the imagery all over the walls, as he stands facing me. We’re already too close to one another physically. My eyes travel up to his and he stares into my soul searching for answers.
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"Where is this piece of art going on your body then" I ask him slowly, trying to break the tension between us.
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“Over my thigh and the scar" he says softly looking down at me as he rests his forearm on the wall. I look up at him lost and he watches me back.
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“Being alone with you Taylor is fucking awesome" he whispers with a huge smile over his lips.
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“You are such a flirt" I sigh rolling my eyes, he dips my chin up to his and I catch my breath.
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“How have you not got a girlfriend" I laugh slightly and he shakes his head not listening to me.
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“Taylor if you said yes to me again, you wouldn’t be just my girlfriend. You would be…” he begins softly.
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“Ross? " a burly man calls and I jump slightly as Ross strokes my arms before turning and following the tattoo artist out to the back room. I follow his broad shoulders and walk through the hall to a white washed room. Unsure of what I had been expecting, perhaps a dark gothic room with lots of needles. This however is far from it, surgically clean and light. A sheet protecting the bed and a large light hovering over it. The art on the walls is perhaps the only thing that seperates it from a hospital suite.
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“This your first?" The tattooist asks Ross, taking a seat on the stall next to the bed. I eye up the guys full sleeve of tattoo’s, clad in only a vest, his dark hair pulled pack into a ponytail.
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“Sure is” Ross says coolly.
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“I'll hold his hand" I giggle as Ross takes a seat and I grasp onto his forearm for effect.
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“Would you like one?" The tattooist asks me and I balk looking at him incredulously.
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“Well you’re a couple right, couples do that kinda stuff” he justifies looking down at his needle, he places a transfer over Ross’ bare thigh and I eye it briefly thinking it looks tasteful and manly.
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“Take a look" he nods at the catalogue when I don’t answer. Grabbing a few of the catalogues that are named fine line I peruse them taking a seat next to Ross. We will ignore the couple comment for now; it’s an easy assumption to come to after all.
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"Right at first it hurts like a bitch. But then after about ten minutes you will zone out, eaten today?" the guy asks Ross and I smile down at him reassuringly. His tense expression disperses when I grasp his hand.
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"Yeah around an hour ago" Ross says laying back his trousers are off and I avert my eyes.
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The piercing sound of the needle goes off as the artist begins his work, Ross squeezes my hand initially but remains still and begins to relax after a couple of seconds. Content that he’s not in pain I flick through the pages when I stumble across a small treble cleff tattoo that catches my eye. I stare at it for a while imagining where I would put it. Ribs? Ankle? I think idly whilst stroking Ross’ hand.
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“I want this" I smile down at Ross. He glances up at the page and nods.
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“Would suit you" he says simply his eyes looking at my hand in his own.
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“How is it feeling boss" the tattooist says checking in with him.
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“All good" Ross grimaces holding onto me.
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“Looks great Ross" I say looking down at his thigh briefly at the blood collecting there.
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“Awesome actually." I add smiling at him and he looks at me with pure adoration. I glance up at the artist and he smiles briefly.
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“How much for the treble cleff on my ribs" I say impulsively as he grins.
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“Only an extra twenty on top of his one" he says.
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“You want it I'll get it" Ross says simply as the tattooist smiles.
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For the rest of the appointment, Ross lays there unflinching. I realise I'm holding onto him more than he is me. I look down at the tribal work he is getting done in awe. The piece over the scar works well. He grits his teeth when the needle goes over the scar and I squeeze his hand.
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“What happened boss" the guy asks as he works the needle over the scar.
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“Motorbike accident in the snow, this one saved my life" he says looking up at me.
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“Ah what a keeper" the tattooist says smiling as I practically blush. At the end the tattoo is covered with cling film wrap and Ross pulls his black Levi’s back on.
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“Your go babe” Ross says sitting up facing me. He stands and lightly brushes my cheek with his lips as I sigh.
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"Okay you two let me clean and sterilise then I'll be ready for the next one" the tattooist says as we head back into the waiting area.
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"Feeling okay?" I ask him as I sign my forms anticipating a lot of pain ahead of me.
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"Great, it doesn't hurt now." He says in my ear, his arm around my back.
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“I’ll hold your hand” he whispers.
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The receptionist provides him with a sheet that says aftercare. He reads it as she's going through it with him and pays for both tattoos.
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"Ready miss" the guy says again and we walk back into the back room for the final time. The area has been cleaned and he shows me a new sterile packaged needle. I take a seat on the bed, my nerves jangling as I do.
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I realise I'm wearing a dress and curse myself. I unzip it a little and fold it down revealing my entire chest to Ross as he blushes. The artist tells me to lay on my side and works on positioning the cleff where I want it. He asks me to look in the mirror at the template and when I see it I fall in love with it.
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"Looks awesome" Ross says smiling over at me.
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"Love it" I smile laying back down as instructed.
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Ross comes over and holds my hand like he said he would.
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"You'll be okay" he smiles as I feel the burning pain on my skin. Bizarrely for me it tickles and I end up laughing as Ross eyes me with his smiley eyes.
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"Oh that's sensitive" I say chuckling.
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Ross laughs clearly finding the whole thing adorable. Eventually I find myself staring at Ross the whole time. He rubs my hand in his, watching me back.
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We're so close, always have been and probably always will be. We have a relationship that's stands the test of time. One that desperately needs boundaries but I can never seem to place them up against him.
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Once I'm done the artist wraps mine and instructs both of us to leave the wraps over them for at least four hours. We are also told to lightly wash the tattoo in the evening with non scented soap.
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"No rubbing, no scratching, no towels. Pat it dry and let it air out. If it gets real itchy put some cream on it" he says and hands us both some healing cream.
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“So bloody in love, you’re practically making me want a girlfriend dude” the tattooist laughs as Ross smirks looking down at me.
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Once we're walking down the street to the pizza place it dawns on me that I, Taylor Elena Harris, just got a tattoo. What an impulsive thing to do. I can't wait to show Jay.
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"Can't believe we just did that together" I say laughing.
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"You're legit the coolest girl I know to impulsively, no preplanning go and get a tattoo done" he sighs holding the door open for me.
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"I saw it and it meant something to me" I say laughing. The Italian restaurant we're in is sweet and there's music playing faintly in the background. We are seated near a wall with beautiful artwork, which I ogle straight away.
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"Wanna share" I laugh as he eyes up the menu.
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"Yes what toppings do you want" he smiles up at me.
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"Chicken, chilli beef and onion" I laugh.
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"Perfect" he sighs watching me before the waitress takes our order. I notice that he adds garlic bread and dough balls to the order. A bottle of wine, bread and salad.
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"You're hungry" I laugh flicking my hair back off my shoulders.
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"I hit the gym today. Before I met you at dance then I washed up for the tattoo" he smiles over at me. The candlelight illuminating his face.
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"Have you been doing that more" I ask softly as the wine gets poured before us.
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"Yes" he smiles over at me.
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"Helps me to focus" he says simply as I stare at him. He holds my eyes in his own and waits for me to speak again.
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"How did you come up with the tattoo idea” I ask him as I sip the wine.
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"I saw some art in a book randomly actually and it had like these tribal vines and I saw it and it clicked and I was like that's it" he laughs pushing his hair back away from his eyes, a gesture I'm accustomed too. His eyes hold wonder and so many questions. Questions I couldn't possibly answer for him.
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"I love it" I say smiling. I look back simply, pausing and looking down at the wine glass in front of me, deliberating.
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"I wanted the symbol of a musical clef tattooed because it's the start of a piece of music. The beginning if you like, everything goes on from there. Like an introduction to a story, what comes after is undetermined, or better yet still to be decided. And whether the music that follows sounds beautiful, It kind of doesn't happen without the clef. It's symbolic of that for me, everything has a start" I say finally looking back at him. Oversharing is a flaw I remind myself. Ross should think me crazy but somehow his eyes tell me otherwise.
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He smiles, an easy natural expression that takes me back to the first time I met him. To a younger version of ourselves, full of potential. Blinded by youth. I shake that memory off. Focus. Sentimentality is pulling me under. We could have stayed that way for a long time; lived out a life and carved our own way together. But we didn't.
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"I can see why you would want that" he says staring directly into my matching blue eyes. He always validates my choices.
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"Taylor, I have to ask you something" he sighs as I look away from him. I had been looking at the frame on the wall above him. Not his eyes anywhere but there again where I get lost in what could have been. I pull my eyes back to his face.
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"Do you" he begins scraping his hair back again. He looks at me with hope and false confidence.
Do I love him? I watch his eyes, they tell me more than his mouth ever did. I think about the smile that erased my misery, the laugh that made me feel free and the embrace that kept me steady. Ross George Peterson, he's always been more of an Edgar than a Heathcliff. The person that forces me to falter with my own boundaries.
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"Do you ever think we will be able to work this out or find some kind of resolve" he says softly. 'This' means us. This is a loaded question.
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"It's like you have one foot securely in my life, and occasionally you show me that you want to walk right back in. And other times I'm not so sure. And you know that I will always keep my guards down and my doors open." He smiles giving me his best stare. I like his analogy. Yet this is where we differ, I like uncertainty I view it as potential. He likes making decisions, he lives in crystal clear clarity.
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"I once told you that I would be there for you in any capacity. In any situation, I've showed you that through my actions. I will always be there. But I question sometimes whether being so readily available to you is the problem in itself" he reasons. He's talking out loud. I know him.
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I look at him seeing somebody who is at a crossroads, at the precipice of a decision to be made based on me and my actions. What an honour. Mr true blue, who would walk with me for the rest of my days. He offers me the world, through his rose tinted glasses. Yet it's still not enough.
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"Maybe we need more pages in our book." I say giving him my full attention.
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"More words to put together, I don't know I think we're writing it all perfectly as it is" I say quietly. I find excitement in the unknown, like the beginning of a symphony.
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"Stories always work out by the end" I say. There I go again digging further into the unknown. Providing dreams to a person who wants reality.
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He sighs stroking my hand across the table. His eyes glimmer with hope. And I can be sure of one thing; this isn't over.
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